Total Drama: Take 2
by Creaturemaster
Summary: (After TDPV and in collaboration with Jeptwin) In a direct sequel to the previous season, Chris has been signed onto another season of torture and humiliation with 22 super-powered teenager OCs of your design! There will be love, there will be betrayal, there will be battles among the meta-humans, all for the chance to win one million dollars! (updates whenever) Apps CLOSED!
1. Waiting Pt 1

**Greetings and _bienvenue_ , everyone! I am _Creautemaster!_ If you have read my previous story, _Total Drama: Pahkitew's Vengeance,_ then here is the sequel to said story. And if not, that's okay too.**

 **I would like to make it known that this time, I am not working alone. No, no, no! This time, I am working with the lovely _Jeptwin_ in writing this story this time! So give the man/woman/person/place/animal/thing a hand! This means that we will each be submitting our own OCs, but we guarantee that they will _not_ win the competition. That wouldn't be fun, now would it? ;)**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below! Send in your OCs through the reviews or PM me or _Jeptwin_. On a side note, this is _not_ first come first serve.**

 **Onward!**

"Hello, Canda, and consequently the entire viewing world!" a familiar and annoying voice rang loudly from off camera before the ever sadistic and cruel host, Chris McLean, walked on the scene with his trademark smile that glinted like diamonds; behind the host was a crummy, old film lot that looked as if it had seen not only better days, but it had most likely seen the rise and fall of the Roman Empire and Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo. "Chris McLean here, coming at you from the old set of Total Drama: Action! We were originally gonna take some of our veteran competitors in another world tour, but the pitbulls- I mean, _producers_ said that our last season had hit an all time with the ratings, almost up there with our first Total Drama: Island; apparently, having mutant, super powered freaks hit it big with the ratings, despite how much they cost us." he grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

"Yo, Chris!" Chef Hatchet snapped from off camera. "Stop yo' complainin' about it already! You say anythin' about them teenagers again, or else!" the burly cook threatened, clenching his meaty fists tightly and cracking them with little effort.

"Ugh, _fine_." Chris surrendered with annoyance. "It doesn't matter that they _destroyed_ my precious cottage _and_ my island! Or that Maurananei and Micheal constantly kept threatening my beautiful face and life for the betterment of their fellow, whiny competitors! Or-" was all Chris managed to say a fireball whizzed over his head, just barely missing him by a few inches. "Hey! What are they still doing here!?" Chris snapped angrily upon seeing the previous cast all lined up and waiting outside of the film lot.

"They're waitin' for their ride home." Chef replied, hauling up the last of Maurananei's luggage and flinching upon hearing the muscled girl hiss venomously.

"Good." Chris mumbled. "At least I won't have to see their freakish faces again."

"You are getting dangerously close to getting stepped on, McLean." Micheal threatened, reaching for the Animatrix that resided on his wrist until his girlfriend, Caroline, calmed him down.

"Just be glad Toni's not in the mood for revenge, dude." Paul narrowed his eyes at the host as he kept a tight grip on the shape-shifter's shoulders. "Er, mostly."

"Whatever!" Chris snapped. "Shut up and let me do my job!" he yelled before gulping nervously when he realized that the camera had captured the whole thing. "Ah . . . heheheheh, those teenagers." he smiled at the camera, hoping that the producers wouldn't fire him. "Anyway, this season we're bringing in all _new_ competitors from around the globe to compete in our competition! You could be some freaky mutant or famous superhero, we don't care! We need 22 victims, er, _contestants_ to compete, 10 boys and girls; we already have the first two picked out! So, apply for the latest season of Total Drama and you could win _one million dollars_! Welcome to Total! Drama! Take Two!"

"Seriously? That's what you're calling it?" Zelda rolled her eyes as Alan snickered.

"Chef!? When is that bus getting here!?"

 **Name:**

 **Superhero Name (optional):**

 **Gender:**

 **Age:**

 **Species (optional):**

 **Appearance**

 **Clothes:**

 **Sleep Wear:**

 **Swim Wear:**

 **Height:**

 **Eye Color:**

 **Hair Color/Style**

 **Piercings (optional):**

 **Markings(optional):**

 **Tattoos (optional):**

 **Personality:**

 **Stereotype**

 **Powers (please pay try to pick something that is not too over powered and that no one else has not if you want a better chance of getting in:**

 **Can they be in a relationship (with a guy or girl?):**

 **Bio:**

 **Likes:**

 **Dislikes:**

 **Fears:**

 **Anything we forgot:**

 ***Total Drama Inc. waives all legal responsibilities involving the potential injury or death of this camper***

 **Here are mine and _Jeptwin's_ OCs and their powers, so there won't be any confusion or copycats.**

 **Boys**

 **1\. Jake Ballaugh (shapeshifting)**

 **2.**

 **3.**

 **4.**

 **5.**

 **6.**

 **7.**

 **8.**

 **9.**

 **10.**

 **11.**

 **Girls**

 **1\. Victoria "Viveka" Stine (electrokinesis)**

 **2.**

 **3.**

 **4.**

 **5.**

 **6.**

 **7.**

 **8.**

 **9.**

 **10.**

 **11.**

 **And there you have it! Now if you submitted an OC for my ( _Creaturemaster)_ previous story to this one and wish to submit an OC, please chose someone different; your characters will be making cameos throughout the season in addition to the rest of the veteran competitors, so don't feel as if they are being thrown away.**

 **On a side note, this season's challenges will once again be based on movie genres, but we plan to chose better ones than they did in the original season; and if not, then we'll pick better challenges. So if you have a movie genre/challenge idea, we'd love to hear it!**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below!**

 **Hasta Luego!**


	2. Waiting Pt 2

**Greetings and _bienvenue_ , everyone! I am _Creautemaster!_ If you have read my previous story, _Total Drama: Pahkitew's Vengeance,_ then here is the sequel to said story. And if not, that's okay too.**

 **I would like to make it known that this time, I am not working alone. No, no, no! This time, I am working with the lovely _Jeptwin_ in writing this story this time! So give the man/woman/person/place/animal/thing a hand! This means that we will each be submitting our own OCs, but we guarantee that they will _not_ win the competition. That wouldn't be fun, now would it? ;)**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below! Send in your OCs through the reviews or PM me or _Jeptwin_. On a side note, this is _not_ first come first serve.**

 **Onward!**

"Chef!" Chris cried.

"Whaddya want, Pretty Boy!?" Chef snapped angrily, marching into the room with a stack of papers almost as tall as him into Chris's trailer. The cook grunted and set down the heavy stack of papers before stopping to crack his aching back, taking note of the four stacks of applications of roughly the same size of the stack of paper he had carried sitting on the table in front of him; between two of the precariously stacked towers of papers sat Chris, an absolutely tiny pile of papers sitting in front of him as he read over another one in his hands.

" _Why_ are so many freaking _freaks_ out there?" Chris wondered. "I mean, look at this one!" he said, taking a slip of paper from the tiny pile in front of him. "This kid's some kind of dragon hybrid! And this one's some kind of walking corpse!"

Chef rolled his eyes, although he had to admit he was also quite surprised by all the unusual and sometimes scary people living out there in the world. "Cool ya jets, Chris. We gotta extra large budget this year to cover safety costs."

"Good." Chris huffed as he went back to work. "Why the network wants to produce a show where the contestants can be in two places at once or run around the world in five minutes is beyond me; it just racks up a bigger bill every time!" he exclaimed "And the death threats! They never stop coming!"

"Now ya just bein' paranoid." Chef huffed as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the table across from Chris, grabbing a stack of papers and starting to leaf through them, barely glancing at any of them except for one or two that caught his attention before he fed it through the paper shredder sitting at the bottom of the table. It was approximately five, peaceful minutes before one of the windows in Chris's deluxe trailer was suddenly smashed and a rock came sailing in through to smack Chef right in the head and send the burly man to the floor; while the cook groaned, Chris picked up the rock and noticed there was a note tied to it.

"See what I mean, Chef!? Death threats!" Chris raved madly; Chef could only moan in response, wondering why Chris suddenly had a twin brother and why the both of them looked like a rainbow had barfed all over their weirdly distorted faces. "I am putting a stop to this once and for all!" Chris announced as he marched to the door of the trailer and yanked it open. A sudden _twang!_ caught his attention, and he looked up just in time to see a bucket of glue splash down all over him, coating him in the sticky substance before a pillow came flying right at his head and exploded, covering him in feathers.

"AHH! My face! My beautiful face!" Chris wailed. "I've been tarred and feathered!"

"You mean _glued_ and feathered!" Reese cackled as he fell out of the tree near Chris's trailer, laughing like mad as Maurananei, Paul, and Tajira joined in on the laughter; even Eduardo cracked a slight smile at the sight of Chris looking like he had just watched a chicken coop explode.

"Hey, Chris! Looks like you're in a _sticky_ situation!" Maurananei cracked, earning another round of laughing and hooting at the host's expense.

" _Why_ are you still here!?" Chris snapped irritably.

"Because our ride _still_ isn't hear, genius." Tajira snapped back.

"You're all teenagers! Can't one of you drive or something!?" Chris wondered.

"We're lazy. Get use to it." Paul chuckled.

Chris fumed angrily and stomped back into the trailer, closing the door behind him and stepping over Chef's fallen form as he went to go take a shower and put on a fresh pair of clothes while Reese received a round of high-fives outside. The silence that followed lasted only twenty seconds before Chris's screams came from the bathroom, earning another round of laughter and giggling from outside.

"They don't call me the Prank Master for nothing." Reese grinned as he twirled a bottle of purple hair dye in his fingers.

 **Name:**

 **Superhero Name (optional):**

 **Gender:**

 **Age:**

 **Species (optional):**

 **Appearance**

 **Clothes:**

 **Sleep Wear:**

 **Swim Wear:**

 **Height:**

 **Eye Color:**

 **Hair Color/Style**

 **Piercings (optional):**

 **Markings(optional):**

 **Tattoos (optional):**

 **Personality:**

 **Stereotype**

 **Powers (please pay try to pick something that is not too over powered and that no one else has not if you want a better chance of getting in:**

 **Weaknesses:**

 **Can they be in a relationship (with a guy or girl? Please tell which one):**

 **Bio:**

 **Likes:**

 **Dislikes:**

 **Fears:**

 **Anything we forgot:**

 ***Total Drama Inc. waives all legal responsibilities involving the potential injury or death of this camper***

 **Here are mine and _Jeptwin's_ OCs as, well as the contestants we have selected so far. There are still spots open, so keep sending 'em in!**

 **Boys**

 **1\. Jake Ballaugh (Shape-shifting)**

 **2\. Brent Marsh (Mimicry)**

 **3\. Layne Swift (Matter Manipulation)**

 **4\. Jeremy Castello (Dragon Physiology)**

 **5\. Domanic Drey (Bio-tech Manipulation)**

 **6\. Christopher Abraham Washington (Ultimate Soldier)**

 **7\. Andrew Hunter (Self Duplication)**

 **8.**

 **9.**

 **10.**

 **11.**

 **Girls**

 **1\. Victoria "Viveka" Stine (Electrokinesis)**

 **2\. Robyn Logan (Dark Magic)**

 **3\. Faith Fletcher (Spirit Physiology)**

 **4\. Oleander Willaims (Super Speed)**

 **5\. Marissa Ellis Hale (Satyr Physiology)**

 **6\. Harmony Summers (Hydrokinesis)**

 **7\. Park Sun-Li (Aerokinsis)**

 **8\. Alicia Cortez (Omnilingual)**

 **9.**

 **10.**

 **11.**

 **And there we go! These are the first set of applications to be sent in! If you do not see yours here, it is either because we are still debating on whether we should accept it or your OC did not reach the qualities we were hoping for; either way, do not lose despair! It isn't official until the fat man sings!**

 **On a side note, this season's challenges will once again be based on movie genres, but we plan to chose better ones than they did in the original season; and if not, then we'll pick better challenges. So if you have a movie genre/challenge idea, we'd love to hear it!**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below!**

 **Hasta Luego!**


	3. Yep, Still Waiting Pt 3

**Greetings and _bienvenue_ , everyone! I am _Creautemaster!_ If you have read my previous story, _Total Drama: Pahkitew's Vengeance,_ then here is the sequel to said story. And if not, that's okay too.**

 **I would like to make it known that this time, I am not working alone. No, no, no! This time, I am working with the lovely _Jeptwin_ in writing this story this time! So give the man/woman/person/place/animal/thing a hand! This means that we will each be submitting our own OCs, but we guarantee that they will _not_ win the competition. That wouldn't be fun, now would it? ;)**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below! Send in your OCs through the reviews or PM me or _Jeptwin_. On a side note, this is _not_ first come first serve.**

 **Onward!**

"Chef!"

"Whaddya want now!?" Chef growled as he held an ice pack to throbbing skull, hissing as the spot started to slowly numb; once he was satisfied that getting beaned in the head with a rock wouldn't hurt anymore, the burly cook returned to glancing over several of the applications set in front of him and Chris, his eyes widening every now and again when he saw some of the teenagers applying for the show.

"How much longer do we gotta keep this up?" Chris whined.

Chef was about to retort with a rude comment, but couldn't help but smirk when he noticed that Chris's smooth and luscious black locks were stained a vibrant, neon purple in color; the host twitched his left eye in annoyance when he noticed Chef's grin and gripped the table angrily until the cook coughed and recomposed himself. "Until we got all of our latest victims, er, _contestants_ in order. We've accepted a little over half."

Chris sighed and pinched his brow. "Fine. Lets just make this quick so we can get the last cast out of here. Before we _both_ end up in the emergency room at the expense of those little freaks of nature."

"Amen, brother." Chef nodded, leafing through a few papers and pulling one out in particular. "What about this one? She's supposed to be some kind of siren or somethin'." he said, handing the application to Chris across the table. He chuckled slightly when he saw the host's eyes widen and nearly bug out of his skull, his purple dyed hair making him seem almost like an alien or monster of some kind as he eagerly set the application on top of the pile of accepted papers.

"She's in. No arguments." Chris simply said before returning to work and trying to avoid Chef's triumphant smirk; he hoped there wouldn't be any resulting blackmail to come.

 _ **KA-BOOM!**_

"AAAAGH!" Chris cried as he fell back out of his chair, sending papers flying everywhere as Chef instinctively dove under the table for protection as a massive explosion suddenly rocked the film lot. "What was that!?" Chris yelped as he staggered to his feet with his hands over his ears.

"WHAT!?" a deaf Chef yelled, unable to hear the words that Chris's lips were forming at the moment.

"What are those brats up to!?" Chris yelled angrily as he stomped over to the door to his trailer and yanked it open, jumping back and timidly peeking out to make sure there weren't any tripwires or traps laid out for him; once he was sure he wasn't going to be pranked a second time, the host jumped back into his anger mode and marched out of the door as another explosion rocked the ground. Chris followed the sound, grinding his teeth as he came around the corner of an old set just as a third explosion blasted the air apart. Mitchell stood in a large clearing between the many trailers and sets of the film lot, his skin being replaced by crusty rocks floating on a molten lava sea with a crackling fire ball in his hand while a large and well muscled Nisilaha stood across from him; the four-armed alien hefted a barrel up onto his shoulders before tossing it high into the air with his brute strength, shielding his eyes as Mitchell tossed the fire ball at the barrel and grinned when it exploded in a small cloud of flame. Sitting off to one side of the clearing on a bunch of makeshift bleachers and stands were the rest of the cast, clapping and cheering as the smoking remains of the barrel came drifting down.

"What are you freaks doing!?" Chris roared as all heads snapped their attention to him.

"Blowing up some leftover barrels of kitchen grease, duh." Mithcell rolled his eyes as he lobbed another ball of fire at a fresh barrel Micheal had tossed his way.

"Why?" Chris sighed, pinching his brow with exhaustion.

"We're bored, duh." Eduardo rolled his eyes. " _I_ suggested that they burn _me,_ but no, they wanted to blow up some lifeless barrels."

"Because we don't want to be accused of murder, you moron!" Toni yelled, cuffing the emo upside the head.

Chris sighed again. "And _why_ are you still here? Why can't just get out of life!?"

"Because, our ride _still_ isn't here!" Maurananei snapped. "Don't you think we would have left already if we could?"

"Half of you can turn into birds or something!" Chris protested. "Why can't you just fly, run, or swim home or whatever!?"

"We're lazy. Get use to it." Reese grinned as he leaded back in his seat and high-fived Paul.

Why you little-" Chris started before Micheal suddenly shouted a warning; the host looked up just in time to see a large barrel of kitchen grease came flying right at him, nailing him in the chest and knocking him flat on the ground as the barrel bounced off his skull and rolled away, leaving the cruel host on the ground, unconscious.

"Is he dead?" Caroline asked fearfully.

"No, he's fine." Alex reassured her after checking his pulse. "Knocked out cold and possibly suffering from a broken rib or two, but fine."

"Why couldn't you have thrown the barrel at _me_?" Eduardo wondered; everyone ignored his comment as they all debated over what they should do with the limp body at their feet before they opted to drag him back to his trailer and toss him into bed in the hopes that he would forget about the whole ordeal and not remember anything. Micheal grunted and heaved Chris's weight onto his shoulder before heading towards Chris's trailer with the others in tow.

"Yo, Chef!" Micheal called out, knocking on the door; the door fell off its hinges and to the floor as Chef came crawling out from under the table and through the sea of application papers with a scowl on his face.

"What did you teenagers do to Chris!?" he snapped when he saw the host drooling.

"He, uh, kinda took a barrel of kitchen grease to the head and general face area." Alan chuckled nervously. "It was an accident, we swear!"

"Wel, it _might_ have been intentional. _Might_." Maurananei said as Chef glared at her and took Chris from Micheal before disappearing inside of the deluxe trailer to dump the host in his expensive bed before coming back to the door with a deep scowl on his face that immediately softened into a wicked grin.

"You wanna get outta here and catch a movie? My treat." he grinned.

"As long as _you_ pay for the tickets; we'll take care of the popcorn." Micheal agreed. "I don't Chris'll mind if we all take a couple hours for a break."

Amen, brother." Chef agreed.

 **Boys**

 **1\. Jake Ballaugh (Shape-shifting)**

 **2\. Brent Marsh (Mimicry)**

 **3\. Layne Swift (Matter Manipulation)**

 **4\. Jeremy Castello (Dragon Physiology)**

 **5\. Domanic Drey (Bio-tech Manipulation)**

 **6\. Christopher Abraham Washington (Ultimate Soldier)**

 **7\. Andrew Hunter (Self Duplication)**

 **8\. Caesar Bludster (Skeletal Physiology)**

 **9\. Eliaz Vasquez (Geokinesis)**

 **10\. Jordan Carson (Angel Physiology)**

 **11\. Samuel Ricket (Elasticity)**

 **Girls**

 **1\. Victoria "Viveka" Stine (Electrokinesis)**

 **2\. Robyn Logan (Dark Magic)**

 **3\. Faith Fletcher (Spirit Physiology)**

 **4\. Oleander Willaims (Super Speed)**

 **5\. Marissa Ellis Hale (Satyr Physiology)**

 **6\. Harmony Summers (Hydrokinesis)**

 **7\. Park Sun-Li (Aerokinsis)**

 **8\. Alicia Cortez (Omnilingual)**

 **9\. Cecilia Chase (Oneirokinesis)**

 **10\. Adara Cyrus (Perfect Assassin)**

 **11\. Shannon Arendelle (Audiokinesis)**

 **I am simply blown away and over the moon about you guys right now. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next day to find over a dozen new applications for this story. Naturally, not all could be accepted and picked, so up above are the ones that managed to make the cut. Apologies to all who weren't excepted; you had some great characters, but they just weren't what one or the other of us were looking for. No hard feelings, right? Anyways, the first chapter of this story probably won't be published for some time, considering school is coming up soon and that my first story is still incomplete and I promised myself I would finish it, no buts. So stick around for Total! Drama! Take 2!**

 **On a side note, this season's challenges will once again be based on movie genres, but we plan to chose better ones than they did in the original season; and if not, then we'll pick better challenges. So if you have a movie genre/challenge idea, we'd love to hear it!**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below!**

 **Hasta Luego!**


	4. The Monster Mash

**Hi Guys! This time, It's Jeptwin writing! And P.S. I am a guy. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, and I hope you enjoy the first ever chapter of, Total! Drama! Take Two!**

 **Whoa, hang on. I think a little explanation is in order. I (as in _Creaturemaster_ ) am _so_ sorry for the length it took to update this story and finally get this out to you all. With the combined efforts of the now long gone holidays, semester finals, tests, fanfictions that won't leave me alone until I write them, and just pure laziness, this was delayed over and over again. Thus, I must thank _Jeptwin_ for giving me a swift quick to the seat of my pants for keeping me on track and finally getting this out to you all.**

 **Now before we begin, we have something to ask of you all. For those of you that have submitted an OC, we request that in your reviews that you give us at least one confessional from your character so that we may move the story along in a direction everyone will like and make sure that everyone's characters are portrayed properly.**

 **Enough of our blathering nonsense! On with the long awaited chapter!**

* * *

"Last season, on Total Drama: Pahkitew's Vengeance, Caroline and Serphonus raced, chased, and even fought it out over _one million dollars_. In the end, with a little assistance from her boyfriend, Micheal, best friend forever, Maurananei, and pretty much every other cast member on the island, Caroline the Animal Whisperer went against the odds and won the entire competition and consequently, the one million dollar cash prize!" Chris recited as he stood in front of the gates of a frighteningly familiar film lot.

"Now, in celebration of Total Drama's fifth anniversary, we've returned to season two's old, abandon film lot to give another crack and see if we can't do better than last time!" Chris chuckled slightly. "That's right! We're bringing 22 _all new competitors_ into this season, each with their own and unique super powers to call their own; and with special cameos made by our Pahkitew's Vengeance cast and the classic Total Drama veterans, this season is gonna be a _monster!_ " Chris joked slightly, ignoring the silent groans the camera crew were making out of view.

"With 22 new contestants, twenty three challenges, and one million dollars on the line, welcome to Total! Drama! Take 2!" the host announced.

* * *

 _ **(Theme song: Bet you weren't expecting this!)**_

 _ **Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine,**_

 _ **you guys are on my mind.**_

 _The camera runs rampant through the film lot, narrowly dodging working interns and camera men before barely avoiding getting hit by Chris in a golf cart as it quickly climbs up a large prop of a 1,000 ft tall cliff to plunge into a tank of water down below; Harmony calmly pumps her tail up and down through the water before coming face-to-fang with a hungry great white shark and quickly flees in the opposite direction. The camera then pans upwards to see Harmony jumping clear out of the water, her tail fluidly turning into a pair of legs, as she jumps into the arms of Christopher._

 _ **You asked me what I wanted to be,**_

 _ **And now I the answer is plain to see,**_

 _Before Harmony or Christopher can say anything, a dead fish is suddenly lobbed right at their heads, knocking the two of them back into the tank; Shannon dusts off her hands with a deep smirk until Adara drops down from the ceiling in total silence and holds a knife to her neck, a stern expression on the assassin's face and a fearful one on the siren's as the camera pans out to just barely catch a glimpse of what seems to be half a dozen identical clones of Andrew go speeding by on a stolen gold cart with Chef Hatchet chasing after them._

 _ **I wanna be famous!**_

 _The camera pans out to show Eliaz and Sasquatchanakwa sitting at a table in the saloon in the Wild West set, currently locked in an arm wrestling match. It seems even and about to come to a draw until Eliaz suddenly gets a wicked grin on his face as dozens of rocks suddenly levitate into the air and slam in what looks like a painful manner onto his arm and hand, coating it in a tough armor and allowing to win the game while also simultaneously seeming to break Sasquatchanakwa's hand._

 _ **I wanna live close to the sun,**_

 _The camera pans out through the saloon doors to show Domanic and Robyn facing off in a Western style battle, the two of them waiting for the other to draw before they both suddenly move; Robyn moves her hands in a quick motion, her hands surrounding themselves in a black aura as two, massive, black constructs of large hands materialize in the air in front of her. Domanic's right arm suddenly shifts and reconfigures into a large cannon, the back of which thrusts down and towards the ground, ripping out a good chunk before blasting it back out and right at Robyn, obliterating her dark magic and slamming painfully into her as Domanic grins triumphantly._

 _ **Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!**_

 _Marissa is sitting on a large moon rock in the Moon Base set, reading a superhero comic book as Sun-Li meditates about a foot in the air above her, her eyes closed and her breathing slow and relaxed; Caesar suddenly flashes into existence, startling the two girls slightly as the skeleton glances around for a few seconds, looking confused before warping back out of existence and leaving the girls in peace. That is, until the stolen golf cart with all of the Andrew clones in it comes speeding by and nearly runs over Marissa's hoof with Chef still in tow._

 _ **Everything to prove, nothing in my way, I'll get there one day!**_

 _Jake swiftly changes into a red, buff, four-armed creature and effortlessly lifts a trailer over his head, flexing one of his three, free arms; Jeremy glares, smoke drifting from his nostrils as a pair of large dragon wings unfolds from his back and claws rip from his fingers, allowing him to grab a second trailer and heft it off of the ground with some effort. The two of them stay like that until Robyn comes flying out of nowhere, slams into the two of them, and crashes painfully against a tree, reducing it to splinters and dropping the trailers. Jeremy suddenly sneezes, blasting out a jet of flame and engulfing the entire camera's view._

 _ **'Cause, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Cecilia and Alicia are sitting opposite of each other at a table, ignoring one another as one reads a book and the other writes in a notebook before their items, the table, and the benches they are sitting on suddenly start to levitate off of the ground and float in the air; Layne chuckles slightly from the ground before Domanic suddenly crashes into him, the two boys tumbling across the Craft Services Tent's floor as all of the hovering items crash into the floor, leaving the two girls dazed as Robyn comes charging through the tent flap, fully intent on beating the living tar out of Domanic. That is, until Samuel steps between her and the two dazed boys, increasing his body size and mass to tower a good twenty feet over Robyn, flexing his exposed muscles and making the dark magic user think twice about starting trouble._

 _ **Na na na na na na na,**_

 _The Andrew clones continue to drive their stolen golf cart around the film lot with Chef now chasing after them in a golf cart of his own; the two vehicles are suddenly passed by a blue and pink blur that reveals to be Oleander. The speedster gives the two golf carts a quick, two-fingered salute before zipping off at an insane speed, whipping right past Jordan as he folds his wings around himself while talking to an exact copy of Oleander before he gets suspicious; Brent emerges out of the fake Oleander in front of Jordan, cackling slightly until Jordan gives a swift beat of his wings, lifting himself off of the ground and smoldering balls of hot fire form in his hands, prompting Brent to wisely decide to run away with Jordan in tow._

 _ **Na na na na na na na!**_

 _Brent runs past the Lame-o-sine with Jordan in hot pursuit and an anger look on his face; the two of them then swiftly decide to change directions and form a quick truce as the Andrew clones in their stolen golf cart and Chef in his own vehicle come racing after them with Oleander giving chase as well, if for nothing more than to just race them._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _The Lame-o-sine window rolls down to reveal Harmony waving nervously at the crowd of cameras and fans and autograph hounds waiting outside for her to show up until Christopher appears with a calming smile and opens the car door for her, taking her hand and leading her down the aisle with the camera right behind them, blinded by the numerous camera flashes._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Chris dressed in his fancy, blue tuxedo smiles charmingly at the camera as he waves around an envelope in his hands; before he can open it, Chef dressed in nothing more than a pink dress and chef's hat with a captured Andrew in hand stroll up to him with a platter of golden Chris awards. The image sudden fizzles out as Faith whimpers slightly, only calmed by a reassuring attempt on Victoria's part to hold her hand. The large, walking cadaver then attaches two cables to the conductors on her back and squeezes her eyes shut as she struggles to send a massive amount of electricity back through the system and into the large TV screen overhead, flashing the words "Total Drama: Take 2" for everyone to see._

 _ **(Whistling in tune)**_

* * *

"Welcome back, to Total Drama: Take 2! As per usual when introducing a new cast, I am forced to take time out of my scheduled massage appointments and spa treatments to meet our brand new band of vict- I mean, contestants." Chris quickly corrected himself with a slight chuckle as he waited just inside the film lot's main gate.

"Any time now would be nice . . ." the host added, looking at an invisible watch on his wrist.

A large, yellow school bus quickly rolled up to the main gates and stopped right outside, the driver putting the vehicle in park before whipping out his cellular device to no doubt waste his precious time on a silly app involving the necessity to crush unnecessary high amounts of candy **[1]**.

"What the- where are the trucks I ordered?" Chris wondered aloud.

"That would be _our_ ride, McLean." Tajira growled as she roughly pushed past the host with a suitcase on her shoulder; the rest of the previous cast followed after her, dragging what little remained of their luggage towards the school bus. Zelda was carrying a stuffed dog under her arm as Alan struggled to drag both his and his grilfreind's luggage across the ground while Micheal in his four-armed Nisilaha form carried his, Caroline, Paul, and Toni's suitcases and other assorted carry-on on his four, broad shoulders. With a grunt, he hefted them all up onto the roof of the small school bus while Reese and Mitchell scrambled up to tie it down with some rope they borrowed from the film set as everyone else boarded the bus.

"Well, Chris, I wanna say it's been fun, but I'll honestly say that I want to see you burn in **BEEP!** " Micheal chuckled, shaking the host's hand with his over-sized fist and practically breaking every bone he had in the process (Chris's bones, not the Nisilaha's).

"Right back at ya." Chris said with a false smile; Maurananei stuck her head out of one of the windows of the bus and promptly threw Chris the finger before Caroline managed to convince her to come back inside.

"See ya around." Micheal waved good-bye with his two right hands as he turned around to head back to the bus while the Animatrix timed out and returned him to his human form in a burst of red light.

"Oh, you'll be seeing me a lot sooner than you think." Chris chuckled. "In fact, you aren't going anywhere; you're staying right here for the first challenge!"

" _What!?_ " Micheal roared, whirling around to grab Chris by the front of his shirt.

"Yep! All in the contract!" Chris smiled without flinching (though deep inside he was practically wetting himself). "You really should read the fine print."

"It's always the fine print . . ." Micheal grumbled under his breath as he threw Chris to the ground. "Can I at least say good-bye to Caroline before I go?"

"Nope!" Chris shook his head; he gave a shrill whistle, signaling for the bus driver he had apparently hired to get off of his phone and drive away, taking both a startled Caroline and the rest of the previous cast with him. "Now, go help Chef in the kitchen. He's having some trouble with some raccoons or whatever; I'm sure you'll be able to give him a hand. Or paw, talon, claw, hoof, or flipper, as the case may be."

"You are a dead man." Micheal snarled before he walked off to help Chef with his vermin problem.

"Yeah, just about every other contestant says the same thing, and, hey! I'm still here!" the sadistic host winked at the camera just as a black truck pulled through the film lot's gates and rolled to a stop in front of him. The back door opened up and a girl with fair skin and strawberry blonde hair done up in a tight ponytail stepped out; she wore a pair of faded, pink short-shorts, a black top with converse shoes of the same color, and a black, _Twenty One Pilots_ hat on her head, shielding her crisp, hazel eyes from the sun.

"Meet Cecilia Chase, the Short-Tempered Try-hard." Chris introduced the girl as the truck honked once and drove off, leaving the two of them to cough in a cloud of dust. "So I hear you can . . . manipulate dreams?" Chris asked once he was sure the dirt and dust was out of his lungs.

"Is that a problem?" Cecilia asked worriedly.

"You mean other than the fact that's really lame? Nope." Chris shrugged before he was suddenly grabbed by the front of his shirt and pulled down to Cecilia's level to stare right into her burning, brown eyes.

"Choose your next words carefully, McLean, or I swear you'll have a nightmare so horrible you won't be able to sleep for months on end." the dream manipulator hissed venomously.

"Uh, can I introduce our next contestant instead?" Chris gulped as a second truck pulled through the film lot gates and came to stop in front of them; Cecilia gave Chris a hard look before finally releasing her hold on, albeit rather roughly. A boy a few inches taller than Cecilia emerged from the vehicle with short, messy, blonde hair and dull, emerald green eyes. He wore a gray T-shirt, a pair of blues jeans, and black sneakers with a tattoo of Excalibur on his right forearm for all the world to see as he shut the door of the truck behind him and watched it drive off.

"Domanic Drey, the Tough Loser, aka The Blade!" Chris explained as the boy walked up to the two of them and waved at Cecilia before shaking hands with Chris. "So, care to explain your powers?"

The boy shrugged and raised up his right arm above his head, smirking slightly as bright, blue circuit patterns and designs arched their way across his arm, glowing brightly as stiff, metal rods emerged from his muscle tissue and fat, crawling across his arm and strengthening it a hundred times stronger. His arm grew in size and strength as his fingers all fused together into a single digit, turning a dull orange in color as it grew longer and broader while it sharpened into a strong, sturdy blade as sharp as steel. A now utterly massive and over-sized sword had taken the place of Domanic's right forearm, several metal cables slithering from the giant hilt and into the metal portion of his arm.

"Impressive enough for you?" Domanic asked.

"Yep!" Chris quickly agreed; he didn't want the big, fat sword pointed anywhere near him if he could help it. **[2]**

"Pfft. He thought my powers were stupid." Cecilia grumbled as Domanic undid the transformation and returned the weapon back within himself to let his original arm back out into the world.

"Hey, every power has it's advantages. Even the supposedly stupid kind." Domanic said.

"Thanks." Cecilia smiled. "I like your-"

The dream manipulator was promptly interrupted a second time as a raccoon scurried between her and Domanic's feet, chattering loudly as it scampered away; right behind it was a black, red, and purple blur that sped through the maze of tents and sets at an impossible speed before coming to a screeching halt right between the two new contestants, who promptly screamed and startled upon getting a good look at it. The strange creature looked similar to a slim, theropod dinosaur covered in dull, dark purple skin and a black and red colored track suit across its body, a long, whip-like tail snapping back and forth angrily. Spikes ran down the back and poked out from the elbows and knees with three blades in place of fingers that fused together into solid points; instead of feet, the creature had black orbs that were held in place by razor-sharp claws, a single claw rising from the other that looked like it was meant to be a slashing tool. The head was pointed, hidden under a crested helmet with a red visor that slid up and revealed the creature's sharp, red eyes.

"And stay out!" the Velocidadian cursed.

"What the-" Domanic gaped.

"What, never seen an alien before?" Micheal grinned cheekily.

Before Domanic or Cecilia could answer, a dull boom caught their attention as a dark blue and black blur raced through the film lot gates, buzzing in a tight ring around Chris, Micheal, and the two latest contestants before coming to a screeching stop in front of Micheal; the blur turned out to be an almost identical copy of Micheal, save for the clone's deep blue skin tone and bright, gold eyes.

"Lemme guess: shape-shifter?" Micheal grinned toothily.

"You know it!" the other Velocidadian smiled; the two aliens then chest bumped in triumph just as the Animatrix timed out in a flash of red light and returned Micheal to his original form; the other Velocidadian suddenly warped and shifted, its entire body contorting and changing into something new. The three, sharp blades on its hands cracked and bent in two places before two, firm, human fingers grew from among the blades. The long, reptilian tail was slurped back into the spine like a strand of spaghetti as the alien's posture was corrected and straightened while its legs ground heavily against each other to bend forwards once more; the dagger-like toes that held the black balls in place shifted and trembled, shortening into five, human toes as the smooth, black spheres were absorbed back into the changing feet, becoming firm heel bones as the pointed skull of the Velocidadian was corrected and became more round and ball-like with some heavy adjustments. By the time the transformation was done, a boy that stood just a couple inches shorter than Micheal stood before them all wearing a red shirt with a green martian on the front, a pair of black shorts with red stripes, and shoes that matched his shorts; a green, infinity tattoo marked his left shoulder.

"I thought I recognized those eyes somewhere!" Micheal grinned as he pulled the boy into a headlock and affectionately gave him a noogie. "Can't believe you managed to get on his **BEEP!** of a show, Jake."

"Hey! This a family friendly show, so watch the language!" Chris snapped. "And stop stealing my lines, too!"

"Sorry, dude. I can't help it if one of my bros is on the same show I was." Micheal smirked.

"You two know each other?" Cecilia blinked.

Jake nodded, fixing his mussed up hair. "Yep. Been best friends since we met during a robbery in Toronto, back when Micheal had just gotten his Animatrix and was figuring out on how to use it."

"So you're _both_ shape-shifters?" Domanic raised an eyebrow.

"Yep! At some point, all shape-shifters meet each other in their lives. Case in point, I met Toni last season. Sweet girl, too." Micheal added.

Jake smiled. "And your girlfriend now, too! How's she handling the watch?"

"Took some getting use to, but she loves it." Micheal said before giving Jake a bro-hug. "Love to stay and chat, but Chef's got an infestation of skunks in the dishwasher. We'll catch up some other time, alright?"

"See you later, dude!" Jake waved good-bye as Micheal turned on the Animatrix before slamming down on the activation button, swallowing himself in a burst of red light. His skin began to horribly blister as feather patterns formed all over his body, thousands of quills suddenly popping out at the same time. His head, back, chest, arms, legs, all of them suddenly sprouted feathers like he was in a stop-animation film of plants growing; his lips grew as hard as fingernails, protruding outwards into a sharp, hooked beak. His arms and fingers stretched outwards, his fingers molding together into fine point as the joints in his arms loudly repositioned themselves. Micheal was shrinking all the while, his toes all molding together into three larger ones and shifted as a fourth toe grew out of from behind him, also sporting a razor-sharp talon as his feet and ankles hardened and became krusty. Long tail feahters sprouted from the base of his spine as a small bump of flesh on his butt became his tail while his feathers turned a deep brown in color; his head turned a snowy white in color as flight feathers suddenly popped into existence on his arms, completing the transformation as his eyes turned golden and sharpened to almost a thousand times better then before as the Animatrix formed in a collar around his neck.

"If we're done with the happy reunion, I'd like the camera back on _me._ " Chris coughed rudely as the bald eagle flapped its wings and took off back over the film lot; a another truck rolled through the film lot gates, swerving slightly before it to a screeching halt in front of Chris, the back door opening and then slamming shut.

A girl about as tall as Domanic stepped out of the car, an irritated expression on her face with her light brown eyes narrowed at Chris, her dark brown locks framing her face in a lighter shade ombre; she wore a cute, short-sleeved, aqua colored romper with pockets and white ankle converses that seemed blindingly bright against her tanned skin. Black, cursive writing wrapped around her right wrist as two pairs of bright piercings decorated her ears.

" _Qué demonios, Chris !?_ " the girl yelled loudly in Spanish at Chris.

"Alicia the Human Library!" Chris introduced the fuming girl as she then proceeded to shout at him in French, performing several rude gestures with her fingers that would no doubt be censored later. "I have no idea what you're saying, Alicia. You might want to return to speaking the Queen's English!" the host remarked in a poor imitation of a British accent.

Alicia rolled her eyes. "I asked what was wrong with my driver; he was swerving all over the lane on our way here." she fumed.

"You think he had some?" Domanic wondered.

"Probably." Alicia nodded as she pulled out a pen and scribbled something on her arm in Japanese.

Chris was curious. "What's that?"

"A note, reminding me to sue this show for allowing their hired drivers to have a few before delivering their contestants." Alicia said proudly; the host gulped nervously at the thought of another law suit.

"So, you can write and talk in any language?" Jake guessed.

" _Tak._ " Alicia replied in Ukrainian. "What's your name?" she asked as she took Jake's hand to shake it.

"Jake." the shape-shifter smiled; Alicia smiled back before she suddenly noticed that Jake's figure was starting shift and morph before her very eyes, his face melting like candle wax as his arms dripped like syrup. Alicia screamed with fright as Jake liquidated before her very eyes, splattering loudly to the ground in a puddle at her feet.

Chris yelped, covering his mouth as his face turned a sickening shade of green."Oh, my boxers, that's bad!"

"Ha ha ha ha! They fall for it every time!" the puddle of ooze that was Jake chuckled as the pile of wet goo morphed and mold back into a human figure, fully reforming into Jake's shape and form; Alicia glared incredulously at him and took a spot next to Cecilia.

" _Ég vil matarlím._ " she grumbled under her breath in Icelandic.

"Horrific and gut-wrenching jokes aside, here comes our next competitor!" Chris swallowed the mouthful of vomit in the back of his throat as another truck came barreling through the gates at what most would deem an unsafe and impossible speed before stopping just an inch away from hitting Chris. After a minute, the door opened and a boy tumbled out onto the ground on his shaking hands and trembling knees; he had messy, brown hair speckled with blonde that framed his golden eyes. The boy groaned as he climbed to his feet, wearing a green T-shirt, a pair of brown cargo pants decorated with multiple pockets, and black converse.

"Better make that a double note." Cecilia murmured to Alicia as she moved to help the shaking boy to his feet, only to jump back with surprise when the boy suddenly was suddenly swallowed in a flash of golden light and _split in half,_ creating a second, identical clone that hooked his arms under his brother's and hauled him to his feet. The two clones shook hands and gave each other a quick bro-hug before they were both encompassed in a second flash of golden light and molded back into one, much to the shock of everyone else but Chris.

"Andrew the Human Copy Machine." Chris stated.

"What up, bros and brahs?" Andrew waved.

"I must be seeing things . . ." Cecilia grumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"No, I saw it to." Domanic reassured her.

" _Zövshööröltssön baikh._ " Alicia agreed in Mongolian.

Andrew snickered. "Happens every time, bros and brahs." he said, taking Jeremy's hand and giving the slightly stunned shape-shifter and giving him a friendly shake. "Andrew Hunter is my name, duplicating myself is my game."

"I guess you could say he has a _split_ personality, eh?" Chris snickered at his own joke; only Andrew was mildly amused by the horrible joke, the others throwing him deadpanned looks of disappointment and boredom until he stopped laughing; thankfully, another truck pulled up to them and broke the awkward silence between them all, especially since this pickup truck was filled to the brim with water in the back. A tan, petite hand reached up over the edge, closely followed by a second one as a girl's head with wavy, blonde hair that seemed to reach down to her waist and bright, blue eyes like the ocean blue hauled herself up on the edge of the truck with only a pair of red seashells to cup her breasts; Cecilia and Alicia took one look at the boys and rolled their eyes when they found that they were completely entranced by her, only smirking when the girl shook her head and doused them with water.

"Thanks for the refreshing ride, Chris." the girl smiled as she wringed out her hair.

"Harmony the Ocean Girl!" Chris announced with much enthusiasm; Harmony rolled her eyes and grabbed of the truck, grunting as she hauled herself up and yelping with surprise when her grip slipped and sent her tumbling over the edge, revealing a large, scaly, red fish tail where hre legs should have been. The cast gawked with surprise as Harmony sat up and nonchalantly glanced at her flickering tail, smiling with amusement when it split right down the middle, tearing like cloth and revealing a pair of bare-footed human legs; now that she could stand, the reversed transformation revealed her to be wearing a tight, red tanktop that cupped her sizable breasts quite nicely, a pair of blue shorts with a strange looking, triangular, loin-cloth looking strip of fabric that hung down from her belt in the front and back, and brown sandals that she pulled out of her pockets to slip on her feet. **[3]**

"What, never seen a mermaid before?" Harmony giggled.

" _Look out!_ " Domanic shouted a warning; bright blue circuit patterns arched and etched themselves across his right arm as hundreds of metal rose and hoses thrust and slithered out of his flesh, encompassing his arm and wrapping around one another as his skin hardened and turned a durable metallic in density. His fingers swelled to massive proportions as the muscles in his hand and wrist were replaced with stringer, artificial copies that flexed and shifted effortlessly under Domanic's command. Before Harmony knew what was happening, the gigantic, metal hand lunged forward and yanked her back out of the way of a large runaway truck that just barely managed to slam on the breaks before it crashed into the vehicle ahead of it.

"Th-Thanks." Harmony sighed with relief, still a little jittery when she realized how close she had become to turning into a pancake; Domanic nodded and set her back down on the ground as the wiring and metallic paneling of his arm retreated within him and allowed his limb to return to normal. A boy with platinum eyes and a black, mountain man haircut stepped out of the vehicle, turning around to throw an angry, disappointed look at the driver before turning around to face the cast. His impressive, well muscled frame was covered by a tough chestplate with multiple straps holding pouches and a bandolier. A helmet with a silver eagle on the side sat on his head attached to a gas filter and several antennae, a belt with a canteen clipped to it hugged his waist securely, and a pair of black military pants decorated with armored knee guards The duster is black and it features reinforced shoulder plates and armored knee guards and a pair of thick, heavy military boots covered his lower half. Broad shoulder pads only added to his impressive figure as he glanced over the small crowd of gathered contestants.

"Christopher Abraham Washington the one Ranger." Chris announced. "If the heart of America had a stomach flu, this is the guy it would puke up."

"Watch your tone, _Chris_." the soldier growled harshly. "You are already on thin ice with me for your cruel actions."

"What did he do?" Domanic wondered.

"What _didn't_ he do?" Cecilia grumbled under her breath.

"I don't care what _Chris_ did, just keep _him_ away from _me!_ "

"I recognize that voice." Christopher realized, looking over the small crowd for the source of the voice before he took notice of a small, black crow sitting on Harmony's shoulder; the soldier was briefly distracted by the Ocean Girl, mesmerized by her deep, oceanic eyes and small smile, before he returned his attention to the crow sitting on her shoulder. "Jake, I know you're the bird."

"Damn you." the crow grumbled under his breath, startling Harmony and the surrounding cast as the bird flapped his wings and landed on the ground; the crow's face compressed back inwards with a loud, sickening crunching noise as the beak softened and parted into a two growths one above the other, forming a nose and a pair of lips that housed newly forming teeth. The feathers were slurped back into his body a disturbing slurping and shushing noise, folding back against his body and fusing with his skin as his wings crunched and cracked loudly, realigning themselves into rather simple ball and socket shoulders and hinge jointed elbows while the ends of his wings sprouted three extra digits that formed into strong hands. The scales that covered his feet and ankles melted back together into smooth skin as the clawed toes sprouted toe more toes while the knee joints crunched back into the opposite direction. With a disturbing cracking and shifting noise, his skeleton realigned and adjusted itself to stand straight up as a set of clothes emerged on him, ending the transformation.

"Been a long time, Ballaugh." Christopher commented.

"You would know, _Washington._ " Jake snarled, clenching his fists tightly as he took a few cautious steps back as if he were ready to make a run for it.

Andrew raised a confused eyebrow."Wait, wait, wait. You two bros _know_ each other?"

"We do. And we aren't 'bros'." Jake frowned.

"I couldn't agree more. Not after what almost happened." Christopher lamented.

"Uh, does anyone care to elaborate what's going on?" Domanic wondered, oblivious to the way the infinity tattoo upon Jake's shoulder was glowing an ominous, crimson in color.

"Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to _please_ not push the matter further." Christopher hissed, gesturing with his eyes towards Jake; everyone took notice as the veins in Jake's arms and back swelled to a large, pulsing blue as sharp, bloodied, bone spikes sprouted from his skeleton and thrust out of his skin while wicked looking claws took the place of fingers.

"Quick! Someone toss him a book!" Chris exclaimed.

"Why?" Andrew wondered.

" _Just do it!_ "

Alicia didn't waist anytime and pulled a thick hardcover out of her book bag, handing it to Christopher as he bravely snuck up behind the morphing shape-shifter and dropped the book in front of him before slowly backing away; the messy mass of horrific body parts that was Jake snorted and paused to regard the book briefly before gently picking the book up in his claws and tucking it under his arm, lumbering past the crowd and curling up on the ground behind them as he opened the book and carefully turned the pages, taking great care not to tear them.

"Is he going to be okay?" Harmony wondered.

"He should be in a few minutes. Takes a little while to calm him down." Christopher explained. "Reading helps him keep his mind off things."

"So, what _did_ happen between you two?" Cecilia asked in a hushed tone for fear of disturbing the monstrosity that Jake had become as he started to return to his human form.

"I am not at liberty to say." Christopher replied before turning his attention towards another truck that rumbled into the film lot; the cast took a look at his stoic and grim expression and decided not to push the matter any further. The heavy pickup truck rolled to a stop, the large horse trailer attached to the back squeaking a few more inches forward before coming to a stop, drawing confused looks from the cast and a slightly amused one from Chris. That is, until the back of the horse trailer was blasted off by a powerful surge of electricity!

"Holy herring! What is that thing!?" Harmony jumped, drawing light blush from both Christopher and herself as she hide behind his impressive frame; however, even the Lone Ranger was dwarfed by the monstrosity that slowly lumbered out of the horse trailer and into the light. A tremendous, ten-foot tall figure hauled itself out of the trailer, her glowing, blue eyes blinking blearily in the bright sunlight as she slowly crept down the ramp and drew herself up to her full height. Dozens of stitches and scars arched their way across her body, her skin like patchwork held together by mere pieces of string with metallic bolts thrusting out into the open air here and there under the intimidating presence of the crackling conductors that jutted out of her shoulders. Her hair was black and white, jagged like lightening and pulled back into a ponytail that draped all the way down to the midnight blue miniskirt, black leggings, and thick, black boots with three, blue slits in the toes that covered her patchwork skin. She wore a black shirt with a faded, white rib cage on the front over a bright, red bleeding heart with a needle jammed right through it where her actual heart may have been and a pair of tough, brown, finger-less gloves over her hands as she regarded her surroundings.

"Victoria 'Viveka' Stine the Walking Corpse!" Chris grinned with amusement at the terrifying creature before him that did an incredible job at intimidating everyone beneath just by her mere presence.

"H-Hello!" Alicia tried to sound friendly and not at all frightened.

" . . . _Hi._ " Victoria mumbled in a quiet voice after what seemed an eternity. Ignoring the way her conductors crackled and rumbled with a dangerous amount of electricity, she lumbered past and behind them all to sit on the ground against a tree, taking a glance at Jake as he continued to his book before returning her attention back towards the trailer she had arrived in

The massive body of cobbled together body parts that was Victoria hadn't arrived alone as a a pair of gigantic, pulsing, red hands that seemed entirely composed of muscle and sinew gripped the sides of the trailer and pulled an almost comically small head with a single, green orb in the center of its mouthless face that attached to a pair of insanely broad shoulders that attached to another pair of buff, burly arm. The cast watched with stunned expressions as the hulking figure that stood a good foot and a half over even Victoria pulled itself out of the horse trailer and stood on a pair of almost laughably small legs; despite their size however, they, and every other part of the creature's hulking frame was composed almost entirely out of muscle.

"W-What is _that_ thing?" Alicia marveled.

"Samuel the Gentle Giant!" Chris declared as the impressive figure didn't say a word and went around the cast to sit next to Victoria, the two, silent monstrosities merely tolerating each others company like they had inside of the trailer.

"Those two have got to be the biggest contestants this show as ever seen." Domanic whispered. "Right up there with Dakotazoid."

* * *

 **(Port-aPotty Confessional – Fee Fi Fo Fum! I smell the blood of something fun!)**

 **Alicia –** "Admittedly, the presence of such _grande_ contestants is _inquietante,_ but given their might and power, they could be very valuable asset to their team . . . as well as a great disadvantage to anyone facing off against them."

 **Christopher –** "I suddenly feel . . . small. But that's not important right now. I think I might, absolutely, probably, maybe, just might be in love with a mermaid!"

 **Harmony** – "Victoria seems . . . distant. I know we just met and all, but it somehow feels like she's actually afraid. A little weird, considering how she could easily crush or fry us all without even trying . . . does that sound a too harsh?"

* * *

A sudden scuffling noise came within the horse trailer and everyone turned their attention towards the sound, the majority of them expecting some other giant monster to come crawling out; instead a short girl with caramel hair that cascaded past her shoulders down to her waist, golden eyes with slightly slanted, black pupils, and a floral headband came walking out into the warm sun. She wore a sleeveless, white sweater with a high collar, black and white Aztec tribal printed leggings, a pair of black, knee-high platform boots, black Aztec print armbands, and a silver head-chain decorated with snowflakes. What drew the most attention however, was how she walked in an almost wobbling, unsteady manner.

"Marissa the Distinctive Bouquet." Chris yawned with boredom.

"Um, not to be rude on the first day and all, but are you sure that you're alright?" Christopher asked with concern.

"I'm fi- _WHOA!_ " Marissa yelped as she tripped on the ramp and tumbled down to the ground, hissing as she landed painfully on her elbows and sat up rubbing her head; the majority of the cast, with the exception of Victoria and Samuel, did a double take when they caught sight of a pair of curved horns poking out from her caramel locks and a pair of cloven hooves in the place where her feet should have been, her boots having slipped off during the fall.

"Okay, I've already seen a mermaid, a shape-shifting alien, a walking corpse, a gigantic muscle man today. So, please keep in mind that I am actually being rather calm when I ask _what the heck are you_?" Domanic wondered as Harmony bent over to help Marissa to her feet.

"Satyr. Half-goat, half-human." she replied, bending over to pick up her boots. "Guess I won't be needing these."

"Just out of curiosity, just how many _non-human_ races are there out there?" Chris wondered out of boredom with a slight tone that said he might possibly try to exploit said races to his advantage should the chance arise; Marissa however, knew that look all too well.

"Lots." she simply replied. "Some right underneath your nose."

"Like what?" the host pressed, a sense of eagerness on his face.

"Like dragons." the satyress replied.

Chris snickered slightly before bursting out into laughter. "Pfft! Dragons aren't real! Even if there are magical creatures out there, dragons can't exist!" he scoffed just as a rather large shadow past overhead, circling a few times over the group before it descended down to the ground in a blaze of fire and alighted down in front of Chris, an incredibly irked look on his face.

" _What did you say about dragons not being real?_ " the boy snorted angrily, smoking drifting from his nostrils in a threatening manner. Flaming hair based in crimson and tipped with blonde draped his left, red, reptilian-like eyes as sharpened fangs sat just behind his lips, ready to open wide and unleash a blast of hot flame from a special organ in his throat at a moments notice; his skin was a deep, earth red and covered in scales at his joints and the impressions of his face while his ears were sharp and pointed. He wore a dark red shirt with black sleeves, orange high tops, and dark blue, ripped jeans, though the most attention was drawn towards a pair of large, bat-like wings that increased his frame even when folded up against his back like they were now.

"N-Nothing, Jeremy." Chris gulped. "I don't remember reading your file though."

"Not my problem. I got the call and everything." the half-dragon grumbled under his breath. "Not my fault my Dad was roaring in the background."

"You must be one of Chef's picks." Chris grumbled his breath. "Whatever. Go stand over there with everyone else and _try_ not to roast them alive. At least, not yet."

"Hang on a sec," Jeremy frowned as he took a sniff of the air, a low growl escaping from his throat as he narrowed his eyes and turned to glare down at Harmony. "You're a water creature, aren't you? I can smell the sea salt all over you."

"Mermaid, actually." Harmony responded stoically, standing her ground despite the menacing presence of the halfbreed. "Is that a problem?"

Jeremy snarled, about to say something else when he heard a slight cough and glanced up to see Christopher standing over him with his arms folded across his chest, a stern expression on his face; what really intimidated the half-dragon however, was the eleven-and-a-half-foot height of Samuel as it rose to his feet and now towered over Christopher without the soldier even realizing it. Both muscleheads however, were giving off the same warning message. "No. Not if _you_ stay away from _me_." Jeremy growled, turning to go stand on the far side of the group away from Harmony.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – This isn't racism. It's the Wacky Races!)**

 **Marissa** \- "It never fails. Some members of the magical creature community are just as narcissistic as Chris, thinking that they're superior over other species. Like my Uncle Steptoe . . . he was eaten by a griffin after he defaced their nest, so . . . yeah."

 **Harmony** \- "What did I do? Is it just because he can breath fire and I live in water? Whatever it is, I'm just glad that Christopher was there. * _blushes*_

 **Jeremy** \- "Okay, so maybe _not_ the best way to start off the season."

* * *

The awkward atmosphere was quickly broken as another shadow past overhead; fearing another dragon, griffin, evil fairy, or anything else with wings, Chris dove to the ground and covered his head until he heard the soft, almost inaudible scrape of something touching down. Cracking open an eye, he saw that it was nothing more than a short girl standing over him with a confused, but hurt face as she held onto a long, smooth bo staff in her grip. The girl had dark, raven black hair that reached her wiast in long, loose curls and dark, blue eyes like the night sky and wore an oversized, long-sleeved, purple knit sweater that reached down past her butt with a black camisole underneath, a pair of ripped and frayed, blue skinny jeans, and black flats.

"Wha-how . . . how did you . . ." Chris stammered.

"I may be omnilingual, but I don't think I can translate that." Alicia smirked with amusement at the befuddled host. "Try speaking the Queen's English." she mocked his earlier comment towards her with great enjoyment as she returned a waiting fist bump from Andrew.

"If you are going to ask how I got here, it is really quite simple." the girl replied with a Korean accent. "I flew."

Chris scoffed at the idea. "Yeah, right. You flew here with your little bird wings."

"No lie, Chris. I saw it with my own eyes." Jake piped up as he handed Alicia back her book. "Nice title that one. I always meant to read _A Million Shades of Red_ someday."

"Thanks. I can lend you some more if you want." the omnilingual offered as she returned the book to her bag. "But back to the matter at hand. How _did_ you fly? As Chris stated earlier in a rather sarcastic manner, you don't exactly have any wings . . . do you?"

The girl shook her head. "My name is Sun-Li, by the way. As for an answer to your question, that is also quite simple to answer: I can manipulate the very air around us . . . although, admittedly, I am still learning the masteries."

"Cool, brah." Andrew nodded. "Can we see?"

At the mere suggestion, Sun-Li began to fidget uncomfortably, her palms and brow getting sweaty as her face turned a deep red out of embarrassment of being put on the spot for nearly everyone to see. "Uh, um, a-as y-you wish." she gulped; with a deep breath through her nose, she raised her bo staff over her head and began to spin it around and around above her like the blades of a helicopter, closing her eyes and squeezing them shut as she concentrated and felt the air around her, felt its currents and movements, and formed a mental hand underneath her that she pushed upwards. Within seconds of thinking about it, she could feel herself lifting off of the ground much to the amazement of the cast; not wanting to disappoint with something comparable to a simple juggling act, she took that mental image of the hand and formed it into not two, but three, one of which kept her aloft while the other two grasped and compacted the air into a tight ball underneath her. She then sent the invisible hand keeping her off the ground away and felt herself drop slightly onto the ball of air beneath her. Sun-Li then let her bo staff fall to her side as she clapped her hands together and balanced on the ball of compressed air beneath her, opening her eyes as she began to ride the ball of air around in a tight circle. **[4]**

"Impressive." Christopher nodded.

"Awesome!" Harmony watched with amazement as Sun-Li buzzed past them.

" _Whoa!_ Watch it!" Jeremy cried as flapped his wings and lifted off of the ground just as Sun-Li whizzed past him, out of control, and crashed into a tree behind him, the cast wincing as the air manipulator slid to the ground with a groan.

"Um, just out of curiosity . . . Victoria and Samuel won't hurt her, right?" Jake wondered.

"I think it's safe to say that Samuel will not. Victoria however, I am entirely unsure of." Christopher responded.

"I wasn't asking _you._ " Jake snarled.

Sun-Li groaned and sat up, wincing at her aching skull when she realized where she was; rolling her eyes back, she looked up at the glowing eyes that resided inside Victoria's head, immediately becoming entranced and marveling at how they seemed to glow. Her focus was quickly broken when she realized just how big Victoria was compared to her and that a frightening amount of energy and electricity was coursing through her monstrous figure. "H-Hi, there." she gulped.

Victoria didn't say anything as she reached with a monstrous hand, making Sun-Li tense up with fright as the strong fingers pinched and grabbed her by the back of her shirt, effortlessly picking her up off the ground and setting her back down on her feet; the walking cadaver then grabbed her bo staff between two fingers and handed it back to Sun-Li before sitting back against the tree with a reclusive look.

"Are you okay, Sun-Li?" Cecilia asked.

"I'm fine." she replied after taking a deep breath.

"Are you sure that you want to stand over there?" Marissa wondered with slight concern. "I know from first hand experience that Victoria and Samuel are a little . . . intimidating at first."

"I-I think I'll be fine." Sun-Li reassured her before turning her attention back to Victoria. "I-Is it alright if I sit with you?"

" _Go ahead_." Victoria replied with a quiet voice.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – A ship is in the air! Hoist the anchor and get ready to set sail!)**

 **Sun-Li** \- "Normally, such things as Victoria make me uneasy. But there is something about her that is telling me that she is just as scared as me, perhaps even more. Perhaps all she really needs is a companion.

* * *

Chris tapped his foot impatiently on the ground, glancing at his watch every few seconds with annoyance. "Come on, where are they? We've got like . . . twelve more contestants to get to!" he complained, pausing to count.

"Maybe they were smart and didn't show up." Alicia grumbled. "Maybe they figured that the ride just might kill them."

"I can only assume that your driver had taken one too many as well?" Christopher raised an eyebrow.

"I swear, it was like he couldn't see straight."

"Will you two stop whining?" Chris frowned. "You lot are all starting to remind me why I nearly quit this season."

"I really wish you did." Jeremy hissed just as the ground rumbled and trembled beneath their feet; Harmony fell against and instinctively clung onto Christopher as he steadied himself through the tremors while Sun-Li hung onto Victoria and Jeremy simply lifted himself off of the ground as the earth in front of them all cracked and splintered horribly before opening up into a cavernous pit that lead into the black bowels of the earth. A well muscled figure climbed out of the hole, shaking a thin layer of dust and dirt from him as his coal black eyes blinked blearily to adjust to the bright sunlight overhead; his clean shaven head had a short, black fuzz to it while he wore a brown hoodie over a black T-shirt, a pair of cargo pants, black combat boots, and thick, brown, kickboxing gloves over his strong, firm hands.

"Eliaz Vasquez the Earth Elemental." Chris droned with a yawn. "FYI, you're gonna have to-" he started before Eliaz raised a foot up and stomped it back down, glancing back over his shoulder as the tunnel he had created and emerged from effortlessly closed back up behind him, the earth mending back together until there wasn't a single trace of him ever being there.

"Satisfied?" he rumbled.

"Very. Now go stand over there. We still got a lot of contestants to get through." Chris allowed a small smile that he let widen so the camera could pick up on his pearly whites and thus get the viewers to buy his special McLain brand toothpaste (guaranteed to turn your golden teeth a pearly white or your money back).

Another car rolled up to the group of waiting contestants and everyone was waiting for what seemed hours on end for the door to open up and reveal just what they were dealing with; instead a sickly pale figure merely _phased through_ the side of the car as if she were nothing but thin air. The roughly human-like figure floated about a foot off of the ground and had entirely, light blue eyes that seemed to glow in the frame her blue tinted hair and bangs set around her face. The frighteningly pale girl wore a light blue hoodie that seemed to swallow her whole and a dark, blue shirt with white leggings and small sneakers.

"Meet Faith Fletch the Shut In! This walking, floating, horrifying phantom will suck the joy and life out of you like a bottomless, black hole or sorrow, shame and-" Chris began to narrate, his particular choice of words making the ghost seem to shrink and curl up on herself with every negative word that spilled out past the host's lips until a blast of hot electricity struck him in the back and lit him up like a Christmas tree for approximately ten seconds before he was finally allowed to fall to the ground, smoking.

"Uh, oh." Jake cringed as the cast quickly parted to allow Victoria to slowly lumber through, her shoulders square and her height drawn to its absolute highest; this intimidating image did nothing to sooth the frightened phantom at all as Victoria easily picked Chris up by the back of his shirt and held a fist to his face, nodding her head towards Faith and then back to him.

"Alright, alright! Just put me down!" Chris exclaimed as he tried to cover up his damaged hair and beautiful face from the camera. Satisfied that she had made her point, Victoria set the narcissistic host back down on the ground and watch him run screaming towards the makeup trailer before turning back to face Faith.

"Are . . . are you alright?" Victoria asked.

"F-F-Fine . . ." the phantom trembled.

"I think it's . . . best if you stick with me." the walking cadaver suggested, offering the tiny ghost her massive hand; the cast watched with curiosity as Faith trembled and reached out with shivering fingers that simply phased through Victoria's hand. The phantom whimpered and tried a second time as Victoria patiently waited for her to get the hang of concentrating long enough to affect the surrounding environment. It wasn't until the fifth try and the next truck to arrive did Faith finally get the hang of it and allow Victoria to walk her back towards the tree she had camped herself, Sun-Li, and Samuel at.

"Bro, is it rude to ask someone how they died?" Andrew whispered to Domanic.

"I . . . don't know. Never met a ghost before." he answered in a hushed tone.

"I've met a few." Marissa whispered. "It's not something they normally like to talk about."

"I wouldn't want someone asking me how I died either." Harmony agreed. "Though, I can't say that I've met any ghosts, in spite of me being a mermaid."

"I thought all magical creatures knew each other or something, brah?" Andrew raised an eyebrow.

"Some can go their entire lives without meeting others," Jeremy jumped in with a cold tone. "I can name a few I'd like to forget."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Still as rank as ever!)**

 **Harmony** \- "Okay, what is with all tension? We haven't even started the challenge yet, and we're already at each others necks! Jake and Christopher don't like each other, and Jeremy's got something against me! I didn't do anything!"

 **Jeremy** \- "It happened when I was little. That's all I'm saying."

* * *

"Watch out!"

The crowd of contestants all instinctively jumped back as a large, plated, red ball about the size of a car rumbled past them at a frightening speed, coming to a screeching stop and uncurling into a large, bipedal creature; it had soft, white skin marked with a black stripe that ran down the middle of his face and up his chest, only stopping a little ways before it came across its wide, black mouth that a set of flat, almost human-like teeth resided in. Its face was embedded deep into its shoulders and chest, its arms much longer and larger than its comically, tiny feet and tipped with four, black claws. Deep crimson exo-plates covered the shoulders, forearms, hips, and backs that had fused together to form a nearly invulnerable shell; a familiar symbol to a limited amount of the contestants sat fixed to its chest.

"C'mon, get outta here before ol' Chef turns ya into soup." the Boulgira rumbled as he set a family of skunks down on the ground at the front of entrance; the top heavy gave a low bellow, startling the three skunks to quickly scamper away while the fourth planted its feet firmly on the ground and raised its tail in warning.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm goin'! No need to spray me!" Micheal said uneasily as he quickly curled himself back up into a ball and rolled a fair distance away until the skunk was sure that it wouldn't be bothered and went on its merry way.

"I must be finally losing my marbles . . ." Alicia sighed, pinching her brow.

"No, he's one of the competitors from last season." Cecilia corrected. "Micheal, right?"

"In the living Animatrix." the Boulgira chuckled. "Better get back to the kitchen, though. Those skunks almost ended up being _your_ lunch." he added, earning queasy looks from a great majority of the contestants. "Later, Jake."

Christopher watched with curiosity as the Boulgira folded back in on itself and rolled back out into the film lot, somehow able to sense and avoid the multiple trailers and tents that covered the ground without actually seeing them. The sound of a car door being opened, torn off its hinges, and then blasted off a good dozen yards caught them all off guard as a tall girl with pale, almost gray skin and a black buzz cut with a sharp, black Mohawk; the image of a snake wrapping around her right arm and spider webs on her legs decorated her skin. The ambiguously dark girl wore a black tank top that showed off her large breasts quite nicely under a leather jacket, a pair of black, leather pants with chains that sunk a little too low for some people's tastes, and knee-high boots.

"This where I'm supposed to be?" the girl glared, resting a hand on her hips.

"That depends, brah." Andrew grinned as he strolled up to her and set an arm around her shoulders, earning a warning glare. "What size bra do ya wear?"

"Duck and cover, people!" Christopher barked as he grabbed Harmony by the shoulders and threw her to the ground before flatten himself over her like a shield as the others all followed suit while Andrew went flying low through the air and smashed into the tree behind them all; Faith hid behind Victoria's large frame as Samuel kindly peeled him off the tree trunk ans set him on his shaky feet.

"Dude, that is one of the top five things you never say to a girl you just met." Eliaz shook his head.

"You don't say to a girl period." Cecilia added with an irked look.

"Noted, brahs." Andrew moaned deliriously, wondering why there were two of the dream manipulators standing before him with a perturbed look on their faces.

The dark girl growled like a bulldog and clenched her hands into fists as a dark, black aura swallowed them whole, crackling like black fire as she whipped her left hand out to the side and watched the contestant's stunned looks from the ground as a black, shimmering mace constructed of dark magic materialized in the air beside her and smashed into the ground in front of them. "Name's Robyn," she hissed venomously. "Wake me if you dare, you _**/censored/**_." With that being said, the Goth Punk let the mace dissipate into thin air before she pushed past them all and walked into the film lot with a swing in her hips. **[5]**

"Bro, I think she likes me." Andrew grinned goofily as he leaned on Domanic's shoulder.

"In what universe?" he mocked.

The answer, if there ever was one, was interrupted as another car drove up and the back door opened up; the contestants peered inside and found nothing but the empty, padded seating of the vehicle's back seat. "Perhaps they are invisible?" Sun-Li suggested.

"Considering the variety of freaks we have here, I wouldn't be surprised." Jermey shrugged. "Oh, come on. Like we're all normal!" he scoffed when he caught sight of the annoyed and hurt looks people sent his way. "I mean, I'm half dragon, Harmony's a- _GANNNH!_ " the half-dragon choked as he was suddenly attacked form behind with his arms pulled behind his back and a knife held to his throat; rolling back his eyes, he could see a girl about Robyn's height with dirty blonde curls and large, brown doe-eyes dressed in a skintight, black, sleeveless shirt under a leather jacket, short gray skirt, black tights, and green sneakers with a cold expression on her face.

"I can assume that you, ma'am, are our missing competitor?" Christopher inquired.

"Affirmative." the girl nodded stiffly. "You are to refer to me as Adara Cyrus or V13X009, if my title is too difficult for your feeble minds to recall."

"Devoid of emotion much?" Jeremy narrowed his eyes; before Adara could reply, he flared his wings and knocked them into her chin, allowing the half-dragon to free his hands from her tight, iron grip and grab her by the forearm, grunting as he managed to judo flip her over him and slam her into the ground. "Be glad that I am not in the mood for a bonfire."

"Duly noted." Adara glared as she picked herself up off the ground, begrudgingly bowed to Jeremy and went off to sit on the ground by herself with her back towards the group.

"Okay, considering that we're a group consisting of a shape-shifter, a mermaid, a satyress, a walking corpse, a guy composed entirely out of muscles, a ghost, a dragon, and multiple manipulators of the elements, she has to be the strangest." Marissa remarked. "She tried to kill one of us!"

"I have a name you know." Jeremy frowned as he rubbed his wrists. "Just be glad I hold satyrs in a high regard, unlike other species."

"I'm back! I hope you all missed me!" Chris exclaimed triumphantly. "So, what'd I miss?"

"Oh, just a psycho girl trying to cut Jeremy's head off and Robyn throwing Andrew at a tree." Jake replied. "Nothing unusual for us."

"I leave you freaks alone for fifteen minutes, and the fighting's already started," Chris shook his head with mock disappointment. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Seeing as how this is coming from you, I will not be taking it as a compliment." Sun-Li frowned while another pickup truck rumbled up to them, thankfully more steady than several of its predecessors had been; Alicia casually wrote down another reminder in Indonesian as the door to the vehicle opened and a small boy climbed out with a nervous look on his face as his emerald eyes scanned over some of the more frightening contestants. Despite it still being the middle of summer, the boy wore a blue parka with a sky blue T-shirt buried underneath it (somewhere), a pair of black jeans, and a pair of old Converse sneakers with dirty laces and no longer white bottoms. His brown and black hair was shaggy and sticking up in the back as a slightly large scar was shown off proudly underneath of his left eye.

"Everyone, meet Layne the Shy Nerd." Chris introduced the small boy. "Feel free to bully him much like a wild Duncan would prey upon a hapless, dorky Harold."

"You're just lucky Toni can't hear you right now." Cecilia mumbled under her breath.

"H-Hi, everyone." Layne gulped timidly.

"Easy, dude, we're not gonna roast ya alive or anything." Jeremy rolled his eyes, oblivious to the fact that a forked tongue slipped out past his lips to lick his sharp chops while wavering wisps of hot smoke drifted out of his nostrils; Layne squeaked with fear and promptly scooted away from the group as far as possible.

A sudden blast of bright light from in front of them all drew their attentions away from the half-dragon and Layne as a figure appeared after the light had died down with a low whine, like that of a dying star. Not much was visible of the newest arrival, save for a pair of cold, amber eyes; everything else was obscured and tucked away by a large, tattered overcoat that looked like it must have been centuries old and lying at the bottom of an tomb and an old, brown fedora with a black trim that covered his head.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Caesar." Chris nodded. "What's with the funny getup though?"

"As you really want to see what I look like under here." a cold voice hissed.

Chris smirked. "I think that can arranged," he said as he turned to the contestants. "Where's the smoking hot witch?"

"Taking a nap after chucking Andrew at a tree." Jake replied. "If you want to be compacted into an area the size of a dictionary, please, be my guest and wake her. Or better yet, send ol' Chris here to do it and give me sweet relief." the shape-shifter jerked a thumb at Christopher.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary? Neither did we!)**

 **Alicia -** "I get that Christopher and Jake might have had a rocky past, but the more he keeps on bringing it up, the more I want to know about it. It's like being Sherlock Holmes!

 **Cecilia -** "For the record, I don't think I would make a good Watson."

* * *

"C'mon, dude! Just take the hat off!" Chris pleaded.

"No." Caesar remained firm.

Chris frowned. "Alright, you leave me no other choice." he said before turning around to face the small crowd of contestants and tapping his chin before settling his sights on Sun-Li; the air bender froze like a deer in the headlights of an upcoming car as Chris motioned for her to come up to him. "Sun-Li, please do us all a favor and blow Caesar's hat off for us."

"D-Do I have to?" Sun-Li gulped, clutching her bo staff tightly.

"If you want to remain in the competition, then yes." Chris folded his arms over his chest firmly.

Sun-Li gulped and sucked in a nervous breath, turning to face the cold, amber eyes of Caesar and feeling like she was facing Death himself; the hidden figure was silently telling her not to do it, but Chris's demand and threat was a little more threatening than what could ever be hidden underneath of the overcoat and fedora. With a deep breath, Sun-Li whipped the bo staff over her head and spun it around a few times before slamming into the ground in ground in front of her; a blast of cool air burst forth from the sudden movement and slammed into Caesar full force, tearing away his fedora and nearly taking off his coat as well.

"Y-You're . . . you're a skeleton?" Sun-Li gaped, her grip on her bo staff white knuckled.

"Yep! Another Halloween reject!" Chris grinned. "Why don't you go stand over by the hapless horrors that are Victoria and Faith? You'd probably better fit in there than anywhere- _GAH!_ " Chris yelped as Caesar reached inside of his overcoat, snapped off one of his rib bones and proceeded to chuck it at Chris' head before shuffling off to sit in the small camp set up by the tree without another word, his bony feet scrapping against the ground as the crowd of competitors parted like the Red Sea for him.

"Sorry about your hat." Sun-Li apologized to the skeleton as she took her seat back down next to Victoria while Caesar opted to lean against the tree with his skeletal arms folded over his rib cage.

"Ah, don't worry about it. I've been through worse in a thousand years than you'll experience in your short lifetime." he grumbled under his breath; needless to say, Sun-Li was put off by this little remark as a shadow passed overhead and drew everyone's attention skyward as a figure descended down from the sky. He was of about average height, still standing shorter than the resident titans yet still retaining a lean, muscled figure like that of the Olympian gods often portrayed in old oil paintings with soft, light brown eyes and faded, white hair. He wore a red T-shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and black sneakers on his feet, though the thing that attracted the most attention were the large pair of massive wings that were black on one side and white on the other, spreading out of his back and giving him a good twelve foot wingspan or so; with a loud cracking and wet slapping noise, the wings folded against his back and slowly compressed and squeezed together, sliding through slits in his back and shoulders until every trace of the unusual wings were gone.

"Jordan Carson, our One and Only Angel." Chris yawned, bored and wondering how long the introductions were going to take.

"Angel, huh? Where's your little harp?" Eliaz snickered, his laughter stopping when he caught sight of the harsh glare sent his way by Jordan.

"For your information, I'm the result of a lab accident." he frowned, folding his arms over his chest. "Hurt like _**/censored/**_ too."

"At least you got something good out of it." Jake muttered under his breath, scooting a few more feet away from Christopher. "You could say that some of us have had . . . _issues_ . . . with the government in the past."

Jeremy sighed and flexed his wings slightly. "They're scared. They're afraid of what we might do to them, all because we're freaks. They either murder or abuse what they don't understand, and once they do understand what they're dealing with, exploit it for any gain possible." he snarled bitterly, snorting a breathful of smoke from his nose out of irritation.

"Guess I'm one of the lucky ones." Jordan said lamely.

Another truck rolled up to the group as Jordan joined the cast, taking a spot behind Jeremy and casting a curious look at Adara as she whittled away at a stick on the ground, patiently waiting for the competition to begin; his attention was quickly drawn away from the living weapon when Chris gave a loud cry of annoyance as Chef Hatchet emerged from vehicle as casually as one might walk through the front door of their own house.

"Chef! What are you doing here?" Chris frowned irritably. "Why aren't you in the Mess Hall? And who's watching Micheal!?"

The cook rolled his eyes. "Chris, man, I don' know what you're talkin' about. You done lost yer marbles or somethin'."

Chris tapped his chin suspiciously. "Then what are you doing in the car? Where's the next contestant?" he asked. "He didn't bail, did he?"

"No, he didn't." Chef smirked in a different, younger sounding voice that made everyone else but Chris startle with surprise; the burly cook's hulking frame started to tremble and quake, shivering and deflating with a sickening, crunching and slurping noise. His heavy, muscled arms shrank and deflated, retaining a small amount of muscle as his otherwise bald head suddenly sprouted short, blonde as his cold, soulless black eyes flashed a deep, abyssal blue in color; his skin paled considerably, turning a light shade of pink as the stained apron, thick boots, chef hat, and rolled sleeves gave way to a heavy, black hoddie and a pair of ragged blue jeans.

"Ah, Brent! I was wondering when you would arrive!" Chris smiled wickedly.

"Go _**/cesnored and cesnored once more/**_ Chris."Brent snarled as he pushed the host and joined the steadily growing crowd of contestants; Faith whimpered and cowered behind Victoria's tremendous figure when Brent looked her way and and narrowed his eyes at her, as if he was envisioning her suddenly bursting in fiery, blue flames and disappearing into ash.

"' _Ello, Chris._ " a low, seductive voice purred; it was like a switch had flipped. One second, everyone was starring shiftily at each other with suspicion and unease, ready to lash out or defend themselves as necessary, the next every single boy in the crowd had their attention towards a girl stepping almost daintily out of the nearest car, a flirtatious smile upon her lips. Her soft, cotton candy was pulled back into a long braid that slipped down between her shoulder blades and to her waist, starring almost blindingly forth from her white empire, waist dress and beige Victorian boots; an odd, red amulet shaped like the shell of a nautilus was resting around her neck upon her sizable cleavage and her smart, playful eyes were heterochromatic, making one of them pink like her hair and the other one as yellow as gold.

"Shannon Arendelle the Siren." Chris said with a dreamy smile on his face.

"Nice to be here." Shannon smiled brightly. "Anyone care to show me around?"

"I will!" Jeremy jumped at the chance, pushing himself forward as he flexed his muscles and flared out his wings to add to his size.

"No, I will!" Jake roughly pushed past the halfbreed.

"Please, if anyone is to show the lovely lady around, it will be _me_." Chris said stoically, towering up and behind Jeremy and Jake, dwarfing the both of them and making the later of the two shrink back out of fear; this fear only increased when he noticed that Victoria and Samuel had risen from their seats underneath the tree to join the argument of who was going to give Shannon a tour around the film lot, their great size and intimidating bulk working in their favor.

"Oh, as if you muscleheads know anything!" Harmony scoffed. "What she needs another girl to show her around, not some hulking, testosterone chugging meathead."

"I really don't care who shows me around." Shannon smiled innocently, the amulet around her neck glowing an odd red as a satisfied grin crossed her full, pink lips. "I don't suppose any of you know where the restrooms are? I think I need to freshen up."

"It's over there." Domanic smiled goofily, pointing in a random direction as he was unable to take his eyes off of Shannon.

"No, you _baka_ , it's over there!" Alicia rolled her eyes out of annoyance.

"No, it's over there, brah! Get some glasses or something!" Andrew interrupted, pointing in another direction.

"You're the one that needs glasses!" Jake scoffed. "Or are you too blind to realize that she _clearly_ likes _me?_ "

"As if!" Chris exclaimed. "If anyone deserves to be loved by someone had beautiful and precious as her, it'll be _me,_ not you freaks of nature!"

"Bring it on, host man!" Domanic demanded as he whipped out his right arm and felt the changes begin; metal rods pushed out through his skin from his muscles, bending and warping and intertwining around each other as his bones dissolved and melted into liquid steel, allowing his arm to become long and rubbery. The five digits on his hand fused together into a single, long, flexible finger that became more of a long, metal tentacle than anything else. Domanic's shoulder swelled and hissed and compressed slightly as it expanded into a metal dome that expanded around to his back, forming a large, heavy backpack of sorts that attached to his arm through several cables.

"That's new." Shannon smirked as she watched Domanic crack his long, metallic tentacle at Chris and slam him down to the ground, a cruel grin crossing his face when electricity raced down the tendril and to Chris' body, electrocuting him greatly.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Make way, start a revolution!)**

 **Shannon -** "I think I've tortured these morons enough. I'm full enough as it is * _burp* ._

* * *

"There's no need to fight over me. I'm sure we can all get along." Shannon smiled with a hypnotic voice; once again, it was as if a switch had been flipped. Domanic hesitated as he held Chris upside in the air with his newfound limb and gently set the host back down on the ground with a sheepish smile on his face while his arm snapped back into its original place. Jeremy, Jake, and Chris froze on the spot in a tangled mess of arms and legs and fists and quickly separated themselves when Jake swiftly morphed into an electric eel and gave off a powerful discharge before slithering away from Chris to cower behind Samuel.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – _Shocking,_ eh?)**

 **Alicia -** "Okay, something's up. A shape-shifter that could quite literally kill every single one of us here with a single transformation is scared off a super soldier? This doesn't add up . . .

* * *

"C'mon, c'mon, where is she?" Chris grumbled glancing at his watch and tapping his foot impatiently. "We're on a limited, one-hour special time here!"

"Why does it matter how long the show is? The editors will just cut out the boring stuff anyway." Jeremy snorted with annoyance, expelling a small cloud of smoke.

" _Some_ of us have other places to be." Chris frowned.

"Like where? The spa?" Marissa scoffed.

" _Yes!_ How else do you think I maintain this priceless work of art?" he gestured to his face while flashing a bright smile at the camera.

"I'll bet I know why it's priceless," Brent snickered under his breath.

"No one wanted it in the first place?" Shannon guessed with a smirk; Brent blinked with surprise and turned to stare at the siren with surprise and mild interest, certainly more than he had ever shown for any of the other freaks he had been forced to participate alongside with. His attention was quickly drawn away when a dull boom came from beyond the film lot's gates and a neon blue and pink blur came racing through the gates before coming to a screeching halt in front of the cast and slipping off a pair of green tinted goggles. Now that the latest arrival to the cast was actually holding still, they could see that she had blue and pink cotton candy hair and bright, orange skin that could have been easily mistaken for a spray-on tan, and gray-blue eyes that seemed to smile as much as her lips did. She wore a small, blue T-shirt with a pink number seven on the front that exposed her midriff, a pair of tight shorts that only reached her thighs, and a pair of roller blades strapped to her feet that she effortlessly moved about on with little trouble.

"Am I late?" the girl asked. "I thought I could squeeze in a race to Ottawa and back before I arrived."

"What are you talking about? No one can run that fast!" Marissa rolled her eyes.

"Clearly, you have not met the Velocidadians." Jake said. "They live their entire lives in acceleration; days become minutes to them and entire lives are compressed into mere weeks."

"Well, I _am_ that fast." the girl frowned at Marissa, completely ignoring Jake's comment. "Nice goat legs. Name's Oleander Williams, by the way."

"Stop introducing yourselves! That's my job!" Chris whined, stomping his foot down in frustration; realizing that he was still live on camera, the host quickly spruced up and calmed himself down with a quick cough to clear his throat. "Now then, that you're all here, we cam get started on the challenge!"

"Well . . . we're not _all_ here, dude." Andrew coughed awkwardly. "Robyn's still sleeping."

"Well, someone go wake her up! And do it quickly!" Chris grumbled as he headed off into the film lot. "Meet me at the Monster movie set in ten!"

Layne gulped. "D-Did he say _Monster_ Movie?"

* * *

After wandering around the film lot and stumbling through multiple film sets that ranged in dozens of different locations, everything from a swashbuckling pirate ship to an out of this world moon base complete with gaping craters and a fully functioning rover that Andrew had taken for a joy ride (only to almost instantly crash it into ancient temple set next door).

"I said ten minutes, not ten hours!" Chris cried angrily.

"Sir, I feel I must inform you that it has only been twenty minutes." Chris reported. "That, and you did not give us a map to help us navigate our way here."

"Seriously, this place is like a maze." Eliaz agreed.

"Whatever. It's time to get the show started." Chris cleared his throat. "This season, we'll be bringing back old contestants from various seasons to make cameos and . . . liven up the challenges, if need be." the host chuckled darkly, something that made the cast all pause and share unnerved looks with one another. This was quickly taken away when a high pitched scream filled the air and Andrew was sent flying over their heads; the metahuman yelped and encompassed himself in a flash of golden light, creating a second copy that fell to the ground ahead of the original and grabbed him by the foot, collapsing into a ball of arms and legs with a low groan.

"We woke up Robyn." the clones moaned in unison.

"Rather rudely, I might add." Robynn snarled as he flew over to them, her entire body encompassed in a dark, black aura as she floated over the cast and settled down on the ground, planting a spiked boot on the two clones like hunter posing for a photo over a recently shot antelope. "So what kind of _**/censored/**_ are we doin' now?"

"First off, _please_ stop swear on my show. It makes the producers upset." Chris frowned. "And second, you'll be running about, screaming for your lives as our gigantic, ferocious, realistic monster chases after you and antagonizes you at every turn!"

"I-I don't l-like the s-sound of th-this." Faith whimpered.

"What are you complaining about? It won't be able to touch you!" Layne cowered.

Robyn was grinning wickedly. "Alright, I'm liking this." she smiled. "We aren't fighting that lame, rubber suit monster again, are we?"

Chris grinned eagerly, rubbing his hands together. "Thankfully for both you _and_ me, we've got something better. You see, after season two ended, Izzy went on a psychotic, coffee induced rampage and destroyed it by sliced, diced, and minced our robotic monster to little, itty-bitty metal pieces that Chef will be recycling in your lunch later today; hope you like gumbo with a side of wiring!" Chris chuckled.

"Revolting menu aside, what are you getting at?" Sun-Li asked, leaning on her bo staff.

"I'm glad you asked," Chris smirked. "Because our very first episode will have everyone's favorite shape-shifter coming back! Give it up for Micheal!"

"Who?" Layne raised an eyebrow just as a massive shadow passed overhead; the cast rolled their eyes skyward to see a massive pteranodon soaring above the set. The pterosaur gave off a warbled cry as it flapped its ten-foot, leathery wings as it descended down to the ground and landed behind Chris, taking a few cautious steps on its wings before lunging its head down to furiously peck Chris on the head before a crimson light engulfed it and returned Micheal to the world.

"That would be me." he gave a friendly wave before tapping the Animatrix fixed to his wrist and selecting a transformation. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you're going to have to deal with this." he added before slamming a hand down on the activation button and swallowing himself in a blast of red light that warped and shifted his genetic code into something new. His bones groaned and cracked loudly, heavily grinding against each other as they lengthened and expanded, growing bigger and bigger until they were as big as tree trunks while the rest of his body began to swell and bloat; his skin turned a metallic chrome in color as his fingers twitched and instantaneously exploded in size to fit his new body as his feet pushed outwards, easily bigger than a city block. A loud, sickening, squelching noise filled the air as two pairs of large, red fins thrust themselves out of his wrist and arms, only adding to his size as four crests of the same, deep crimson sprouted his head in a fashion similar to that of a Mohawk. Hard, bony knobs pushed out of Micheal's jaw from his cheeks as a pair of gigantic, finger-less gloves materialized on his hands and a series of black, leather straps and shorts appeared on him as the Animatrix flashed back into existence on his belt.

" _Holy herring!_ What is that thing!?" Harmony yelped, ducking behind Christopher, even though the stoic soldier himself looked just as frightened.

"A Titanite." Jake breathed with amazement. "I mean, I've been all over the galaxy and everything, but I never thought I'd see one up close."

"Why would you!?" Shannon cowered. "That thing'll squish us like bugs!"

"That 'thing' can hear you." Micheal grumbled, folding his elephantine arms over his chest out of annoyance.

"Shut it, Bigfoot. Now get smashing!" Chris ordered, jamming a finger at the cast of competitors. The Titanite rolled his eyes and raised up a massive foot and brought it down just mere inches away from the crowd of contestants and host; the majority took one look at the colossus as bellowed and drew hand that slowly clenched into a gigantic fist.

"Run for it!" Oleander cried before dashing away in a pink and blue blur.

"Easy for you to say!" Andrew yelped as he scrambled away in fear; the rest of the contestants quickly followed suit, rushing and dashing away in all directions save for Samuel and Jake; the former raised his muscle-coated his hands above his head at the last second, grunting with effort against the Titanite's intense strength to prevent Jake from getting crushed into a thick, bloody paste.

" . . . _Hurry_. . ." Samuel grunted in a low, deep voice.

"I'll give it a shot. Not much that can defeat a Titanite . . ." Jake mumbled as he focused his mind and felt the changes begin. His bones groaned and cracked loudly, heavily grinding against each other as they lengthened and expanded, growing bigger and bigger until they were as big as tree trunks while the rest of his body began to swell and bloat; his skin turned a metallic chrome in color as his fingers twitched and instantaneously exploded in size to fit his new body as his feet pushed outwards, easily bigger than a city block. A loud, sickening, squelching noise filled the air as two pairs of large, blue fins thrust themselves out of his wrist and arms, only adding to his size as four crests of the same, deep blue sprouted his head in a fashion similar to that of a Mohawk. Hard, bony knobs pushed out of Jake's jaw from his cheeks as a pair of gigantic, finger-less gloves materialized on his hands and a series of black, leather straps and shorts appeared on him, ending the transformation as a golden, infinity tattoo flashed into existence on his now massive shoulder.

"Except another Titanite!" Jake smirked as he easily pushed up on Micheal's fist and drew up his full height, standing about even with the other gigantic extraterrestrial; Samuel took a look between the two giants and decided that this was not his fight and stretched out both of his arms a far distance to plant them firmly in the ground, pulling back until his muscles were at their maximum and sling-shotting himself to safety.

"Oh, so you want to tango?" Micheal smirked, clenching his fists and assuming a fighting position. "I think it only fair to warn you that I have had more experience in this form than you."

"Don't remind me." Jake frowned. With a loud roar, he lunged forward and aimed a fist at Micheal's face, only to have his hand expertly blocked by one of the blades on the red Titanite's arm; a swing of his other fist produced the same problem, and a third move at Micheal's chest was caught by both hands

and pushed back at Jake; the red Titanite smirked as he roughly grabbed his hand by the wrist and pinned his other hand to the side as he repeatedly began to punch Jake in the face with his own fist.

"Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself?" Micheal smirked.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We don't know we're hitting ourselves either. Maybe we're full of candy?)**

 **Andrew -** "Heh. Classic, bro."

* * *

Jake grunted as he quickly rammed his head into the other Titanite's chin, giving him enough time to break free of his grasp and deck him across the face, sending him stumbling back and crushing a couple of hastily made buildings that functioned as a background scenery under his foot; Jake was about to stomp down on Micheal's chest to keep him pinned to the ground when the red Titanite crossed his arms in front of his face with a smug grin and felt a hot feeling warm up in the special sacks in his wrists. Jake had little time to react before a spray of hot, corrosive acid came spewing out and struck him square in the face, blinding him and allowing Micheal to tackle him to the ground, a movement that shook the very ground like an earthquake as well as wiping out most of the Monster Movie set.

"Lets see you try and beat me now!" Micheal laughed as he grabbed Jake by the shoulder, taking great care to cover the pulsing, golden infinity symbol branded on his shoulder while grabbing his leg and easily lifting him off of the ground; with a loud, primal roar of victory, the red Titanite swung his blue partner around and around until he chucked him straight at the ground, ending the fight as the blue Titanite's hulking, blue frame vanished to be replaced by a dazed Jake.

"You may have the alien heritage, but I have the experience." Micheal grinned as he briefly down to pick up Jake between two of his fingers and march away from the now mostly destroyed Monster movie set, easily clearing city blocks in mere steps as he walked across the film lot towards the back where a great, big, pit had been dug out of the ground.

"Sorry about the mud." Micheal apologized as he dropped Jake down into the pit and stayed long enough to watch him land with a wet _splat!_ in the mud below.

"Wait . . . is this just a mud filled pit with a trampoline buried underneath it!?" Jake's voice echoed out of the pit.

"Yeah, uh . . . Chris had to make some budget cuts here and there to cover the cost of repairs needed." Micheal explained sheepishly, his voice big and booming in Jake's now human ears. "I mean, we just destroyed an entire movie set by walking."

"Fair point." Jake sighed. "Guess I'm out."

* * *

Eliaz sat motionless at the bottom of a moon crater, covered from head to toe in a thick layer of hard, crusty rocks that acted like a suit of armor as well as the perfect camouflage for hiding on a movie set stationed on the moon at the outer reaches of space; a false American flag was planted firmly at the center of the set with a derelict moon rover sitting on four concrete blocks sitting off to the side, dismantled and out of use.

Normally, geomancer was not one to run and hide under most circumstances, but considering he was up against a hundred-foot tall colossus that was capable of destroying an entire city with a single movement of its foot, hiding and hoping he wasn't found seemed like the best option; it wasn't until he heard footsteps coming did he tense up and cease breathing in the hopes of not being found.

" _Hey!_ " he suddenly exclaimed when something landed on.

"Sorry!" Marissa apologized as she scrambled her hooves to jump to the lip of the crater while Eliaz uncurled himself and shed his rocky armor with a loud clattering noise as the rocks and stones fell to the ground in a pile at his feet. "Didn't see you there." the satyr smiled sheepishly.

"If I had a nickle for every time I heard that . . ." Eliaz muttered.

Marissa raised a slightly confused eyebrow. "You get stepped on a lot?"

"When you can control the earth, getting walked over is not as uncommon as you think." he explained with a somewhat bitter tone. "You see anyone else?"

The satyress tapped her chin in thought, shifting her goat legs for a better grip on the crater's lip. "I think I saw Harmony head over to the beach set or something."

Eliaz rolled his eyes. "Of course. Like a butterfly drawn to the fire, or however that saying goes."

"That's 'moth to the flame', you twit." Marissa corrected with an irritated sigh moments before a dark shadow cast over them, blocking out the sun and nearly everything else of importance above the satyress; she rolled her eyes skyward to see a gigantic Titanite towering over her with a somewhat bemused expression before it reached down with a massive hand that looked like it was perfectly capable of crushing boulders the size of elephants like walnuts. Marissa yelped and floored it, her hooves clicking loudly against the rock of the moon base set as Eliaz fled with her.

"Run, Rocks for Brains! Run for it!" Marissa yelled.

"Will you stop insulting my intelligence!?" Eliaz shouted back.

"Well excuse me for believing we have bigger problems than that now!"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Are we one of those problems?)**

 **Micheal -** "As bad as I feel for them, there's just something about watching run run about in a mad haste yelling obscenities that I just can't resist laughing at."

 **Marissa -** "Look, I have little time for simpletons and morons in my life, and whether Eliaz is one of them, I have yet to see. You mess with the satyr, you get the horns."

* * *

Eliaz gritted his teeth and turned around to face the colossus, clenching his fists tightly and stamping his feet on the ground, assuming a fighting stance. "Well, run if you want. I'm _not_ going down without a fight." he growled as he raised his hands in front of him and stomped a foot down on the ground; a large tremor rattled the film lot as the ground rumbled and jutted up from underneath the Titanite's feet, his tremendous size working against him as he lost his footing and balance and fell back, his titanic bulk slamming into the ground and taking out multiple tents, buildings, trailers as if they were nothing more than just insects to crush underneath of him. Marissa simply starred in amazement as Eliaz stomped his other foot on the ground and forced the rock and earth to bend and warp around Micheal's arms, legs, and midsection, trapping and pinning him to the ground.

"Whoa." she breathed.

"For lack of a better word, I assume." Eliaz smirked smugly as a blast of red light swept across the film lot, taking the Titanite with it and returning Micheal to the world. Before the geomancer could readjust the shackles of rock, a second blast of red light filled the air, encompassing Micheal and scrambling his genetic code into something new. His skeleton crunched and cracked his bones thickened and grew larger and larger, almost three times as big as they were previously as his forearm bones were thrust out from his elbows and into open air; thousands upon millions of hypersensitive muscles and tissue packed themselves around his arms, bloating them to a massive size wicked claws ripped through his fingers and dotted the tips. Micheal's skin began to harden in certain places on his body, forming durable, crimson plating on his legs, broad shoulders, large chest, and bulky back as a long tail sprouted from the base of his spine, dragging low against the ground as armored plating formed along it to the very tip. His neck thickened and tapered smoothly into his massive shoulders as his ears grew sharp and pointed while slithering up to the top of his head while his jaw thrust out with a loud cracking noise and jutted his canines out into the open air. Patches of skin grew over his eyes, blinding him until he could see nothing by light and dark before that ability vanished as well when his eyes disappeared altogether; for a second, Micheal actually thought he was blind until he realized that he could sense his surroundings through vibrations made in the ground through his rapidly growing feet that reduced his shoes to mere scraps of clothes and rubber. The final piece of the transformation was the addition of the Animatrix on the front of his face.

"What the heck is that!?" Marissa gaped as a large, bipedal, armadillo-like creature climbed to its feet to glare at them (despite not actually having any eyes).

"Dasypodiax." Micheal replied as he grinned toothily and socked a fist into his open palm.

"I'm still not scared of you!" Eliaz shouted defiantly.

"Looks like that's something for me to rectify." the Dasypodiax growled in a deep, gravely voice before he drew back a fist and plunged it deep into the earth, his jackhammer-like muscles jacking up and down at a hundred times per second; Marissa yelped as her hooves scrabbled to find any sort of solid ground before she fell to the ground on her stomach with a pained grunt. A sudden darkness drew over her and she looked up to see jagged rocks jutting up out of the earth's crust and forming a protective dome over her, trapping her in place.

"Eliaz! Stop it!" she screamed.

"I'm doing anything! It's the one man alien freakshow!"

"Now that's just hurtful." Micheal shook his head as he pulled his arm out of the ground and rushed at Eliaz, his massive shoulders rolling and swaying back and forth as he charged at the geomancer; Eliaz grunted as he stomped a foot down into the ground and lifted a small boulder into the air before giving it a firm kick and sending it flying right at the Dasypodiax before he repeated the attack five more times, hurling rocks and boulders of varying sizes at Micheal. The Dasypodiax barely felt the first two rocks as they bounced harmlessly off of his mineral infused armor before he drew back his fist and punched clean through a rock aimed directly at his head. Before Eliaz could react accordingly, Micheal had turned his fist on him and rammed his clenched fingers deep into his gut, the hyperactive muscles in his armor contracting and expanding to punch him roughly a hundred times or so in the matter of a few seconds, sending Eliaz flying through the air and through the back of the set.

"Now that's what I call shaking things up." Micheal grinned.

* * *

Harmony sat at the bottom of the pool, slightly disappointed the beach set she had chosen to hide in was not as authentic as she had hoped it to be; she didn't really know why the brightly colored beach chairs, warm sand, potted palm trees, and pathetically fake sunset backdrop had pulled her into hiding there, but she suspected it to her already missing her ocean home. With a small sigh that let a small trail of bubbles slip past her lips she got comfortable at the bottom of the pool and let the chlorinated water pump in and out of her gills, taking note that the chlorine would most likely stain her blonde locks a vibrant blue in color depending on how long she stayed beneath the surface.

Sitting on the opposite end of the pool from her was Shannon, though in a different form than Harmony remembered. Her warm, tan skin had turned a sickly, pale green in color with darker, olive stripes running up her arms and across her neck where a pair of fluttering gills occasionally opened up and sucked in a breathful of water before closing once more; her fingers were now tipped with sharp claws and her heterochromatic eyes now sat at the very bottom of dark, seemingly bottomless pits as her pink locks floated freely in the water. The most noticeable change to the siren however, was when a pair of large, webbed wings slipped out of her shoulder blades and folded against her back.

* * *

 **(Port-aPotty Confessional – What kind of horrifying monstrosity is that!? My mother-in-law!?)**

 **Shannon -** "My second form is . . . not pretty. I'm even sure why sirens evolved like this. As if it helps us run ships aground so we can devour- uh, what I meant to say was, why our _ancestors_ evolved like that. * _chuckles nervously_ ** _*_** Just a slip of the tongue!"

* * *

"Question," Shannon gurgled, a trail of bubbles rising to the surface. "How long are we going to stay down here? 'Cause I for one, do not want to be caught."

Harmony shrugged. "M-Maybe we should we wait for Christopher to let us know it's safe?"

Shannon rolled her eyes. "Well how about you go see if Mr. Muscles has been caught yet?"

Harmony nodded and flicked her tail to push herself off of the bottom of the pool and swim towards the surface, her blonde head quietly breaking the surface as she slid back the protective, second eyelids most merfolk possessed to keep the sea salt and other irritating substances out of their eyes to peer around at the beach set. At first she saw nothing but colorful beach umbrellas and shady palm trees dotting the poor excuse for a beach until she noticed a vaguely human-shaped mound in the sand that seemed to be moving slightly every few seconds; curious, Harmony sucked in a small amount of water through her gills and spat it back out past her lips at the sand aiming for the spot where the head might be.

" _Gah!_ Call the marines!" Christopher exclaimed as he shook sand from his head before he realized that the sound of giggling had reached his ears; he turned his head to see Harmony watching him from the pool that would have represented the warm ocean, giving a friendly wave before she swam over to the edge of the pool and rested her elbows on the sand.

"Sorry to scare you." the mermaid apologized. "Just wanted to make sure you were still there."

"As you can see, ma'am, I am perfectly fine and fit for duty." Christopher allowed a slightly smug smile to cross his face. "How are you and Ms. Arendelle faring?"

"We're doing alright." Harmony shrugged. "Water's warm, current's good, chlorine's not too- _SWEET MOTHER OF STARFISH!_ " she suddenly exclaimed, pointing behind Christopher before diving back into the water.

Christopher felt a heavy shadow cast over him and turned around to see a massive beast standing over him. It stood on two powerful, bent legs each tipped with three, strong talons that looked capable of splintering wood while supporting the gigantic animal's massive bulk; the beast was bigger than a school bus from the tip of its long tail to the end of its large, crocodile-like snout of which hundreds of needle sharp teeth curved out past the lips and over the jaws. A pair of strong arms was positioned forward on either side of its body, each one tipped with four, firm fingers that looked like they could have effortlessly picked up a man, but the most attention drawing feature, other than the eerily familiar, red collar around the animal's neck, was a large sail-like structure that sprouted from its back, only adding to the animal's size.

"Oh, crap." Christopher winced as the _Spinosaurus_ regarded him for a few seconds, turning its head to look at him with one of its golden colored eyes before turning to face once more and open its jaws to let out a loud roar in his face while dropping down to all fours; the sheer blast of noise blew the soldier's hair back and blasted the sand that should have camouflaged him from the dinosaur a fair distance. With his target briefly dazed, Micheal lunged forward and stomped his foot down on Christopher, firmly pinning him to the sand while he turned his attention towards the pool and dipped his sensitive snout into the water, fishing about until he finally caught something.

"Lemme go! Lemme go! _AHHH!_ " Shannon screamed helplessly as she dangled from the _Spinosaurus'_ jaws; Micheal growled and tossed his head up, opening his jaws wide and sending the siren flying; before Shannon could make use of her wings and fly to safety, the dinosaur caught her in its jaws once more, clamping his teeth firmly shut around her and negating all movement as it lowered its head down to pass her into his hand.

"Ms. Arendelle! Are you alright?" Christopher grunted underneath of the _Spinosaurus'_ heavy foot.

"I just nearly got eaten by a dinosaur, what do you think!?" Shannon cried as she struggled in the beast's grip; Micheal ignored the squirming siren and once again dipped its snout into the pool of water, fishing about for seconds before lunging forward with startling speed and coming up with a flopping, squirming Harmony stuck fast between his jaws.

"Wh-Where are we going?" Harmony gulped as the _Spinosaurus_ reached down with its free hand pried Christopher lose out from under its foot, giving him a firm squeeze that the soldier was pretty sure dislocated several bones in process before stomping off through the labyrinth of tents and trailers. No matter how much Harmony struggled or squirmed the dinosaur's teeth, perfectly designed for keeping a firm grip on slippery fish, held her in place with to no effort as they approached a deep pit in the middle of the film lot that stretched down for several yards before ending in a shallow pool of mud that Micheal unceremoniously dumped the three of them in.

" _Ew!_ Gross!" Shannon shuddered at the cold, slimy feeling body oozing its way all over her body when she landed with a wet _splat!_

"You, too, huh?" Eliaz grumbled, leaning against the wall of the pit and begrudgingly manipulating the wet silt to form crude figures of people and animals to pass the time.

"If it makes you feel any better, I was the first one caught." Jake spoke up.

"Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better." Shannon frowned. "And where's Muscles and Fish Tail?"

" _AAAAAAAAA-HHHHHHH!_ "

 _ **SPLAT!**_

"Will you two get off of me!?" Shannon screamed incredulously, her face shoved deep into the mud upon having Christopher land on top of her with Harmony landing in his arms just as a loud tearing noise filled the air and split the mermaid's tail down the middle, dividing it into a pair of strong legs and a loincloth of sorts around her short and belt.

"Apologies, ma'am." Christopher grunted as he set a blushing Harmony down and stood up to help Shannon to her feet. "Who else got caught?"

"Me." Marissa grumbled. "It's going to take forever to get this slop out of my fur."

"I feel you." Shannon mumbled under her breath, wringing out her pink locks and braid of mud in the hopes of cleaning herself up a little; it was then that she noticed Jake scooting away from Christopher as far as possible to the very edges of the mud pit before he suddenly changed before her very eyes. His skeleton cracked and crunched horribly as he was compressed down to a little less than a foot long; his arms shriveled and withering a loud squelching noise, as if all the moisture in them was dried out, and was pulled back into his shoulders, leaving nothing but his flimsy hands and fingers left over while his legs wrapped around one another and fused together into a strong, thin tail with his widening feet at the end that flattened into a thin, strong tail fin. A thick sheen of slippery slime coated his browning skin as light, blue dots and blotches flashed into existence and two sets of broad dorsal fins sprouted out of his back. His face was flattened in on itself as his cheeks widened and expanded into bulging sacks of which a primitive set of gills opened up behind. Jake's eyes rolled to opposite sides of his head before smoothly transitioning to the top of his changing face, becoming small and beady in appearance and his teeth were forced back down into his gums and jaws, leaving him with a toothless, sucking maw for a mouth as a glowing, golden infinity symbol flashed into existence on his forehead.

"What is that thing?" Shannon recoiled.

"Mudskipper." Harmony replied. "A fish that can 'walk' about on land and breath air for a short period of time." she explained as Jake beat his tail against the mud and pushed himself off of the ground to merrily skip along before he plunged his head face first into the mud and began to furiously dig a burrow to hide himself in, using his mouth as a shovel.

"Disgusting." Shannon shivered.

"Nature isn't always pretty." Marissa pointed out. "You aren't exactly very flattering yourself."

Shannon felt her face heat up into a furious red as she forced her bat-like wings to slid back into her shoulders with the loud, slapping noise of flesh on flesh as her gills closed up and her skin was gifted with its once healthy glow. Before she could retort back, Alicia promptly fell out of the sky and landed on Shannon, shoving her face once more into the mud as the omnilinguist apologized in Korean and quickly got off of the siren while wiping mud off her face as a satisfied _Spinosaurus_ glowered down at them from before turning away to hunt once more.

* * *

Faith gulped nervously, her eyes flickering back and forth in an uneasy manner at the dark scenery that surrounded her; she absolutely _hated_ graveyards, was absolutely _terrified_ of the ancient, crusty graves and tombstones that jutted up haphazardly out of the ground to mark the places where the dead had been buried. The dark, gnarled trees seemed to claw at her, trying to snatch her up and the way the leaves rustled and crunched underneath of their feet among the skeletal feet of several fake skeletons lying about.

"I-I-I don't l-like th-this." Faith trembled nervously, cowering behind Victoria's incredible bulk.

Victoria didn't say a thing as they moved along, merely turning to look at the shivering spirit with what looked to be a judgmental expression before returning her attention back into finding a spot to hide, an issue that was quickly solved upon finding an old, derelict shack surrounded by dead trees with gaping, yawning maws in the middles of the set, as if beckoning them closer and closer.

" . . . _In there_. . ." she said, pointing a finger towards the shed; as the Frankenstein-like girl strode off towards the shed, Faith had little choice but to follow, not wanting to be left alone outside in the middle of a derelict graveyard, ignoring the matter that it was nothing more than a cheap set on a crumbling film lot that was long since due to be torn down. Victoria ignored Faith's frightened demeanor and kicked aside a skeleton lying on the front steps before kicking in the door as well, only pausing when both a loud yelp of surprise and pain caught her attention.

"Watch it! _Some_ of us are trying to hide, and you stomping around like an elephant is not helping matters!" Caesar snapped irritably, rubbing his exposed skull as he glared at Victoria with annoyance.

"And _some_ of us have already claimed this as our hiding spot!" Robyn chimed in, stepping out of the shack with her right hand glowing an ominous black aura; Faith whimpered and cowered behind Victoria once more, more so terrified of Robyn than the talking skeleton.

"And _some_ of us are trying to spend quality time with our girl, brah!" Andrew added as he dropped down from the roof and swallowed himself in a flash of golden light to create a second clone of himself to fist bump with before proceeding to then perform a series of complicated high-fives that made Faith's head spin and Robyn's temper grow.

"Let me make one thing clear, you little insect," she hissed, grabbing both clones by the front of their shirts and pulling them close to her so that they were but a mere inch away from her furious features. "I _don't_ like you, I have _never_ liked you, I don't _plan_ on liking you, and you can go get yourself turned into giant alien toe cheese for all I care." she growled before throwing both clones to the ground.

"I would advise against that." Caesar added to Andrew as one of the clones helped the other up and made a move to speak with Robyn as she stormed back inside of the shack and left the door open, most likely not in the mood to have to deal with Victoria and Faith as well; the monstrous creation of cobbled body parts ducked under the low frame and barely managed to slip her conductors in as well while Faith phased through the side of the building and pulled the door closed behind them once she was able to concentrate long enough to remain nice and solid.

"Maybe we're taking this relationship thing a little too fast, bro." one of the Andrew clones suggested.

"You know, you could be on to something." the second duplicate scratched his chin in thought. "Maybe we need to be, I dunno, more subtle?"

"Or maybe you could just give up?" Caesar rolled his eyes and face palmed himself. "Not only does she not like you and hate your stinking guts-"

"But she is _way_ out of your league!" a voice came from high above them; all three of them rolled their heads skyward to see Micheal come plummeting out of the sky, his hair billowing in the wind as he fruitlessly flapped his arms like wings remembering he had what was probably the most powerful device in the known universe strapped to his wrist and activated it, cycling through the roster until he had landed on the image of a great horned owl and slammed a hand down on the activation button, encompassing himself in a flash of crimson light that warped and scrambled his DNA into something new. The first and most noticeable change was his sudden growth spurt as pound after pound after _pound_ of sheer muscle and blubber packed itself onto his body until he was almost twenty feet long and weighed over four tons altogether; his skeleton ground and shifted dramatically, his bones thickening to support such a massive weight as his arms were reduced to nothing more than mere noodles sitting atop a mound of jiggling flesh that slurped back into his body until all that was left were his hands. Micheal's legs were pulled back into his body, leaving his feet to dangle and flop about behind them as they and his hands were compressed and flattened into strong, firm flippers as his neck bloated and thickened as his face was pushed inwards. His nose however, did the exact opposite and started to swell into a large, fleshy, bulbous figure just above his mouth as sharp canines pushed themselves past his teeth; a thick, red collar materialized around his neck with the Animatrix at the center, completing the transformation moments before he finally landed on top of the two Andrews with a loud _THUMP!_

"An elephant seal?" Caesar raised his bony brow. "Now I've seen everything. Oh wait, I already have."

Micheal's response, considering he lacked vocal cords of any means, merely let out a loud bellow that was more along the lines of a disgusting burp tainted with a healthy amount rotting fish and squid.

"Not that this isn't fascinating and everything, bro, but is it possible that-"

"You could get off of us!?" the second Andrew clone finished. "I can't feel my ribs, bro!"

"We'll even surrender, too!" Andrew added in. "Just please, get off!"

The elephant seal believed this to be a reasonable request and lumbered as quickly as possible off of the two clones, making his blubber covered body jiggle and quiver until he was off of the two clones; two flashes of gold and crimson colored lights swallowed and engulfed their respective owners, returning Micheal to his original form and molding the two Andrews back together into a single body.

"Sorry about that," Micheal apologized as he helped the single clone to his feet. "Animatrix gave me the wrong animal that time."

"Just promise me you'll get me a good masseuse." Andrew winced as he cracked his aching back, cringing at the loud popping noises that followed and the intense pain that throbbed through his shoulders. Too tired to even consider _thinking_ about trying to fight off Micheal long enough to make an escape, Andrew simply plopped down on the ground and decided to wait until the wielder of the Animatrix would haul him off to wherever it was those that got their butts whooped ended up; Caesar however seemed more willing to put up a fight.

Micheal raised an eyebrow at the living skeleton, silently running through a list of possible transformations that would allow him to defeat his adversary without totally grinding his bones into dust; his thoughts however, were cut short when Caesar pulled his right arm bone out of his socket with his left arm and slapped Micheal across the face, closing the bony fingers into a tight fist and then decking him across the face and knocking him to the ground.

"I've seen a lot of things in one-thousand years, kid. There isn't a thing you can't surprise me with." Caesar hissed. Micheal raised an eyebrow at this and tapped the Animatrix with a smug look on his face before slapping the activation button and encompassing himself in a flash of crimson light. The skin around his face was peeled away, leaving bare, pulsing muscle that quickly vanished as well, as if being eaten by some sort of horrific, flesh-eating parasite until nothing but his bone white skull was left; his neck bones snapped and cracked loudly as his head slowly turned upside down, his jaw bone now where his eyes used to be as cruel, sharp fangs jutted themselves out of his jaws at horrifically odd angles. A new, thicker, paler skin covered his face and spread fluidly over the rest of his body as his eyes morphed into a single, crimson orb with a single, black slit for a pupil as inky black lines slithered and traced themselves over his creamy body, arching across his nearly skeletal arms and chest as his hands trembled and twitched for a few seconds before exploding into razor-sharp talons that looked more than capable of slicing through solid rock. Micheal's legs wrapped themselves around each other and fused into a sort of ghostly tail as rusty, metal shackles formed around his neck, wrists, and tail, rattling chains connecting the braces together and meeting at the center of his chest where the Animatrix sat; the final piece of the transformation was when a dozen or so tentacles pushed themselves out of his guttural area, cracking and slithering through the air as they grasped for someto hold onto while a smaller set snaked and wormed their way out of his cage of teeth.

"Except maybe that." Caesar marveled at the ghost-like extraterrestrial floating but a few inches off the ground in front of him.

"What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost . . . _freak!_ " the Plasmonurite cackled in whispery voice that made Caesar's teeth chatter uncontrollably in his jaw. **[6]**

Before the living skeleton could react, the black and white striped tentacles that wormed their way out of Micheal's chest snapped forward, wrapping tightly around his arms and legs and pinning them together as he was lifted off of the ground, the tentacles slithering their way inside of his trench coat and through the bones of his rib cage for a better grip. Suddenly, before the Plasmonurite could react accordingly, a bright light engulfed Caesar and pulled him from the plain of existence, searing and burning Micheal's tentacles as he screeched in agony.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – The light! It burns!)**

 **Micheal -** "Yeah, Plasmonurite's aren't fond of bright lights. Gives new meaning to nyctophobia * _shivers*._ "

 **Caesar -** "I swear, half of the things in that watch of Micheal's are a rip off of some kid's stupid TV show or somethin'! What's next, an alien battery!?"

 **Andrew – "** I am _never_ sleeping with the lights off ever again, dude * _shivers and gulps*._ "

* * *

"Over here, Death Breath!" Caesar called out from behind the Plasmonurite, drawing his attention long enough for the living skeleton to sucker punch him in the jaw, drawing out a pained and annoyed hiss.

"You're one to talk," Micheal breathed in a raspy tone while floating closer and closer to Caesar with his talons raised and sharpened. "But you know what they say: possession really is nine-tenths of the law!" the Plasmonurite hissed; before Caesar could flash away to safety, Micheal lunged forward and flexed the protoplasm that comprised his body, phasing directly through and into Caesar's skeletal body, making him jerk and tremble violently as his amber eyes turned a deep crimson in color while black pits swallowed his eye sockets into oblivion.

" _Interesting . . ._ " Caesar whispered in a low, whispery voice as he flexed his skeletal fingers experimentally. With that being said, the possessed skeleton calmly walked up to the door of the shed and rapped a bony knuckle on the door, waiting patiently as several hushed whispers and curses came inside before it opened and Robyn glared out at him.

"What do you want, Skinny?" Robyn growled. "Can't you see we're trying to hide!?"

" _Yes . . ._ " the possessed skeleton hissed before drawing back his fist and socking Robyn in the jaw, sending her stumbling backwards before she caught herself and stood back up, a deep snarl escaping her lips as her hands glowed an ominous, black aura in color and formed a pair of gigantic, black fists that flexed and moved with Robyn's movements; the dark magician then let out a battle cry of furry and lunged forward, slamming the construct into Caesar's rib cage and blasting him back before she cupped her two, gigantic fists together and crushed them down onto Caesar, shattering him into all of his basic components as Micheal released his hold on Caesar's mind and floated back out from his fallen body.

"Not cool . . ." Caesar's skull moaned.

"What the _**/censored/**_!?" Robyn swore before the Plasmonurite hissed venomously and shot like a rocket at her, clenching his protoplasmic composition and phasing right through her body, stomping down on her consciousness and mind as he took control of her body.

"I'd be lying if I didn't say I look hot." Robyn smirked, glancing over her slender body and grinning mischievously when she caught sight of the black energy dancing between her fingers like the electricity between Victoria's conductors. With that being said, Robyn made a move to turn back around inside the shack when she suddenly heard the sound of leaves being crushed and stepped on right behind her; at the last second, she raised her hand behind her and erected a shimmering, black shield over herself just as three throwing knives embedded themselves into the construct before falling harmlessly to the ground.

Robyn smirked and turned around to face Adara as the assassin froze on the spot. "I've dealt with far sneakier villains than you, Zipper Lips. Nice aim though." was all the possessed magician said before flexing her fingers and forcing the black shield out and away from her, commanding and wrapping it tightly around Adara and encasing her in a blackened orb that she compressed and shrank with a mere movement of her fingers.

"Four down, two to go." Robyn smirked as she then turned around to enter the shed, only to be blasted back by a powerful jolt of electricity; the magician groaned as smoke smoldered and curled off her body while Micheal phased out of her, hissing irritably as he set his single, red eye on Victoria. It would have been amusing to watch the two Halloween monstrosities face off, an extraterrestrial species of phantom-like entities and a Frankenstein monster lookalike that was more than capable of shorting out the strongest power station, had the situation not been so dire for both sides.

"Time to plug in and knock you out." Victoria growled, crashing her fists together and sending a powerful charge of energy through the conductors rising out of her shoulders.

"Oh, really? Do you know this one?" Micheal rasped as he sharpened his talons and hissed loudly, the tentacles inside of his mouth and stomach cracking and snapping eagerly. "Now you see me, now you don't!" he cackled as he slowly faded out of existence before Victoria's eyes; the cobbled monstrosity gritted her teeth and clenched her fists as she looked around wildly in search of her adversary while Faith hunkered down and cowered behind her towering frame.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Abracadabra!)**

 **Faith -** "I-Is it w-wrong that I'm absolutely t-t-t-terrified?"

 **Victoria -** _*attempting to fit inside confessional and looking more like a squirrel wedged inside of a washer tube (don't ask me how I know this)*_ "Why don't they make these things bigger? Anyway, Faith's a cool girl. A tad jumpy and easily startled, but then again, so was I after I became what I am today . . . not all of which I'm happy with."

 **Micheal -** "Is it wrong that I'm enjoying this?"

* * *

Victoria's head suddenly jerked to the right with a loud crack before suddenly being snapped upwards by some unseen force; Faith yelped as Victoria's massive bulk stumbled about and flew away into the opposite corner of the shack, trembling and quivering with fear as Victoria swung her fists fruitlessly at thin air before suddenly stumbling forward like she had been whacked in the back of the head and then bending over as if she had been punched in the gut and had the wind knocked out of her. The monstrosity of cobbled body parts roared with anger and slammed her fists together, her conductors releasing a powerful discharge of electricity in all directions that crashed into the walls and structure of the shack and blasted it outwards, utterly destroying it as Victoria fired off every last amount of energy she had in the hopes of striking the Plasmonurite. By the time the powerful electrical storm she had created passed, Victoria was drained of everything but her most minimal of reserves before collapsing to the ground with a small tremor; Micheal rematerialized out of thin air above her with his skeletal arms folded over his chest.

"Give up?" he rasped.

"J-J-Just be g-gentle." Faith whimpered.

* * *

"He's not coming out, is he?"

"Nope!" was the reply from down the small hole in the wet mud.

"You're just now figuring this out, Alicia? I thought you were supposed to be smart." Eliaz quipped with a cynical comment as he sculpted a crude, humanoid figure out of the mud at the bottom of the pit with slow and deliberate gestures of his thickly calloused hands; the omnilinguist's response was to scoop up a glob of mud and throw it at the geomancer's face, her eyes widening with surprise when the clod of mud froze suspended in midair before coming hurling back at Alicia and hitting her full in the face, a hint of amusement in Eliaz's eyes.

Alicia grumbled as she wiped the mud off her face, glancing at the small hole Jake had dug out at the bottom of the hole; the mudskipper slithered back out and spat out a small mouthful of mud before sliding back into his den. "How long do we have to wait down here?"

Christopher sighed and stretched from his spot leaning against the side of the pit. "Until all of the recruits have been captured, I'm afraid."

" _Wunderbar._ "

"How're you enjoying you're time in the mud bath, suckers!?"

Shannon frowned and pinched her brow. "Oh, _**/censored/.**_ Not him again."

Chris stood crouched over the edge with the ever present, troll-like smirk on his face that the unfortunate teenagers that signed themselves up for his sick and twisted torture quickly grew to hate. "Wow, you guys lost hard! And I thought the shape-shifter might be able to stand a chance against that watch wearing freak!"

"Did you just come here to mock us or is there a reason you're here?" Harmony growled, clenching her teeth and digging her fingers into her palms; the mermaid was normally not a violent person and usually had an incredible amount of patience to wane off of, but even she had her limits when it came to a certain narcissistic host.

"Nah, I just thought I'd see what the Animatrix dragged in." Chris snickered; Harmony frowned and turned to look at Eliaz with a pleading look. The geomancer nodded and climbed to his feet, willing the mud and slime off of him with a snap of his fingers before he stomped his foot down and raised his clenched fingers towards the heavens, sending the crude figurine he had been sculpting flying through the air where it landed with a wet _splat!_ all over Chris' face.

" _AH!_ Makeup!" he wailed, running away from the pit and screaming at the top of his lungs while he tried to wipe as much of the mud off of his carefully cared for face.

"I think we can all agree that no matter how much we might come to hate each others guts that we'll all hate Chris even more." Marissa remarked with a satisfied smirk.

"Agreed." was the unanimous answer.

" _COWABUNGA!_ "

The group of captured contestants all glanced up in time to see Andrew come hurtling down through the air with a wild and excited look on his face as he plummeted through the air and landed right on top of Shannon, quickly followed by a collection of scattered bones inside of a wadded up trench coat, an incredibly peeved Adara, an unconscious Robyn, and the gigantic hulking form of Victoria, all of which unceremoniously landed on Shannon and pressed her face deeper into the mud; Faith came floating down seconds later, daintily touching down on top of the pile of bodies with a spooked expression on her pale features.

"And Andrew sticks the landing!" the Human Copy Machine cheered from atop Shannon and beneath the heap.

"Whe dos dis aways hmppn t meh!?" Shannon gave a muffled yell of frustration from under the pile as Andrew squirmed and wiggled his way free before encompassing himself in a flash of golden light and dividing himself into four extra clones that proceeded to pull Adara, Victoria, and Robyn off of the siren and gather up Caesar's remains so that he could begin to regenerate himself.

Christopher hummed and counted on his fingers for several seconds. "How many does that leave still out in the field?"

Alicia quickly did the calculations in her head, quickly scribbling off the numbers in Chinese across her arm with a spare pen before licking her thumb and rubbing the marking s away. "By my estimation, about eight or so."

 _ **THWACK!**_

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_ "

Shannon barely had any time to react before Cecilia landed painfully on her, shoving both girls into the mud until three of Andrew's clones kindly pulled them out; the other two were oggling a mud-covered Robyn as she snored very much like an elephant with a cold in her sleep.

"Scratch that: seven." Alicia corrected herself.

Shannon growled with annoyance. "I swear, the next person that lands on me . . ." she grumbled under her breath, sitting herself down in the mud with a soft squishing sound and inhaling a deep breath to calm her nerves; a loud snorting noise came from overhead as Cecilia groaned and rubbed her throbbing skull.

"That's the last time I taunt a bull."

"Since when is that _ever_ a good idea?" Marissa rolled her eyes.

* * *

Domanic slowed his breathing as he hid underneath one of the tables in the film lot's mess hall, a large, white tent stained with mysterious colors and substances with two long tables stretching the width of the tent and a kitchen towards the back where Chef Hatchet was currently cooking some sort of revolting slop to force down the competitor's throat; that is, if the meal didn't actually try to ooze or crawl away first. Whatever he was making though was making Domanic queasy just from the foul odor that was wafting its way from the back of the tent and assaulting the Tough Loser's senses.

"Micheal's coming!"

Domanic yelped and roughly banged his head under the table, spouting off mild curses while he crawled out form under the table to glare at Oleander as she zipped inside the tent and came to a screeching halt on her rollerblades, kicking up a good deal of dirt and dust; Domanic promptly spat out a mouthful of grass.

"I don't hear nothin'." Chef grumbled from the back of the kitchen, irked that the two teenagers had chosen to hide in the only place he had any actual control over in the film lot. "Now get outta my kitch'n!"

"We'll leave when we aren't in danger of becoming human pancakes!" Domanic shot back just as Chef shushed him violently. "Don't you shush me!"

"I didn' shush no one!" Chef snapped. "Now for the last time, get outta my kitch'n!"

Oleander raised an eyebrow. "Then if Chef isn't making that noise, what is?" she wondered now that a loud hissing noise caught both of their attentions; with sudden realization that made their blood run cold, they turned to the entrance of the tent to see a large, diamondback rattlesnake curled up on the ground before them, its rattle-tipped tail shivering back and forth violently as it started at them.

"Oh, _**/censored/.**_ " Oleander cursed.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – You heard it here first, folks!)**

 **Oleander -** "There comes a time in a girls life when she comes to realize that she can't run away from her problems, no matter how many times she might break the sound barrier. This, unfortunately, is one of those times."

 **Chef Hatchet -** "The next ungrateful punk ta step inta my kitch'n is gettin' a spatula where the sun don' shine! Right up the nose!"

 **Izzy – "** That's what you think, Chefy!"

* * *

A blast of red light suddenly swallowed the slithering serpent whole, blinding Domanic and Oleander until the light finally died down to reveal Micheal standing in their way and blocking the only entrance out of the tent; unfortunately for Chef, it was common knowledge among most metahumans that if one could not find or reach an exit, the next best possible solution was to _make_ an exit.

"I'll give you guys a chance to come quietly." Micheal offered as he tapped the Animatrix strapped to his wrist and cycled through the millions of transformations.

"Then this is gonna get loud." Domanic narrowed his eyes; bright blue circuit patterns arched and etched themselves across his right arm as hundreds of metal rose and hoses thrust and slithered out of his flesh, encompassing his arm and wrapping around one another as his skin hardened and turned a durable metallic in density. His fingers swelled to massive proportions as the muscles in his hand and wrist were replaced with stringer, artificial copies that flexed and shifted effortlessly under Domanic's command.

"Why do the good guys always use that line?" Oleander wondered.

"I think the more important question is why y'all are still in my kitch'n when I specifically told ya to get out!" Chef yelled angrily from behind the counter; the teens ignored him and continued to face off, neither side backing down or tearing their steely gaze away from the other.

"Then I hope you brought earplugs." was all Micheal said as he found the transformation he was looking for and slammed a hand down on the waiting activation button, swallowing himself in a flash of crimson light that warped and scrambled his genetic code into something new. His skin began to crunch and crack loudly as his bones oozed and forced themselves to the surface, fusing together with his sensitive exterior and hardening into a durable casing that softened and hardened and expanded and contracted as need be until Micheal was entirely encased in an organic metal that faded to a dull red in color; muscles pulsed and flexed underneath of his new exterior, bloating his forearms and ankles dramatically until it looked like he had inflated balloons underneath a series of skingrafts that smoothly transitioned into each other while his fingers thickened and became stronger and more calloused than before. His toes melted together as his feet were pulled back with a loud splintering noise until they had compacted themselves into rounded stumps; his circulatory system ceased to exist altogether, instead forming a series of tubes and tunnels throughout his body that widened into resonating chambers that quickly opened up as gaping, speaker-like holes in his ankles and forearms that were quickly grown over by patches of thin, flexible skin. His head widened and flattened into something more shaped like a football as a massive, thick, metallic color formed around his neck and enveloped everything from beneath Micheal's reddening eyes and down to his slim shoulders as more resonating chambers opened up on the collar and either side of his head; the transformation ended as black stripes etched themselves across his skin and the Animatrix appeared on top of his head.

"What the heck is that?" Oleander blinked, briefly dropping her guard.

"A Sautian." Micheal replied in a low, metallic thrum of a voice despite the fact he did not seem to have a mouth; the almost man-sized extraterrestrial raised a hand at the pair, revealing a port that opened up on its palm, before an ear-splitting blast of pure sound came firing out, striking Oleander square in the chest and sending her flying towards the back of the tent where she struck against a wall and fell to the floor with a loud hiss.

"I told you that you might want earplugs." the Sautian said with a somewhat sympathetic tone as Domanic stared at him with fear in his eyes; or at the very least, great unease. The Blade gritted his teeth and raised up his gigantic, mechanical fist, clenching the fingers, and bringing it down as hard as possible upon Micheal just as the Sautian released a glass-shattering scream from every resonating chamber on his body, effectively forming a shield of pure sound over himself that made Domanic's fist merely bounce off like a ball.

"Oh, yeah!? Well how about . . . some . . . sort of . . . sound-related pun!" Domanic attempted before the circuitry and metal paneling that made up his fist suddenly shifted and morphed into something new; the massive metal fingers stiffened and widened dramatically, quickly fusing together as his massive fists flattened and melded with his fingers, forming a large, flat surface that fashioned itself into a massive blade with a screw-like bolt quickly constructing itself in the middle of the pointed edge. Steel coils and cables warped and wrapped around themselves to form a strong handle and jam themselves into his arm, a pair of them weaving together to form a small, stiff handle on the hilt and completing the transformation of a now utterly blade; to put it quite simply, it was a big, fat sword. **[7]**

"Looks like I'm a _cut_ above the rest." Domanic joked.

"No, you ain't! And for the last time, get outta my kitch'n!" Chef yelled from the back of the craft/services tent; Oleander climbed to her feet and promptly reached over the counter to grab a pot and crack it over the cook's head, sending him to the ground with a sizable lump on his cranium and a delirious look on his face, before she then rushed at Micheal with such speed that she was upon him faster than he could blink and clubbing him over the head with the pot, a loud ringing sound echoing throughout his organic, metallic body as he stumbled about.

"Eat steel, you freak of nature!" Domanic yelled as the front of the massive sword suddenly began to spin like the spinning blade of a saw; the Tough Loser gave a battle cry and swung his weapon at the Sautian, succeeding in catching the alien in the gut and sending him flying out of the tent, much to Domanic and Oleander's satisfaction.

The later was breathing heavily. "We have to get out of here. _Fast_."

"Easy for you to say." Domanic grumbled before a blinding blast of crimson light out of the corner of his eye caught his attention; he turned a second too late and was consequently rammed into from the side by a very perturbed rhinoceros whose horn caught on the belt loop of Domanic's pants and allowed the large, hot-blooded animal to slam him repeatedly against the ground with every twist and toss of his head. By the time the rhinoceros finally stopped abusing him, Domanic was riddled with multiple bruises and bumps and was missing a tooth from his lower jaw before Micheal finally let go of him before turning to Oleander with a low flare of his nostrils.

"You'll never take me alive!" Oleander cried defiantly before the rhino was suddenly engulfed in a flash of bright light as the Animatrix warped and scrambled his genetic code into something new. Micheal's fingers hardened into sharpened blades as his spine cracked and bent, sprouting a long, whip-like tail from its base while black and purple stripes wrapped themselves around the cracking appendage. His toes ripped out of his shoes and melted into four claws, two in the front and two more in the back, much like a parrot's while a third, razor-sharp slashing claw thrust out between the front pair; the ball of his heel crunched forward, moving his foot bones and becoming perfectly round and smooth, suddenly separating itself from his foot and held there by his curved toes; Micheal felt his skin stretch back into a sharp point and his legs bend backwards into a new joint. A pointy, black helmet with a slide-down visor materialized over his head and skull, followed quickly by a black and red body suit that enveloped around his body with the Animatrix appearing his chest and completing the transformation.

Chef's head was a pounding, throbbing mess as he raised up a shaking, beefy arm and slammed his fingers down on the counter to slowly drag himself up and try to make sense of his blurry vision; he was pretty sure he was hallucinating. For a second, he thought he saw a black and red blur racing around and around inside of the tent chasing after an orange and blue streak, the two multicolored stripes clashing time and time again faster than Chef could comprehend. No matter how much he blinked to try and clear his vision, the colors continued to dance and race around the cafeteria.

"Girl musta hit me harder than I thought." he mumbled, deciding to lie back down on the ground and get some much deserved rest moments before a certain Velocidadian lashed out with his whip-like and cracked it quite painfully across Oleander's face, stunning her long enough for Micheal to sit back on the strong appendage and repeatedly kick her in the jaw at such a speed one couldn't decipher the individual jabs of his ball-tipped feet until Oleander finally gave out and slumped to the ground, unconscious.

"Too slow!" Micheal taunted before he was suddenly blasted in from the side and sent sprawling across the kitchen, smashing through tables as he rapidly climbed to his feet and turned to face his attacker.

"You're starting to really burn me up." Jordan smirked as a glowing ball of light and energy floated between his fingertips while his black and white wings flared out to make himself seem far bigger and more impressive; the Velocidadian however, was not deterred and pulled himself into a pitcher's position before dashing forward at an impossible speed that made Jordan hesitate for the slightest of seconds, allowing Micheal to jam a ball-tipped foot in his face and send him reeling while Micheal rapidly lashed out with his clawed fist and repeatedly punched him all over his body, forcing the angel hybrid back with every strike.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Wanna see me run to that hill? You wanna see me do it again?)**

 **Jordan -** "I-It . . . It was like . . . getting slapped by a wet fish . . . repeatedly! And it hurt!"

 **Micheal -** "I'm pretty sure getting punched repeatedly by claws sharp enough to slice through steel is nothing like getting slapped by a fish. Except maybe a swordfish . . ."

* * *

With a grunt, Jordan folded his mismatched wings in front of his face to shield himself from the Velocidadian's rapid strikes, reeling from every blow the theropod-like creature sent his way; now that his adversary could no longer see, Micheal lashed out with his prehensile tail and hooked it around the angel hybrid's leg, tripping and pulling him to the ground with ease, forcing his wings open on reflex and allowing Micheal to swiftly deliver a quick kick to his gut that knocked the wind out of Jordan moments before he was struck across the face by the tail again, sending him down for the count.

"Leave the battle jokes to the professionals, dude." Micheal chuckled as he scooped Jordan up in his arms and tossed him over his shoulders while he picked up Oleander and Domanic in his other arms and dashed out of the craft/services tent at a blinding speed.

Chef was too busy sucking his thumb in his sleep to notice.

* * *

Layne was sweating buckets at the sheer amount of damage that had been dealt to the Monster Movie set, the sheer magnitude of the destruction making the matter manipulator shake in his shoes as she cautiously wandered the vacant streets; it seemed to stand to reason, at least to him, that Micheal would never look for the place where this rocky roller coaster through the season had started. At least, that was his hope.

He was so busy hoping and wandering around the decimated set that he hardly noticed the figure sneaking up on him until it was too late and he was grabbed by the shoulder. Shrieking with fright, Layne cast his hands out behind him with his eyes squeezed shut as he tapped into a certain part of his brain that granted him a special ability like no other; his childhood had not been a happy one with his big brain and a pair of somewhat abusive parents, but after years of experimentation and practice to hone his skills, he had become quite powerful and fully capable of defending himself when the time arose, such as now.

"Um, I-I'm sorry for startling y-you."

Layne cracked open his eye to see Sun Li floating a couple feet above the ground, her legs kicking and her hands feebly grasping and reaching for her bo staff and anything else that she could possibly grab onto to hold herself down firmly; all around the air manipulator, rubble and props and debris had also been lifted off the ground as if their magnetic fields had been reversed or their gravitational centers had been taken away. Layne knew the answer was much more simple than that, just the mere ability to manipulate most types of matter to his will.

"Sorry . . ." Layne apologized as he set Sun Li back down on the ground as gently as possible.

The air manipulator politely put her hands together and bowed respectively. "No need for apologies. It's my fault for startling you."

"No, I'm just naturally jittery. I usually work my way up to panicked by the end of the day." Layne joked nervously.

"Five bucks says you'll that scared by noon on this show."

Sun Li spun her bo staff around in her fingers before firmly planting it deep into the ground beneath her feet and gripping the weapon tightly as Layne instinctively whirled around and thrust his hands out, manipulating the molecules and atoms of his surroundings to lift the debris and rubble and one now very annoyed dragon spawn off of the ground and at his mercy.

Jeremy scowled. "Is it too much trouble to ask you to put me down?" he frowned; Layne smiled sheepishly and relinquished control over his powers, dropping the half-dragon to the ground with a low _thump!_

"Do you know who else if left?" Sun Li asked Jeremy as he hauled himself off of the ground and flexed his wings to make sure they weren't damaged.

"Muscle Man and Face Eater." Jeremy grumbled as he rubbed his aching skull.

"Pardon?"

Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Samuel and Brent." he corrected himself. "That leaves about five of us . . . against someone who could crush us all underfoot like bugs." he added.

"Way to ensure I won't sleep tonight." Layne gulped.

"'Way to ensure I won't sleep tonight!"

Layne frowned. "Who said that?"

"Me, you twit." a frighteningly familiar voice snarked; the matter manipulator whirled around to watch as a nearly identical clone of himself walked out of the skeleton of a fallen building with an irked frown upon his features as he scrambled over the debris and into the small, gathering group.

Sun Li sighed. "Brent, will you please stop? Now is not the for such shenanigans."

"Blow it out your _**/censored/,**_ Windy." Brent ignored the intense blush upon the Shy Caregiver's face as the clone of Layne; the shaggy, brown and black hair that had a habit of sticking up in the back was slurped back into his skull and was bleached significantly until it was a short blonde and the somewhat weak arms and legs were gifted with a fair amount of muscle and tissue, making them lean and strong by comparison. His emerald green eyes flashed a sapphire blue as the dark blue parka and black jeans were warped and shifted into a worn, blue pair and hoodie black as midnight.

"So what do we do? Sit around and wait for Micheal to pick us off one by one?" Jeremy asked as he leaned against a still stable wall; a low tremor caught their attentions and they turned to see Samuel getting up out of a crouched landing position, as if he had slingshot himself through the air again to meet up with them.

"It would seem to be our best option." Samuel spoke in a low, deep tone.

Jeremy startled. "Wait, hold up. You _talk?_ " he asked, absolutely flabbergasted. "You don't even have a mouth!"

"I believe it best not to question such things." Sun Li coughed uncomfortably. "Right now however, I believe a temporary alliance is in order?"

Brent scoffed. "You obviously didn't come here to win. At this point in the challenge, it's every player for themselves." he shot the idea down; before the Strategist could make any more rude and snide comments, a shadow fell across them and blackened the sky, blocking out the sun and making even Brent startle with fear when he saw a very familiar Titanite casually strolling down the main street of the Monster Movie set.

"And here we are again, back where we started." Micheal grinned.

"I _knew_ this was a bad idea." Layne gulped as Samuel narrowed his eye at the colossal extraterrestrial and balled his strong, ligament-lined fingers into strong fists.

Brent gulped and shook his head, slapping himself to get rid of any fear that may have lingered. "Alright, so what's the plan? We're working together, so how do we take this big brute down?"

Sun Li raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said it was every player for themselves?"

"I changed my mind."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We'll make her an offer she can't refuse!)**

 **Brent -** "No I didn't. My plan is quite simple, really, so simple that these simple simpletons could understand it: I'll hang back and let them get crushed, literally. All I have to do is survive long enough to be one of the last people standing so I can pick which one of these senseless **_/censored/_** will help carry me to the finale and that million dollar prize."

 **Sun Li -** "Something about Brent makes me uneasy. Of course, my trainer told me to 'never judge scroll by its seal', so who knows?"

 **Micheal -** "Titanite? Too melodramatic?"

 **Izzy** * _drops down from the ceiling out of nowhere*_ ** _-_** "Nothing can be considered overkill!"

 **Micheal -** "What the- Izzy, what are you doing here!?"

 **Izzy -** "Hiding from the RCMP again, silly, duh!" _*realizes that she's on camera*_ "You didn't see anything!" * _kicks the camera and shatters the lens before running away, cackling all the way*_

* * *

"Enough of your senseless yammering. Lets do this!" Brent yelled as loud as possible; to Micheal however, it sounded a little more like a pathetic squeak from a helpless, baby mouse. With a shrug of his massive shoulders, the gigantic alien raised up a city block long foot and stomped it down into the ground, creating a small tremor that felt like a 9.0 earthquake on the richter scale to all those unfortunate enough to be on the ground at the Titanite's feet.

Samuel barely felt the intense shaking as he bunched up the muscles in his legs and shifted his physiology to make his legs more massive and powerful to launch himself into the air with the wind rushing past his muscle-coated face while he once again morphed and warped himself to grow his fists to a much bigger size and draw one of them, decking Micheal across the face and causing him to stumble back before the Gentle Giant rammed his full body into the extraterrestrial's chest and very nearly toppled him had the Titanite not planted his hands on the roofs of two set buildings and hauled himself back up while Samuel dropped to the ground.

"Layne, can you lift him? Help us push him over?" Sun Li asked, pointing towards the Titanite as he let out a loud, primal bellow and raised a massive hand up to block a small stream of fire aimed at his head; Jeremy had taken to the skies and was attacking Micheal from the air, pumping his wings like mad and striking whenever possible while avoiding the elephantine hands that could have knocked him out of the sky like a fly.

The matter manipulator shook his head. "I can't move something that . . . th-that big."

" _J_ _enjang._ " Sun Li cursed in Korean as she glanced up at the towering Titanite, wincing when the gigantic extraterrestrial managed to get a good shot in and smack Jeremy out of the sky like a fly, sending him plummeting towards the ground; thinking quickly, Sun Li dropped her staff and quickly moved her hands in front of her, slowing her breathing and closing her eyes as she searched for the path of less resistance and thrust her hands outwards at Jeremy's falling figure, forming a strong cushion of gusting wind that caught him and softened his land before she released her hold and kicked her staff back up into her hand.

"Thanks," Jeremy hissed. "Man, that guy hits hard."

"And he wasn't even trying." Layne gulped.

Sun Li shook her head. "Do not be worried, Layne. It is like they say: the bigger they are, the harder they fall."

"And how do you possibly propose we fell _that_ thing?" Brent grumbled sarcastically.

Sun Li bit her lip and drummed her fingers nervously on her bo staff as Jeremy staggered to his feet and flexed his wings, thankful that they were not injured, and flew back up to dive back into the fight with the towering colossus; Samuel grabbed hold of two buildings across the street from each other and pulled himself back, his elastic arms stretching farther and farther back until he had pulled himself a good city block and finally released, sending him flying through the air and ramming straight into Micheal's gut, knocking the breath out of him as he stumbled and struggled to stay standing.

"I-I . . .I have an idea," Sun Li said slowly. "It is risky . . . mostly because I'm still practicing, but it's our best chance of stopping Micheal short of a nuclear explosion." she winced slightly before yelping as a massive foot came crashing down next to them, demolishing the building a mere few feet away and reducing it to the rubble; a low groan came from within and Sun Li dared a peek to see Brent trapped and semi buried under a mound of debris just as a small chunk of concrete bounced down like a ball and smacked him on top of the head, knocking him out cold.

"One down, four to go." Layne gulped.

"Have faith, Layne. Chris would not put us up to this challenge if we could not do it, right?"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We might. Would we?)**

 **Chris -** "Riiiiiiiiiiiight."

 **Sun Li -** "I suspect that my soon to be teammates do not have much faith in my capabilities . . . I can't blame them, I suppose. I am still a student and in need of much training . . . as well as an air freshener, if possible; it is truly revolting in here."

* * *

"Wh-What was your idea?" Layne asked, yelping as Samuel shifted his physiology and enlarged his fist to a gargantuan size and delivered a swift uppercut to Micheal's jaw, snapping his head back as Jeremy fired off a wave of hot flame at his face and blinded him for the moment, frantically flapping his wings to avoid the flailing arms and crushing fingers until he was swatted out of the sky by a wayward hit and sent plummeting to the ground; Sun Li was unable to save him in time, sending another competitor out of the challenge. "He's beating us and not even trying!"

"Have faith, Layne. Relax." Sun Li instructed. "Find the path of less resistance."

"What?"

"That is my motto; I am an airbender," Sun Li quickly explained. "Air is the element of freedom, and the path to freedom is to find the path of less resistance and exploit it."

"So what are you saying?" Layne wondered as Samuel latched himself tightly to Micheal's face, resisting any attempt to be pulled free by the Titanite.

Sun Li inhaled a calming breath to still her jittery nerves and calm her hammering pulse. "What we need to do is attack defensively; rather than trying to come at Micheal with heavy blows and quick strikes, we need to passively attack him." she explained. "We need to trick him and strike while his back is turned."

"So what do you suggest?" Layne wondered as the titanic Titanite finally managed to pull Samuel off his face and chuck him to the ground, raising a foot up to squish him; Sun Li quickly spun her bo staff over her head and engulfed the three of them in a protective dome of swirling wind and air that stood strong and firm against the alien's massive, crushing foot, despite the fact that it was starting to bend and give way under the pressure.

"I need to get up to his head without getting hit. Flying is out of the option," Sun Li grunted as she struggled to keep her hold on the air around them while turning her attention towards Samuel as the gigantic, hulking mass of muscle climbed to his feet and rubbed his aching head tissue. "Samuel, is it possible for you to get me up there? Quickly?"

"I can try." he grunted, flexing his muscles experimentally to make sure everything was intact.

Layne was feeling left out. "What do I do?"

"Leverage." was all Sun Li would say before she dropped the air shield and dove to the left just in time to avoid the massive foot that came crashing down just mere inches away from them. With that being said, the air manipulator sprinted away with Samuel in tow, the later using his extendable and elastic legs to bounce his way along and away from Micheal to enact their plan, leaving Layen all by himself; before he could attempt to fight back however, a pair of gigantic fingers gently closed around his now squirming and screaming figure, carefully lifting him off the ground and into the air, higher and higher and higher until he was eye level with the Titanite and clinging onto the massive finger like a lifeline as the extraterrestrial regarded him with curious interest.

Micheal hummed in thought as he examined Layne. "Dude, relax. I'm not going to hurt you." his voice boomed, a deafening roar in Layne's ears as he instinctively squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to block out the noise.

"Then put me down!" Layne pleaded.

"Can't do that, kid. Really, I'd love more than nothing to leave you all to your suffering and not make it any worse, but I'm under contract . . . a very _annoying_ contract." he mumbled to himself. "Just sit tight and it'll be over before you know it."

"Just please don't drop me." Layne whimpered.

Micheal raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Why would I drop you?"

" _FIRE ONE!_ "

The Titanite turned its attention toward the source of the scream just in time to see Samuel suddenly snap forward like the rubber band of a slingshot, sending Sun Li rocketing through the air at such a high velocity that Micheal had trouble focusing on her as she swung her staff behind her much like a baseball player would and whacked it across his face, weighting the blow with a great gust of wind as she pounced on his face and quickly scrambled up onto his head, slipping between the notch that separate two of his five crests from each other. With a quick breath, Sun Li moved her hands around her head and formed a protective helmet of fresh air before she focused the air around the Titanite's own head; she inhaled a deep breath of her limited air supply to calm herself and cupped her hands together, slowly and methodically moving her fingers before thrusting her hands out to the side, expelling the air from around Micheal's head and forming a protective shield that kept anymore air from entering as she then slowly drew the air out of his gigantic lungs. Beads of sweat started to drip down her forehead as she kept her feet firmly planted in place and her focus on the air currently keeping her breathing while she performed an asphyxiation. The Titanite's movements slowly began to dwindle as he focused on trying to hold whatever breath he left his lungs, but this turned out to be a fruitless effort as his mind began to slip and his control falter.

" _TIMBER!_ " Layne screamed as he held on tightly to Micheal's hand as the monstrous, gigantic alien gave a low, primal groan of defeat and stumbled forward, a movement that shook the very earth as he fought to stand up and ended up giving in; with a tremendous roar that shook the very earth to its core, the Titanite fell, its pillar-like legs slamming into the ground with great force, followed by the enormous knees, the abdomen, torso, chest, massive arms and hands, and finally the head that crashed into the earth with enough force to destroy a city as the resulting dust and debris began to settle back down to the ground moments before Sun Li took one last gulp of her air supply and spun her bo staff over her head and cracked it down on Micheal's skull, expelling the two domes of air surrounding her and the alien's head with a wide blast.

Sun Li jumped down from the Titanite's head, still a rather significant fall, and cushioned her landing with a small padding of air as she looked around through the hazy atmosphere; a quick spin of her bo staff and she slammed the butt of it down onto the ground, blasting the polluted air away in a harrowing tidal wave to clear her vision. "Is everyone alright?" she called out.

A low shifting noise and the clatter of plywood caught her attention as she turned to see a mound of rubble and destruction move slightly before clattering loudly to the ground as Samuel rose and shook himself off, revealing the untouched form of Jeremy beneath him; Brent had not been so lucky and had been thrown yards down the street, his body lying an unorthodox position as he slumbered peacefully. A quick glance at Micheal's tremendous hand, the last place she had seen Layne before the titan had fallen, and she found the matter manipulator passed out as well, though whether it was due to a blow to the head or of fright was up to debate.

"And with that, our two team captains have been selected!" Chris announced loudly from behind Sun Li, startling her and nearly whacking Chris over the head with her bo staff before she realized who it was (although she might have still done it, considering things); gathered him and covered in multiple layers of mud and incredibly annoyed or congratulating looks was the rest of the cast and a small mudskipper upon Victoria's shoulder that seemed to be watching Christopher warily, if that was possible for the little, terrestrial fish.

"Is that a good thing?" Sun Li wondered.

"In this game, you never know." Chris smirked before turning his attention to Micheal as the gigantic alien slowly came to. "And you, freakazoid, are no longer required. Haul your butt outta here until my pitbulls- er, I mean, _lawyers_ , haul you back in."

The Titanite grumbled something incoherently under his breath as he slowly and carefully climbed to his feet. "Remind me to squish you next time I see you." he threatened before he slapped the Animatrix disk fastened to his belt and encompassed himself in a blast of crimson light; a few blinding, nanoseconds later, and the towering extraterrestrial was replaced by a dwarfed and diminutive seagull with a red collar around its neck. The seabird ruffled its feathers before screeching horribly at Chris and flapping its wings, taking off into the air and circling on the warm thermals above and soar away. Before the host could continue however, a wet _splat!_ caught his attention and he grimaced with annoyance as a white stain suddenly adored his precious hair that may or may not have been a wig.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty – Bombs away!)**

 **Robyn -** "Don't get me wrong, I'm still mad at that **_/censored/_** for stealing my body, but he's got real good aim."

 **Andrew -** "And Micheal sticks the landing! Literally!"

* * *

Chris chose to ignore the unpleasant surprise and continued despite the way the contestants were snickering behind his back. "Alright then, since we here at Total Drama productions believe in being gentlemen whenever we are not humiliating our competitors for the rest of their lives and sending them through hazardous challenges, Sun Li, you may go first in deciding who you would like on your team for today's challenge."

" _Today's_ challenge?" Sun Li raised an eyebrow.

Chris waved it off. "You find out eventually," his smile like the devil. "Now get pickin'! We're on a schedule! My spa appointment starts in five!"

Sun Li gulped and drummed her fingers against her bo staff in thought, glancing over the many options she could chose from that could carry her to victory or end herself up in the elimination ceremony. "I chose . . ." she hesitated before sighing and resorting to mentally playing 'eeny, meeny, miny, mo' with herself, until she selected someone at random. "Harmony."

The Ocean Girl smiled brightly, her cheery grin like glimmering pearls as she quickly walked over to Sun Li and offered her a friendly high-five that the air manipulator shyly returned after a few awkward seconds; Samuel rubbed his chin in thought, looking over the contestants with his single, green eye before finally choosing someone.

"Eliaz." he pointed at the geomancer with a large finger.

Sun Li drummed her fingers on her bo staff once more, a habit that she had picked up ever since she began using the weapon in her studies. "Uh . . . Harmony, any suggestions?"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty – Ice cream is what I would suggest. _WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO ME!?)_**

 **Harmony -** "Okay, so I suppose it's not that big of a secret to anyone outside of the game that Christopher has . . . caught my eye. But if someone to find out this early in the game, when everything is so new and Chris seems to be pulling one nasty trick after another out from behind his back, I think it's best to lay low. I don't suppose Christopher would ever like me though . . . silly thought though. Most men that fall for mermaids don't live past the first week!" * _laughs*_ "That was a joke for all you negative nautiluses out there."

* * *

"You and Victoria seem to be getting along well?" Harmony offered; Sun Li nodded and gestured to the hulking collection of cobbled body parts to come forward with several lumbering steps after she peeled Jake's slimy form off of her and handed him off to Faith, the ghost nearly dropping the slippery, little mudskipper before she managed to retain a solid enough form to hang on to him.

"Any ideas, Rock Solid?" Samuel joked, gently slugging Eliaz in the shoulder; the geomancer was not amused and merely pointed at Faith, or more specifically, the mudskipper in her hands; the terrestrial fish was suddenly swallowed in a whirl of slime, fins, and hair as Jake resumed his original form and dropped down to the ground before scurrying back behind Samuel's bulk and away from Christopher as far as possible.

And so it went, Chris impatiently waiting as he tapped his foot and glanced at his watch every thirty seconds while the contestants divided themselves into two teams; Sun Li selected Oleander, Andrew, Robyn, Layne, Faith, Marrisa, and Adara by the time a pair of interns trotted up with a lawn chair, umbrella, and a _piña_ _colada_ for their boss to enjoy as Samuel picked out Shannon, Alicia, Cecilia, Caesar, Jeremy, Jordan, and Domnaic.

"Alright, contestants. You've got two minutes to finish deciding who's scrapping the bottom of the barrel before my spa treatment. So make it snappy!" Chris yelled as he finished his tropical drink and carelessly tossed it over his shoulder, hitting an unfortunate intern upside the head as they just started to climb down from a towering ladder over a shark tank; needless to say, the freshwater, man-eating sharks kept inside for later challenges were getting a second course to their recently fed meal.

Samuel quickly made his decision. "Christopher."

"Dude! _WHY!?_ " Jake cried as the soldier calmly walked over to the group and kept a respectful distance from the shape-shifter.

"It's either him or Brent." Samuel replied as the Strategist stalked over to Sun Li's team and tried to not be visibly repulsed. "That, and you two need to start getting your act together."

"You have no right to tell me what to do!"

"Too bad. I'm team captain this challenge." Samuel shrugged; Jake tried to argue, but found no ground to work against and merely pouted, grumbling incoherently under his breath.

Chris coughed loud, drawing everyone's attention. "Alright, competitors, or should I say _directors!_ "

"Directors?" Jordan raised an eyebrow.

Chris flashed his award winning smile. "Yep! Today, you'll be making a monster movie that will be judged by none other than Chef Hatchet, _moi_ , and returning, veteran contestant Harold!" the host said with mock enthusiasm as he pointed excitedly down the road of the Monster Movie set as a pickup truck came barreling down and suddenly jerked to its left, smashing through a pile of debris before swerving wildly to the right and finally coming to a screeching halt mere feet from the group of contestants that had instinctively flinched or prepared to jump in at the last second; the door to the back seat slammed open and the Dweeb himself came tumbling out shaking like a leaf in a hailstorm.

"Gosh, Chris, what the heck! Do you have any idea how many that guy had before picking me up!" Harold yelled angrily. "I mean, gosh! I could have been killed!"

"And then you would have been replaced by Cody." Chris snarked as Harold dusted himself and angrily kicked the wheel of the truck, only to yelp in pain and bounce around while clutching his foot and trying to look as manly as possible while doing it (and failing miserably).

"Each team will have two hours to record and produce their monster movie for the judges: best one wins, and the losers get sent to the dreaded elimination ceremony. And as an unnecessary but hilarious catch, you will not be able to edit out any mistakes you may or not make!" Chris explained in a spooky tone of voice that failed in setting anyone but Faith on edge while the majority of the contestants groaned. "Sun Li, you team will hence forth be known as the Putrid Pigeons while Samuel's will be called the Revolting Raccoons."

Brent raised an eyebrow. "Should we be at all concerned with the references to disgusting vermin?"

Chris shook his head. "Nope! Now, get hauling while I leave you all to go enjoy myself at my weekly spa treatment." the host taunted them before another intern drove up in a golf cart and was promptly shoved out of the driver's seat by Chris before driving away and leaving the two teams and Harold to hack and cough from the cart's fumes.

* * *

It was later in the day, with lunch having gone and passed and left the contestants still hungry while they wrapped up production of their respective films, both teams looking a little worse for wear in the hunger department; this did not mean however, that there were not mishaps on the set and sound stage.

"Brah, what happened to you?" Andrew asked Cecilia; the oneirokinetic was covered in a thin layer of ash and soot, small burns pockmarking her fingers and arms and smoke curled off of her strawberry blonde hair with a soft hissing noise; that and she was as white as a sheet, her twitch involuntarily as she shivered.

Cecilia trembled, swallowing the lump in her throat before speaking. "I . . . we, uh . . . J-Jeremy went a l-little overboard with the p-pyrotechnics."

"We had the opposite problem-o . . . along with a few others." Andrew nodded down towards his broken arm tied securely up in a sling and jerked his thumb over his shoulder where Victoria was trying to dry her hulking frame off with towels that seemed far too small to do much of anything except deliver a painful, mild shock from the sparking and fizzling conductors thrusting out of her broad, strong shoulders and back to anyone that was unfortunate enough to be around her.

A loud honk interrupted them all, some of the competitors clapping their hands over their ears as Chris finally let up on his air horn with an unkind smirk upon his face; the host, Chef Hatchet, and Harold were seated behind a row of desks seated in front of the grand stage used for the Golden Chris Awards while everyone else sat on the bleachers and awaited to see what would happen. "Alright, contestants, I have returned from my very much needed,very much enjoyed, very much relaxing spa appointment, meaning its time to pick a winner already! So, without further ado, Team Pigeon you're up!"

"What do you think our chances of winning are?" Marissa wondered.

"Minuscule." Adara replied as she emotionlessly twirled one of her knives around in her fingers without care.

Harmony sighed. "I have to agree there. Robyn blew it big time." she solemnly admitted before she was encompassed in a glowing, black aura that morphed itself into a tight sphere around the Ocean Girl that began to compact and shrink as she yelped with surprise.

"For the last _**/censored/**_ time, it was his fault!" Robyn snarled, shifting and narrowing her eyes in Andrew's direction; the Human Copy Machine gulped and gave a sheepish grin until Samuel casually stepped up behind him and absentmindedly flexed his massive, rippling muscles, shifting his physiology to expand and grow bigger. Robyn grumbled under her breath and released her hold over Harmony, dropping the mermaid back into her seat.

" _Shhhhh._ It's starting." Oleander hissed as the video projector blinked to life, images and shapes starting to come into focus on screen.

* * *

Lightning flashed across the sky, slicing the cold, night air to ribbons as thunder boomed and rumbled overhead, waging war against the ancient, stone castle that stood tall and defiant in the howling winds and relentless downpour; the castle was dim and dank, offering no comfort in its appearance save for a soft, barely noticeable glow at the tallest tower that could hardly be seen through the thick fog and rolling rain.

"Tonight," a tall, nearly skeletal man with hands so frail that one could see the individual ligaments and tendons that connected his bones together; wild, unkempt, white hair that looked like it had been the result of one too many shocks sat upon his head while his eyes, one of them glazed over and blind while the other was swollen and yellow and filled to the brim with insanity smiled and twinkled in the darkened laboratory while he adjusted his rubber gloves and stained lab coat. The laboratory itself was dark and damp, only dimly lit by a few sparse torches that sputtered and flickered in their holsters, their dull lighting shining off of the many beakers and test tubes with strange and various liquids and potions that bubbled and boiled, filling the air with an odd and unsettling odor; body parts and decaying animals floated around in jars and bottles on the many shelves lining the walls, a few of them seemingly moving on their own accord despite their current position, and a large operating table covered in a heavy tarp sat positioned under a pair of large conductors that crackled and churned with electricity. "It all happens to tonight!"

The mad scientist cackled violently as the lightning flashed overhead until he started to hack and cough on his own spittle, falling to his hands and knees and pounding his chest with a fist while he wheezed.

" _Faith! That's your cue!_ " Marissa's voice hissed from somewhere off screen; the ghost quickly phased up through the floor behind the choking mad doctor and hooked her arms under his and around his chest, frantically trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver unsuccessfully due to her inability to stay solid long enough. An exasperated sigh from out of sight and an orange and pink blur sped on screen, slamming full force into the mad scientist and flattening him to the floor, knocking the wind and the spit he was choking out of him.

"Ugh. You are a horrible assistant, Igor!" the man berated Faith as he climbed to his feet and shook his head, pulling his rubber gloves on tighter. "But it doesn't matter how incompetent you are! Tonight, it all shall be done!" he cackled again.

Faith whimpered. "Please don't start choking again, Brent."

"Silence, you incompetent buffoon!" Brent snapped. "Not in my moment of triumph!" he sneered as he approached the gigantic lab table covered by the tarp, a wide grin upon his face as he wrung his hands feverishly. Not wasting anymore time, he quickly pulled his goggles over his eyes and peeked under the tarp, nodding with approval at what he saw before he turned to Faith and pointed at a large crank; the ghost gulped and nodded, flying over and grabbing hold to slowly turn the crack with much effort. The large table was slowly hoisted up into the air as Brent watched with glee, his amused expression quickly dropping when the table lurched and fell a couple of feet with a loud rattling of chains.

"Or for the love of _**/censored/**_ , can't you do anything right!?" Brent shouted angrily.

A sigh came from somewhere out of sight. " _Layne, give Faith a hand, please?_ "

" _I can try,_ " Layne's voice squeaked. " _Andrew don't touch anything._ "

" _Can do, bro!_ "

Faith sighed with relief as she placed her hands back on the crank and merely followed its movement as it began to turn by itself, ever so slowly lifting the table up into the air on rattling chains until a small cyclone of dust and wind exploded underneath of it and pushed it higher and faster up into the air; a set of strong fingers slipped out from under the tarp and gripped the table tightly until it finally reached its climax, suspended above the floor almost a dozen or so feet up.

"Now, Igor, it is time to _THROW THE SWITCH!_ " Brent cackled madly as he took hold of a massive lever on the wall and thrust it down while gazing up at the ceiling, waiting for something to happen; when nothing did, he pulled the switch again and a third time when nothing happened after that. "For _**/censored/**_ sakes, did we just blow a fuse!?"

" _Andrew! Stop fiddling with the buttons and switches!_ " Marissa hissed.

" _Sorry, brah. I get bored easily!_ "

" _Adara, can you please plug us back in?_ "

Brent was quickly losing his patience. "Why is this stupid thing not working!?" he grumbled grumpily to himself as he pulled the switch a couple more times before it finally activated, delivering a powerful shock to his system as the conductors overhead blasted the table with enough electricity to power all of New York for fifteen minutes (give or take)! Despite his tingling nerves and the smell of his burning hair, the mad doctor didn't care as he watched the table slowly lower itself back down to the floor; he quickly approached the table, colliding with a boom mic overhead and mumbling obscenities under his breath as he pulled off the tarp and watched his creation wake.

"Yes! It's alive! _Alive!_ " Brent cackled loudly as lightning flashed through the air. "I finally know what it is like to wield the mighty fist of God himself!"

" _What is it with him and fisting? It sounds like it hurts, bra!_ "

"Silence!" Brent cackled. "Now, rise, my beautiful creation! _RISE!_ "

" _Okay, someone's getting way too into his part._ "

" _Shhhhhh!_ "

Brent ignored the many interruptions and background chatter as he watched the tarp shift and rustle slightly, the noise increasing as the thing underneath the tarp started to move and test its new body out, as if unsure how anything worked; the tarp finally fell away as hair as black as midnight streaked with startling white lightning strikes emerged, followed by a face marked by a couple of stitches tightly sewn together to hold a pair of otherworldly, glowing, blue eyes that starred back without emotion. A pair of broad shoulders attached to massive arms and even stronger hands with powerful fingers that were arched by stitching and patches of skin that didn't match followed suit as the creature sat up before tossing the tarp away and rising to its feet, towering over the mad doctor and utterly dwarfing him.

"And now to make it truly _evil!_ " Brent cackled before pausing. "I'm sorry, but do I really have to say that? I'd rather not sound like a certain, purple-haired idiot if I can help it."

" _Just do it! We're almost done!_ "

"Fine." Brent grumbled as he adjusted his goggles and snapped his fingers. "Igor! The spell book!" he demanded.

"Y-Yes, master." Faith trembled as she flew over to him and handed him a book that he blindly flipped through until he found the page he was properly searching for.

The mad scientist cleared his throat before speaking. "Crack two eggs and pour one quart of milk into bowl before stirring for- _Faith, why did you give me a cook book?_ " he asked in an eerily, deadpanned tone.

"S-Sorry . . ." Faith whimpered.

Brent proceeded to chuck the book at Faith's head, scowling slightly when it merely went through her and landed on the floor with a loud _smack!_ "Then get me the real book, you incompetent buffoon! Quickly!" he commanded; Faith swiftly complied and returned with a heavy, leather manuscript that promptly slipped through her faded fingers and landed on Brent's sensitive toes, eliciting a loud yelp of shock from him as he hopped around on one leg for several seconds before swiping the book from the floor and glaring venomously at the ghost while he turned to the desired page.

"Now then, if there will be no more interruptions on my lab assistant's part . . ." he grumbled before coughing slightly and began to speak the incantation. " _Surge spiritus noctis et audivi vocem docentium me et praecepta iuramenti Itaque malis et omnia quae praecepero deliramentum verba ista et facietis sicut feci ora!_ Rise spirits of evil and night! Rise!" he bellowed loudly, waiting for something to happen; when once again, nothing did, he looked around with a curiously annoyed expression as Faith cowered nervously and Victoria scratched her head, wondering what was taking so long.

" _Get your hands off of me!_ "

" _But I didn't do anything, brah! I swear!_ "

" _Tell that to my fist, you_ _ **/censored/ /censored/ /oh, dear, that is definitely censored/**_ _!_ "

" _Wait! No! Please! Have mercy!_ "

 _ **Snap! Crack!**_

" _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ "

" _Sweet mother of stingray!_ "

" _I do not think arms are supposed to bend that way!_ "

" _Robyn, stop torturing Andrew and get on the set already! We're wasting film!_ "

" _FINE!_ "

With a thundering roar that drowned out the thunder and lightning outside, a column of chaotic, black flame erupted right in the middle of the laboratory before blasting outwards, sending Victoria and Brent flying and crashing to the floor, the majority of the lab equipment shattering and being destroyed under her heavy bulk as Robyn floated a foot or so above the musty, cobblestone floor engulfed entirely in dark flames that gave off a blistering chill instead of searing heat; a quick thrust of her hands outward and tendrils of pure, dark energy slithered out from her black aura, wrapping tightly around Brent's ankle and lifting him off of the ground as she slammed him roughly against the floor before throwing him out of the castle window and turning on the camera, lashing out with a black tentacle and cutting the feed to static much to the horrified screams of protests from her teammates.

* * *

Silence fell over the crowd of contestants and judges as the film finally rolled to a stop with a soft clicking noise that was only overpowered by the loud song of a stray cricket somewhere; everyone was looking at a fuming Robyn with concern and fear, giving her a wide berth and looking at Andrew with worried looks.

"Well . . . uh, that was . . ." Chris trailed off.

"Interestin'?" Chef suggested.

Harold shook his head. "No, that was more along the lines of absolute horror movie madness." he corrected. "And that's even an understatement."

"So you thinkin' it's bad?" Chef asked.

Chris shrugged. "Meh. It had carnage, which is always worth points when it comes to monster movies, and it definitely had a gruesome ending. I'd give it a 6, and that's just overlooking all the talking in the background and all the screw ups you guys made." he told the Putrid Pigeons.

"I told you we should have tied Andrew down." Brent grumbled under his breath, rubbing his aching skull. "That, or lock Robyn in the confessional."

"Don't. Tempt me." Robyn snarled, her fingers clenched like claws with a ball of burning, black flame in her hand that she closed into a tight fist.

Chef rolled his eyes. "I give it a 4. You and . . . you, you all messed up big time." he pointed at Faith and Robyn, earning a predator-like growl from the later that sent a shiver down his spine.

"I'd give it an 8," Harold said. "Admittedly, the plot was cliché and the mistakes were about as bad as the argument over whether or not it was Han Loso that shot first , but the casting was brilliant; that guy has some talent in the making." he pointed at Brent who allowed a small smirk to cross his face. **[8]**

"I agree, choice of actor good, plot bad." Chris nodded. "That gives the Putrid Pigeons a score of 18! Can the Revolting Raccoons beat them, or will their sorry butts be sitting in these very seats once again later tonight?"

Shannon scoffed and rolled her eyes. I don't know, Chris? Maybe we need to role the next film to find out?' she muttered sarcastically.

"You remind me of a certain sweater vest wearing cynic that I hated all too much." Chris frowned as the film protector clicked and began to flicker and blink once more, casting lights and images on the screen ahead.

* * *

The sun was high in the sky by the time the clock struck noon, and the grand city of Tokyo of bustling and more busy than ever; the bright lights, despite the lack of darkness, were blinding more than ever, shoving every sort of advertisement and color into ones face while millions upon millions of people rushed and scurried about to the tune of the cars that clogged the artery-like streets. Despite the billions of eyes and ears that the city had to offer, hardly anyone noticed the way the sea was churning and frothing like boiling soup or how the flocks of noisy and normally hard to ignore seagulls and terns quickly flocked en mass out of the area.

The earth began to rumble and tremble, arousing everyone near the coastline's attention towards the sea, a sense of panic washing over the crowd as the waves and tides of the ocean began to rise up in a large dome, as if something massive was pushing them out of the way from its sheer size; the ocean cascaded and fell away as a gigantic head came into view, drawing screams of fright and fear as the head rose higher and higher, easily dwarfing the shoreline buildings and towering skyscrapers inland as the creature finally revealed itself to the world. An utterly massive sperm whale with a head as long as a small skyscraper and as wide as nearly fifty city buses gazed blearily out upon the city of Tokyo, its thin jaw opening and closing and revealing elephantine, cone-shaped teeth that could have crushed a house into dust while its large blowhole gaped open and closed; the beast's gigantic, fluked tail was more than enough to decimate an entire suburb, but the majority of the attention it drew was drawn to its pair of beefy, blubbery arms tipped with strong, webbed fingers and a pair of short, powerful feet tipped with pointed claws that was able to support the monster's great wait.

" _It's Moby-zilla!_ " a random citizen screamed at the top of his lungs, his lips remarkably still moving even after his voice had vanished. A

" _Get me outta here!_ "

" _Lieutenant Jordan! Restrain her!_ " Christopher barked. " _She isn't on authorized leave!_ "

" _Let me go! Let me go! LEAVE ME ALONE!_ "

At the sound of the horrid nickname, the bipedal sperm whale bellowed a loud roar and began marching inland much to the horror of Tokyo. The monster seemed oblivious to the plankton-sized people beneath it as it roared and swung its head to collide with a seaside skyscraper and demolishing it with ease, sending shrapnel and debris flying in all directions as it raised up a gigantic foot and slammed it back down onto the earth, sending a tremor out that brought smaller buildings down to their foundations and sent more panic through the streets among a chorus of raging car horns and sirens; the chaotic noise only drove the hulking monster even madder as it began to storm down the street, not caring at all at whatever it crushed beneath its feet, not even when the military arrived.

"Thar she blows!" Sergeant Samuel cried from the safety of a military helicopter, a helmet on his head and not much else as he gazed down at the mutated monstrosity beneath him as it rammed its head threw a skyscraper and reduced it to rubble with a fiery explosion. "You know what to do, men!"

" _Right! Nuke 'em!_ "

" _Wait, what? No, Jeremy, don't! We have enough explosives as it is!_ " Cecilia's voice cried from somewhere.

" _They're not explosives!_ "

" _Whatever! Just don't blow 'em up!_ "

Samuel ignored the argument for the most part as he turned and nodded to his limited set of troops, each of them decked out for the most part in a cheap set of armor that had been hastily cut out of an excess amount of cardboard that had been found lying around and was fruitlessly scribbled over with marker to try and color it camouflage. With that, Sergeant Samuel, Domanic, and Private Shannon promptly threw themselves out of the helicopter and down towards the carnage below, pulling the ripcords of their parachutes and snapping them open to slow their fall just as the military helicopter exploded in a fiery ball of heat and ash overhead.

" _What the- Jeremy, what did I say about detonating those explosives!?_ " Cecilia berated the halfbreed.

" _It wasn't me! I swear!_ "

" _Ma'am, I'm afraid I will have to ask you to calm down No one was hurt and, for lack of better wording, it was totally epic._ " Christopher relented with a slight cough. " _Besides, Ballaugh is still skeptical about the two of us spending anymore time together than we already have to, allowing me to make sure that everything is, as the navy would say, 'Ship-shape and bristle fashion'._ "

" _What does that even mean?_ " Jeremy wondered.

" _What does 'Yar' mean?_ " Christopher countered.

Samuel hardly heard the arguing as he landed on the ground and tossed the parachute off of his back and glared threateningly up at the gigantic beast that towered over him; the mutant whale could have easily squished him, reducing him to nothing more than toe cheese, but this hardly stopped him as the rest of his troops dropped down to the ground and prepared to face the monster. With that being said, Samuel turned and nodded to Domanic, watching without emotion as his right arm glowed with a bright blue, circuitry pattern and began to change; his skin bubbled and hardened as it was quickly replaced by cool chrome and steel that formed a stiff rod that bent upwards and branched out into a long, hollow tube that warped and shifted into three segmented parts that varied in size from additions to the artificial tissue, circuitry, and wiring that made its home inside, finishing with a quite a flare into what looked look to be a cannon of some kind. The back end of the strange device hissed and opened up in the back with a quick whirring noise, opening up like a hungry maw and stabbing itself deep into the pavement behind to tear out a chunk before sliding back in place, compacting whatever it had eaten into a tight, dense ball.

" _FIRE!_ " Samuel commanded as Shannon instinctively threw herself to the ground and jammed her fingers into her ears just as Domanic fired off the tightly compacted ball of rubble up at the monstrous whale, watching as it flew higher and higher before smacking straight into the whale's eyeball, eliciting a loud bellow of irritation from it as it now set its sights on the small group of military personal.

" _Eliaz, get ready for a tremor. On my signal!_ " Alicia directed.

" _I have eyes you know._ " Eliaz grumbled from off screen as the loud cracking of his knuckles could be heard before he stomped a foot roughly down onto the ground and triggered a small earthquake just as the towering cetacean slammed its foot just mere inches from the small troop of military personal.

"Wh-Wh-What do we d-do n-now?" Shannon wondered in a utterly terrified tone.

Domanic rubbed his chin in thought. "I think our best option would be to retreat."

"What's that?" Shannon asked.

"It's like running away but manlier."

"Very well. _RETREAT!_ " Samuel roared as the three of them quickly whirled around and began to run away in the opposite direction as fast as possible; Shannon attempted to run and promptly landed flat on her face beneath the oceanic titan, glancing back at her feet with disdain to find that they had been mysteriously tied together under mysterious circumstances that were mysterious.

"Okay, who's the wise guy!?" she yelled angrily.

"Private Shannon, I believe you have bigger problems than that now!" Samuel called from a distance away.

Shannon rolled her eyes back as the mutant sperm whale bellowed and slammed its tail through a row of skyscrapers, instantly destroying them in detonations and explosions of fire and flame that licked hungrily at the monster's thick, leathery hide; the monstrosity then turned its sights on her, regarding her with a single eye that was easily bigger than her entire body before it turned to face its head the length of the street and suddenly release a thundering click. The private was confused for second until she realized with a terrified recognition what was happening and hurriedly tried to scramble to safety before the mutant marine mammal's echolocation bounced back and revealed her exact location.

"Oh, no." Domanic gulped when the whale suddenly lunged its head downwards at Shannon and clamped its surprisingly thin jaws shut around her frail body, snapping her up like a seabird with a fish and effortlessly swallowing her whole before it released another, more powerful, thunderous boom from its melon; the surrounding glass and any vehicles whose alarms had not been set off were shattered and activated, driving the animal even madder as it suddenly dropped down to all fours and began to slither down the street in a fashion similar to a hunting lizard. A loud buzz briefly drew its attention overhead before it returned its focus back to stalking the streets, barely even registering the bullet fire from the dozens of military helicopters that swarmed through the air or the relentless pounding of the tanks that crawled up through the side streets and alleyways; they were all irrelevant and easily destroyed with a quick pulse of what was quickly realized to be a supersonic, echolocation tactic that either destroyed or stunned everything in its path.

"Retreat again?" Samuel guessed.

"It's like running away but manlier." Domanic agreed before the two turned tail to right out run away in terror as the mutant sperm whale gave chase, recklessly slamming its gigantic bulk into everything around it, regardless of whether it was in its way or not.

" _Um, Jeremy? I think that's enough fire!_ "

" _Then tell Jake its a rap! I can hardly keep up!_ "

" _Cut! Cut!_ "

" _You're not the director!_ "

" _Wait! That's too much-_ "

 _ **FWOOM!**_

" _AHHHHHHHHHH!_ _I'm on fire! I'm on fire!_ "

" _Hold still so I can put it out!_ "

" _Stop! Cut! Cut! For the love of god, CUT!_ "

* * *

Silence once again fell over the crowd of contestants and judges as the film rolled to a stop with a soft clicking noise that was only overpowered by the loud song of a stray cricket somewhere before it was hastily snapped up by a hungry bird; Cecilia was shuddering with fear, wincing at the slight burns that now marked her body as Jeremy coughed out a puff of smoke.

"So _that's_ what smelled like barbecue." Chris realized with a slightly amused smirk upon his face.

Harold was slightly befuddled. "I thought Chef was cooking again."

The burly cook rounded on the Dweeb. "What's wrong with my cookin'!?"

"You mean other than the fact it's been scientifically proven to be the leading cause of illness on this dump of a reality show?" Harold countered. "Seriously, food is _not_ supposed to eat _you_ when you're trying to eat _it_."

Chef grumbled under his breath. "Ungrateful, spoiled brats don't appreciate a meal when they see one . . ."

" _Regardless,_ " Chris coughed, returning the attention back to him once more (where it so rightly belonged). "I give you a 7. The plot was cheesy and honestly not all that well thought out, not to mention probably _expensive,_ but your movie monster was definitely unique, and, hey! It terrified one of your teammates!" he added with a chuckle at Cecilia's expense. "And the explosions! Explosions make for an awesome monster movie!"

"I beg to differ, Chris." Harold interrupted. "While explosions was visually interesting for big scale monster movies like Lordzilla and Kong King, they're often more distracting than anything else." the Dweeb corrected as he pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose. "Which is why I'd give it a 7 as well."

Chef rolled his eyes. "Y'all get 5. If ya ask me, y'all's movies stink worse than the rotten spud stew I'm servin' tonight." he grumbled, oblivious to the green tinge some of contestant's were receiving to their faces.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty – Can we receive some green, too? Or maybe some purple? Oh, I know! Pink!)**

 **Jake -** "You know you're in trouble when not a single creature in the entire galaxy can stomach Chef's cooking. Believe me, I've tried. I nearly started an invasion of Earth over it * _chuckles nervously*._

 **Shannon -** "Did he just say 'rotten spud stew'?"

 **Izzy -** "That's what you think, Cheffy! I hocked it to a government laboratory for a Chinese takeout! That outta throw the RCMP off of my trail a little _*dumps the contents of a white takeout box into her mouth, swallowing a mouthful of noodles and sauces before coughing and spitting out a wet, strip of paper*_ Ooh, fortune! I wonder what it says? _*reads fortune*_ 'Beware of grapes with mallets? Boy, ain't that the truth!" **[9]**

* * *

"With a score of exactly 19 points, the Revolting Raccoons avoid elimination for the first night!" Chris announced with mock enthusiasm; the metahumans cheered in triumph, Samuel pounding his chest like a gorilla as Jordan and Jeremy high-fived while Christopher gave Jake a short, quick salute in congratulating. The other team however, was the exact opposite, glaring and grumbling obscenities under their breath when they were narrowing their eyes at three certain contestants.

"Which means the Putrid Pigeons will be sending someone home tonight." Chris leered smugly.

" _Uh, oh._ " Faith gulped with fear.

* * *

The night air was cool and damp with moisture, making several of the contestants shiver uncomfortably as the stars twinkled and blinked overhead behind the smoldering clouds of smog and smoke that the city offered, reducing the smiling moon to something more of a sympathetic frown. The grand stage of the Golden Chris Awards Ceremony was blindingly bright with an excessive amount of spotlights shining down on Chris as stood tall and proud dressed in an equally blinding tuxedo the color teal that did not really suit him as some of the contestants thought; the host didn't really care at the moment as he watched each of the contestants glare at him with fear.

"Alright, competitors. You've cast your votes who you want to send home," Chris spoke up. "However, before we begin handing out the awards, made out of the finest chocolate Belgium has to offer, I believe a quick review is in order."

"Each contestant will receive a Golden Chris Award to signify that they are safe; the contestant that does not receive a Golden Chris must take the Walk of Shame and board whatever means of shameful transportation you've set up for us this season and they can not come back . . . _ever_." Marissa summed up with a bored expression and tone. "We've all seen the seasons, Chris. Lets get it over with already."

Chris frowned, severely annoyed. "Fine." he mumbled, a small smile returning to his face. "Now before the drama can start, let me just say that you guys absolutely _suck._ "

"When I'm done with you, all you'll be able to do is **_/censored/ /really censored/ /seriously, this girl has a very dirty mind/_** for the rest of your days!" Robyn threatened with a low hiss like that of some kind of large and very hungry reptile.

Chris blinked with surprise as Harmony and Sun Li tried to fight back the intense blushes upon their faces while Robyn grumbled curses under her breath and pouted on the bleachers. "Uh . . . yeah. Other than everyone's favorite curse spitter, there are a few more of you that are on the chopping block." he shook the incredibly unsettling and dirty thoughts that Robyn had shoved into his mind out of his head. "Andrew, you're here because you can't take a hint and force Robyn to result into rather dangerous yet hilarious ways of getting her point across. Faith, you're here because you are absolutely useless in anything you-" was as far as Chris got before the conductors fixed to Victoria's back crackled and roared before blasting a quick discharge of electricity at Chris' head, missing by just a hair as the host ducked at the last second.

" _AH!_ Alright!" the narcissistic host relented. "Chef! Bring out the awards!"

The burly cook came strutting out on stage dressed once again in a bright pink ballgown with a tray of Golden Chris Awards that did not flatter him at all; rather it made Faith take shelter behind Victoria's hulking frame, Sun Li, Marissa, and Harmony cover their eyes, ears, and mouth respectively, and Brent quite literally lose his lunch as Adara quickly whipped out several throwing knives and chucked them right at Chef's head, missing by mere inches.

"Y'all are buncha sissies!" Chef yelled. "The body's a beautiful thang!"

"No, that's a crime against nature itself!" Brent shot back before hurling once more.

Andrew cried, covering his face with his only available hand."Bro, I'm gonna have to disinfect my eyeballs after this!"

" _ENOUGH!_ " Chris yelled, silencing everyone. "Sun Li, Harmony, Victoria, Adara, Oleander, Marissa, Layne, Brent, and Faith you're all safe!" Chris exclaimed with annoyance as he tossed each contestant a Golden Chris Award, allowing a small smirk to cross his face as Layne's award hit him in the face; this left only Robyn and Andrew left, the later sweating buckets more so than the former.

"That's right: show two contestants the only Golden Chris Award left." Chris smirked with a smug smile. "Oh, if you could see the fear on your faces!"

"I'm. Not. Scared." Robyn snarled venomously. "Now get on with it before I introduce you to the Pit of Eternal Body Odor."

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "The Pit of Eternal Body Odor?"

"Lets just say no amount of showering will save you." was all Robyn replied, a small smirk of satisfaction crossing her face; Andrew was just glad that the Goth Punk wasn't going to try and drive him into the ground like a stake with some sort of dark magical hammer.

Chris did not seem phased in the slightest. "And the Golden Chris Award goes to . . ."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty – The suspense is a murderer!)**

 **Brent -** "Who did I vote for? Try the person who hurled me clear to Australia . . . thank goodness for that air mattress."

 **Faith -** "I . . . I-I can't d-decide who is scarier, Robyn or Brent . . ."

 **Adara -** "Target: Robyn."

* * *

"Remember that thing I said about getting on with it?" Robyn reminded him.

Brent sighed and pinched his brow. "Agreed. It's been a long day, and I'd like to get some rest in whatever accommodations you have for us."

Chris was now at his limit. "Fine. The Golden Chris goes to . . . _nobody!_ "

" ** _WHAT!?_** " was the general outcry from the gathered cast.

Chris was now laughing. "That's right! Today's first challenge is a non-elimination!" he exclaimed cheerily. "Now you all get to spend a little more time pushing each others' buttons while I sit back and laugh my Egyptian cotton socks off." he smirked, oblivious to how it took quite literally the gathered cast to hold back Robyn from lunging right at Chris and tearing his throat out while he turned to face the camera and give it his infamous, award winning smile.

"One day down and no causalities to show for it," he signed off. "But that's bound to change, especially if I have anything to say about it . . . and fortunately for you all, I _do._ Will Robyn ever learn to keep her temper under control? Can Faith ever grow a spine? And just how long will it be before they're at each others throats trying to kill each other? Find out next time on Total! Drama! Take 2!"

" _BOOYAKASHA!_ "

Chris glanced up at the last second to see none other than Izzy come swinging by on a rope and release a bucket of icy cold water down on his head, soaking him to the bone and ruining the pound of makeup he was wearing on his gorgeous face.

"E-scope for the win!"

* * *

 **And there we go!**

 **Whew! I thought we'd never get that done. Once again we (mostly _Creaturemaster_ ) are _so_ sorry for the incredibly long delay. To avoid such issues in the future, expect there to be an update roughly every couple of months or so; we'll try to surprise you guys with something earlier every now and again, but collaborating together can be quite difficult, seeing as how we live in completely different places.**

 **Now I (as in _Creaturemaster_ ) am sure you've noticed this little [10] all over the story, ruining and or confusing said story for you? Well, those little numbers are actually little footnotes that I (as in _Creaturemaster_ ) made to explain all the references in this chapter and hence forth. Onto them now!**

 **[1] – _Candy Crush._ This game has quite literally been proven to be so addictive that people have wasted every last cent of their money playing it to get the high scores; I wouldn't be surprised if there was an international tournament for this game with a massive cash prize!**

 **[2] – This one is more or less meant for Domanic's creator, but for everyone that has been paying attention, they might get this. Basically, one of my all time favorite shows on Cartoon Network was _Generator Rex,_ and when me and _Jeptwin_ found this OC within the many that you sent us, I knew I had to vouche for him. The weapon Domanic just made was in fact a near carbon copy of the BFS, or Big, Fat Sword, from _Generator Rex._**

 **[3] – This one is more or less meant for Harmony's creator. Upon finding out that she could effortlessly change her legs to a fish's tail and back, I was confused on how this process worked until I looked back on one of the other shows that I immensely enjoy: Ben 10. Basically, the transformation called Ripjaws has the same clothing appearance from the waist down and is able to fuse his legs together in a similar fashion; I apologize if this is not what you had in mind. The sea is a fickle thing, ain't it?**

 **[4] – I'm making a lot of TV show references, aren't I? For those have watched _Avatar: The Last Airbender,_ they will know that the main character, Aang, was the one that invented the air scooter, or the ball of air that was seen at this point. I draw upon this show immensely for the elemental benders, so bare with me. _Bend_ to my will!**

 **[5] – Another TV reference. I showcased Robyn's powers being similar to Raven's from _Teen Titans_ (not the latest version. That absolutely sucks /censored/).Now that I look back, Andrew and Robyn's interactions are almost identical to that of Raven and Beast Boy; can we expect a pairing!? XD**

 **[6] – For those of you that haven't been able to catch on, I model all of Micheal's alien transformations after ones I've seen in the Ben 10 franchise (yep. I like it that much). The Plasmonurite transformation is based on Ghostfreak, and the line he hisses is taken from the original series.**

 **[7] – The Big, Fat Sword again. Make way and start a revolution, baby.**

 **[8] – This is actually two references in one: who shot first, Han Solo or Greedo? And the 'Loso' part is a quick reference back to when Harold tried to go 'loso' as well. Or is that solo?**

 **[9] – Okay, so I was babysitting my younger cousins while they were watching Veggie Tales, and I was all but ignoring the entire video while I was working on this until I heard the "Mooshu Song" and the fortune cookie that followed. Beware of grapes with mallets indeed.**

 **[10] – This entire reference sheet (as long as it was) was inspired by the King of Total Drama himself, _The Kobold Necromancer._ Bow down to them!**

 **Until then, comment, review, suggest, and request down below!**

 ** _Jeptwin_ and _Creaturemaster_ out, peace!**


	5. The Good, the Bad, and the Losers

**Hey viewers! This time, it's Jeptwin! I'm writing this chapter! I hope you enjoy my style of writing. Here goes!**

 **Hold up! We've got reviews to respond and answer to! That's right, should any of you have a question, a suggestion, or just feel the need to talk to either of us, we will be responding to your reviews in the following chapter! Get use to it, kiddies!**

 ** _Takua_ – Well, with both of us keeping each others arse in check, I don't think we'll have that issue anytime soon XD**

 ** _cartoonfanficwriter_ – Don't worry, we didn't forget! We just haven't found the proper time to introduce that little power of his in yet without it seeming completely random. Glad you are enjoying the story and chapter!**

 ** _.SP_ – Well, of course you can! Well, you could. Will? Have? Time travel is so complicated . . .**

 ** _Safety Pickle_ – Well, shucks, thanks for saying all that! In all honesty, Brent is starting grow on me as I see him something of a more evil version of Noah (one of my all time favorite contestants), who doesn't really seem to fit his given stereotype; seriously, The Schemer? When has he ever schemed? Couldn't he have been called The Cynic instead?**

 ** _Smokescreen2814_ – Harmony, mi amigo, does have said clothes in said app; I just made a minor addition to help her powers make somewhat more sense; this can be removed later on if it bugs you too much however.**

 ** _JVM-SP150_ – Boy, don't I know that feeling. Staying up late and working on homework or the last bit of a chapter that you just simply refuse to leave sitting there until morning is killer. Glad you're enjoying the series, even if you weren't able to apply!**

 ** _Thedaffodilqueen_ – I guess THE challenge is not as good as THE sandwich, but it still works! To be fair, most of the readers haven't heard half of Micheal's alien transformations either, and that's mostly because I base them off of existing aliens in other franchises, namely _Ben 10_ (of which I am an immense fan of). And coming from you and your myriad of Total Drama stories that mysteriously disappear under mysterious circumstances mysteriously means a lot. Long live the airbender!**

 ** _Elizabeth Fire Ice Heart_ – Glad you're enjoying it! Or are you the other you? Another you? Have I seen your account before? Or perhaps a related one? Ugh, alternate dimensions and things are just as confusing as time travel!**

 ** _SophiaCrutchfeild_ – I liked it, too! But we like it more when you guys review and let us know how you're enjoying the story!**

 ** _zombiefear101_ – She's like a hot version of Eva and we love it, too! Believe me, she was one of our most favorite characters to write for this chapter, and I have no doubt she will be later on in the story as well.**

 ** _atom king_ – Like Raphael from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, eh? Bookyakasha, baby, it's happening :)**

 ** _shianen_ – Hah! You think 36k words is impressive, you see my other works! Over 500k, baby! But enough about me gloating, lets talk about you instead. We're glad you thrilled by the chapter and your character's behavior (Alicia is rather entertaining), and believe it or not, writing in the other languages isn't that difficult or any kind of pain at all (thank you, Google Translate. You may not be accurate 100% of the time, but you're reliable!).**

 ** _masterart_ – First off, please refrain from reviewing about my other stories on this story as it has nothing whatsoever to do with it, with the addition that some people find it rather annoying and I'd like to avoid a review war as much as possible (already been there done that with Bill Cipher and that was more than enough, thank you). And don't worry, I'll always make time for OUAT (my co-author loves it just as much as I love writing it). What you should be worried about it when I update my other stories! XD**

 **Alright, I think we're good. Now then, this will unfortunately be the first elimination challenge, and every challenge onward from here will be an elimination challenge as well; as such, we have used an online randomizer to help us select the first contestant going home because, quite frankly, we've already grown attached to them (it's scary). Regardless, we ask that you do not quit reading this story if your OC has been booted from the contest. _Pretty please?_**

 **Disclaimer: We do not own Total Drama nor the song 'Prayer'. The first belongs to Teetoon/Cartoon Network and the second belongs to Hayley Westernra . . . you'll see why the second one matters . . . eventually . . .**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below! And remember! _DON'T FORGET TO SEND IN A CONFESSIONAL! WE CAN'T DO OUR JOBS IF WE DON'T HOW YOU FEEL!_**

 **We clear?**

 **Good.**

 **To the film lot!**

* * *

"Last time on Total Drama: Take 2!" Chris began with the first recap of the season while standing in front of the film lot's gates. "We brought in and introduced twenty-two losers of varying degrees and species to participate in this season's myriad of drama-inducing challenges including, Robyn the Smoking Hot Witch, Jake the Shifty Shape-Shifter, Victoria the Buzzkill and Faith the Wimpy Ghost-" was as far as the narcissistic host got before a low discharge of electricity rumbled and coursed through the ground and gave him a mild shock that was _just_ painful enough to melt every last nerve in his body.

"Sheesh, touchy, eh?" Chris attempted to shrug it off with a bemused grin. "Our contestants were then chased all around the film lot by returning competitor, Micheal the Original Shape-Shifter; they ran helter, they ran skelter, until eventually it was Sun-Li's ingenuity and air manipulation skills that brought the titan crashing down! Guess it really is true about what they say: the bigger they are, the harder they suck!" the narcissistic host chuckled.

"Afterwards, the teams were selected and forced to create and film a monster movie of their design before a selection of judges, including returning contestant Harold!" Chris continued. "In the end, it was the Revolting Raccoons that triumphed over the Putrid Pigeons and sent the later packing to the elimination ceremony; fortunately for them, nobody went home! We ain't goin' easy on them just yet!"

Chef scoffed as he drove by in a golf cart. "Since when do we ever go easy on those boot-lickin' banana slugs?" he rolled his eyes.

Chris smirked smugly. "Exactly!" he exclaimed brightly before snagging a black cowboy hat off the back of the golf cart to then place it upon his head, effectively covering up his now ruined and smoking hair that buzzed with static electricity every few seconds. "This time, we're headin' out West, partners! So polish your spurs, take your flintlock pistol off of safety, and get ready for the rootin-est, tootin-est challenge this side of Niagara Falls! Welcome back to Total! Drama! Take 2!"

* * *

 **(Theme song: Bet you weren't expecting this!)**

 _ **Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine,**_

 _ **You guys are on my mind.**_

 _The camera runs rampant through the film lot, narrowly dodging working interns and camera men before barely avoiding getting hit by Chris in a golf cart as it quickly climbs up a large prop of a 1,000 ft tall cliff to plunge into a tank of water down below; Harmony calmly pumps her tail up and down through the water before coming face-to-fang with a hungry great white shark and quickly flees in the opposite direction. The camera then pans upwards to see Harmony jumping clear out of the water, her tail fluidly turning into a pair of legs, as she jumps into the arms of Christopher._

 _ **You asked me what I wanted to be,**_

 _ **And now I the answer is plain to see,**_

 _Before Harmony or Christopher can say anything, a dead fish is suddenly lobbed right at their heads, knocking the two of them back into the tank; Shannon dusts off her hands with a deep smirk until Adara drops down from the ceiling in total silence and holds a knife to her neck, a stern expression on the assassin's face and a fearful one on the siren's as the camera pans out to just barely catch a glimpse of what seems to be half a dozen identical clones of Andrew go speeding by on a stolen gold cart with Chef Hatchet chasing after them._

 _ **I wanna be famous!**_

 _The camera pans out to show Eliaz and Sasquatchanakwa sitting at a table in the saloon in the Wild West set, currently locked in an arm wrestling match. It seems even and about to come to a draw until Eliaz suddenly gets a wicked grin on his face as dozens of rocks suddenly levitate into the air and slam in what looks like a painful manner onto his arm and hand, coating it in a tough armor and allowing to win the game while also simultaneously seeming to break Sasquatchanakwa's hand._

 _ **I wanna live close to the sun,**_

 _The camera pans out through the saloon doors to show Domanic and Robyn facing off in a Western style battle, the two of them waiting for the other to draw before they both suddenly move; Robyn moves her hands in a quick motion, her hands surrounding themselves in a black aura as two, massive, black constructs of large hands materialize in the air in front of her. Domanic's right arm suddenly shifts and reconfigures into a large cannon, the back of which thrusts down and towards the ground, ripping out a good chunk before blasting it back out and right at Robyn, obliterating her dark magic and slamming painfully into her as Domanic grins triumphantly._

 _ **Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!**_

 _Marissa is sitting on a large moon rock in the Moon Base set, reading a superhero comic book as Sun-Li meditates about a foot in the air above her, her eyes closed and her breathing slow and relaxed; Caesar suddenly flashes into existence, startling the two girls slightly as the skeleton glances around for a few seconds, looking confused before warping back out of existence and leaving the girls in peace. That is, until the stolen golf cart with all of the Andrew clones in it comes speeding by and nearly runs over Marissa's hoof with Chef still in tow._

 _ **Everything to prove, nothing in my way, I'll get there one day!**_

 _Jake swiftly changes into a red, buff, four-armed creature and effortlessly lifts a trailer over his head, flexing one of his three, free arms; Jeremy glares, smoke drifting from his nostrils as a pair of large dragon wings unfolds from his back and claws rip from his fingers, allowing him to grab a second trailer and heft it off of the ground with some effort. The two of them stay like that until Robyn comes flying out of nowhere, slams into the two of them, and crashes painfully against a tree, reducing it to splinters and dropping the trailers. Jeremy suddenly sneezes, blasting out a jet of flame and engulfing the entire camera's view._

 _ **'Cause, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Cecilia and Alicia are sitting opposite of each other at a table, ignoring one another as one reads a book and the other writes in a notebook before their items, the table, and the benches they are sitting on suddenly start to levitate off of the ground and float in the air; Layne chuckles slightly from the ground before Domanic suddenly crashes into him, the two boys tumbling across the Craft Services Tent's floor as all of the hovering items crash into the floor, leaving the two girls dazed as Robyn comes charging through the tent flap, fully intent on beating the living tar out of Domanic. That is, until Samuel steps between her and the two dazed boys, increasing his body size and mass to tower a good twenty feet over Robyn, flexing his exposed muscles and making the dark magic user think twice about starting trouble._

 _ **Na na na na na na na,**_

 _The Andrew clones continue to drive their stolen golf cart around the film lot with Chef now chasing after them in a golf cart of his own; the two vehicles are suddenly passed by a blue and pink blur that reveals to be Oleander. The speedster gives the two golf carts a quick, two-fingered salute before zipping off at an insane speed, whipping right past Jordan as he folds his wings around himself while talking to an exact copy of Oleander before he gets suspicious; Brent emerges out of the fake Oleander in front of Jordan, cackling slightly until Jordan gives a swift beat of his wings, lifting himself off of the ground and smoldering balls of hot fire form in his hands, prompting Brent to wisely decide to run away with Jordan in tow._

 _ **Na na na na na na na!**_

 _Brent runs past the Lame-o-sine with Jordan in hot pursuit and an anger look on his face; the two of them then swiftly decide to change directions and form a quick truce as the Andrew clones in their stolen golf cart and Chef in his own vehicle come racing after them with Oleander giving chase as well, if for nothing more than to just race them._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _The Lame-o-sine window rolls down to reveal Harmony waving nervously at the crowd of cameras and fans and autograph hounds waiting outside for her to show up until Christopher appears with a calming smile and opens the car door for her, taking her hand and leading her down the aisle with the camera right behind them, blinded by the numerous camera flashes._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Chris dressed in his fancy, blue tuxedo smiles charmingly at the camera as he waves around an envelope in his hands; before he can open it, Chef dressed in nothing more than a pink dress and chef's hat with a captured Andrew in hand stroll up to him with a platter of golden Chris awards. The image sudden fizzles out as Faith whimpers slightly, only calmed by a reassuring attempt on Victoria's part to hold her hand. The large, walking cadaver then attaches two cables to the conductors on her back and squeezes her eyes shut as she struggles to send a massive amount of electricity back through the system and into the large TV screen overhead, flashing the words "Total Drama: Take 2" for everyone to see._

* * *

 **(Trailer 1 – Shannon, Jake, Caesar)**

Shannon was not an early riser and valued every last second of the necessary beauty sleep it took to uphold her naturally dazzling looks; that being said, it had taken her hours to get used to the uncomfortable mattresses provided for them with sheets that scratched and itched at her skin and the soft, light blue nightgown she had chosen to wear to bed as her head rested against the surprisingly soft pillow, which was pretty much the only comfort that Chris had provided for them that didn't make their lives in the game as discomfited as possible.

The only problem now was that she was rooming with two other guys, all of whom snored in their sleep despite the fact that one of them was in fact a skeleton and lacked the necessary muscles, tissue, and actual lungs to even consider snoring. There had been multiple protests and several death threats from some of the more aggressive and temperamental of the contestants on Chris' life upon hearing this, but the host had stood fast, firm, and behind Chef out of self preservation about the subject that had angered the contestants so much; according to the show's crafty lawyers however, co-ed rooms would be provided instead of the standard two sleep accommodations as was per usual for the season, with each trailer being assigned to three competitors by last name.

" _Imagine the ratings!_ " was Chris' argument.

Shannon however was trying to imagine what the narcissistic host's neck might look between her webbed, clawed hands while chained to a stone block at the bottom of the ocean.

* * *

 **(Porta-a-Potty Confessional – You wanna know what I'm imagining? _Imagination!_ )**

 **Shannon -** _ *****_ _smirking evilly.*_ "Well, some of these boys fell for my fantastic beauty. Ha! I so cannot wait to feed off of their negativity, so I can make my voice more powerful than ever before; and after our victory last night, I come into my trailer, only to find that I'll be rooming with two _guys!_ Aside from the snoring, it's like opportunity's knocking on my door! Alliances, back-stabbings, an endless supply of emotions and negativity to feed off of! And then there's the lack of cameras in our trailers, too, in case I ever get . . . _lonely_ and need some . . . _companionship_." * _licks lips hungrily*_

* * *

The trailer had been furnished with only a pair of bunk beds for all three contestants sleep on, with Shannon taking the bottom bunk of the first bed under Jake and Caesar taking the other bunk without complaint; all three of the competitors were too tired to say or do much other than grunt and groan the standard 'good night' before climbing into bed and attempting to get as much sleep as possible and try and relax their aching muscles.

Shannon however was simply having trouble trying to get to sleep, tossing and turning under the covers of her bunk without success of falling into slumber; with a sigh, she sat up and climbed out of bed before grabbing the bottom of the top bunk and hoisting herself up so that she was even with Jake's sleeping face as she quietly poked him with a finger.

"Hey, handsome. You awake?" she whispered.

Jake shifted in his sleep and yawned slightly, releasing a long forked tongue from behind a set of razor-sharp snake fangs that the siren knew for a fact hadn't been there the other day. "I am now." he grumbled with his eyes still closed. "What do you want?"

Shannon felt a small smirk cross her lips as she spoke in an innocent tone. "I can't sleep. Would you mind if I bunked with you for tonight?" she asked sweetly.

"Yes, I do. Now go back to bed." he grumbled under his breath as the fangs and forked tongue inside of his mouth grounded and cracked loudly and returned to their original shape while he did so; Shannon frowned and glanced at the small, nautilus shell-shaped pendant hung around her neck and picked it up with her fingers, a smug smile crossing her lips.

"Are you sure I can't sleep with you just for tonight?" she repeated sweetly in a soft, hypnotic voice as the amulet glowed a faint red in between her fingers.

Jake groaned and rolled over, glaring at Shannon with a pair of glowing, golden eyes that looked like they more belonged on a cat than him as a pair of curved horns sprouted from his forehead with a loud cracking noise. "Be my guest . . ." he replied in an almost trance-like tone; Shannon smirked and let the amulet fall against her breasts as she climbed in and under the covers with Jake to snuggle up to him while he sleepily scooted over and reversed the seemingly habitual transformations that littered his body.

"Good night, handsome." Shannon purred.

"Don't fall off." Jake mumbled as he rolled over; before the siren could fully comprehend what that meant, several pointed and sharp bony spikes thrust out of his back and shoulders, nearly skewering Shannon like a marshmallow had she not yelped and pushed herself away at the last second, falling to the floor of the trailer with a pained grunt. Grumbling under her breath, Shannon decided that attempting to sleep in her own bunk was probably going to be less painful and hazardous to her health than a shape-shifter that transformed in his sleep.

* * *

 **(Trailer 2 – Jordan, Jeremy, Cecilia)**

The first thing Cecilia did upon entering her trailer, dumping her luggage on one of the bottom bunks to claim it as her own and promptly fall face down onto the mattress out of exhaustion was make it _very_ clear that the half-dragon and angel were to stay on the opposite side of the room, lest they incur her wrath and consequently suffer from a rather nasty nightmare that she would not hesitate to bestow on them if they disobeyed her demand; wisely, the two boys had quickly claimed their own bunks, with Jeremy taking the bottom and Jordan taking the top, and discreetly changed into their night clothes with their backs turned to Cecilia's side of the room.

"So . . . some challenge, huh?" Jordan spoke up after a couple minutes of stretching his tired arms and flexing his wings.

Cecilia did little more than give an indistinguishable grunt from her mattress, still suffering from the mild injuries she had received during their little production project from several hours prior; the oneiromancer rolled over on her side to face the two boys after a couple minutes of lying on what she found to be a rather uncomfortable mattress. "Just out of curiosity, how do you guys even sleep?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jeremy frowned and raised a suspicious eyebrow as smoke drifted from his nose.

Cecilia vaguely gestured towards the wings thrusting out of their back with a tired hand that she was too tired to even bother correcting its off kilter dexterity with. "Your wings. How do you sleep with your wings?"

Jordan shrugged. "Depends. Mostly on my stomach, I guess? Never really gave much thought to it."

Jeremy nodded in confirmation and climbed onto the bottom bunk, peeling off his shoes and socks and depositing them on the floor while Cecilia gagged and covered her mouth and nose out of self preservation. "You'd think I'd be use to that smell after living with five step-brothers . . ." she coughed and backed at the smell.

"Sorry." Jeremy mumbled as he kicked the offending objects under the bed in a pitiful attempt to mask the smell; when that didn't work, Jeremy sucked in a deep breath and poured a small amount of flame into his palm, easily holding the small fire in his flammable yet highly protective skin much to Jordan and Cecilia's initial shock.

Unfortunately, the new addition of smoke only seemed to make things worse. "Not helping!" Cecilia waved her hand in front of her face; with little other choice, Jeremy tossed his shoes and socks out of the nearest window where they landed on the grass right in the path of a pizza delivery guy making his way over to Chris' trailer with a warm pizza in tow; the man yelped and tripped onto the grass, the pizza going flying into the air and through the trailer window where it landed squarely on the floor with a satisfying _smack!_ and flipped open to expose a warm, delicious pizza drizzled with cheese, pepperoni, green peppers, black olives, and mushrooms.

"Nice! Free pizza." Jordan grinned as he stooped down to grab a slice and carry it off to his bunk; Jeremy made a move to grab his own slice when Cecilia all but let out a low roar that sounded more like it belonged to a starving animal of some kind and pounced upon the open pizza box like a lion on an unwary gazelle, tearing into several slices with raw hunger. Jeremy was slightly taken aback by this and cautiously edged a hand forward, quickly snagging a slice and narrowly avoiding getting his hand bitten off.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – The secret side of me, I never let you see! I keep it caged, but I can't control it!)**

 **Cecilia -** "When you live in a house with five older, immature step-brothers that absolutely love playing pranks on you for their own half witted entertainment, you learn to be an opportunist. Especially on pizza night . . . don't even get me started on how many times I've had to eat mom's leftovers when my brothers scarfed everything else down."

 **Jeremy -** "Geez, what'd her family do, tie her to a stake out in the yard or something!?"

* * *

Eventually, Cecilia was aware of what she was doing and slurped up her latest bite of pizza while sitting up awkwardly with an embarrassed look on her face. "Sorry. I was . . . hungry . . ."

Jeremy rolled his eyes. "That's the understatement of the century. And I thought ol' Two-Coats had an insatiable appetite." **[1]**

With nothing left to say, an empty pizza box in the middle of the floor, a full belly, and what was probably the most embarrassing moment of Cecilia's life, the dream manipulator quickly bid her roommates good night and buried herself beneath the covers and oddly comfortable pillow of her bed without even bothering to change into her pajamas in order to save face; Jeremy and Jordan shared a look with each other and shrugged before finishing off their own slices of pizza and retiring to bed as well.

* * *

 **(Trailer 3 – Alicia, Adara, Domanic)**

"Any attempts to terminate me while I am inoperable for exactly eight hours will be unsuccessful and result in instant expiration." was the only thing Adara told her two roommates before she tossed her limited possessions up onto the top bed on one of the bunks and easily swung herself up without effort and promptly fell asleep with her fingers curled around one of her seemingly endless knives.

Domanic shared a look with Alicia. "Please don't think of this as perverted in anyway when I ask you if I can sleep with you." he said.

" _Hakuna matata._ No worries." Alicia replied as she tossed her dufflebag onto the bottom bunk. "Although, the more correct translation would be _hakuna wasiwasi_ , regardless of what popular culture might claim."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – What a wonderful phrase!)**

 **Domanic -** "That's what I like about Alicia. She might not have the most useful power at the moment, but she's a cool girl to be around; I'd hate to see her go so soon."

 **Alicia -** "Domanic's surprisingly well trained for a boy . . . most of the ones I know are loud, boisterous, and ignore anything I try to say."

* * *

Alicia sighed and didn't bother to change into her pajamas as she flopped down on the bunk of her choice and wriggled under the covers of her bed in an attempt to fall asleep; Domanic briefly watched her before bright blue circuit patterns arched and etched themselves across his right arm as hundreds of metal rods and hoses thrust and slithered out of his flesh, encompassing his arm and wrapping around one another as his skin hardened and turned a durable metallic in density. His fingers swelled to massive proportions as the muscles in his hand and wrist were replaced with stringer, artificial copies that flexed and shifted effortlessly under Domanic's command. With that being done, The Blade dropped to the floor of the trailer with his left arm behind his back and his new, gigantic, metal hand planted firmly on the floor as he began to do push ups that unknowingly rattled and jostled the trailer.

" _Kiḷasa, tiraskāra vyakta karaṇārā udgāra. Puruṣa._ " Alicia grumbled in Marathi as she covered her head with her surprisingly comfortable pillow in an attempt to block out the noise that Adara was miraculously able to sleep through . . . somehow.

* * *

 **(Trailer 4 – Faith, Marissa, Andrew)**

Marissa sighed as she pushed open the door to the trailer she had been assigned and winced upon hearing the cracks and snaps that radiated out from her spine; this was quickly followed by a slight shiver as Faith absentmindedly phased directly through her while meticulously and absentmindedly picking away at her faded fingernails.

"S-Sorry." she mumbled an apology upon realizing that a thin sheen of ectoplasm now covered the satyress from head to hoof; Marissa sighed and rolled her eyes, giving herself a good shake and sending the majority of the slime showering off of her in a wet spray.

"Don't worry about it. We've had a long day." she waved it off. "Do you want the top or . . ." she trailed off when Faith floated up to the top bunk of one of the two sets of bunk beds and laid herself down on the covers, only to slowly phase through the covers, sheets, mattress, surprisingly comfortable pillows, and bed frame all the way down onto the bottom bunk, through that, and onto the floor of the trailer beneath the bunk beds before Faith finally realized what was going on and concentrated long enough to poke her head up through the mattress and blink with surprise. "Never mind."

"Sorry." Faith whimpered a second time before she realized something. "Y-You haven't s-seen Andrew, h-have you?"

Now that the phantom brought it up, Marissa hadn't heard an obnoxious and boisterous "bro" or "brah" ever since she and the rest of the cast had walked, flown, slithered, and lumbered off to their various abodes to attempt to get as much sleep as possible before they would be awoken for tomorrow's challenge. The satyress didn't have to wonder long however, as a loud scream that sounded frighteningly similar to that of a severely annoyed _Tyrannosaurus Rex_ cut through the air like a knife, quickly followed a high-pitched shriek and Andrew as his head came crashing through the wall of the trailer with a low groan.

Marissa sighed and pinched her brow. "What did you ask Robyn this time?" she asked as a golden glow swept over him and grew a pair of identical clones from his head that quickly latched onto his face and began to pull and tug feverishly until Andrew finally popped loose with a quick shriek of metal and a chorus of grunts from all three of the duplicates as they tumbled to the floor.

"I just-" one clone started.

"Asked her-" the second clone continued.

"If she was single, brah!" the last duplicate finished before all three of them were covered in a golden glow and molded back into a single body; Andrew grunted as he pushed himself off of the floor with his one good arm and then tore the sling off of its broken brothers, flexing the fingers and hand and rolling the limb around in its socket as if it were perfectly fine much to mostly Marissa's amazement.

"How did you do that?" Marissa wondered, mouth agape.

Andrew grinned goofily. "The more I divide and reabsorb my clones, brah, the faster my body mends. Healing factor for the win, dude!" he exclaimed as he once again divided himself in two to give himself a proud high-five before the two Andrews were snapped back together into a single clone.

"It probably doesn't work if your whole body is injured . . ." Faith whimpered more to herself than out loud, curling up into a tight ball and fading back under the bottom bunk; Marissa watched with an arched eyebrow and gave a relenting sigh, assuming that Faith was going to chose to sleep under her bed and stay there for the rest of the night for some unknown reason as she clopped across the trailer and climbed into the top bunk to change into her sleep wear with her back to Andrew, an outfit that consisted of a wine red, short-sleeved shirt that exposed her toned midriff, black leggings, and several golden armbands on her upper arm region. A quick glance down gifted her with a small glimpse of Faith's hand phasing up through the mattress to grab a small, white night gown out of her suitcase before it slipped back through and under the bed.

"Want me to read us all a story?" Andrew offered as he bounced eagerly up and down on his bunk, quickly dividing himself into a second clone for emphasis.

Marissa yawned and peeled the covers back off of her mattress. "If it's alright with you, I would just like to get as much sleep as possible."

The two Andrews pouted on their bunk before relenting with sighs and bidding each other good night as they were reabsorbed back into one another to leave a single Andrew to slither under his covers and try to sleep with a drafty hole right next to his bunk as his head hit the pillow; it was then that he made an interesting observation.

"Hey! These pillows aren't surprisingly comfortable, brah!"

"Go to sleep, Andrew." Marissa mumbled with her back turned.

* * *

 **(Trailer 5 – Robyn, Brent, Samuel)**

Brent watched with slight satisfaction as Robyn clenched her hands tightly, her fingers curling like the sharp talons of a bird of prey as dark, black energy crackled and danced like electricity in her tight grip as she glared angrily at Andrew; the Human Copy Machine was taking several fearful steps back as Robyn began to chant something incomprehensible under her breath in a language that he didn't understand before her hands were engulfed in a flaming, black aura and she snapped her arms downard. A long, black tentacle of dark energy whipped forth from her hands and wrapped tightly around Andrew's body, pinning his arms to his side as he struggled and fought and screamed.

"C'mon, brah, it was just a question!" Andrew cried.

" _And I hate questions, you_ _ **/censored/**_." Robyn hissed as the black tendril of dark magic and chucked Andrew away as hard as possible, sending him flying through the air as he gave off a hilariously high-pitched scream that amused Brent to no end; as a result, Robyn seemed significantly calmer as she took a few more ragged breaths and a final, collective sniff to recompose before turning on her heel to saunter towards their designated trailer with that ever present swing in her hips that seemed to unknowingly taunt Brent so.

Samuel didn't say anything as he pushed the door to their trailer open and allowed Robyn to walk through first, followed quickly by Brent before he lowered his head and turned his body to the side in an attempt to squeeze his broad shoulders through the frame; when that didn't work, he shifted and reconfigured the muscles and tissue that made up his massive shoulders and relocated them to his left arm and hand, effectively growing it to a massive proportion and allowing his now slim shoulders to slip through the doorframe followed by his torso, chest, and legs while his gigantic and disproportionate arm landed against the floor with a loud _thump!_ that shook the trailer to its core.

"Sorry." Samuel apologized when Brent glared at him.

Robyn didn't seem to notice however as she slowly and carefully traced a wide circle onto the floor of the trailer with a piece of chalk from her pocket, catching both Samuel and Robyn's interest as she quickly divided the circle into thirds and started to sketch odd and bizarre symbols and shapes from her memory that looked frighteningly alien to them; one of them seemed to bare resemblance to an upside ice cream cone on top of a flattened frog while another look like a three-legged wolverine trying to tap dance. At least, that was Brent's guess as to what they looked like. For all he knew, Robyn saw the world entirely different (what that was, he wasn't sure he wanted to know).

"What are you doing?" Brent asked.

"My nightly ritual. Phobetor demands his daily feeding and worship." was all Robyn said as she finished drawing and deposited the piece of chalk in her pocket before plunking herself down in the middle of the odd circle with her legs crossed over one another and her back stiff and straight as if she had a cold blade threatening to thrust itself into her back. Without another word, she took out a needle from her other pocket and promptly pricked her finger without hesitation, allowing the single drop of blood that came forth to drop down onto the floor.

Immediately, the chalk began to glow an eerie green in color and give off a foul odor that didn't make Brent so much as puke up his lunch as it made him wish he had a gas mask; true, he still harbored a slight grudge against Robyn for failing the first challenge, but he decided that it was better to stay quiet for now and not incur the wrath of a dark sorceress like Andrew had foolishly done minutes prior.

"Well, um, you go do that. Me and Samuel are going to-" Brent started to say before he was interrupted by a tremendous _crash!_ that very nearly made him wet his pants much to his annoyance as he whipped around to see Samuel lying on his back in what had once been a pair of bunk beds now crushed and reduced to splinters underneath of his tremendous bulk. "Looks like you and are bunking together." he added with disdain in his voice to Robyn.

"You stay on top, I'll stay on bottom, we don't go _**/censored/**_ around in each others business, and I don't tie you into a knot and sacrifice you to the dark gods." was all Robyn said as she closed her eyes and rested her hands in her lap. "On a side note, unless you wish to have your _**/censored/**_ mind plagued by nightmares, do not fall asleep until I'm done."

"Can't you go one sentence without swearing?" Samuel spoke up as he pried the shattered remains of the bed frame off of him.

" _ **/censored/**_ no." Robyn shook her head with her eyes closed.

* * *

 **(Trailer 6 – Victoria, Harmony, Sun-Li)**

 _ **BOOM! BANG!**_

Sun-Li winced as she cautiously stepped inside of the trailer she had been assigned to, gulping nervously when she caught sight of the crumpled remains of what had once been the locked door to the trailer before Harmony realized she had forgotten their key; upon hearing those words, Victoria had taken it upon herself to get them inside, utterly destroying the door with a single swing of her cinder block-sized fist that crackled and sizzled with borrowed energy from the twin conductors that thrust themselves almost painfully out of her shoulders.

"Well . . . that's _one_ way to open a door." Harmony noted as she slipped in behind Sun-Li and took a look at their living accommodations. "Considering your size, Victoria, maybe-"

 _ **CRASH!**_

No sooner had the words tumbled past her lips, had Victoria leveled the top half of one of the bunks off to nothing more than splinters, springs, and stuffing with three swings of her mighty fists, two to destroy the mattress and frame and a final one that cupped her hands together into a bludgeoning ball to destroy the support strips with only one blow; Sun-Li was trembling slightly in awe as the awful mess of borrowed body parts then proceeded to brush away the debris with surprising care to the floor where she then swept it under the bed with a ginormous boot.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Now that's what I call bringing down the house! I think . . .)**

 **Sun-Li -** "I know I should be terrified, I really should be . . . but . . . strangely, I am not?"

 **Harmony -** "Okay, I know we all had a rough day and Victoria might not be the most social of people, but sooner or later this kinda destruction's gonna have to stop! Pretty soon we won't have a place to sleep!"

* * *

With great care, Victoria then lowered herself down onto the remaining half of the bed, lying on her stomach and causing the mattress to sag and the bed frame to bow and creak, threatening to break under her great bulk until she had finally gotten herself positioned just so and finally let herself go limp in an attempt to fall asleep when her massive conductors and the bolts and screws that randomly popped out of her body prevented her from getting a good sleep; getting through the door frame had been even harder, with her broad shoulders and the same pair of electricity crackling conductors preventing her from getting through easily so that she had to drop down onto all fours and slide in sideways, causing the trailer to creak and tilt to one side momentarily.

Sun-Li gulped nervously before sucking in a deep breath and speaking. "A-Are . . . are you sure you're alright, Victoria?"

" _Fine._ " Victoria mumbled without moving. "You should get to bed. The pillows are surprisingly comfortable." she added as she blindly groped around for the bunk bed's blankets and wrapped the two around herself, not even able to cover her entire bulk with them as she tried to fall into slumber.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – 'Cause I'm freeeeeee, freeeeeee falling!)**

 **Sun-Li -** "I know it is not my place to be concerned, but Victoria does not seem to be enjoying herself all that much ever since she got here. She seems . . . distant? I can not quite put my finger on it . . . on a brighter tone, the pillows _are_ surprisingly comfortable."

* * *

Sun-Li hummed with concern. "Are you sure? You may borrow my blanket if you wish."

"I'm _fine._ " Victoria growled, turning her head long enough to glower at the air bender with a single, glowing, blue eye that seemed to stab painfully into her soul like a pointed knife; Sun-Li gulped slightly and wisely took a few cautious steps back before the hulking monstrosity lost her patience.

"Just let her rest. It's been a long day." Harmony whispered in Sun-Li's ear from over her shoulder; the mermaid then left Sun-Li to stare with an odd mixture of emotions swirling around in her head at Victoria while Harmony grabbed her suit case and unzipped it to pull out a clunking, box-like machine that briefly caught Sun-Li's attention.

"What is that?" The Shy Care Giver wondered.

"Humidifier. It keeps me from drying out and, to put it simply, from choking in my sleep." Harmony explained. "After all, under all this beauty lies a little fish." she joked with a mirthful grin; Sun-Li nodded and rested her bo staff against the bunk beds and proceeded to climb up onto the top bunk and fold her legs over one another to assume a meditative position where she closed her eyes and folded her hands together. The air bender then took a deep breath and pushed out all outside thoughts and distractions, a necessary factor in keeping her somewhat chaotic powers in check.

"Meditating?" Harmony interrupted.

Sun-Li felt her brow pinch slightly before settling once more. "Yes. I am afraid it requires much concentration. So if you would not mind . . ?"

"Sorry!" Harmony apologized as she finished setting up her humidifier and and plugged it into the single outlet that had been found after much searching under the bunk bed she was to share with Sun-Li or the small kitchenette section that provided neither food nor comfort to its members; she eventually found it in the alcove where a mini fridge might have been present, Harmony deciding that searching on Victoria's side of the trailer would be a poor decision at the moment. With that being done, Harmony pulled off her red tank top, kicked off her sandles, and slipped off her blue bay shorts and the strip of cloth that granted her her true form, leaving her in nothing more than her pink bra and underwear; Sun-Li had cracked open an eye at the disturbance and immediately felt a crimson tinge cross her face, her blush only intensifying when Harmony proceeded to do a series of stretches.

Sun-Li swiftly snapped her eye shut as Harmony stood back up and cracked her back with a rolling motion just as the half-mermaid flickered her gaze to look at her. "Good night, Sun-Li."

" _Annyeonghi jumuseyo._ " Sun-Li mumbled off.

* * *

 **(Trailer 7 – Layne, Eliaz, Christopher, Oleander)**

Christopher had heard of people being able to sleep like logs and he had heard of people suffering from jet lag after long trips; watching Oleander immediately collapse onto the floor of the trailer the moment she set foot through the door and fall asleep however, was a new one.

"Is she alright?" Layne asked worriedly.

Christopher stooped down to examine her, realizing with an odd curiosity at how fast Oleander was breathing and snoring, as if her body wouldn't allow her to sleep properly with a heartbeat slower than that of the average metahuman; with his analysis complete, the soldier lifted Oleander off of the floor in his well muscled arms and laid her down on one of the bottom bunks as she continued to feverishly snore, completely oblivious to the world around her. "I think she's alright, soldier. Just needs a bit of bed rest, is all."

"Something I can agree to." Eliaz nodded as he tiredly stretched his arms behind his head out of exhaustion. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna hit the sack."

"At ease, soldier." Christopher nodded. "We all could use some shut eye, especially considering wake up time is at 0500 hours tomorrow."

Eliaz growled angrily, smacking his face out of irritation. "You can't be serious."

"Nope."

"Good. Just wanted to be clear so I know whose face to pound in the morning." the geomancer grumbled under his breath as he claimed the second bottom bunk as his own, the mattress creaking as he flopped down without bothering to do anything else really; he normally would have slept with some sort of element of the earth, as most benders of elements did so, but his body ached and his mind was too exhausted to care.

Layne was mostly keeping to himself as he tossed his dufflebag onto the top bunk over Oleander and feverishly scrambled his way up and quickly dressed in his sleep wear, which consisted little more than off just a gray pair of boxers and an oversized _Metamorphosizers_ T-shirt that draped over him like a poncho before scurrying underneath of the covers and bedding down; Christopher didn't bother with such trivial manners and simply peeled off the several layers or armor and weaponry that decorated his imposing body so that a rather impressive pile stacked up on the floor of the trailer and yet Christopher never seemed to shrink or look any smaller as he swung himself up onto the bunk above Eliaz and attempted to doze off. **[2]**

After several minutes of silence however, save for Oleander's constant, hyperactive snoring, it was becoming clear that nobody was going to fall asleep anytime soon; every couple of seconds, one of the three boys would turn over and adjust their resting position, rustling the sheets and creaking the beds to the point where Eliaz felt like he was going to break something in half if it continued. "I have a question," he growled in an irritated tone that was just on the brink of sanity as he sat up in bed with his left eye twitching out of annoyance. "Why don't you finally tell us what's going on between you and The One-Man Zoo's Twin Brother?" he suggested while beating a fist against the bottom of Christopher's bunk.

Layne rolled over in his bed. "You mean Micheal?" he whispered.

"No, I mean Jake. What's his problem?" Eliaz rolled his eyes.

Christopher didn't respond at first, merely starring up at the ceiling up above him before he heaved a great sigh and folded his hands over his chest. "I'm not at liberty to say; it is confidential." he began mysteriously. "Besides, we were both too young . . ."

Layne was confused for a split second before his eyes widened and his jaw went slack. "Wait, so you two-"

" _No!_ Nothing like that!" he exclaimed, snapping up and banging his head against the ceiling of the trailer much to his pained annoyance. "I guess it's true what they say: people never assume what you really mean." he grumbled as he rubbed his aching skull.

Eliaz raised an eyebrow. "So tell me, Sergeant Tight Lips, what _can_ you tell us?"

"He was thirteen, and I was fifteen. And that is all there is to report." Christopher told them before he laid back down, drew the covers back up over himself, and laid his head down on the surprisingly comfortable pillows provided for them; seeing that they were not going to get any more answers out of the soldier, Layne and Eliaz bedded down and joined him in slumber.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Secret secrets are fun, unless they're shared with everyone!)**

 **Christopher – *** _sighs*_ It's only been a day since we've got here and people are prying away at me and Jake like oyster shells! Either they all find out . . . or Ballaugh ad I have a talk."

* * *

 **(5:30 a.m. - Because the most important meal of the day begins when no one wants it to!)**

Chris snickered softly to himself as he quietly pulled up to the cluster of cast trailers huddled around a fire pit in a golf cart, barely containing his laughter as he shut the vehicle off and climbed out to grab his trusty air horn from the passenger seat with great care and subterfuge. The narcissistic host snickered once more and tip toed through the collection of trailers, stealthily pressing himself up against one of them; a series of soft snores and murmurings came from inside, marking this trailer as the one that Robyn was residing in if the multiple, unconscious threats she was making on Chris' life were anything to go by.

He normally wouldn't have bothered getting up this early even for one of his usual tricks and pranks, usually forcing Chef to get up at such an ungodly hour of the night to set them in motion, but he took special pleasure in giving the fresh meat their first taste of what the next several weeks of their lives were going to be like. With a sadistic grin on his face he stalked to the fire pit positioned at the center of the trailers and raised his air horn to the air, jamming a finger into his ear with another hovering over the button that would signal the beginning of his rein of terror.

 _ **SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORREEEEE!**_

Chris yelped as a low rumble shook and rattled the ground like a tremendous earthquake; the reaction was immediate as several trailer doors were banged open by various means, a cacophony of screams and yells and severe swearing filling the air as the contestants meandered about in confusion. The door to Brent's trailer was blasted off of its hinges by a wave of dark and chaotic black magic as Robyn came storming out with a posture that was normally associated with vicious _Velociraptors_ and psycho killers with chainsaws that may or may not have had hooks for hands while Faith came screaming out of the roof of the trailer taken by Marissa and Andrew, zipping and swooping through the air for a place to hide as Christopher and Eliaz came bursting out of their own trailer with fists at the ready while Layne trembled behind them.

"What the _**/censored/**_ , Chris!?" Cecilia rounded on the host in a pink top and a pair of black soccer shorts that functioned as sleep wear.

"Why do I get blamed for everything around here?" Chris whined in defense.

Jeremy snorted angrily, instinctively flaring his wings to increase his size. "Because you're _you._ "

Chris shrugged. "Fair point, but I hate to burst your bubble because, for once in my life, I am in no way responsible for your pain and humiliation."

"Then what in the name of Neptune's beard was that?" Harmony frowned, a bright blush crossing her face when she realized that she was currently in nothing but her underwear surrounded by her fellow competitors, a few of which had taken notice of her and were beginning to oggle her out of the corner of their eyes until Christopher kindly pulled off his shirt and handed it to her to wear; the T-shirt draped over her like a tent, successfully covering everything she wanted to keep out of prying eyes.

"Why should we believe anything you say in the first place?" Alicia accused.

"You're right. You shouldn't believe anything I say." Chris chuckled slightly. "But I swear upon the million dollar prize that you're all competing for that I had nothing to do with your hilariously rude awakening."

"Yeah, and Chef doesn't wear a girdle." Brent scoffed until he realized that everyone had their eyes turned to him. "What? I get around!"

Robyn cut off any more conversation and arguing with a quick flare of dark energy as he entire figure glowed a poisonous black in color as she clenched her fists tightly while they crackled and burned with black fire. "Someone had better starting explaining what the _**/censored/ /censored again/**_ woke me up before I start knocking heads." she threatened with a low growl.

 _ **SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORREEEEE!**_

The cast and Chris immediately tensed up and began to look around for the source of the loud, obnoxious noise, eventually tracing it back to Victoria's trailer when everyone realized that one of the two resident giants was missing in action; peering inside, Jordan caught sight of Victoria laying on her stomach on what had once been a pair of bunk beds with her surprisingly comfortable pillow over her head and Sun-Li dressed in a light blue camisole with a frill and lace on the collar and sides with matching pajama bottoms and a pair of bunny slippers cowering beneath the bed as the air bender slept peacefully, absolutely unaware of the horrendous noise that she was created as she snored very, very, _very_ loudly.

"Shoulda seen that coming." Eliaz grumbled, pinching his brow.

"Dude, that girl can snore!" Andrew exclaimed. **[3]**

Harmony winced as she covered her ears. "I can't believe I didn't notice that . . ." she cringed. "Should someone wake her up?"

"My pleasure!" Chris grinned; before anyone could stop him, the host had jammed a finger into his ear and let lose a blast of the dreaded air horn that he paraded about like a threatening weapon of sorts that everyone dreaded and despised. Even over her earth-shattering snoring, Sun-Li heard the loud howl of the air horn and woke up screaming with fright with her ears covered from the awful din as she tumbled out of bed and landed in a tangled heap on the floor in her sheets and blankets.

"Wh-What h-happened?" she blinked blearily.

Eliaz uncovered his ears. "Congratulations. Your snoring registered a 10.2 on the Richter Scale."

Sun-Li felt her face turn a bright red out of embarrassment. "R-Really?"

"I have an eye-witness account." Victoria grumbled from beneath her pillow before she shifted and sat up on the remains of her bed, stretching her gigantic, stitch crossed arms and cracking her neck with a twist of her head while she stood up and utterly dwarfed the airbender under her height, increasing the flustered look upon Sun-Li's face. "What time is it anyway?"

Chris grinned wickedly. "I'm glad you asked, Victoria, because it's time for today's challenge!"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – What time is it? _ADVENTURE TIME!_ )**

 **Victoria -** "Me and my big mouth."

 **Sun-Li -** "I am so embarrassed! I have never had such a problem back home! Oh, and to think of the embarrassment my roommates went through . . . what I wouldn't give to be able to hide away forever!"

* * *

The contestants groaned in unison as Chris' grin only broadened and the beet red color to Sun-Li's face increased in density. "What's the challenge, Chris?" Shannon purred with a small smile and lick to her lips, her fingers curling in an almost 'come hither' way.

"Grab your cowboy boots, saddle up your horse, and meet me at the Ghost Town set: it's time for a Western movie, y'all!" Chris flashed his infamous smile as he placed a black cowboy hat on his head to match his pair of boots and spurs.

" _Never_ talk like that again."Alicia sighed with exasperation.

By the time the contestants found the Ghost Town movie set they had been assigned to find, the sun was already high in the sky and baking the very earth beneath it like an oven, something that didn't improve Chris' mood when they finally arrived to find the host and Chef, with the later dressed in his cowboy garb and the later dressed in a pink dress layered with row after row of fluffy ruffles, a bonnet, and a fan to hide his face behind in a bashful manner while keeping him cool when the several fans and blocks of ice positioned around them didn't do the job. "It's about time you showed up!" Chris exclaimed with annoyance.

"You didn't exactly give us directions." Jordan grumbled as he fanned himself with his feathery wings.

Cecilia was sweating buckets, her black top already stained with sweat. "And it's hot out!"

Jeremy inhaled a deep breath and stretched his leathery wings out to their full span. "Mmmm. Just like home." he sighed happily. "Now all we need is some molten lava!"

"Don't give Chris any more ideas, bro! It's hot enough as it is!" Andrew panted heavily.

Chris cleared his throat in a loud and obnoxious manner. "Reverting all attention to me, thank you." he frowned before recomposing himself and summoning the ever horrible cowboy impression that lurked somewhere deep within his soulless bowels. "Now then, y'all look hotter than a sidewinder on a barbecue, am I right?"

"Nice accent, Chris." Brent commented, wiping his brow.

Chris smiled proudly. "Thank you, Bre-"

"Almost as good as Owen's impression of the Queen of England!" Brent cut in.

"But Owen's impression sucked. And it got him banned from ever visiting the United Kingdom ever again, which makes a second season of World Tour all the harder, might I add." Chris pointed out, confused at Brent's deep smirk; eventually it dawned on him, just as Brent proudly accepted several high-fives for his much appreciated efforts.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional -You know what else sucks? The hideous, abyssal, soul-crushing void of space!)**

 **Alicia - *** _shrugs*_ "I don't know, maybe it was winning the first challenge of the season, maybe it was meeting some of the other freaks and monsters that the world has to offer, but I have more than a few pieces of inspiration on my mind that I can't wait to write out. At the very least, I'd to _try_ and make a friend during the game; believe it or, my team's not so bad."

 **Eliaz -** "How do I feel about the first challenge? Meh, it was alright. At the very least, the goat seems to like me . . . or at least tolerate me . . . and the angel boy, Jordan if I remember correctly seems alright. The one person who's really grating my nerves though is that assassin girl; she's got a hot body and everything but she's got the personality of a rock . . . and I would know."

* * *

Chris glared angrily as Chef snickered behind his fan, attempting to avoid falling on his back in laughter and inadvertently wrinkling his dress and stepping out of the small zone of fresh, cool air that the interns had been so kindly (more like forced) to make for them. "Seeing as how some of you aren't getting into the Western spirit, I brought it upon myself to bring in some of our previous contestants that were bona fide country junkies. I give you-"

Once again, Chris was cut off much to his annoyance by the sound of heavy hoofbeats as a pair of cloaked desperadoes came riding through the dirt and dust on a pair of powerful, snorting horses; the host yelped and instinctively flinched as the horses galloped past him without stopping as one of the desperadoes threw out a length of rope tied and knotted into a lasso that looped securely around Chris, pinning his arms to his sides and yanking him flat down on his butt with a disgruntled grunt as the horses finally came to a stopping, rearing and slicing at the air madly with their hooves.

"Hah! I told you I'd be able to rope Chris!" the shorter of the two masked renegades exclaimed happily as Beth tilted the brim of her wide cowboy hat up, blinking blearily as the hot sun nearly fried her eyes behind her thick lenses. "You owe me twenty bucks, Rodney!"

The much larger of the two masked criminals groaned and pulled the sombrero off of his head to fan himself with while he reached into the pocket of his overalls beneath a heavy cloak that had no affect in fending off the sweltering heat as he pulled out a twenty dollar bill and gave it to the Wannabe; Chris struggled feebly against his bonds, glaring incredulously at Chef when the crossdressed cook didn't make any move to untie him.

"Too bad you couldn't have roped _this_ Chris." Jake grumbled under his breath, jerking a thumb at Christopher and drawing several raised eyebrows and even an irked look or two.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional - We don't know why Rodney would bet against Beth. Maybe he has yet another 'girlfriend'?)**

 **Andrew -** "I know we're on different teams and all, but dude, what did Christopher do to tick Jake off so badly? He seems like such a mellow dude most of the time!"

 **Robyn -** "As much as I truly hate to admit it, I have to agree with Andrew. I know from experience that it takes a lot to hate a person _that_ much. And I already hate Andrew!"

 **Harmony –** "What is Jake's deal!? Every chance he gets, he bad mouths Christopher! Neptune's Beard, just what happened to make him so bitter?"

* * *

"If we're done making bets against my person, can someone kindly untie me?" Chris spoke up from the ground, struggling against the lasso every now and again.

Robyn gave a smug smirk as she hacked and coughed and spat out a wet loogie that all but evaporated the moment it hit the sizzling air. "Bite my red, hot glowing _**/censored/**_." she smirked before she caught wind of something burning and realized what she had just said several seconds later. "Wait a minute . . . red hot glowing _**/censored/**_!?" she panicked, looking down at ass and coming to the horrific realization that it was indeed hot, glowing, smoking, and just about ready to burst into flames.

"Dude, I know what you're going to say, and I _highly_ advise against it." Domanic hissed to Andrew when the duplicator was about ready to make a comment of some sort that would most likely put him on the receiving end of Robyn's wrath as the Goth Punk proceeded to screech in a manner very similar to that of an enraged harpy while she ran for the nearest water trough and jumped right in without hesitation, sighing with relief as a frighteningly loud sizzling sound filled the air. **[4]**

Chris smirked. "That almost makes up this little bet of yours, Beth. Now untie me before you're fired!" he exclaimed; the farm girl did so with a quick snap of wrist, spinning Chris like an out of control top as he zipped and sped all around the set until he landed with a _splash!_ in another water trough across the way from Robyn, earning a satisfied snort from her as he spat out a mouthful of water. "Any . . . anyway, for today's challenge, you'll . . . you'll be taking part in a genuine Western shootout . . ." he explained delirious.

"We were gonna do that last time wes was here, but the chubby one drank all the water." Chef grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

Chris struggled and attempted to get himself out of the water trough, but his backside was firmly wedged inside. "A little help!?" he cried irritably; Rodney stepped forward and grabbed hold of the host by his arm, yanking with his all his strength as Chris cried out in pain at what he thought was having his arm yanked out of its socket until he was eventually pulled free of the wet trough and tossed into the dirt. "Gee, thanks a lot, Gorilla Hands." he mumbled under his breath as he stood up and dusted himself off, wincing at the pulled muscles in his arms. "Anywho, each team will be given paintball guns and a vest to shoot and protect themselves with and these nifty cowboy hats to set the mood, according to legal."

"Wait, your lawyers are actually making you think about our safety for once?" Alicia raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

The narcissistic host scoffed. "As if! Legal just says you have to wear the hat! We don't even have vests!" he laughed hysterically, earning several groans and a few panicked looks from Faith and Layne as they unconsciously winced and rubbed their arms where they might be shot in the very near future; once Chris had finally stopped cackling he continued. "The last team standing, will earn a leg up in the next challenge."

Sun Li allowed a small smile to creep across her lips. "This should be an easy challenge; with Oleadner on our team, we shall be unstoppable."

Chris snickered, drawing several worried and anxious looks from the competitors. "Did I forget to mention that this season there _won't be any permanent teams?_ " Chris smirked, rubbing his hands together maniacally as the contestants yelled and complained and protested loudly, along with a fair amount of swearing that would have gotten her thrown off most movie sets on Robyn's part and enough fire to classify as a forest fire from Jeremy. "That's right! This season, there will be no permanent teams! That means your enemies could be your teammates or your enemies could be . . . well, your enemies."

"Nice one, Chris. I bet it took you all night to come up with that." Alicia rolled her eyes. "So just who are we stuck with?"

"Your a very perceptive publisher, aren't you?" Chris asked rhetorically. "Team one will be as follows: Christopher, Jordan, Marissa, Sun-Li, Eliaz, Andrew, Shannon, Adara, Alicia, Caesar, and Oleander. You will be known as the Retched Rattlesnakes!"

"That's stereotyping and you know it!" Beth protested. "What would Toni say?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Probably something along the lines of rolling over and scratching her own fleas." he snarked. "Now then, team two will be the rest of you sorry lot: Robyn, Jeremy, Layne, Harmony, Faith, Samuel, Victoria, Brent, Cecilia, Jake, and Domanic. You will be hence known as the Horrendous Hawks!"

"Really stretching it for that alliteration, aren't you?" Alicia rolled her eyes with a frown.

"Yes, yes I am. Now, take your guns and head to opposite sides of the set; anything goes, as long as it doesn't cause permanent injury," Chris added as he pointed to a two piles of paintball guns colored a mottled green for the Rattlesnakes and a rusty orange for the Hawks. "Legal made _that_ clear. So no shooting your eye out kiddies!"

Rodney was concerned. "Uh, are you sure this is safe, Chris?" he spoke up. "I mean, some of these lovely ladies might get hurt without someone like me to- _GAK!_ " he choked out as Victoria effortlessly picked him up by the neck in one of her monstrous hands and lifted him off of the ground, holding him up to eye level as the conductors sprouting out of her broad shoulders that easily dwarfed the Country Boy crackled with enough electricity to stop and start his heart over a dozen times; a low, harsh growl caught his attention as he turned to see Robyn grinding her teeth in a manner similar to that of a very hungry, prehistoric reptile while Alicia and Cecilia looked like they wanted to break him in half. Even Harmony looked like she wanted to fish slap him with her own tail with Oleander zipping back and forth in place so that she was little more than a deadly blur that made Rodney all the more dizzy as he gulped nervously. "N-Never mind." he trembled; satisfied that their point had been made, Victoria threw him to the ground.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Point! Point! Pointy, pointy, pointy! Point!)**

 **Victoria –** _tries to fit inside of confessional with little success*_ "The subject's a little touchy for me, alright? Lets just say that I . . . wasn't always like this . . ."

 **Robyn -** "The next guy who says that can go suck a **_/censored/ /censored again/ /does this really need to be censored, because I'm pretty sure you can guess what's be said/_** and **_/yep, still censored. Someone needs some soap/_** _!_ "

 **Layne -** "Robyn's voice _really_ carries . . . I'm going to be having nightmares for weeks!"

* * *

"Well said, Rodney. You'll keep your kiwis yet." Chris smiled with a mocking, proud tone (even though on the inside he was wincing and mentally protecting his coconuts from being obliterated). "Now get the cactus spines out of your keisters, grab a gun, and get scrambling! You've five minutes before its a quick draw and shootout! So get to it! And remember! Friendly fire counts!" Chris announced with a tip of his cowboy hat; what followed could only be described as a miniature stampede as every last contestant scrambled and dashed to the piles in a mad rush to be the first to grab a paintball gun and look for places to start hiding.

* * *

 **(Horrendous Hawks)**

Layne sighed with relief as he set his gun on the ground and leaned up against the side of the one of the many rusty, old, and not up to code taverns and buildings that dotted the Wild West set for a breather. "This should be easy," he wiped his sweaty brow. "Even if we all get shot, they won't be able to hit Faith."

The spirit fidgeted uncomfortably as she floated just behind Victoria's impressive frame, rubbing her shoulder awkwardly. " _Um . . ._ " she coughed in a soft, almost hoarse voice as she hadn't spoken for ages. " _I . . . I-I don't . . . really have c-control over my p-powers yet . . ._ "

"Of course you don't." Robyn growled, pinching her brow out of annoyance. "As if that wasn't bad enough, they have Little Miss Speed Demon running circles around us. How else could could the universe screw us in the _**/censored/**_!?"

" _Do not make me tell you to keep the swearing to a minimum, Robyn! That would be_ _ **very**_ _bad for your team!_ " Chris yelled faintly from somewhere off that the contestants couldn't quite pinpoint; as to why their narcissistic host was not reprimanding them on his loud speakers, they did not know.

Jake smirked, folding his arms over his chest as he cocked his paintball gun. "Leave Oleander to me."

Harmony raised an eyebrow. "If you say so . . ."

Robyn grinned wickedly. "Then lets get the little _**/censored/**_!"

"Those . . . uh . . . _people_ , as you call them, _are_ your future team mates and opponents." Brent reminded her.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional - What's up with Robyn? We have no idea! Or do we . . . nope! We don't!)**

 **Brent -** "As much as I agree with Robyn's crude choice of words, it's not wise to appear as a threat this early in the competition, especially with the first elimination right around the corner. I mean, there's no way Chris would put off the elimination . . . we'd all drive him crazy _far_ before _that_ happens."

* * *

"Does it look like I give a crap?" Robyn snarled.

Brent took a look at her and noticed the way her eyes were narrowed, glowing an unsettling black in color while her grip twitched and clenched tightly around her paintball gun as if just waiting to gun down opponent after opponent and continue doing so no matter how much pain she might feel. "Uh, no?"

" _Smart answer._ " Domanic whispered.

Robyn cleared her throat, immediately catching everyone's attention lest they anger anymore than she already was. "Now then, if you want me to calm myself, listening up so I can start shooting people and get to it-"

"You calm yourself by _shooting_ people?" Jeremy raised an eyebrow, puffing out a cloud of smoke from his nose in disbelief.

" _No,_ not _just_ people. Depends on what's lying around." Robyn frowned. "Now, unless you want me to rearrange all the holes in your face– _yes,_ I know a spell that _can_ do that– shut your mouth hole and listen up." she added when she caught sight of Jeremy's still suspicious features.

"Whatever you say, Black Widow." Jeremy scoffed, rolling his eyes and feeling a slight smirk cross his face when he caught sight of the way Robyn's face turned just the lightest shade of pink; no one else on their team would have been able to notice it, given their laughably pathetic human eyes, but Jeremy was easily able to pick up her light blush with his heat detecting eyes and the pits just under his cheek that sensed changes in temperatures that most would have been ignorant to.

Robyn coughed awkwardly. "Yes. Now then, Musclehead, Powerhouse, and I-"

"You mean Samuel and Victoria." Brent interrupted with a drawled tone.

The Goth Punk rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to strangle him. "Whatever. We'll provide a distraction and see if we can't mow 'em down." she instructed. "Misery, Dragon Breath-"

"Faith and Jeremy?" Brent supplemented.

"- will attack from the air and keep Jordan busy." Robyn continued on without acknowledging Brent's interruption and thusly his existence. "Dreamscape-"

"Cecilia?"

Robyn clenched her fists and whirled around to grab Brent by the front of his shirt, easily lifting him off the ground as she glared poisonously at him. "Cut me off again, and I will cut off your _face._ " she hissed venomously. " _Got it?_ "

Brent's only response to nervously nod his head and try to ignore the bruises on his butt as Robyn threw him on the ground and continued to tell them her plan of action, explaining that Brent, Harmony, and Domanic (Face Eater, Fish Sticks, and Bolts for Brains, respectively) would form up the ground assault while Jake and Layne (Fido, and Sir Whinesalot, respectively) would act as the stealth team.

"What about me?" Cecilia spoke up.

"Channel your inner dragon rider and get on Jeremy's shoulders and-" she started.

The dragon halfbreed cut her off with a hot blast of fire aimed directly at the ground and her feet, making everyone jump back with surprise from the searing heat before Jeremy snuffed it out with a quick flap of his wide wings. "Oh, no! _No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!_ I absolutely refuse to be used as a pack animal!"

"I concur." Cecilia gulped, mentally wondering to herself whether teaming up with a fire-breathing dragon or a death witch would be the end of her. "So, what do I-

 _ **WONK!**_

"Pick a spot! It's go time!" Robyn screamed at the top of her lungs as she cocked her paintball gun and charged headlong into the fray with Samuel and Victoria barreling after her, each step seeming to shake and tremble the ground as they surged forward and everyone else dove into their positions; with weapon in hand, Jeremy turned to Faith and gave a curt nod as he gave a dramatic flap of his wings and shot up into the air, spiraling upwards as he did so and pausing to hover in the air and survey the battlefield below him.

The halfbreed watched as Eliaz clenched his fists (and butt cheeks, but those are unimportant) and stomped a foot down on the ground, erecting a wall of rock and earth in front of him that absorbed the majority of the paint that Robyn fired off at a rapid pace, peeking up every now and again to return fire before he realized that Samuel was all but upon him. The elastic metahuman lowered and twisted his body as he charged so that his shoulder took the majority of the impact as he crashed right through the rock wall and attempted to shoot Eliaz at point blank range; the earth bender didn't take kindly to this and took a firm stance, thrusting his hands out to either side of him with his fingers clenched like claws as he raised his hands, erecting two pillars of rock that slammed together right in front of Eliaz as he clapped his hands, blocking off Samuel.

The earth bender then drove the tip of his foot into the ground and shoved the rock pillars forward and away from him with a quick thrust of his hands, pushing Samuel away and into a shallow pit that had opened up under the earth bender's command. Before he could dash in and finish the muscle-coated metahuman off, he was suddenly pelted with orange paint from above that stung like a swarm of bees even against his tough skin; glancing upwards, he caught sight of Faith just the ghost yelped with fright and disappeared in a flash of intense, bright light that made him raise an eyebrow before the rock pillars in front of him exploded into rubble as Samuel climbed out of the pit and charged back into battle.

"Pick a me! Any me!" Andrew laughed hysterically he was swallowed in a flash of golden light and separated into a dozen clones, each carrying a mottled green paintgun carried over from the original duplicate and each one looking exactly alike; before Robyn could spend the next several minutes amusing herself with ways to torture Andrew and get her point across, Victoria planted a firm hand against the ground and discharged a massive shock of electricity from the conductors upon her shoulders that traveled down her arm, through the ground, and lit every last one of the clones up like a Christmas tree, stunning them all long enough for Robyn to shoot every last one of them with a single splatter of paint between the eyes.

"On second thought, don't pick me. Pick one of them." a clone groaned from the ground, jerking a thumb at one of the other duplicates.

Victoria briefly glanced at the pathetically tiny paintball gun in her hands, as if pondering over it for a few minutes, before casually tossing it over her shoulder and cracking her knuckles with a single flex of her fingers; Robyn all too eagerly picked up the weapon and felt a sinister grin cross her face that made Harmony pause and shiver uncomfortably when she caught sight of the wicked smile.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Smile and the world smiles with you!)**

 **Harmony -** "And I thought _sharks_ had some nasty dental wear . . ."

 **Oleander -** "You know you're in trouble when Robyn has a weapon and is giggling like a little girl in a candy shop with a unicorn that poops rainbows . . ."

* * *

" ** _BANZAI!_** " Robyn roared at the top of her lungs; Jeremy felt his eyebrows shoot up into his hair as the Goth Punk charged forward with paintball guns ablazing and screaming her head off like a madman as she jumped and ran and whirled and dodged and caused all around mayhem, eventually locking herself in combat against Adara as the two of them shot it out with sights only set on the other. Adara aimed for Robyn's chest and legs, firing off one after the other and watching with irritation as the Goth Punk jumped and managed to twist her entire body horizontally and spin to avoid getting hit whole firing off her paintguns in unison, growling with annoyance when Adara leaped as high as she could with legs out to deliver swift kicks to Brent and Domanic's jaws at the same time.

Domanic held his jaw and promptly spit at the ground. "Okay, no more Mister Nice Machine." he narrowed his eyes as the ever familiar, blue circuitry pattern lit up and glowed upon his right arm as hundreds of metal wires and hoses thrust and slithered out of his flesh, encompassing his arm and wrapping around one another as his skin hardened and turned a durable metallic in density. His fingers swelled to massive proportions as the muscles in his hand and wrist were replaced with stronger, artificial copies that flexed and shifted effortlessly under Domanic's command.

"Eat nanite-enfused fist!" Domanic cried as he clenched his gigantic, metal fingers and thrust his fist at Adara, a blow that would have broken most people's bones had the living weapon not turned around and caught his hand and grabbed him roughly by the forearm to judo flip him and slam him into the ground before shooting him point blank.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Alicia gaped.

"Basic government facility training." Christopher offered before he realized that everyone was starring at him. "What? I grew up on a government compound in the States."

" _Or_ she could have gotten judo lessons at the mall." Caesar rolled his eyes in their sockets.

"That, too." Christopher agreed before diving to the ground and rolling out of the way as Layne and particularly Jake fired at him, missing by inches as the soldier dove behind a barrel for cover and waited a few harrowing seconds to catch his breath before he jolted back straight up and took aim, firing off his paintball gun at Layne and succeeding in nailing him in the chest; before he could take out Jake however, he hesitated upon seeing the cold, reptilian-like glare the shape-shifter was throwing his way, as if egging him on to shoot him.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – To shoot or not to shoot, that is the question.)**

 **Christopher -** "He knows that I'm trying to make amends. He knows it and he's using it his advantage. * _sigh*_ Ballaugh's scared, that much I know, and he's going to keep on doing this until he trusts me again . . . which might be never, now that I think about it . . ."

 **Sun-Li -** "I am aware of Christopher and Jake have a rather . . . shaky past, and I am more than willing to attempt and help them make up. If only such actions would not cost our team the challenge . . ."

* * *

That was Christopher's fatal mistake; before the soldier could say anything, the shape-shifter's body began to morph and transform before his very eyes, taking on a new form to help aid in battle. Jake's back cracked and ground heavily as pound after pound of sheer muscle and tissue piled itself up onto his figure, increasing his size and strength with every fluid nanosecond that passed his arms bloated and swelled to nearly three times their strength and size. His fingers cracked and ground heavily and loudly, grinding against one another until they fused together and allowed the fingernails to coat them in a protective shell that split in two down the middle to form a cloven hoof nearly the size of a dinner plate while Jake's neck swell, his veins popping as his skull snapped and cracked loudly to elongate into a squashed muzzle composed of a wet nose and jaw full of flat, grinding teeth. A loud tearing sound filled the air as a pair of curved horns thrust themselves out of his skull on either side of his head as he fell onto his forelegs, his weight so heavy that he could even stand as his legs jostled and snapped to shift into new joints; a faint, golden infinity symbol appeared between the bull's poorly developed eyes, ending the transformation.

"Mess with the bull, you get the horns!" Jake snorted angrily, briefly pawing the ground with a heavy hoof before surging forward and slamming into Christopher with the force of a freight train; all the soldier could do was hold onto the bull's horns as he was carried through the Wild West set and smashed through not one, not two, but three of the fake and easily damaged buildings before being tossed upwards with a quick twist of Jake's head.

Jeremy took that as his cue and gave a powerful pump of his wings as he plummeted down towards the ground at an angle with his leathery wings folded against his body as he began to spin in a tight corkscrew to increase his speed; a quick glance upward would reveal nothing more than a fiery comet streaking across the sky as the halfbreed engulfed himself in fire and plunged towards the falling soldier in a heavy stoop, whipping out his wings and slowing his decent with a single flap as he then fired off his paintball gun and succeeded in splattering Christopher in hot orange paint before he landed back on the ground with a low groan.

"Now _that_ was cool." Jake shook his head.

Jeremy smirked. "And that's no bull."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Oi. Puns.)**

 **Jake -** "For a dragon . . . Jeremy's pretty cool, no irony intended. Anyone that can lay the smack down on Washington is okay in my book."

* * *

Robyn gritted her teeth as Adara skillfully and expertly dodged every last shot she fired off, leaping up onto a barrel and backflipping off to skillfully land on a fence post to avoid getting shot before jumping onto the overhang over the set's crudely made saloon and taking a sniper position from there; despite her focus being entirely on Robyn, her senses were sharp and open as ever, every footstep her teammates and opponents like thundering drums to her and every last desperate breath that they took like a jet engine in her ears. With little effort, she juked to the left and then rolled right to avoid a shot from Robyn backflipping up onto the roof of the saloon to avoid air coverage from Jeremy.

"Your attempts are laughable at best." Adara quipped without emotion. "Try actually hitting me."

"Oh, I'll hit you alright!" Jeremy growled as he flared his wings and opened his mouth to exposed razor-sharp fangs like railroad spikes before he took a deep breath and fired off a continuous stream of raging, hot fire from the back of his throat, his eyes narrowing when Adara rolled across the to avoid getting hit and leaped across the space between the saloon and the next building while he continued to chase her with his flames. He barely noticed out the old buildings lit up like matches under his fury, all Jeremy cared about was engulfing Adara in flames and taking her out of the challenge; he was so focused on her however, that he didn't notice Jordan coming up from beneath him until it was too late and the angel's fist connected with his jaw in a swift uppercut.

Jordan hissed as he held his throbbing hand, looking at Jeremy with curiosity as the halfbreed hacked and spit out a fiery ember in defiance. "Dragon scales. Strongest natural armor in the world."

The angel narrowed his eyes as they began to glow a hot red in color. "We'll see about that." he snarled before he fired off twin beams of hot energy from his eyes and nailed Jeremy in the chest, swooping forward with the stunned dragon reeling back and sustaining two punches to the chest and gut before he rammed his head into Jordan's and got the angel off of him. With a loud roar, he pumped his wings and surged forward, slamming his full weight into Jordan's gut and knocking the wind out of him as Jordan flailed and clawed at his tough scales while the halfbreed angled downwards in his decent; Robyn ceased fire for a second to watch as the two came screaming down from the sky in a fiery inferno, slamming and crash-landing into the Wild West set's general store and reducing to rubble and wood splinters in a fiery explosion.

"Ooh, Chris ain't gonna like this." Robyn resisted the urge to grin wickedly.

"Stop talking and start shooting already! The pigeon's still winging it!" Jeremy shouted from somewhere within the raging inferno before the two of them came erupting out of the mess in a ball of hot fire, rolling and tussling about on the ground in a tangle of arms, legs, and wings and exchanging blow for blow to the point where Robyn couldn't distinguish which was which while they fought each other, paintball guns long forgotten in favor of teeth, claws, and fists. "Shoot 'em already!"

With little other choice, Robyn gritted her teeth, closed her eyes and pulled the trigger, cracking open her eye when she heard something get hit; instant fury crossed her face when she saw Jeremy freeze upon feeling the orange paint drip down his neck, allowing Jordan to slug him in the face and get the half-dragon off of him. Before he could flee however, Robyn swiftly turned her attention to him and gunned him down, speckling his black and wings with orange paint until he looked like he had come down with a case of the chicken pox.

After a few minutes, Robyn felt herself breathing once more and turned to look as Jeremy wiped the orange paint off of his neck and looked it over. "Does this mean I'm out?" he wondered.

"Unfortunately." Robyn growled; without looking, she whirled around and fired off her paintball gun, nailing Alicia in the chest as the omnilinguist attempted to snipe her from the roof of the saloon and went tumbling over the side with an overly dramatic scream of pain and fury. "Ballaugh!" **[5]**

A loud scream caught the Goth Punk's attention and she whirled around to see Shannon come tearing down the main strip, howling her head off as a bull came barreling after her, snorting and raging as hard as it could as it lowered its head and tried to gore her with its horn; with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, Robyn pulled the trigger and fired twice, the first at the siren's feet to stun her long enough for the second shot to nail her in the shoulder and bring the bull to a screeching halt, its horns mere inches from her backside.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Ole!)**

 **Shannon -** "Either Jake's in a bad mood, or he's getting revenge for last night. All I was doing was to get some sleep! And . . . maybe get a little closer to him . . ."

* * *

"Ballaugh, enough horsing around-"

"I'm a bull." Jake corrected, resuming his original form in a whirl of leather hide, horns, and hooves.

"Whatever. Change of plans. You're on the stealth team. Get to it." Robyn instructed him without care; Jake nodded and mentally cycled through the millions of images in his head before coming across one he deemed fit for the job and felt the changes begin. His skin stretched and cracked loudly with a series of squelching noises as it was pulled and flexed across his frame, growing tighter and tighter around him like a wet paper bag that far too small to fit into comfortably while his bones snapped and ground against one another. His spine arched and gave off a series of painful snaps and smacks as a long, whip-like tail snaked out from the base of his spine, a sharp spine tipping the end while he was forced down onto his hands and knees by his quickly rearranging joints and skeleton; his skull and lower jaw were forced out into a sharp muzzle with an underbite riddled with curved fangs as a wet fin or sorts rose from his spine. Jake's fingers wrapped and shifted loudly, clenching into sharp claws with spongy, sticky toes and pads as his skull pulled back into a pointed crest while his eyes split apart into a second pair before molding into a single, golden orb, reducing the number of eyes to three. A sudden squelching sound filled the air as a second set of forelimbs were thrust out from under the original pair, nothing more than fresh, red muscle until they were quickly coated with soft, mottled, purple skin just as a golden infinity sign appeared on the creature's face right above its middle eye.

"What the heck are you?" Robyn raised an eyebrow.

"Furtilacerta." the lizard-like extraterrestrial answered in a low, chilling voice that made Robyn's hair stand on end. "Now you see me . . ." Jake trailed off, his figure shifting and wavering before the Goth Punk's eyes as the millions of chromatophores in his skin tightened and relaxed to effortlessly camouflage him and allow him to blend into his environment with the greatest of ease. Robyn waited patiently as a set of footprints made their way across the dusty sand, six footprints in all, before coming to a stop near one of the walls of the buildings before the sound of something moving across the old, creaking wood caught her attention to signify that the Furtilacerta was climbing the structure with his sticky feet.

Before Robyn could bask in her victory however, she was suddenly slammed into from the side and knocked to the ground, her paintball guns skittering away and quickly disappearing in a orange and blue blur much to her confusion; looking down at herself however, she found that she had been hit straight in the chest by a blotch of green paint.

" _Nooooooooooooooo!_ " Robyn screamed with fury.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Yeeeeeeeeeeesss!)**

 **Oleander -** "Okay, so _maybe_ going after Robyn was a bad idea. Maybe."

* * *

Before Robyn could unleashed her unbridled rage and fury upon the movie set however, a loud scream caught her attention and she turned towards the source of the sound to see Sun-Li furiously smacking her bo staff against the ground in a frantic frenzy of movement as if she were trying to whack some kind of invisible gopher; it wasn't until the flickering image of a Furtilacerta caught her attention did Robyn allow a smirk to cross her face just as Jake flashed an intense series of bright colors that made Sun-Li cover her eyes to prevent herself from going dizzy, allowing the extraterrestrial to lung forward, swipe her paintball gun from her, pin her to the ground with his tail around her arms and chest to restrict movement, and shoot her with her own gun, sending her out of the challenge.

The victory was short lived however as Harmony and Cecilia screamed with surprise as the orange and blue blur whizzed past and tagged them with a splattering bright green paint; a flash of bright light and a loud _bang!_ caught her attention and Robyn whirled around to see Caesar flash into existence on Samuel's shoulders just before the gigantic humanoid could shoot a cornered Eliaz and blasted Samuel in the face with paintball gun, making him scream with pain and fury (but mostly) pain as he covered his single, green eye in agony.

"Ballaugh! Forget stealth! Put the pedal to the metal already and take the rest of 'em out before they take us out!" Robyn demanded; the Furtilacerta nodded and quickly resumed its original form in whirl of arms, eyes, and slimy skin before taking on a new one, the changes quickly creeping over Jake's frame. His fingers hardened into sharpened blades as his spine cracked and bent, sprouting a long, whip-like tail from its base while black and white stripes themselves around the cracking appendage. His toes tore through his shoes and melted into four claws, two in the front and two more in the back, much like a parrot's foot; the ball of his heel crunched forward, moving his foot bones and becoming perfectly round and smooth, suddenly separating itself from his foot and held there by his curved claws as a fifth, scythe-like spike rose from between his two front claws, perfect for slashing and cutting away at the vulnerable tendons and ligaments of prey. Jake felt his skull stretch back into a sharp point and his legs bend backwards into a new joint while a pointed, black helmet with a slide-down visor fluidly fashioned itself around his head and skull, followed quickly by a black and white bodysuit that wrapped around his blue body as his eyes flashed a bright gold in color and a glowing, golden infinity sign materialized on his chest.

"Lets see 'em catch _this._ " the Velocidadian gave a sharp-toothed smile as the visor to his helmet slid down to protect his eyes and face before he took a pitcher's stance and dashed off in a whirl of black and blue, nothing more than a colorful streak as he shot off like a rocket and whizzed and zoomed around the set, buzzing in a tight circle around the burning remains of the general store to create a vacuum to remove any oxygen from the area and thus put out the flames before coming to a screeching halt.

With that done, Jake assumed a second pitcher's stance and took off once more, swiping a discarded paintball gun from the ground, and ignoring Eliaz or Caesar entirely and going after the orange and blue streak that was Oleander at full throttle.

"Hey, Slow-poke!" Jake cried.

"What the- oh, crap! Not again!" Oleander yelled upon catching sight of the Velocidadian racing full speed at her; with a quick flip of her body she whirled around and began to skate backwards as fast possible, glancing over her shoulder every now and again to make sure she didn't crash into anything or anyone while she fired off her paintball gun in the hopes of striking Jake; unfortunately the Velocidadian was just as fast, if not faster, than even she was and simply dodged and weaved his way through the onslaught with ease.

Oleander could feel her heart beat faster as she struggled to keep her footing even and level while simultaneously keeping herself from crashing into anything that could make her falter and come crashing down; sweat poured down her forehead, turning her bright, orange skin a glistening scarlet in color as her pulse raced and her breathing became quick and ragged. She knew what was happening and quite frankly she didn't care that her pores were suddenly starting to pump out a toxic, green gas that engulfed her and provided her with enough cover to turn around and just barely jump over a water trough she would have tripped over had she not looked carefully. Olenader knew that the toxic excretion was not fatal in any way, but it was an incredibly powerful narcotic that attacked the respiratory system and pumped its way throughout the body, slowly putting the victim to sleep and allowing her to escape the tight situation she had gotten herself in.

Unfortunately for her, the gas had little to no effect on Jake and surged forward and swiftly spun around to crack his whip-like tail across her face, stunning her and sending her tumbling and crashing to the ground with a low groan as he came to a screeching stop standing over and proceeded to shoot her point blank without hesitation.

"How . . ?" Oleander groaned.

The Velocidadian grinned as the toxic, green gas dissipated and allowed him to slide up his visor and take a deep breath of fresh air. "You'd be surprised how handy this helmet is." he grinned wickedly.

"And _you'd_ be surprised how handy this gun is!" Caesar quipped as he flashed back into existence directly behind Jake and pulled the trigger of his paintball gun, successfully shooting the Velocidadian in the back of the head and sending him out of the game before flashing once more before Jake could attempt to try and take a piece of out of him.

"Note to self: include eyes in back of head next time." Jake grumbled face down in the dirt to himself as his body warped and shifted like it was wet slime or clay and resumed its original form much to Oleader's disgust and horror while the shape-shifter shifted himself up into a sitting position to watch as Caesar flashed back into existence on top of the set's water tower for a quick survey before disappearing in a bright flash of intense light and reappearing at the end of the main strip opposite of where Victoria just released a heavy discharge of electricity and shocked Marissa into submission long enough for Brent to shoot the satyr.

One could almost imagine the music playing as the monstrosity of cobbled together body parts took notice of animated skeleton at the end of the strip and turned to face him, her gigantic hands clenched like claws with electricity dancing between them while they twitched every now and again, as if waiting to fire off only a discharge small enough to power a small town for a whole night if necessary; Caesar cracked his bony knuckles with a single flex of his fists and slipped his paintball gun into one of the pockets in his trench coat, waiting to be drawn out at the last second and fired off.

"This town ain't big enough for the two of us." he tilted the brim of his fedora up to narrow his blood red eye sockets at Victoria. **[6]**

Jake couldn't help but wonder which side would strike first, watching with anxiety as the two of them took slow, pacing steps towards other, Caesar's bony heels rattling his whole skeleton as Victoria lumbered forward with each titanic step thundering dimly against the ground. It seemed just about even, with Caesar more than capable of teleporting in and out of the fight as he deemed fit with Victoria more than capable of shorting out the entire city of Vancouver if she ever had a reason to and then sling it back double and neither side looked like they were going to give in any time soon.

"Will one of you just shoot already!?" Brent shouted with irritation moments before the ground beneath his feet quaked and gave way, sending him plummeting down into a narrow shaft that left only his head poking out of the ground and leaving him to feebly struggle until Eliaz sauntered up to him with a smug grin on his face and a paintball gun in his hand; it took two seconds for Brent to realize what was happening before his face was suddenly turned a bright shade of green.

Taking Brent's words as the starting pistol to their race to knock the other one out of the challenge first, Caesar whipped out his paintball gun and took aim just as Victoria clenched her fists while the conductors upon her back roared and crackled intensely with electricity just as she slammed her fists into the ground and Caesar pulled the trigger before both sides made an attempt to move out of the way of the incoming doom; Caesar quickly flashed out of existence and out of range of the electrical shockwave and watched with a groan as Victoria barreled right through the side of an already unstable building like it was made of paper.

"Looks like it's time to get my angry mob on." he grumbled as he cocked his weapon and made a move to jump off of the roof and charge blindly at Victoria; before he could do so however, a wet _splat!_ Caught his attention and he slowly turned to look over his shoulder to see Faith timidly floating there with a trembling paintball gun leveled at his back and a wet blotch of orange paint between his shoulder blades.

"S-Sorry . . ." the phantom apologized. "I didn't want to do this while you weren't looking, but-"

Caesar waved her off. "Relax. Not the first time I've been backstabbed by someone I didn't know." he reassured her. "You wouldn't believe how many times I've had to replace the ol' spinal cord." he added, ignorant of the way that Faith shivered uncomfortably. The sound falling wood caught his attention, and he and Faith turned to look down as Victoria climbed out of the building and took a look at her surroundings, scratching her head and wondering either where everyone was or how many people were left; she soon quickly got her answer when the ground beneath her feet trembled and quaked and shot up and around her feet, chaining her to the ground as two rocks were thrust out of the earth and wrapped around her wrists, restraining her tightly and in one place as Eliaz came walking up to her with an almost casual smirk on his face.

"I gotta hand it to ya. You're one tough _hombre._ " he remarked as he spun his paintball gun around by the trigger. "But you do know I can't let you win, right?"

"Then stop gloating and shoot me already." Victoria rolled her eyes. "You know I'm the only one left, so why drag it out? Don't tell me you're just doing it because is paying you to be all dramatic."

Eliaz scoffed. "As if I'd ever take a paycheck from that loser."

"Too bad. You'd be able to pay your hospital bills then." Victoria smirked; before Eliaz could even ask what that even meant the conductors thrust out of Victoria's shoulders crackled and hummed loudly, snaking down her arms and legs and arching across her body, amplified by the many bolts and metal stitches that held her body together as she built up the energy coursing through her to a dangerous level. Eliaz could feel every last hair on his head stand up from the static electricity building in the air as the dog tags around his neck vibrated and shivered slightly. Before he could even scream, Victoria let everything go and release every last volt of electricity within her, the power surging through the ground for the nearest, conductive source and deciding that Eliaz was an excellent choice, lighting up him like a Christmas tree in the middle of New York City on the sun as he howled and screamed in agony. He felt like his nerves were burning into ash, like his skin was on fire, like every last hair on his head was the lit wick to a stick of dynamite just waiting to explode, it was so painful!

Finally, mercifully, the incredible shock to Eliaz's system ended and he dropped to his knees, slumping to the ground with a groan as ash and smoke curled off of his charred green; as if to add insult to injury, Faith reappeared in a warp of bright, intense light and promptly shot him in the back of the head, knocking him out of the challenge and ending it.

" _Nice . . . aim . . ._ " Victoria panted.

Faith glanced up from looking at Eliaz's charred body with concern. "Are y-you alright?"

Victoria limply nodded. "Y-Yeah . . . yeah, I'm fine . . . just takes a lot out of my system is all . . ." she reassured the wandering spirit before she gave one last surge of strength and broke free of her rocky encrusted restraints and slumped to the ground with a thunderous _boom!_ while her sides heaved in and out for breath.

* * *

After learning that all Victoria needed was an energy boost, hooking her up to a car battery with a pair of jumper cables (much to Chris' annoyance at having to use one of his own vehicles), and learning that the Horrendous Hawks had emerged victorious from the battle, the contestants had been gathered around a large, hulking machine that had been positioned at the center of the film lot; the contraption took the form of a massive computer screen that hummed and roared and whirled loudly in front of a series of boxes and hoses and wires that nobody understood how they worked while remaining hooked up to twenty-two comfy, padded chairs with arm and chest restraints under domes and caps that looked oddly like the hair driers one might find at a barber shop.

"How many banks ya have to rob for this beauty?" Andrew whistled with admiration.

Chris frowned, tilting the brim of his cowboy up. "None, thank you very much. This little number is what I like to call . . . Challenge Number Two!"

"It's just the Virtual Reality Machine from the previous season." Alicia rolled her eyes. "Way to be a cheapskate as usual, Chris."

"Hey, I'll have you know that this was a very expensive machine! That kid, Jojo or whatever his name was, made me pay a very hefty price!" the narcissistic host snapped before a cruel, smug grin crossed his face. "Though, in the end, and I can't believe I'm saying this, it was worth every last cent." **[7]**

Brent rolled his eyes. "Oh, goody."

"What's the challenge, Chris?" Harmony asked, folding her arms over her bust and getting the unnerving sense that her answer was not going to be something pleasant.

As predicated, the following answer to the mermaid's question was not something that was going to be fun, especially when Chris got a deep smirk upon his face that made Layne and Faith tremble with fear. "For challenge number two, you'll be divided up into two teams: one team will be driving a train across the old West loaded with a mailbag that must be delivered at the end of the tracks. The other team will play as a troop of bandits whose goal is to take over the train by the end of the line by _any means possible._ " he grinned wickedly.

"Why does he say that so dramatically?" Jordan scratched his head.

"He's t-t-trying t-to scare us," Layne gulped. "And he's doing a _really_ good job at it, too."

Chris bowed in response. "Thank you, Layne, that means a lot." he grinned. "Now then, this little contraption will strap you in and transport your mind via nerdy, science stuff that I don't know or care about, into the virtual reality of my choosing-"

"Wait, you mean could basically kill us over and over and over again?" Brent cut him off.

The following smile that crept across Chris' face was the stuff of nightmares, the kind of thing one expected to find under their bed or their closet as a small child or lurking in the darkest corners of ones mind, the parts where any sane man shoved their deepest, darkest, most twisted fears in a foolish attempt to forget about them. "In theory," he said in a chilling voice before Chef cuffed him upside the head. "Not that I would be that cruel-"

"Yeah, right." Robyn rolled her eyes in disbelief. "And I'm not banned from several countries whose names shall remain nameless."

"But you _are_ banned from several countries. Your application said so." Chris pointed out.

Robyn ignored the comment. "Whatever. Lets just get this over with."

Chris shrugged. "Fine, skip all the science mumbo-jumbo for all I care. Means more camera time for me!" he flashed his bright and ever infamous smile towards the camera. "Now strap in, kiddies! We're going on a little field trip!"

"I knew I should have stayed in my trailer today." Cecilia grumbled as she was led up to the platform and seated down in one of the chairs by a pack of interns that quickly strapped her wrists to the arms and buckled her to the chair before fixing the helmet down on her head; the other members of her team were quickly seated beside her and it was then that the dream manipulator noticed that two specially made chairs were added to the row, just the right size and shape for Victoria and Samuel's hulking frames as they sat side by side and allowed themselves to be hooked up to the machine.

"And remember! Anything goes, so make it rain with the pain!" Chris reminded them before the machine was turned on with a loud thrum; instantly, every single one of the contestants eyes snapped shut as their bodies went comatose and limp while their minds were transported into the virtual landscape their ever tormenting host had created for them.

* * *

 **(Horrendous Hawks)**

" _We've gotta right to pick a little fight with rustlers! Somebody wants to pick a fight with us, they better bite my_ _ **/censored/**_ _!_ " Robyn sang with her arms folded back behind her head in a relaxed position." **[8]**

Samuel sighed. "Again with the swearing . . ."

The Goth Punk frowned. "Hey, I don't ask you put on clothes, Musclehead, so dial it back a little bit before I throw you off this train of ours!" she threatened over the roar of the great steam engine they were driving along at what one might call a leisurely pace to the steady rhythm of the wheels clicking against the tracks; while Robyn relaxed and enjoyed the ride until the other team would inevitably try to attack them and Samuel made use of his great strength in pulling the stubborn levers and pushing the pistons of the locomotive, the other members of team were making themselves either useful by taking positions in all of the available train cars or simply kicking back and enjoying the ride like Robyn currently was when she wasn't filling her songs with profanity.

"Layne! I need some more coal in the furnace!" Samuel called over the roar of the engines. "The more fuel we have, the faster we'll go!"

The matter manipulator nodded and quickly made a few, fluid movements of his hands; several lumps of coal that lay scattered around the floor began to shiver and shake slightly, rattling against the floor until they were levitated into the air and then quickly compacted into a large clump coal roughly the size of a basketball that Layne then moved into the roaring furnace with mere flick of his finger.

Robyn exhaled a deep, exaggerated breath after a few minutes of steady travel. "So . . . how much longer until this tin can gets there?"

"Uh . . . couple hours, give or take a few minutes?" Layne estimated. "I honestly can't get a good figure on how fast our current rate of speed is to-"

Robyn cut him off with a quick motion of her fingers that glowed an ominous black in color; Layne squeaked as he clutched his neck with hands, unable to make any sort of sound that didn't include shrill squawks and shrieks like that of a parrot with a hoarse throat. "Ah, much better."

"You need to work on your people skills." Sameul sighed.

"And _you_ need to _**/censored/**_ off!" Robyn spat out.

Samuel rolled his one, big eye. "There aren't any teams this season. Unless you can get by without threatening people every other challenge, you've got a big target on your back. A target in which I want no part of." the elastic giant mumbled as he pulled back on a lever and then proceeded to blow the train's whistle; Robyn frowned, glaring incredulously at his back as if she were trying to burn a hole right through him.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Burn, Baby, Burn!)**

 **Robyn -** "As much as I hate to admit it, the Tendon Titan has a point."

 **Layne -** * _squawks and squeaks and looks to be somewhere between choking and trying to play a very bad game of charades*_

 **Izzy -** " _I've been working on the railroad! All the live long day! I've been working on the railroad . . ._ "

* * *

The wind rushed past Victoria's face from her position atop the steam engine's caboose, the hot dry air filling her senses with the fake feeling of getting dust and grit in her lungs. It was an odd sensation, knowing that the world around her, no matter how realistic it felt, it was all fake, nothing more than bits and pieces of complex computer code that somehow managed to generate an intense heat, a dusty, barren wasteland, and a rumbling, shaking steam engine that blasted a jet of hot smoke in her face every five minutes or so when whoever had spawned in the engine room felt like blowing the whistle.

"So . . . what's your story?" Jeremy asked out of the blue.

Victoria shifted from the very back of the caboose to just barely look over her shoulder back at the half-dragon sprawled across the roof of the train car with his shift off and discarded to allow himself to warm up; despite being fire spewing reptiles, dragons still required heat to function and could only puke up a disgusting, molten gel from the pit of their stomachs that bubbled and hissed and bared a very close resemblance to vomit made out of lava.

"What?" she asked.

Jeremy shrugged, sitting up and stretching his wings. "Come on, you mean tell me you were born like that? Twelve feet tall? Covered in stitches? A walking car battery? That's not exactly natural, if you know what I mean."

Victoria narrowed her otherworldly, glowing eyes and turned away from him. "It's none of your concern."

Jeremy frowned. With the sudden realization that there would be no teams and thus no safety net this season, along with the threat that his current team mates could very well end up being his enemies the next challenge, forging alliances was going to be everything if he wanted to stay in; and 'alliance' was essentially another word for 'friendship'.

The only problem was getting Victoria to open up.

"What if . . . what if I told something about myself first?" Jeremy suggested.

Victoria didn't move for several minutes, the only sound being the steady rhythm of the train rocking along the tracks. "No."

"What?" Jeremy blinked.

"No." Victoria repeated.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Yes!)**

 **Victoria -** "I know Jeremy's game. He'll try and befriend me, getting to know my thoughts and hopes and feelings and all that garbage before he'll pop the question: do you want to be in an alliance? And my answer: no. Because as soon as push comes to shove, I'm gonna get pushed and I am not about to be on the business end of a fire-breathing dragon."

 **Jeremy -** "Of all the . . ."

* * *

Jeremy felt his temper flare, smoke curling from his lips in a venomous snarl before he managed to hold his tongue. "Why not?" he asked in a cool tone. "I'm just trying to be nice."

"No, you aren't." Victoria said without turning.

"Yes, I do!" Jeremy protested.

"No, you don't," Victoria argued back. "Believe me, I know people, even the freaky ones."

Jeremy felt his temper boil. "For the last time, I'm-"

"Horse."

Jeremy blinked. "What? No, I'm not hoarse! I'm just-"

"Horse."

Jeremy gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. "Just what you-" he started to say before a sudden caught his attention and he caught sight of a lasso come sailing through the air and loop around an odd rod sticking out of the caboose's roof before tightening; he quickly crawled across the roof and looked down to see none other than Alicia in the back of a powerful, black stallion. With a grunt, the omnilinguist carefully stood up on the back of her mount and took a risk by jumping off and swinging over to the side of the caboose to then attempt to quickly scale up the side of the train car before she was suddenly blasted with hot flame.

The halfbreed wiped his mouth and watched as Alicia's instinctively screamed with agony, despite the machine's settings limiting the feeling of pain to nothing more than a dull numbness that they all welcomed for fear of Chris figuring out how to full enable it; with a roar, Jeremy fired off a concentrated jet of fire directly at Alicia's face, planting his hands firmly against the roof to support himself as he turned her her face into a molten, bubbling pool of flesh and gore that quickly fell lifeless to the desert dust and was left behind.

"That's not the last of them," he wiped his mouth again as he stood back up and turned to Victoria. "Warn the others. I'll keep 'em back until you return."

With little other choice, and Victoria stomped off towards the engine, every footstep rumbling and rattling the train and leaving massive indentions in the roof wherever her gigantic feet slammed into the rusty metal. The sound of wing beats caught his attention and Jeremy whirled around to see Jordan descend from the sky and land on the opposite end of the caboose, taking a tall and pointed posture with his hands behind his back.

"I believe a rematch is in order?" he offered.

Jeremy smirked. "Ready to have your feathers plucked one by one, _chicken?_ "

Jordan bristled at the insult. "More than. And this time, there won't be any interruptions."

"Agreed." Jeremy grinned as he spread his wings to increase his size and make himself look bigger and more intimidating than he might be before he fired off a wide jet of hot flame at Jordan; the angel instinctively folded his wings in front of him like a shield, allowing Jeremy to lung forward and lash out with his leg, swiping Jordan's own out from beneath him and sending him crumbling to the roof of the train. The angel quickly rolled out of the way as Jeremy stomped his foot down where Jordan's head been moments before the angel fired off twin beams of hot energy from his eyes that nailed Jeremy in the chest and sent him sprawling across the roof before he popped back up with clenched fists.

With a sudden yell from the both of them, Jeremy fired off an intense wall of flame from the back of his throat as Jordan clapped his hands together and a barrage of fire leaped forth with the force of a hundred, hungry wolves, both sides colliding in an explosion of heat and light that only served to signify their tempers and commitment to the following battle; Jordan sprang forward with a flap of his wings and fired off a burst of his flame from his fist before following it up with a round house kick that shot searing coals from the heel of his foot and a heavy column of heat from a single clap of his wings.

Jeremy narrowed his eyes and spread his wings as far as they would go before he slammed them together in a single, massive flap that extinguished the flames with ease; the silence was quickly forgotten as the half-dragon dropped down to all fours and hissed venomously, his wings spread wide to increase his eyes and his fangs and claws growing sharper and more pronounced as his eyes glowed an intense amber. Jordan only just barely managed to summon a wall of hot fire to shield himself from the dragon's first blast before Jeremy charged forward through the wall of flames without care and only several mild burns upon his clothing to signify his daring deed before he rammed his head into Jordan's gut and sent him sprawling across the roof with the wind knocked out of him.

" _Gah!_ " Jordan cried as Jeremy pounced upon him, digging his railroad spike-like nails into his skin; all that the angel felt was a tingling, prickly sensation, but it _felt_ like he should have been screaming.

Jeremy hungrily licked his lips. "Roast chicken. My favorite." he hissed.

"You are disgusting." Jeremy grumbled. "And I thought we were trailer buddies!"

Jeremy rolled his eyes. "'Trailer buddies' or not, you're done for." he grinned toothily, and with one fluid movement and a twist of his body, the half-dragon leaped off of Jordan and sent him rolling over the side of the train and off into the desert in a cloud of dust. Jeremy climbed to his feet and brushed off a fine layer of ash and dust that had accumulated during their battle before he was suddenly knocked in the back of the head, sending him stumbling forward. Before he could whirl around and melt whoever had thrown whatever at him into a pool of bubbling flesh and blood, a boulder roughly the size of a beach ball and over a thousand times heavier collided with his gut and knocked him off the train and into the dust, pinning him to the desert sand soundly.

"Now _that's_ what I call a rock solid plan." Eliaz smirked as he casually came lumbering up on a pair of gigantic rock pillars that looped and strapped themselves over his feet; with a smug smile that only increased when he caught sight of the murderous look on the half-dragon's face, he began to dramatically swing his arms from side to side with each step he took, the rock pillar attached to his feet sliding across the shifting dust and rock with ease as he quickly caught up to the train in this fashion.

A sudden orange and blue blur that was closely trailed by a plume of disturbed dust and tumbleweeds raced up beside Eliaz, slowing down enough so that the earth mover could see that it was Oleander. "So what's the plan?" she asked.

"Well, Alicia and Jordan _fracasado_ ," Eliaz grumbled as he continued to move along. "I _think_ I can get the train off the track though. Once that's done, you get in there and pick off as many as you can."

Oleander nodded. "What about Jake? He's the only one fast enough to beat me!"

Eliaz smirked. "We'll get Christopher to try and talk some sense into him."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Sense? Who has time for that nonsense!?)**

 **Eliaz -** "Ok, so maybe pitting two mortal enemies against each other isn't the best idea, but at this point in the game, it's all about getting a feel of the playing field. Until one of them spills the beans on what's going on between the two of them, they're mysterious, dangerous, and are to be taken as a _el amenazo._ "

* * *

With that being said and done, Eliaz shifted his legs so that his body was set into a crouched, squatting position while he tightly clenched his fists; to some people, it would have looked like he was attempting to squat over a toilet and had his plumbing clogged by Chef's horrid cooking had the ground not begun to tremble and rumble roughly in response to his movement before the earth a few dozen yards in front of the speeding train suddenly thrust up and through the train tracks in a thick, sturdy wall of impenetrable rock. Oleander skidded to a stop and watched with interest as the steam engine roared its way along the tracks before the wheels of the train immediately locked up and froze along the rails, creating a horrible screeching noise accompanied by a shower of bright, dazzling sparks and the horrid odor of smoke; the effort to apply the brakes however was absolutely fruitless and Oleander flinched when the runaway train collided and smashed right into the solid, rock wall with a tremendous _CRASH!_ and the loud screech of tearing metal, knocking and rolling the mighty steam engine onto its side.

Oleander uncovered her ears once the commotion had died down and turned to glare at Eliaz. "Was that _really_ necessary? I know we're not on the same team here, but I'd like to not have to put up with any night terrors Layne might have after this experience."

"You were asleep the whole time!" Eliaz complained. "And anyway, how else are you suppose to stop a runaway train?"

Oleander narrowed her eyes. "You are _so_ lucky this is only in a computer."

" _Exactly!_ "

The speedster ignored Eliaz and rushed off to the halted train, rushing up to the smoldering engine and peering inside before throwing herself to the ground just in time to avoid a blast of dark, arcane magic; unsurprisingly, Robyn climbed out from the engine room with a scowl that could have rivaled a stone gargoyle's fearsome, stony expression. With a loud scream much like that an enraged harpy, the Goth Punk engulfed in dark, hot flame while her eyes glowed an otherworldly white in color.

" _Spiritus, mandata mea! Haec et mulieres interficite-_ " Robyn began to chant angrily before Eliaz clenched his fingers and raised his hands toward the sky, forcing two taller slabs of rock to rise from the desert's sands; a quick, firm clap of his hands, and the two rock slabs smashed together like a pair of cymbals around Robyn, entombing her in rock and allowing Oleander to safely approach the train and race into the caboose and make her way rapidly through the various train cars.

The sound of hoof beats against the dust caught his attention and Eliaz glanced over his shoulder to see Andrew and Adara gallop up to them on the back of a pinto horse and Christopher and Shannon arrive shortly after on the back of a gray Arabian, the siren keeping her grip perhaps a tad too tight on the soldier's waist; a bright flash of intense light exploded a few feet away, startling the horses and nearly throwing Andrew and Shannon off as they reared and wheeled with fear as Caesar appeared with Marissa in tow and cracked his aching back with a series of snaps that sent shivers up Eliaz's own spine.

"Have we won yet?" Sun-Li asked she descended from the air, her hands swiftly twisting and spinning her bo staff around and around like the propellers of a helicopter's blades and providing her with a safe landing.

Eliaz shook his head. "We first gotta find the stupid mailbag and then get to the station."

 _ **CRASH!**_

"Which I assume will be more problematic than previously anticipated." Sun-Li sighed as she tightened her grip on her bo staff and Oleander came hurtling out of the train's dining car in a blast of crackling, snapping electricity, tumbling and rolling across the desert plain and coming to a stop with a low groan; before anyone could make a move to help her up, the speedster's body began to waver and glitch horribly, as if she were from a poorly made video game before she suddenly exploded in a column of bright, white light and coding, leaving nothing behind in her wake.

"So . . ." Marissa trailed off an amazement. "I take it if we take too many hits, that's what happens?"

Sun-Li deftly nodded. "That seems to be the logical solution."

"You know what would also be the logical solution? Not losing." Adara pointed out with an expressionless tone in her voice as she pulled out a pair of curved daggers from her pockets; the Retched Rattlesnakes turned at the sound of shrieking metal to see Victoria tear and muscle her way out of the side of the dining car, socking her fist into her open palm with an irritated expression upon her features. The ground rumbled and trembled slightly before the two rock slabs that encased Robyn exploded outwards in a blast of rubble and rock, releasing the now absolutely furious Goth Punk with a look that could have liquefied solid concrete.

"We're boned." Caesar grumbled.

"No, that's just you, Skullface." Shannon rolled her eyes.

"Incoming!" Andrew suddenly screamed like a little girl, pointing dramatically upwards as Victoria bunched up her legs and launched herself high into the air to the point where she seemed to disappear into the intense glare of the sun before she came hurtling back down with her arms flailing slightly until she clenched them tightly into mighty fists. Everyone instantly scattered as Eliaz thrust his hands downward, pushing his stone stilts back into the ground before he raised his hands over his head and clapped them together to erect and form a durable, stone dome over his head. This hardly stopped Victoria as she came in like a wrecking ball, obliterating the rock and knocking Eliaz down to the ground and dazing him before she hauled him up by the front of his shirt and brought him up to eye level; the conductors upon her back snapped and crackled loudly as the electricity built up and she socked her fist forward, punching him in the jaw as the energy snaked down her arm and sent him blasting far off into the distance where he landed, barely alive, in the arms of a saguaro cactus before he disappeared in a pillar of light.

Without warning, Robyn shot off at Andrew (because why not? The punk was asking for it), leaving a blazing trail of smoldering smoke and crackling, black flames as she slammed into him and knocked him off of his horse, frightening the animal into a bucking mess that Adara barely managed to control; before Andrew could even try to overwhelm Robyn with sheer numbers, the dark magician's hands glowed with a frightening, black aura and formed a gigantic, black mace construct that she quickly used to smash Andrew into the ground like a stake, repeatedly bashing him over and over again and again and relishing the feeling with a sick smile upon her lips.

"Enough, soldier!" Christopher yelled as he threw himself off his horse and slammed into Robyn, hissing instinctively upon feeling the hot, boiling, black flames that encompassed the Goth Punk's entire body like some kind of human torch lick across his body despite his durable skin; with a grunt, the two of them rolled across the ground in a rough scuffle, Robyn repeatedly punching Christopher in the jaw, using his reluctance to hit a girl (even a girl such as herself) and managed to get legs up underneath him, kicking him up off of her before she quickly scrambled to her feet and pounced upon Christopher.

" _AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ " Christopher screamed in a high-pitched tone as Robyn drove the heel of her boot into his family jewels without mercy; despite the fact that the Virtual Reality numbed pain, every single guy within earshot immediately winced and flinched upon hearing his howls of instinctively pain.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – That's gonna leave a mark . . .)**

 **Robyn -** "The day I suck some dude's **_/censored/_** is the day I **_/censored/ /censored/ /yep, censored again/_**. So, yeah, I took some pleasure in that. You got a problem with it!?"

 **Christopher -** "Private Owen, if you can hear me, you forever have my pity. _Why do they always go for the kiwis!?_ "

* * *

Before Robyn could abuse the soldier even further, she was suddenly slammed into from the side by a gust of dusty wind that knocked her off of her feet and sent her tumbling to the ground where she managed to pop back up and glare intensely at Sun-Li, as if she wanted the air manipulator to burst into flame, which was not exactly ideal on Sun-Li's part; the air manipulator sucked in a deep, calming breath and lunged forward with her bo staff trailing behind her before she snapped the weapon forward with a blow aimed at Robyn's side that would have been enough to break her ribs if enough force had been put behind it.

Unfortunately, the Goth Punk easily dodged it with a quick backflip before she rushed forward and slugged Sun-Li with a swift uppercut to the face with a sickening _crack!_ That snapped her head upward. Robyn the grabbed her by the head and proceeded to headbutt her without suffering any consequences and ram her knee into Sun-Li's gut; the aerokinetic gave off a pained squeak and crumpled to the ground, unable to move or protest as her image shimmered and wavered before disappearing in a swift column of intense light and coding.

" _Ballaugh!_ " Robyn roared, her voice echoing across the wasteland. "Get the train moving before I tear your _**/censored/**_ off and feed them to you!" she snapped angrily; one of the roofs of the train cars gave off a horrible screech and shriek as a sizable hole was forced open and a hulking mass of flesh and muscle leaped out and landed on the ground with a thunderous _boom!_ The dust slowly disapated away to reveal a twelve foot tall, vaguely humanoid creature with two pairs of powerful, hulking arms each tipped with string, swollen fingers and attached to two pairs of iron-sided pectorals that looked strong enough to take multiple bullets without harm; the creature was covered in tough, red skin and sported three, short spikes on top of his bald head and a short beard upon his chin _._ He wore a pair of black pants around his powerful legs, each tipped with a pair of strong toes, a black tank top with a wide, blue stripe down the middle, two pairs of fingerless, black gloves, and four, golden eyes over a well formed jaw; upon his left shoulder was a glowing infinity sign.

The Nisilaha grumbled and rolled his shoulders. "Yeah, yeah, give me a second." he muttered in a low, gravely voice as he turned on his heel to head back towards the train while cracking knuckles, only to suddenly be slammed into from the back and nearly land on his face; with a grunt, Jake reached back with all four of his arms and patted around for whatever had landed on him before he felt a numbing sensation in his lower, left arm and drew it back to find a dagger stabbed into the knuckle. With loud yowl of surprise, he stumbled back and vigorously closed his fingers around whatever had landed on his back, pulling it out into view to reveal to be Adara with an extremely perturbed look on her face.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm bigger and stronger than you." Jake growled.

"I have indeed taken note of your physical prowess," Adara acknowledged with a scowl. "However . . ." she trailed off before she swiftly kicked Jake in the face, using his skull to push herself out of his grasp as he instinctively reached up to hold his numb face. With a low growl of annoyance, the Nisilaha lunged forward and clapped her hands together in the spot where Adara's head had been moments before she ducked down and delivered severely quick jabs to his abdominal and gut, stunning him long enough for him to box his nonexistent ears and get ready to deliver a roundhouse kick to his face.

Without even looking up the Nisilaha raised a hand and caught her foot, easily holding her in place as he rolled his head up to meet her angered expression with his own; with little effort he lifted her entire weight into the air and roughly slammed her into the ground before pulling up again and throwing her back down. Again and again he smashed Adara against the dust and dirt, the living weapon absolutely helpless to do anything as Jake hauled her up into the air one last time and began to spin in a wide, tight circle, his grip firm and tight on her ankle as she fought back the feeling of motion sickness until Jake finally let go and sent her sailing off into the distance.

"And now for the pile of scrap metal." the Nisilaha dusted off his hands as he turned on his heel back towards the train; Adara was reduced to nothing more than programming and code before she even hit the ground. The Nisilaha lumbered up to the solid wall of rock and rubble that was blocking the train's route and drew back his two, left fists before thrusting them forward in a swift punch before swinging his two right fists forward and demolishing the obstruction with a quick barrage of tremendous punches and blows. With the way clear, Jake then turned around and grabbed the front end of the upset train and gave a mighty heave that made it feel like his muscles were on fire as he slowly, steadily managed to turn the train back on its wheels with the loud shriek of metal and a massive tremor that made even the mighty Victoria nearly fall flat on her butt.

Robyn glanced up at the loud commotion only to be suddenly rammed in the gut and sent sprawling across the dry desert soil; the Goth Punk grumbled obscenities beneath her breath and glanced up to see Marissa getting up from a crouching position with an irate snort and glare upon her face. Without warning, the satyress dropped down to all fours again and rammed her skull and horns into Robyn's gut, sending her flying a short distance away.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Now that's what I call using your head!)**

 **Marissa -** "Lets keep one thing clear: satyrs, including me, rarely resort to such bestial behavior, only doing so when we are agitated or in danger. Just because I have a thick skull and horns doesn't mean I'm willing to butt heads every other day of the week, got it?"

* * *

"Ballaugh! Get the train running!" Robyn shouted.

"What about you?" Jake called out as he continued to heave and pull on the train with all his strength, finally managing to get it back on the tracks; the Nisilaha then rushed to the back of the train as fast as his heavy, lumbering body would allow him and grabbed hold of the caboose with all four of his arms, lifting and uncoupling the car from the back of the train with slight effort before he gave a mighty twist of his body and sent the caboose hurling off into the distance much to the surprise and horror of the enemy team.

"Forget about it! Just go- _GAH!_ " Robyn screamed just before Marissa crashed her head into the Goth Punk's chest a third time. "You insufferable **_/censored/ /censored once more/ /yep, censored. What did you expect?/_**!"

"Jake! Go!" Victoria cried as she hammered a mighty fist into the ground in an attempt to squish Caesar as the skeleton flashed in and out of existence mere seconds before he could be crushed into a pile of dust and bones; the skeleton swiftly dodged to the side to avoid a crushing blow before he pulled off two of his rib bones with loud snaps and hurled them at Victoria with great skill and accuracy as they sailed past and behind her before coming spinning like a pair of boomerangs and striking her in the back of the head.

Jake nodded, with little other choice left. "You heard the, woman! Get this thing moving!" the Nisilaha as he clambered aboard the train; Samuel quickly pulled several levers and shifts as Layne piled coal high into the furnace, the great steam engine groaning and screeching like a wounded animal as it slowly inched its way over the break in the tracks and gradually began to pick up speed, spewing smoke and steam all the while.

"They're getting away! Hold still, you stupid-" Shannon cursed as she tried to regain control of her frightened and temperamental horse.

"Kinda busy here!" Marissa cried as she narrowly leaped to the right to avoid a blast of horrible, black energy that scorched the spot where she had been mere seconds beforehand. Robyn was doing quite well in keeping the satyress at bay, casting chaotic spells and curses that exploded violently and would have ended Marissa had her agile reflexes not been more than enough to keep her from meeting her end. With a grunt, she dashed forward as fast as possible with her head lowered, swiftly juking to the left and right to avoid getting struck by something she didn't feel like knowing about, and successfully rammed her head and horns into Robyn's gut, plowing her across the desert without relent until the satyress crashed the both of them headfirst into a cactus; Marissa backed up with ragged breathing, pausing to find that crimson blood now stained her horns and that Robyn now suffer from two puncture wounds that she barely felt.

Before the Goth Punk could even think of extricating herself from the prickly situation, Christopher rushed past Marissa like a freight train and barreled right into Robyn, charging through the cactus with ease and practically flattening her to the ground where she lay with the ugliest and most terrifying scowl one could imagine upon her face as she was swallowed in a pillar of bright, blue light and reduced to nothing more than numbers and coding.

"Oh, that's not good . . ." Victoria mumbled under her breath moments before Caesar reappeared right in front of her and slugged her in the jaw and sent her stumbling back; Christopher then turned his attention to the hulking mass of cobbled body parts, charging at her with a battle cry that unfortunately caught her attention and very nearly got him nailed with an electricity-powered blow that would have all but destroyed his nervous system had he not ducked under the initial punch and dropped down to the ground, striking Victoria in the back of her knee with his armored elbow. With a cry of surprise the monstrosity dropped to her knees just as Andrew finally managed to pull himself out of the ground and quickly swallowed himself in a sweep of golden light that arched across his body and swiftly divided himself into an army of nearly fifty clones.

"Dog pile, brah!" the duplicates all cried in unison as they all rushed at Victoria and leaped upon her, hugging her arms and legs and body and slowly weighing her down as the clones continued to divide and replicate themselves to nearly double their numbers, which was an uncomfortable amount of Andrews for Shannon to deal with.

"Come on, troops! We've got a train to rustle!" Christopher rallied his team as he quickly managed to bring Shannon's horse to a halt and get up on its back, seizing control as the siren hugged him from behind; the massive mound of Andrews didn't seem to hear Christopher ass they relentlessly, mercilessly, and somewhat childishly punched and kicked Victoria as hard as they could until they had finally dealt enough damage with their increasing numbers to send her away in a familiar pillar of intense light. The clones momentarily celebrated before they realized that they were being left behind as the others rode off after the train, leaving the mound of duplicates to quickly mold themselves back together into a single body and mount their own horse.

* * *

Layne was panting heavily right now, unsure of whether it was because of the high temperature inside of the steaming engine room or because of his pounding heart rate. It might have also been the sudden ambush that had drastically reduced their numbers and scared him absolutely witless, but that was irrelevant right now; what _did_ matter was that they put as much distance between them and the other team, lest they experience some form sort of new torture and torment.

Of course, having to deal with Faith panicking and flying about the cabin with Brent telling her to shut up every other minute or so.

" _Shut up!_ " Brent snapped angrily at Faith.

The phantom didn't seem to hear him. " _We're doomed! We're doomed We're doomed! Why did I sign up for this show!?_ "

" _For the last_ _ **/censored/**_ _time, shut the_ _ **/censored/**_ _up!_ " Brent yelled.

" _ENOUGH!_ " Harmony roared with rage, successfully silencing everyone and capturing their attention for fear of incurring the mermaid's wrath even further; Faith gulped nervously and shrank back into a corner of the engine room as Layne cowered on the floor and Brent cringed. Only Samuel as he worked the levers and gauges and Cecilia were unaffected and unfazed by the sudden outburst and continued on with their tasks. "We either work together or we go down together, got it?"

". . . I hate it when you make a point." Brent grumbled.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – You know what we hate? Writer's block, that's what!)**

 **Brent -** "But _I_ hate it even more when someone tells me what to do. Enjoy your time here, Fishsticks, because sooner or later you and your gills are out of here."

 **Cecilia -** "Growing up with five step-brothers who constantly pull pranks on you, scream and yell at the top of their lungs like children, and devour everything edible in sight while hogging all the hot water has made me more than capable of dealing with arguments; if things get out of hand, I just knock 'em out for a couple hours of peace and quiet and manipulate their dreams as if they never fell asleep! But Harmony . . . Harmony just yells and instantly everyone shut up . . . I like her style."

* * *

"How much farther to the station?" Harmony asked, instantly taking charge.

Samuel grunted as he pulled a lever and yanked the chain that blew the train's whistle. "Not sure. I'd say an hour, give or take thirty minutes. Maybe less."

"Chris didn't exactly give us a map . . ." Layne remarked quietly.

Cecilia cursed under her breath. "Of course. He'd rather have us bumble around like idiots instead of actually doing the challenges." she frowned, drumming her fingers upon her folded arms. "Who's guarding the mailbag?"

"Jake and Domanic. They should be fine for the time being." Harmony allowed herself to relax a few degrees; if a shape-shifter that could regenerate like some kind of primitive slime mold from the most fatal of injuries and teenager that could shift and morph himself into a variety of machines and devices couldn't protect a sack full of mail, then Harmony didn't know what could. For the first time since the challenge began she was feeling relaxed.

That is, until she heard the explosion.

* * *

"What do you mean she just waltzed in!?"

Chef glared incredulously at Chris from the ground, his hands and feet hog tied together and leaving him unable to move, much less strangle the host as he fought and struggled to get himself loose. "That's what happened! Crazy girl ambushed and tied me up before jackin' control of the machine!"

Chris sighed and pinched his brow. "Chef, my man, I know fans look forward to your annual fight with Izzy and everything . . . but have some dignity!"

"It ain't my fault crazy girl stole my pants and ran them up the flagpole!"

"And I suppose it was Izzy's fault that you're wearing pony decorated boxers?" Chris narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his co-host's choice of undergarments as he folded his arms over his chest out of impatience; the fact that the contestants were snickering and chuckling quietly among themselves didn't help matters either.

"At least I wear boxers!" Chef snapped defensively before he gave an almighty struggle against his bonds. "Now somebody get me outta this dang thing!"

The contestants, particularly Robyn, Eliaz, and Oleander, were too busy laughing and gasping for breath on the ground to be of much use and it wasn't until the speedster nearly passed out from a serious case of the giggles did Robyn make their special, veteran guests, specifically Rodney, to liberate the entangled cook; Chris was busy glaring angrily at a certain redhead that had not only ambushed his co-host and stripped him of his pants, but had also butted her way into the challenge and simulation. This wasn't what he had in mind!

"She just sorta jacked in," Chef offered awkwardly. "Strapped herself ina chair and jumped inta the game."

Chris sighed. "Great. What's she doing?" he glanced up at the gigantic TV screen that allowed those not participating in the challenge or otherwise eliminated to view the antics of their fellow competitors; an ever expansive desert filled the screen for miles on end before coming to an abrupt halt at a massive, gaping canyon that was bridged only by a seemingly tiny and fragile bridge compared to the gargantuan canyon that yawned under it. If one were to look closely at the middle of the sprawling bridge, one would catch sight of none other than Izzy wrapped up in a black cloak, top hat, and sporting a thin, twirling mustache that she twirled with glee while she carefully lit what looked to be explosives over the rails of the train tracks.

" _Explosivo like boom, boom! Explosivo loves boom, boom! BOOM, BOOM!_ " Izzy cackled madly.

Chris blinked. "Huh," he shrugged. "Oh, well. If anything, Izzy just made this a lot more interesting!"

Alicia narrowed her eyes. "You call letting a psycho hack her way into a video game to lay down dynamite to kill everyone _interesting?_ "

"Yep!" Chris grinned. "Now while we wait for the inevitable, big bang, lets see what our remaining competitors are up to, shall we?"

Alicia smirked. "I don't know, Chris. Should we?"

"You're starting to remind me of a certain sweater vest-wearing cynic that I was all too happy to shove out of a plan over London." Chris frowned moments before a massive explosion rocked its way through the speakers at a frightful volume just as the dynamite went off and Izzy promptly threw herself off of the bridge, cackling madly.

Or to be more precise, she was singing. " _Cool gals don't look at explosions! Woo!_ " **[9]**

* * *

"Leaping Lamprey, what was that!?" Harmony yelled over the roar of the steam engine.

Brent rolled his eyes, as if the answer were obvious. "An explosion, that's what," he grumbled before he casually glanced out the window and nearly tumbled over the side at what he saw. "And that explosion took the bridge out!"

"Bridge?" Samuel seemed confused.

"Yeah, the bridge that went over the _**/censored/**_ giant canyon!" Brent shouted; Harmony scrambled to the window and all but shoved the Strategic Jackass out of the way as she looked ahead of the speeding train to see the massive gorge yawn before them like a gaping mouth waiting for them to run off the rails and swallow them whole. With that being done, Harmony dove back inside the engine room and madly began to throw coal into the furnace, drawing looks of concern and confusion from her team mates.

"Harmony . . . what are you doing?" Layne asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

The mermaid didn't seem to hear him. "Samuel, crack up the heat!" she shouted.

" _Harmony!_ What kind condiluted and harebrained scheme-" Cecilia started.

Harmony cut her off. "We're going to jump the tracks!"

" _ **WHAT!?**_ " was the general consensus.

Harmony sighed. "I know it's a long shot but-" she was suddenly interrupted as a blast of intense light filled the engine room, blinding everyone as Caesar flashed back into existence and promptly grabbed Harmony by the shoulders before hurling her out of the speeding train; he then quickly snapped off two of his rib bones and threw them with expertise at Cecilia and Layne, the first managing to duck in time while the second was knocked to the floor. After that, chaos ensued.

Faith was screaming and yelling with fear at the top of her lungs as half a dozen Andrews suddenly came flying in through the windows, immediately tackling Layne and Brent to the floor and roughly beating them senseless with their fists; only Brent seemed to be having difficulty as Layne suddenly shouted with fright and blasted his attackers back with a sudden surge of energy. His breathing was ragged and deep as he climbed to his shaky legs and held his hands out before him and swallowing nervously while he made several fluid and intricate movements of his hands that elicited a soft glow from his fingers.

"Incoming!" Christopher yelled a warning as he came swinging in through the window and collided with Layne, knocking him down to the floor and landing on him with a loud stomp that made him instantaneously burst into a bright column of light and coding.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We're out of jokes now. You can all go home.)**

 **Christopher -** " _That's_ going to create some controversy in the trailer tonight . . . I didn't _mean_ kill him! I didn't even know he was there! Soldiers honor!"

 **Layne -** "Just when I thought this game couldn't get any scarier!"

* * *

Christopher was still gaping in shock over the sudden death of his roommate, giving Samuel ample time to lock in the train's brakes in an attempt to keep it from going over the destroyed tracks and raise up one of his gigantic fists, bringing it down on top of Christopher and knocking him to the floor; it was a wonder the muscled giant even fit in the cramped engine room with more than enough space for everyone to relentlessly attack and defend each other.

Brent was attempting to do something of the later, but being under a pile of steadily growing Andrews made any task difficult as each clone seemed hellbent on smashing their fists into his face and gut and driving their feet into his sides and nether regions for reasons Brent was pretty sure he was not going to understand anytime soon; he was trying to come up with a decent plan that could possibly get him out of his current situation, but turning into a clone of Robyn was not only not very desirable, but definitely bound to be quite uncomfortable, not to mention draw a few stares and raise a few perverted questions. And that was assuming Andrew would be even dumb enough to just suddenly notice that Robyn had appeared underneath him and his duplicates.

Right?

Christopher sprang back up and clenched his fists tightly before slugging Samuel across the face and then ramming his head into the muscled giant's gut, knocking him back against the wall of the engine room and very nearly tilting the train over on its side until Christopher rushed back over to the other side to maintain the balance; Cecilia suddenly dove into the battle, tackling Christopher from behind and wrapping her arms around his neck, squeezing her thighs to cut off his air supply while beating him across the head and face and encouraging to run around madly.

Samuel rubbed his aching head and blinked his single eye to clear his thoughts, casually glancing out the window and realizing with great startle and fear just how close they were to the expansive gap in the tracks that spanned over the seemingly bottomless canyon; the gorge was too big and the gap between the tracks was too close for Samuel to attempt to try and slow down the great steam engine, even with his tremendous strength and the brakes locked and currently showering the surrounding desert in a rain of sparks. With little other choice, Samuel squeezed himself out the window and pulled himself up onto the roof of the train, coughing and wheezing at the noxious smoke and steam in his face before he sprang forward and came crashing down just before the break in the tracks.

"Oh, is this gonna hurt." Samuel grumbled to himself as he quickly stretched his arms and legs across the empty expanse of track, filling his body in as a substitute, tightening his muscles to ensure minimal damage to his body as he braced for impact. " _YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOWWW!_ " roared in agony as the runaway steam engine ran right across his body without slowing down. **[10]**

Barely anyone in the engine room noticed the sudden shift the train made when it ran over Samuel, much less when the muscled titan let his grip slip and plummet down into the dark expanse of the canyon, disappearing in a blast of bright light and coding before he even came close to the bottom. Caesar was fruitlessly trying to hit Faith as the phantom buzzed about the cabin like a frightened bat just trying to find a way out until she phased right into Christopher's body; the soldier twitched violently, his movements restricted and not his own as his eyes glowed an otherworldly white as he body went limp and he started to drool much to Cecilia's disgust.

Caesar blinked. "Huh. Don't see that everyday." he hummed as a possessed Christopher stumbled around for a few seconds, as if Faith were learning the controls to a video game and allowing Caesar to dive forward and deliver a swift uppercut to the soldier's jaw that snapped his head back and threw Cecilia off of him with a grunt. Christopher's possessed body snapped to attention and raised a foot to deliver a successful kick to Caesar's rib cage, throwing him back into the pile of Andrews currently pinning Brent down and sending them scattering all directions like bowling pins before Faith rushed at the Caesar and grabbed the skeleton by the shoulders to throw him across the cabin; Caesar quickly headbutted the soldier and kicked him in the chest while he was dazed, extricating himself from his current mess.

"Andrew!" Caesar yelled, ducking under a swipe of Christopher's fist. "Go help Shannon and Marissa with the mailbag!"

Andrew saluted. "You got it, bro!" he said as he quickly recalled all of his clones, encompassing himself in a blast of golden light as he was molded back into a single body; the Human Duplicator turned to go and help out his team mates when he caught sight of something that greatly confused him.

"Dude, why are you still here?" Andrew asked an identical clone of his that had somehow avoided the 'death' of all the others. Instead of responding or answering, the clone drew back his fist and socked Andrew in the claw, knocking him out onto the floor where he lay with a groan until he disappeared in a blast of bright light and numbers. The remaining clone smirked as his features shifted with a low squelching and cracking noise, his messy, brown hair bleaching into a short, shaggy blonde and his golden eyes darkened into an abyssal blue as his lanky frame swelled and shifted slightly.

Brent smirked as he cracked his knuckles and stretched his arms. "Incompetent _**/censored/**_." he dusted his hands off before something smashed into the back of his skull and sent him reeling onto the floor where he lay until he vanished in a pillar of coding and light; Caesar's headless stooped down to pick up his skull in his bony fingers and screw his head back on in place as if nothing had ever happened.

"And once again, the adventurer is left to his own devices." the skeleton grumbled to himself as left the engine room to go in search of the mailbag; Cecilia immediately chased after him and Christopher's body soon followed once Faith had used his tremendous strength to release the brake lever and get the train back in motion.

* * *

Shannon screamed with fright as the grizzly bear roared and slammed down on the crate she had previously been pressed up against, obliterating it in a shower of planks and wooden splinters; the bear bellowed and make a swipe of his massive paws, missing once more as Shannon ducked under the initial blow and swiftly kicked Jake in the jaw, disorienting the bear and aggravating it even further.

"As if jumping from horse back onto the train wasn't hard enough!" Shannon yelped as she dodged to the side to avoid the grizzly bear as it charged at her and just barely missed her as Jake's jaws clamped shut on the spot where her arm had once been in a spray of sticky saliva.

"Quit whining and try not to become bear chow!" Marissa shouted as she jumped up over a swipe of the gigantic blade that had taken the place of Domanic's arm upon his command, landing on the flat edge of the sword and delivering a harsh kick to the jaw that snapped his head back and made him stumble about; metal rods pushed out from his skin from his muscles, bending and warping and intertwining around each other as his bones dissolved and melted into liquid steel, allowing his arm to become long and rubbery. The five digits on his hand fused together into a single, long, flexible finger that became more of a long, metal tentacle than anything else. Domanic's shoulder swelled and hissed and compressed slightly as it grew into a metal dome that expanded around to his back, forming a large, heavy backpack of sorts that attached to his arm through several cables.

Domanic gave a sudden yell as he smashed his tentacle down, releasing a burst of electricity as Marissa avoided the initial attack and leaped into the air to avoid getting a horrible shock; the Blade then whipped his new appendage around and managed to curl the dexterous tip around Marissa's ankle and slamming her into the floor of the train car, knocking the wide out of her as he dragged her back up and slammed her into the ceiling before throwing her to the floor a second time.

Marissa coughed and propped herself up. "Easy on the merchandise, Generator Calamari!"

"That would defy the whole purpose of us being on opposite teams, now wouldn't it?" Domanic snapped the tentacle back and hauled Marissa up into the air so that she was dangling upside and eye level him until he cracked his tentacle and threw Marissa across the length of the train car where she crashed through several crates and collided with Shannon, knocking the two of them down to the floor in a dazed state.

"That's gonna leave a mark." Shannon hissed as she instinctively rubbed her numb head; the grizzly bear roared hoarsely, catching both of their attentions as the hulking animal dropped down to all fours for the final charge.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – You what else that's gonna leave?)**

 **Shannon -** "Hmmm. Choose to keep my powers hidden and possibly lose the challenge or reveal my powers to Marissa and thus lose an advantage that I may have had in the future? Bullocks, this tough . . ."

* * *

Eventually however, the prospect of being torn to shreds by Jake's nine inch claws and crushing jaws helped her clear her mind quite quickly; with a grunt she shoved Marissa off of her and hurriedly climbed to her feet as the bear barreled onward, its sights locked entirely on the siren as she lightly pressed her fingers to the nautilus shell-shaped necklace around her neck and felt its warm glow beneath her fingertips. She could feel a sudden burst of energy surge through her veins, rejuvenating her greatly as she drew in a deep breath.

And began to sing.

" _Let your arms enfold us through the dark of night._ "

" _Will your angels hold us 'till we see the light?_ " Shannon's voice was long and melodic as she drew the words out in stretched and wavering notes. It seemed like an entire chorus were weaving and threading themselves together into one, creating a single, beautiful voice that seemed to go on forever; the growling grizzly bear slowed to a trot, his breaths heavy and quick as he regarded Shannon with slowly dissipating anger.

" _Hush . . . lay down your troubled mind._ "

" _The day has vanished and left us behind . . ._ " Shannon continued to sing her hypnotic tune, a sweet smile crossing her lips as the eight-hundred pound, nine foot tall grizzly bear plopped itself down and seemed to sigh happily upon hearing her voice, completely entranced.

" _And the wind . . . whispering soft lullabies,_ "

" _Will soothe . . . so close your weary eyes . . ._ " Shannon's grin increased even further when she caught sight of Domanic slowly relaxing upon hearing her mesmerizing voice, his electric, metallic tentacle snapping back into its original form; out of the corner of her eye the siren caught sight of Marissa climbing to her feet and down onto all fours with her head lowered in preparation of a charge. Before that could happen however, the the sliding door that allowed access to other parts of the train was blown off its hinges and obliterated into wooden shrapnel as Christopher came barreling through like a bull, only stopping when he collided with the opposite end of the train car and promptly fell onto his back with a groan; his body trembled and twitched violently for a few seconds before he 'puked' Faith back out with an absolutely revolting noise.

Unfortunately for Shannon, the sudden interruption cut off her singing and allowed Jake and Domanic to break free of her trance; despite having no recollection of being hypnotized, they were still irritated nonetheless. With a single fluid motion that her eyes couldn't even hope to grasp, the grizzly bear morphed and shifted into an olive baboon and pounced on Shannon, tackling her to the floor and relentlessly beating her with his fists while endlessly screeching. The siren was instinctively screaming and spouting off obscenities as well as he primate mercilessly punched her across the face and bit her hand in two places before planting a firm kick to her stomach and bouncing off her.

Before the baboon could attack Shannon again however, a blast of bright light erupted between the two of them and Caesar flashed into existence and delivered a punch to Jake's face, knocking him back and away. "Stop monkeying around and grab the mailbag!"

"The puns are not appreciated!" Marissa shouted as she ducked under a quick swipe of Domanic's blade as he quickly reformed the familiar construct of a gigantic broad sword, swinging the blade up and slicing in a downward arc that obliterated another crate in his attempt to hit the satyress.

"In the words of Izzy herself, _BANZAI!_ " Cecilia screamed as she charged into the fray; after that, all hell broke loose as everyone simultaneously dove onto the discarded and nearly forgotten mailbag lying rejected in the middle of buckling and rattling train car in one fluid motion. Animal, machine, ghost, satyr, human, siren, all of them attacked and defended and screamed and roared as they beat each other senseless in a tangle of arms, legs, hooves, tails, and metal to the point where they could focus on nothing else.

This proved to be a fatal mistake.

A shrill whistle cut through the air and the fighting ceased almost immediately, save for Cecilia bopping Caesar on the head one last time as all their attentions turned to see none other than Izzy standing at the remains of the destroyed door to the train car with her ever familiar, Cheshire grin . . . and a lit stick of dynamite in her hand. "Hiya, everyone!"

" _Izzy!?_ " was the general exclamation.

"Nope! Explosivo is in charge now! Explosivo like _boom, boom!_ So Explosivo lay entire train in TNT to make _boom, boom!_ The biggest _boom, boom!_ the world has ever seen! _BOOM, BOOM!_ " Izzy cackled madly as the sizzling wick of her dynamite stick burned shorter and shorter, decreasing the amount of time before the whole train and everyone on it went up in smoke. Literally.

With that sudden realization, there was a mad scramble and dash towards the large, sliding door on the side of the train car to allow easy access to shipments as Domanic stabbed his massive blade into the creaking wood and slashed it open with a single movement; he then quickly swung the gigantic sword back and successfully managed to knock Shannon and Marissa backwards before Caesar suddenly tackled him, taking Cecilia with him. All the while Izzy was laughing like a maniac as the dynamite got shorter and shorter and shorter until . . .

 _ **BOOM!**_

* * *

Chris blinked with surprise as he starred up at the massive TV screen for the Virtual Reality machine from the comfort of a lawn chair under the shade of an umbrella with a bag of popcorn, a _p_ _iña colada_ , and a lowly intern to fan and keep him cool against the intense, burning heat that the contestants were currently suffering under. The sweat that they constantly produced however, was trivial to compared what they were watching on screen with baited breath.

All any of them could see was fire, flames, and more fire as it hungrily lapped at the burning remains of the train like a pack of dehydrated wolves, the metal melting like glue in the intense heat and the wood snapping and crackling like breaking bones. A soft hissing briefly drew their attentions as the Virtual Reality machine released some of its captors, some of whom were cursing profoundly in Cecilia's.

"I was so close! I was so _**/censored/**_ close!" Cecilia yelled.

"Ma'am, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do anymore. What's done is done." Christopher sighed wearily, his body feeling oddly drained and tired, before he turned on Faith. "And as for _you,_ private . . . _please_ don't possess me again."

Faith shivered nervously. "I'll . . . I'll try . . ." she whimpered before she suddenly vanished in a blast of intense light and reappeared with a loud _bang!_ by Victoria's side, startling Alicia and Layne as the phantom cowered behind the monstrosity's bulking body; Shannon was silently fuming as she climbed out of her seat followed by Marissa after the satyr had stretched out her aching goat legs, her cloven hooves softly clopping against the hulking, metal frame of the Virtual Reality Machine.

"Can someone _kindly_ tell me _why_ Izzy was allowed to be anywhere near that thing before I snap someone in half?" Robyn asked in an eerily calm tone that sounded like it was just on the very verge of losing its cool.

Chris shrugged, popping a popcorn kernel in his mouth. "I dunno, don't care. Either way, she's gonzo."

" _ **WHAT!?**_ " Robyn roared violently.

"Robyn. For once in your pathetic, useless waste of space you call an existence, shut up." Brent snarled. "We've still got a chance to win this." he pointed out, gesturing to Domanic and Jake still fastened to the machine's chairs and devices.

The Goth Punk grounded her teeth together to the point where one half expected to see sparks flying off them like pieces of flint. "You are _so_ lucky we're still in this . . ."

"So are we!" Eliaz shouted, jamming a quick finger at Caesar.

Chris grinned wickedly, wringing his hands in anticipation. "Ooh, this is about to get good! And by good, I mean bad! And speaking of bad, there are our remaining competitors now!" he gestured dramatically to the screen of the Virtual Reality machine where a pair of figures started to emerge from the fiery haze and smoke; the first figure was a gigantic animal about the size of an elephant with a long neck and small, tube-like head that fluidly tappered to the body. A pair of long, thin antennae emerged from the top of the skull where a pair of ears might have been, each one tipped with a feathery growth covered in tiny cillia that undulated in the wind as each of its strong, powerful, six legs pounded the desert dust and sand with their padded, hoof-like feet while a long, reptilian tail cracked from the base of the spine. A sharp, mane-like growth rose up from the back of the neck as the beast's four eyes, one large main pair and a smaller set, narrowed against the relentless sand and wind while fleshy grooves full of operculi huffed and puffed to bring extra, arid oxygen to the extraterrestrial animal's lungs. The second figure was none other than Domanic with a series of wiring, tubes, rods, and nanite-created metal that had fused and morphed together to form a gigantic fist with three, massive digits clutched tightly around a leather mailbag.

Andrew was dumbfounded. "What the heck is that, bro!?" he gaped.

"I don't know, but I gotta put this in my story!" Alicia grinned excitedly, going from extremely irritant to overjoyed as she snapped open her notebook and eagerly scribbled down a description and sketch of the beast.

"We got this in the bag! Giddyp, horsie and don't stop for nothin'!" Domanic whooped with joy as he rode the massive, alien animal bareback.

The beast gave off a high, warbled screech like that of a wounded bird. "I'm not a horse! I'm a Hexcavalo from the Alpha Centauri system!"

"Whatever! _YAH!_ " Domanic spurred the Hexcavalo onward; Jake reared his four front legs and surged onward, his limbs pounding the earth as he pushed on. The moment was quickly interrupted as a blast of light exploded from behind Domanic and Caesar leaped out with a battle cry, immediately attacking Domanic was furious intent; the skeleton quickly delivered a swift uppercut to Domanic's jaw, ducking under a swipe of his gigantic, metal hand, and slugging him in the jaw once more.

Domanic growled and quickly spat out what might have been a bloody tooth as he looped the strap of the mailbag around the Hexcavado's neck and whirled around sock Caesar in the neck, kicking him in the chest and pelvis before slugging him in the jaw; a fist fight ensued upon Jake's back, leaving him unable to do anything but run in the direction of the train station and follow the tracks as Domanic and Caesar duked it out upon his back, switching between using bones and weapons and fists until it ended up in a fencing match with Caesar using his femur and Domanic blocking and parying the skeleton's attacks and blows with the reappearance of his gigantic broad sword.

" _En guarde!_ " Caesar yelled triumphantly as he cleaved downward with his leg bone, only to have the swing blocked by Domanic as he roughly pushed back and made a quick swing of the blade that was bigger than his entire body at the skeleton's spine, hoping to slice him in two by using the small handle attached to the hilt of the weapon for better mobility.

"Looks like I'm a _cut_ above the rest!" Domanic quipped.

Everyone watching even Chris, groaned at the horrible pun.

"Then you need to learn about _claws_ and effect!" Caesar snapped back.

Jake snored irritably. "Will you two knock it off with the puns already!? As if having you two fighting on my back wasn't enough!"

" _Never! Hah!_ " Caesar cried as he thrust his leg bone forward and struck Domanic in the face while swiping his legs out from under him, sending Domanic tumbling back against the Hexcavdo's broad neck and back, leaving him defenseless as Caesar thrust the end of his femur in his face with a satisified, toothy grin. "Any last words _mon amie?_ " he smirked triumphantly.

Domanic was panting heavily, his weapon lying useless and thumping softly against Jake's armored side; he was weak and exhausted from the sudden explosion and the small skirmish upon the Hexcadavo's back and he knew it wouldn't take much more for Caesar to finish him off and force Jake to literally carry him all the way to the finish line. He needed some kind of leverage to turn the tide . . . but what?

"You thought you got rid of me, eh? Guess what, _**/censored/**_!? _You thought wrong! EEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ "

"What the-" Caesar startled as he whirled around at the sound, gazing up at the sky with wide sockets as his lower jaw literally fell lose from shock just as a fiery comet plummeted from the sky with a loud, shrill scream of burning oxygen accompanied by the loud howl of rage as Jeremy descended from the sky in a seering ball of fire and slammed into Caesar full force, knocking him off of the Hexcavado's back and crashing into the arid earth with a massive tremor and _crash!_

The competitors, Chris, and even Chef sat there simply starring in amazment at the smoldering crater that Jeremy and Caesar had created upon impact, a gigantic hole in the ground big enough to swallow one of Chris' very expensive cars whole while simultaneously burning it to a crisp from the sheer amount of heat it must have been giving off to the point where only a dragon would have been able to withstand the hungry flames and choking smoke; a soft hiss snapped their attentions away from the screen and they all gapped as Caesar was released from his chair with a silent and brooding expression.

This was promptly ruined by Jeremy'ys gloating.

"Oh, yeah! I did it, I did it, I did it, and I did it! And for a limited time, _I DID IT! VIVA LA VICTORY!_ " the half-dragon roared triumphantly while spewing fire and smoke in all directions. It wasn't until Caesar chucked one of his spare ribs at Jeremy's head did the hybrid calm down enough to a fit of victorious giggles.

Chris coughed loudly (and quite rudely) bringing the attention back to where it rightfully belonged: on him. "Yes, yes, creaming your enemies in a giant fireball is nice and all . . . who am I kidding, it's awesome!" he laughed while Caesar scowled. "Either way, it's pretty clear that the Horrendous Hawks win this round, seeing as how they're the only ones still alive!"

Eliaz raised an eyebrow when he caught sight of Alicia smirking while the Horrendous Hawks roared and cheered with joy at not having to face the dreaded elimination ceremony for the night. "What are you so hppy about? We lost!"

Alicia's smirk deepened. "Someone's bound to isolate that last line Chris said . . . and make it sound _much_ worse . . ." she chuckled darkly.

Eliaz blinked in confusion before sudden realization hit him and he burst out laughing. "Yeah, that's going to be fun."

* * *

The night air was cool and arid, devoid of much moisture and leaving the gathered contestants still both hot, tired, and greatly bothered as they all sat on the bleachers to the Golden Chris Awards Ceremony waiting for the envitable to come, knowing that this time there would be no hidden safety net to save them from being sent home and away from the chance to win the million dollar cash prize.

Sun-Li looked extremely anxious, tightly clutching her bo staff with a vice-like grip while Adara casually sharpened her two daggers as if it were the most natural thing in the world while Oleander attempted to sit still in her seat, quite literally vibrating with energy; eventually Eliaz couldn't take it anymore and stomped a foot down into the earth, encasing Oleander in a thick, rock shell that restricted all and any movement from the neck down, save for the slight movement of her chest as she breathed. Marissa was tapping her hoof impatiently against the bleachers, earning an irritated look from Shannon that the satyress didn't seem to notice or care about while Jordan fanned himself, Andrew, and Alicia with his wings to keep them cool. Caesar was brooding within his trench coat, not offering any sort of talk or emotion as Christopher tried to reassure him that their loss was not his fault and that no one had even noticed that Jeremy had failed to leave the Virtual Reality machine, much less get himself out from underneath of the boulder that had trapped him for so long.

"Well, well, well," Chris grinned smugly as he casually walked across the stage wearing his usual, glimmering tuxedo that looked like he was wearing a disco ball. "I'd like to say that there were those among you that sucked more than others, but I unfortunately can't. None of you losers seemed to lose harder than anyone else!"

Eliaz narrowed his eyes and snapped his fingers; several dozens pebbles and small rocks lying on the ground immediately responded, levitating and rising up into the air like an armada of tiny ships before they all launched themselves at Chris at once, successfully mailing him several times.

"Ow! Ouch! Watch it! Easy on the merchandise!" he complained.

"Then get on with it." Eliaz growled with annoyance as Chef came lumbering out on stage dressed in a flowing, pink ballgown that made more than enough contestants wince and cringe; Sun-Li had resorted to covering her eyes and mumbling reassurances to herself in Korean while Shannon tried not to hurl her lunch back up.

Chris sighed. "Fine. Way to suck the fun out everything," he mumbled. "The ones to receive a Golden Chris are . . . Christopher! Jordan! Adara! Marissa! Oleander! Sun-Li! Eliaz! Shannon! And Andrew! You're all safe for tonight!" he announced as Chef threw them each their Golden Chris, smirking softly to himself when Andrew was struck in the over in the bleachers, and widening his eyes with shock when Oleander seemed to phase right through her solid rock prison to snatch her chocolate trophy out of midair.

"What? I can vibrate my molecules to pass through solid objects!" Oleander addressed the stares she received.

Chris ignored the speedster's comments and continued on with his speech. "That leaves . . . Caesar . . . and Alicia!" he leered once he caught sight of the omnilinguist's expression and the way she was looking at her teammates in shock. "That's right, there's more than one way to suck the fun and joy out of a situation . . ."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – And one of those things is a vacuum cleaner! The other is _/censored/ /censored/ /yes, we can censor things here, too/_ )**

 **Shannon -** "Who did I vote for? Try the **_/censored/_** that doesn't have a useful power or otherwise? _*scoffs*_ Bullet-proof skin? Useful. Living skeleton? Useful. Air manipulation? Useful. Talking in Yiddish? _Not_ useful."

 **Oleander -** "It's nothing personal . . . but I'd like to have someone carry me to the finish line instead of talking their way."

 **Adara -** "We shared living quarters together. That is all. The subject is no longer of use to my mission."

* * *

And the Golden Chris goes to . . ." Chris purposely trailed off, his smirk broadening into a Cheshire-like smile when he noticed the way Alicia was anxiously caught between glaring increduously at her teammates and biting her nails, having already reduced her pencils and pens to scraps from her nervous knawing. Caesar still stewed within his jacket, bouncing his bony leg on his knee with impatience while he drummed his fingers on his arm; he knew Chris was irritated by his lack of emotion, and if got eliminated first, by god, he was going to drive Chris as crazy as possible.

" _Caesar!_ You're safe for tonight!" Chris announced as Chef chucked the final Golden Chris at the skeleton; Caesar merely raised a hand and caught the chocolate treat, holding it for less than a second before he tossed it to Oleander, who devoured it by immediately.

Alicia was flabbergasted, shocked, agape, and a whole bunch of other emotions all at once, though there was one that seemed to top every last one of them: absolute fury. "You have got to be **_/censored/ /censored/ /censored/ /censored again/ /censored/ /censored/ /and I thought Robyn swore a lot/ / censored/ /censored/ /you do know that this is in Chinese, right?/ /censored/ /censored/ /do we even need to say it?/ /censored/ /censored/_**!" she swore in various languages that no one quite understood the meaning to but could pretty much guess at the drop of a hat what they vaguely met. So profound was the language that spewed forth from her lips like a geyser of hot, boiling water that have scalded someone just by listening, that no one seemed to notice when Alicia simply broke down and fell forward on her knees, curling up into a tight ball and mumbling things to herself in Latin.

"Uh . . ." Chris starred.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Shannon raised an eyebrow of little concern.

Alicia murmured. " _Exite . . ._ " she rocked back and forth, her head buried into her knees. Nobody moved for several seconds before Christopher quietly got up from his seat and carefully approached Alicia like she was some kind feral animal that would snap and defend herself if she felt unsafe; the soldier laid upon her shoulder, shaking her out of her slump.

"You alright, soldier?" Christopher asked.

"Who cares!?" Chris laughed at Alicia's misery before Eliaz chucked a rock at his head, missing by an inch as the host yelped and ducked out of harm's way.

Alicia didn't seem to notice Chris' rude comment. "Yes? No? Maybe? I have no idea . . ."

Christopher sighed and grabbed her shoulders, twisting her around so he could look at her. "There's much we can do, private. You gave it your all, you tried your best, but in the end, it just wasn't enough."

"That's not exactly helping . . ." Alicia sniffed as she dried her eyes.

The grass beneath their feet rustled and whispered softly as Sun-Li seemed to descend like a falling leaf from the sky, touching down with such grace and delicacy that one could imagine she was nothing but a hollow shell at the mercy of the wind that she commanded. "What Christopher means is that there are times when there is nothing more that we can do. Even if we wished to keep you around, Chris would not allow us to."

"You got that right!" Chris quipped before Eliaz successfully managed to strike him in the gut with a rock, knocking the wind out of him and sending him falling to the stage.

Sun-Li coughed awkwardly. "If I were you, I would leave as soon as possible . . . before Chris is able to stand again." she added, casting an anxious look in Chris' direction before turned back to Alicia and cautiously wrapped her arms around her shoulders, lying her bo staff down on the ground and gently hugging the tearful girl; the air manipulator squeaked with surprise when Alicia latched onto her like a hungry python, constricting and squeezing her tightly to the point one could almost hear the bones shifting and cracking inside of her until Christopher managed to pry her fingers loose from Sun-Li.

Once she was able to breath again, Sun-Li took her bo staff and propped her up with the instrument before bowing respectfully to Alicia. "It has been an honor to fight by your side, Alicia _chingu._ "

Alicia smiled and wiped her eyes as Christopher helped her climb to her feet. "It's honor to fight by your side, soldier. I'd glad go into battle with yo any day." he saluted her with a joking grin; Alicia giggled and hugged Christopher warmly; catching sight of their narcissistic host coming to from the stage, Alicia took a deep, calming breath and resumed her calm, sarcastic exterior as she quickly scribbled a pair of notes down on her arm and wrist.

"What's that?" Sun-Li inquired.

"A note," Alicia smiled. "Reminding me to write you guys into one of my works."

The air manipulator blushed lightly as Christopher scratched his chin in suspicion. "What does the second note say?"

"It's to remind me to sue this show." she smirked before she turned around on her heel and walked down the length of a long, red carpet that led out of the elimination ceremony, down a long walk way lined with velvet ropes to keep the nonexistent poparatzi out of the way, all the way to where the Lame-osine had once sputtered and croaked and gagged horribly, as if fighting its enevitable demise; instead, a fancy, sleek, black limosine that looked like it had been bought fresh off the lot was awaiting Alicia, startling her slightly and raising an eyebrow of suspicion, as if she were expecting the fancy paint job to peel and the bumpers to fall off before she gave a shrug and climbed into the back door, finding that it had incredibly comfy seats that cushioned her aching muscles, a pair of sunroofs to offer a view of the night sky, a minifridge stocked full of beverages and glasses, and, much to Alicia's delight, a foldable desk from her seat with a built in penceil sharpener and a stack of blank paper just waiting to be doodled and written upon.

"What the- _that wasn't in the budget!_ What happened to the Lame-osine!?" Chris panicked, tugging at his hair out of exasperation, completely oblivious to the way Chef chuckled to himself and winked mischievously at the remaining competitors who were all laughing histarically at the look upon their tormentor's face.

"Now if we could only get that look on his face every day!" Eliaz laughed.

Adara barely seemed to even twitch, the corners of her mouth refusing to quirk up at the sight. "That can easily be arranged . . ." she said darkly.

Chris finally managed to get over his intial shock and either didn't hear Adara's comment or chose to ignore it as he coughed and recomposed himself before addressing the camera. "Well . . . uh, that was our first competitive challenge! Who will rise? Who will fall? And who will bomb the hardest? Tune in next to find out, right here on Total! Drama! Take 2!" the host exclaimed dramatically.

A sudden screech like that of an angry monkey who had gotten its posterior too close to a burning campfire caught his attention and he glanced up at the last second to see Izzy come swinging by on a rope, singing off a war cry that sounded very much like that of Tarzan as she dumped a bucket of ice cold water on his head and fled the scene while cackling all the way.

" _E-scope for the win!_ "

* * *

 **And there we go! Whew!**

 **Again, we apologize for the latness of this chapter, but several things popped up all at once and prevented us from getting this out as fast as we wanted to, mostly thanks to our poorly thought educational systems for those that are curious to know. Either way, it doesn't matter right now. What does matter that we explain all the references that you might not have gotten! Aren't we nice?**

 **[1] – Twoo-Coats is none other than the name of the notorious Tahm Kench from the awesome MOBA game, League of Legends; nothing will satisfy this monster's appetite, making him literally insasciable. As the saying goes, "A deal with Two-Coats may carry you to wherever you wish, but your journey will most assuredly end in the depths of despair".**

 **[2] – Metaphorasizers = Transformers. We all good?**

 **[3] – It is a well known fact that Air Benders are the world's second loudest snorers, due to them unconsciously bending the air they breath through their lungs to blast out at maximum volumes. The world's most loudest snorers however, are the Sky Bison, the animals that the air benders learned their talents from.**

 **[4] – For all you _Futurama_ fans, you might remember this scene where Bender realizes that his glorious, metal ass should not be hot nor red. As you can imagine, it was quite painful.**

 **[5] – Old Western movies and flicks always seem to have that poor, unfortunate soul who always dies a horrible death spiraling off the top of some random roof in the shoot out, don't they?**

 **[6] – The mother of all Western cliches . . .**

 **[7] – A quick reminder to all those that have not caught on. The Virtual Reality Machine was originally thought of by the master of Total Drama himself _The Koboldnecromancer._ Recently our gracious lord has made a glorious return and his OC that invented the wonderful device that brings much hilarity to the show, Joel. I do not own his character, nor do we own his creation. We clear?**

 **[8] – Two _Futurama_ references in the same chapter? What madness is this!?**

 **[9] – The meme says it all . . .**

 **[10] – Think I, _Creaturemaster_ , can go a single chapter without making a reference to _Ben 10?_ Wrong! This was a piece taken from the episode _"Have I got a deal for You"_ where Ben, as one of the newest aliens, Bloxx, prevents the destruction of a runaway train by stretching himself over the broken tracks and allowing himself to be run over. This is more or less the same thing. In the words of the Segmentasapien himself, "Glad you enjoyed it so much".**

 **Well, that seems to about cover everything! For now however, there will be no set date to when me and _Jeptwin_ will update this story, as the end of the school year draws near and thus are lives become all the more hectic. We have no intention of ever giving up on a story, and I pride myself on not being one of those people to leave a story lying around without properly ending it (don't you just _hate_ those people?), so don't expect this to end anytime soon!**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below!**

 ** _Hasta Luego!_**


	6. Losers of the Caribbean 2: At Wit's End

_**Drama.**_

 _ **Fanfiction.**_

 _ **School.**_

 _ **Real life.**_

 _ **Long ago, the four elements lived in perfect harmony with one another, neither one dictating or dominating over the other for thousands of years of coexistence . . . but everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked . . .**_

 **Ok, clearly one of us (and by that, I mean me, _Creaturemaster_ ) has been watching a little too much Avatar, but what else am I supposed to do while waiting for _Star vs. the Forces of Evil_ to come back, the new season of _Steven Universe_ to air, and the _Ben 10_ reboot to attempt to please me?**

 **Either way, apologies for how long it took to crank out this chapter for the lot of you, the school year's been keeping the two of us busy on both ends, not to mention the fact that I may have to start considering getting a job (hopefully at my local movie theater so I can get discounts on the latest blockbusters). Now enough of our sniveling! Onto your reviews and the answers we bring!**

 _ **Atom King –**_ **Then I hope we continue to shock you, my good man! The best surprises are the ones you never see coming!**

 _ **cartoonfanficwriter –**_ **I'm glad you think our writing is that awesome to make it feel as if your right alongside the contestants and experiencing all the pain, horror, and humiliation they all receive on a bimonthly basis :D**

 _ **Silver Writer 0927 –**_ **Well, we usually only except the first OC someone sends in, no exceptions, but there might be an exception here. It's unknown at the moment though, so we'll have to see where this road takes us.**

 _ **GenuineHarajukDoll –**_ **You bet your satyr hooves we're taking this all the way to the end! Trust me, there have been one too many SYOC stories out there that hardly get past the application or the first challenge, and it really drives me crazy when those turn out to be really good chapters to read and then you wait for weeks and weeks on end and nothing happens. Well, we ain't letting that happen to you guys! SYOC STORIES FOR THE WIN!**

 **Ok, clearly we've been drinking too much caffeine.**

 _ **zombiefear101 –**_ **Glad you enjoyed the long chapter, it just means more time to watch our little toys beat each other senseless! And yes, we love Robyn as much as you do, you egomaniac. And hey, your top three are similar to mine, regardless of Victoria because that would make me (as in** ** _Creaturemaster_ ) an egomaniac, too. XD**

 _ **JVM0-SP150 –**_ **Are you too tired to think now? How about now? Maybe now? ;)**

 **Alright, enough of the senseless bantering! As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below!**

 **Let the drama begin!**

* * *

"Last time, on Total Drama: Take 2!" Chris began his usual intro while standing just outside the film lot's gates as he usually did with his usual, pearly white smile flashing at the camera for the world to see and adore. "Our contestants took on and tackled the first competitive challenge of the season in the wildest shootout this side of Niagra Falls! Here we learned that Robyn could use some glasses when it comes to identifying team mates and just how destructive everyone else can be once they get going!" he chuckled with mirth upon remembering the chaos that had ensued.

"In the end however, it was the Horrendous Hawks, with a combination of Robyn's dictator leadership skills, Victoria's immense power, and Faith's shut in ways, that ultimately won the right to deliver a mailbag across an endless desert, thanks to the Virtual Reality machine brought to you by yours truly." Chris grinned pridefully as he jerked a thumb at himself. "A great deal of awesome action and beautiful brawls ensued there after, pushing our contestants to the limit on just how much mind-numbing pain they could take before it was ultimately the Horrendous Hawks who won once more, thanks to a surprise attack by none other than Jeremy."

"Kids gotta cool down sometime." Chef grumbled, leaning up against the fence out of boredom.

Chris frowned, hating to have the camera turned away from him longer than it needed to be. "Don't you have Chef things you should be doing?"

"Nope. Lunch break."

Chris sighed and continued on. "At the elimination ceremony, it was the ever annoying Alicia that was sent packing . . . after much cursing and crying-"

"And threatening to sue the show, too." Chef cut in.

Chris barely bit back his anger. "Don't need a remind, _Chef._ " he narrowed his eyes before he turned his attention back to the camera where it rightfully belonged. "This week, grab yer eyepatch and pegleg, me hearties, we're settin' sail onto the high seas! Who will find buried treasure? Who will walk the plank? And just how big of a budget do we have to pay off the damages our contestants cause? Find out right here, scalawags and scurvy dogs, on Total! Drama! Take 2!"

Chef pinched his brow. "Chris, man, jus' stop it with the accents."

"What? They make me sound more handsome!"

* * *

 **(Theme song: Bet you weren't expecting this!)**

* * *

 _ **Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine,**_

 _ **You guys are on my mind.**_

 _The camera runs rampant through the film lot, narrowly dodging working interns and camera men before barely avoiding getting hit by Chris in a golf cart as it quickly climbs up a large prop of a 1,000 ft tall cliff to plunge into a tank of water down below; Harmony calmly pumps her tail up and down through the water before coming face-to-fang with a hungry great white shark and quickly flees in the opposite direction. The camera then pans upwards to see Harmony jumping clear out of the water, her tail fluidly turning into a pair of legs, as she jumps into the arms of Christopher._

 _ **You asked me what I wanted to be,**_

 _ **And now I the answer is plain to see,**_

 _Before Harmony or Christopher can say anything, a dead fish is suddenly lobbed right at their heads, knocking the two of them back into the tank; Shannon dusts off her hands with a deep smirk until Adara drops down from the ceiling in total silence and holds a knife to her neck, a stern expression on the assassin's face and a fearful one on the siren's as the camera pans out to just barely catch a glimpse of what seems to be half a dozen identical clones of Andrew go speeding by on a stolen gold cart with Chef Hatchet chasing after them._

 _ **I wanna be famous!**_

 _The camera pans out to show Eliaz and Sasquatchanakwa sitting at a table in the saloon in the Wild West set, currently locked in an arm wrestling match. It seems even and about to come to a draw until Eliaz suddenly gets a wicked grin on his face as dozens of rocks suddenly levitate into the air and slam in what looks like a painful manner onto his arm and hand, coating it in a tough armor and allowing to win the game while also simultaneously seeming to break Sasquatchanakwa's hand._

 _ **I wanna live close to the sun,**_

 _The camera pans out through the saloon doors to show Domanic and Robyn facing off in a Western style battle, the two of them waiting for the other to draw before they both suddenly move; Robyn moves her hands in a quick motion, her hands surrounding themselves in a black aura as two, massive, black constructs of large hands materialize in the air in front of her. Domanic's right arm suddenly shifts and reconfigures into a large cannon, the back of which thrusts down and towards the ground, ripping out a good chunk before blasting it back out and right at Robyn, obliterating her dark magic and slamming painfully into her as Domanic grins triumphantly._

 _ **Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!**_

 _Marissa is sitting on a large moon rock in the Moon Base set, reading a superhero comic book as Sun-Li meditates about a foot in the air above her, her eyes closed and her breathing slow and relaxed; Caesar suddenly flashes into existence, startling the two girls slightly as the skeleton glances around for a few seconds, looking confused before warping back out of existence and leaving the girls in peace. That is, until the stolen golf cart with all of the Andrew clones in it comes speeding by and nearly runs over Marissa's hoof with Chef still in tow._

 _ **Everything to prove, nothing in my way, I'll get there one day!**_

 _Jake swiftly changes into a red, buff, four-armed creature and effortlessly lifts a trailer over his head, flexing one of his three, free arms; Jeremy glares, smoke drifting from his nostrils as a pair of large dragon wings unfolds from his back and claws rip from his fingers, allowing him to grab a second trailer and heft it off of the ground with some effort. The two of them stay like that until Robyn comes flying out of nowhere, slams into the two of them, and crashes painfully against a tree, reducing it to splinters and dropping the trailers. Jeremy suddenly sneezes, blasting out a jet of flame and engulfing the entire camera's view._

 _ **'Cause, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Cecilia and Alicia are sitting opposite of each other at a table, ignoring one another as one reads a book and the other writes in a notebook before their items, the table, and the benches they are sitting on suddenly start to levitate off of the ground and float in the air; Layne chuckles slightly from the ground before Domanic suddenly crashes into him, the two boys tumbling across the Craft Services Tent's floor as all of the hovering items crash into the floor, leaving the two girls dazed as Robyn comes charging through the tent flap, fully intent on beating the living tar out of Domanic. That is, until Samuel steps between her and the two dazed boys, increasing his body size and mass to tower a good twenty feet over Robyn, flexing his exposed muscles and making the dark magic user think twice about starting trouble._

 _ **Na na na na na na na,**_

 _The Andrew clones continue to drive their stolen golf cart around the film lot with Chef now chasing after them in a golf cart of his own; the two vehicles are suddenly passed by a blue and pink blur that reveals to be Oleander. The speedster gives the two golf carts a quick, two-fingered salute before zipping off at an insane speed, whipping right past Jordan as he folds his wings around himself while talking to an exact copy of Oleander before he gets suspicious; Brent emerges out of the fake Oleander in front of Jordan, cackling slightly until Jordan gives a swift beat of his wings, lifting himself off of the ground and smoldering balls of hot fire form in his hands, prompting Brent to wisely decide to run away with Jordan in tow._

 _ **Na na na na na na na!**_

 _Brent runs past the Lame-o-sine with Jordan in hot pursuit and an anger look on his face; the two of them then swiftly decide to change directions and form a quick truce as the Andrew clones in their stolen golf cart and Chef in his own vehicle come racing after them with Oleander giving chase as well, if for nothing more than to just race them._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _The Lame-o-sine window rolls down to reveal Harmony waving nervously at the crowd of cameras and fans and autograph hounds waiting outside for her to show up until Christopher appears with a calming smile and opens the car door for her, taking her hand and leading her down the aisle with the camera right behind them, blinded by the numerous camera flashes._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Chris dressed in his fancy, blue tuxedo smiles charmingly at the camera as he waves around an envelope in his hands; before he can open it, Chef dressed in nothing more than a pink dress and chef's hat with a captured Andrew in hand stroll up to him with a platter of golden Chris awards. The image sudden fizzles out as Faith whimpers slightly, only calmed by a reassuring attempt on Victoria's part to hold her hand. The large, walking cadaver then attaches two cables to the conductors on her back and squeezes her eyes shut as she struggles to send a massive amount of electricity back through the system and into the large TV screen overhead, flashing the words "Total Drama: Take 2" for everyone to see._

* * *

 **(Trailer 3 – Adara and Domanic)**

* * *

Domanic sighed as he starred blankly at the bottom of the mattress above him.

The trailer was deathly quiet and no matter what Domanic did to try and least alleviate the awkward silence, it only made it sound more pronounced than before. He knew that he wasn't alone in the trailer, the glint of Adara's pointed blades was a clear enough reminder of that, but he still felt alone. It wasn't that he didn't like Adara, it was just . . . she didn't function enough as a person to seem to count as one. She had no personality of her own, no feelings other than the calm and calculative air she kept about herself without effort, she was just a blank slate with a robotic attitude towards everything.

It made Domanic extremely uncomfortable to wake up in the morning and look at Adara's face to find . . . nothing. He was always met with a blank stare that looked like she didn't know who she was or where she was, and yet they looked remarkably intelligent; just enough that Domanic didn't mistake her for a corpse.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Can we get Bonejangles and his Bone Boys to play for this corpse's wedding?)**

* * *

 **Domanic -** "Adara worries me . . . she also creeps me out, but she mostly worries me. It's like she doesn't know who she is or any idea at what she's doing, and yet she functions like she has a goal in life. It's like she's . . . programmed . . ."

 **Adara -** "So far Domanic has decided not to terminate me. His sufficient amount of common sense is remarkable and well placed if he wishes to keep all of his necessary digits."

* * *

With a sigh, Domanic threw the covers off of him and sat up in his bed, being careful not to hit the bottom bunk as he swung his legs over the side and stood up to stretch. A glance at his wristwatch told him that it was six in the morning and looking out the window told him that the sun was only barely peeking up out over the horizon, as if it were just getting out bed and still waking up like the rest of the world. Domanic shared sympathies with the sun and ran his fingers through his greasy, blonde hair with a wide yawn; he was bare-chested and only wore a pair of black and red plaid sweatpants to bed.

Adara on the other hand had refused to relax as much as the other contestants had; even Robyn had calmed down long enough to make herself at home (albeit rather messily). Instead, the Trained Weapon had only wrapped herself up in a warm jacket and slept ramrod straight on top of her sheets and covers without disturbing the mattress, and it was for this reason, plus her habit of moving about like a robot whose joints hadn't been oiled in years, that Domanic felt uncomfortable around her.

Deciding that he was going to be lazy this morning, Domanic merely grabbed a black sweatshirt from his duffelag before slipping out of the trailer he shared with Adara and into the warming, morning air. He inhaled a deep breath and and sat down on the step of his trailer, pausing to put on his sneakers that he had left to air out last night, before he made his way over to the craft services tent where he could already smell breakfast cooking . . . or at least, what passed for breakfast.

It had taken the combine efforts of Robyn and Jeremy just to subdue the poor excuse for food with a few blast of hot fire and dark magic long enough Victoria to crush it underfoot.

How Chef had even gotten his cooking license to even be considered for a job on the show was a mystery in itself. Domanic had a feeling that he either didn't have a license in the first place or that he was fully capable of cooking actual food and simply chose to torture the contestant's taste buds with whatever sick combination of ingredients he could come up with. What made Chris wish to torture them all so much, Domanic had no idea and he was pretty sure he didn't want to know.

What he did know was that he was hungry and therefore wanted something to eat.

Domanic was beginning to wish that his father had managed to get the nanites that coursed through his veins, microscopic machines that took care of and defended his tissues and immune systems from disease and infection, to concentrate on other parts of his body instead of just his left arm. It was still a mystery as to why the microscopic machines refused to move to any other part of him, but Domanic was hoping that they would change their minds at one point and grant him the ability to transform his legs; it would certainly make walking to the mess hall a lot faster.

By the time he had managed to make his way through the labyrinth of trailers and tents, he could already hear the sound of voices coming from the craft service tent and it thankfully had yet to dissolve into absolute disaster. As Chris had kindly put it one time, with their odd combination of mutant freaks, disaster wasn't too far away from them or a camera.

"What the heck is this garbage!?" Domanic could already hear Shannon's voice.

Jeremy's rough and snarking voice soon came after. "Actual garbage, princess. Deal with it and eat like the rest of us filthy pigs."

" _EWWWWWW!_ "

Domanic ducked through the tent flap and took in the surroundings of the nearly full mess hall, taking note of the wooden picnic tables set out in near perfect rows, not all of which were supported by the freshest of wooden planks and legs; one or two seemed just about ready to collapse at any minute. The two support poles of the tent were stabbed deep into the ground at the center of the tent with a tangle of cords and wires snaking their way up to a set of flickering lights that looked like they were on their last legs. Towards the back of the mess hall was an opening that led to the makeshift kitchen where Chef stood whistling while stirring a large pot of some unidentifiable sludge that smelled oddly enough like gummy slugs sprinkled in cinnamon; apparently the thick soup smelled better than it looked.

The mess hall was quite crowded and it seemed that most of the contestants had risen earlier than Domanic had expected to grab breakfast; he supposed Chris' nasty habit of waking them all up at some ungodly hour in an attempt to hinder their performance in the day's challenge might have played a small part in the earlier waking time. Even so, not everyone was quite use to waking up so early in the morning, a fact made quite clear when Domanic caught sight of Oleander lying down in a plate of scrambled eggs that were colored an unusual shade of green.

Eilaz was carefully poking the speedster with a calloused finger, an eyebrow raised with slight concern. "Is it normal for her to sleep this much?" he wondered.

Christopher paused with a mouthful of bacon that perhaps a tad too soggy and studied the Roller Derby Chick with curiosity. "Well, soldier, to be honest, I haven't the faintest idea." he swallowed. "Considering her clearly high metabolism and constant need for food and energy in order to keep moving at such velocities, I'd say this is _somewhat_ normal."

"So she's alright?" Eilaz summed up.

Christopher shrugged as he stabbed his fork into a bit of bacon and tried not to shudder at its cold feeling. "That, or the private is being lazy."

"She isn't the only one being lazy." Jake grumbled lowly under his breath as he shuffled past the table with a tray of pancakes lovingly sprinkled in little black blobs that Christopher was quite sure the shape-shifter should not eat even if his life depended on it. Jake proceeded to effortlessly, almost casually sprout a pair of slime-covered tentacles from his back and shoulder blades that popped and snapped their suckers together before lunging forward and swiping up a plastic fork and a bottle of maple syrup from the table.

Christopher held back a scowl of annoyance. "Ballaugh, you should know by now that I rise with the sun and that I have a personal workout program that I partake in every morning for three hours in order to keep my body in shape." he reminded the shape-shifter in as calm as a tone as possible.

Jake ignored the suppressed sigh of admiration from the back of the craft services tent and went about his business in squeezing the bottle of sugary, maple syrup all over his pancakes with his new, boneless limbs. Once he was satisfied that the decently fresh syrup would drown out any foul tastes he may encounter in his meal, the tentacle carelessly tossed over his shoulder where Samuel quickly plucked it out of the air and proceeded to use whatever remained to drizzle over his own stack of pancakes. "You keep telling yourself that, _Washington_." he heard Jake snarled.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Lincoln, Roosevelt, Nixon, and Obama are here, too!)**

* * *

 **Eilaz -** " _So . . ._ that was a shocking event the other day. I think being shocked to my core may have caused some sort of short term memory loss because I don't have the faintest idea what just happened. Either way, I'm going to get that assassin girl . . . Adara, I think . . . to lighten up, even if it kills me . . . hopefully it won't. And the goat-girl and angel are starting to grow on me, I guess. But what's really driving me crazy is what the heck soldier boy is hiding. I mean seriously, this is beginning to sound like one of those cheesy drama series that my mom loves watching. Pretty soon long lost siblings and evil twins we never knew we had are going to come pouring out of the walls with the government descending down on us all and revealing that we're all escaped experiments or something." _*chuckles*_ "The government capturing us. _Hah!_ "

 **Harmony –** _*blushing*_ "With a body like _that,_ it's no wonder he has a training program . . ."

 **Jake –** _*tiredly rubbing temples*_ "It's bad enough _he's_ here, but I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I swear I keep on having these dreams with that Shannon girl asking me if she can sleep with me every night, and for some reason I keep on saying yes! But by the time I wake up, she's always back in her bunk as if nothing ever happened!" _*sighs*_ "I wonder if Chef has any sleeping pills he can give me?"

 **Izzy -** "Evil Fishy wants **_/censored/_** , but Evil Fishy ain't gonna get **_censored/_** because **_/censored/_** belongs to Big Monster!" _*leers playfully. You know the look*_ "Or maybe **_/censored/_** belongs to Izzy?"

 **Jake -** "I also keep having these weird dreams with Izzy breaking into my trailer and rooting through Shannon's luggage. Maybe I'm going crazy?"

* * *

Still grumbling under his breath Jake made his way over to a semi-empty table and took a seat on the far end, only briefly glancing up to look at Caesar with a blank look that lacked much emotion. The cursed skeleton only starred back with ruby red sockets as he tapped a bony finger on the wooden table out of impatience; Jake supposed this was fair considering the cursed man's skeletal physiology didn't allow him to eat or drink, only rest and move about. Heck, it was a wonder he could even talk without a tongue or vocal cords, but the shape-shifter didn't question it.

After all, he was the result of an amorphous alien species and a woman with rather odd tastes in men and he never thought much about it. His shape-shifting came second nature to him and he doubted Caesar thought much of his unique appearance now after living as the walking dead for so long.

Jake was so use to be surrounded by the strange and weird and bizarre that he hardly took notice of how Victoria lumbered by with a plate of odd smelling hashbrowns and eggs in her gigantic fingers with Sun-Li easily floating a few feet off of the ground like some kind of ghost with a plate of semi-rotting fruit in one hand and her bo staff in her other. The actual ghost however, Faith, was still _very_ skittish of her surroundings and thus chose to hide behind Victoria's impressive frame whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Victoria sighed. "Faith? Your fingers are in my back . . . again."

" _S-S-Sorry._ "Faith jerked her hand back like she had just been burned. The phantom still held her wrist even as the trio of girls sat down at an empty table near Jake, starring for an uncomfortable amount of time at her fingers.

Sun-Li took notice of this as she popped a slice of pineapple in her mouth and paused in midchew. "Faith?" she spoke up with a mouthful of fruit. "Forgive me for intruding, but . . . do you miss being . . . alive?"

Victoria paused just as she was about to take a bite out of her strip of cold bacon, looking out of the corner of her eyes as the spirit continued to stare at her hand (or the table through it) without a word. For the longest time she simply sat there on the bench without saying a word and Sun-Li feared she had touched upon a delicate subject and was about to apologize when Faith finally spoke up in a low, whispery voice. " _N-No._ "

"Oh." was all Sun-Li felt comfortable saying. She wasn't sure if it was considered rude to intrude upon a wandering ghost's life before their death, especially asking them how they died; according to Marissa, the subject was often a touchy one among the dead she had encountered and this usually extended to many types of ghosts, skeletons, and even a few zombies she had found out weren't too bright for somewhat obvious reasons.

The satyress herself was quietly sitting at a table and reading a book with Cecilia hungrily shoveling food into her mouth as fast as possible; after her mother had gotten remarried and gained five step-sons in the process that were about as polite as a pack of hyenas when it came to meals, Cecilia had learned to either be a fast eater and try to grab as much food as she could before her step-siblings got there to scarf it all down or be content with whatever leftovers that happened to escape the unmerciful onslaught. What drove her absolutely nuts however, was that her step-father did absolutely nothing about it, most likely having given up on trying to discipline his sons a long time ago.

Marissa glanced up from her book was disdain. "I don't have a reason to not like you yet. Please, don't give me one."

" _You_ try living with five step-brothers who think the best prank in the world is hanging your underwear from the tree out on the front lawn and recording you trying to get it back down. Lets see how long _you_ last." Cecilia paused in her eating long enough to give a retort.

"You eat like a pig."

"Says the girl eating a tin can."

Marissa paused in midchew with a half-chewed can of tuna between her lips. With a quick movement, the rest of the can was popped in her mouth and quickly dismembered with a loud _crunch!_ of metal and low swallow. "I'm half goat. Sue me."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Mess with the satyress and you get the horns!)**

* * *

 **Marissa –** _*shaking head with amused expression*_ "I don't know why, but this cast seems to amaze me for some apparent reason. Although, I feel as if I'm a nonfactor in the cast because, unlike them, I don't possess any supernatural powers besides these things." _*points at horns and hooves*_

* * *

Cecilia rolled her eyes. "Okay, so we both have disgusting eating habits. Lets just not talk about it and we should probably get along fine. Besides, I don't think I've ever had this much food all to myself without someone trying to steal it."

"You gonna finish that, brah?"

"I withdraw my previous statement." Cecilia mumbled under her breath as she glanced over her shoulder to see Andrew standing there with an empty plate and a hopeful look on his face. "What happened to your food?"

"I ate, duh!" Andrew gave a goofy smile. "I'm just still hungry!"

Cecilia hissed venomously like a prehistoric reptile that was not in the mood to share its meal. "Yeah, well so am I. Go bother someone else for scraps." she snarled.

Andrew sagged slightly but did as he was asked, backing up and scanning the mess hall for anyone who still had food and didn't look very hungry; Oleander was still asleep in her food and Eilaz was looking like he was going to resort to trying to wake her up much to Christopher's objections. Harmony carefully picked her way through some sausages of questionable origin, not willing to put it past Chris to somehow sneak in the processed meat of some unfortunate sea creature into the food to save money. Samuel was currently hunched over a comically tiny table with his muscle-covered back pressed up against the tent's ceiling, spitting out what looked to be a disgusting combination of stomach juices and enzymes all over his food before bringing the plate up to his face and 'swallowing' it; Layne and Brent tried to hold back their absolute disgust while they ate . . . or attempted to eat.

In short, everyone seemed hungry enough.

The Human Copy Machine caught a flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see two pairs of narrow, crimson slits slowly open from the depth of a shadow that buried itself in a dim corner of the tent; Andrew wasn't sure if the shadow had actual depth to it considering the mess hall's interesting clientele, but he felt a chill run up his spine when a blood red maw yawn open just beneath what he realized to be eyes. He was completely ignorant of the deadly, raven black teeth that raw down the mouth's gullet and out wispy tentacles of vapor began to pull themselves out of the darkness as if searching for unwary prey. He half expected someone to suddenly scream in fright at what looked to be some kind of ravenous demon emerging from the shadows-

" _AHHHH!_ What is that horrible thing!?" Shannon screamed.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Indeed, whatever could it be? You'll just have to find out after this confessional is over because we just can't help but get in your way!)**

* * *

 **Shannon -** "Jake and Domanic are starting to fall for my incredible beauty. This is perfect!" _*cheers*_ "I really do want to be adored . . . and some of my fellow siren, the Starstone sisters, Roxanne, Bianca, and Kelly, also want to be adored. They're like me, feeding off of negative energy. Maybe I can . . . _convince_ . . . Chris to allow them to cameo . . . with their voices and Roxanne's leadership, we _will_ be adored. On a side note, Jeremy's table manners are absolutely _disgusting!_ You'd think he was raised to hunt and attack livestock with the way he eats! Wait . . . scratch that. He probably does . . ."

* * *

Robyn merely yawned as she stepped out from the shadows with a slow and drawn out stretch before she flipped the siren her middle finger and proceeded to head to the counter for her morning slop. Chef paused in his whistling and stirring and flinched when he saw the cold, unamused expression upon Robyn's face and hurriedly placed some molding toast and scrambled eggs on her plate before slamming down the door to the kitchen and securely locking in place.

Jeremy stopped grossing Shannon out long enough to watch as the dark sovereign slowly lurched her way through the maze of tables and sat herself down about a foot away from him at his table, poking at her scrambled eggs with what looked to be disinterest. Faded, gray bags had heaped themselves beneath her eyes and her abyssal mohawk hung greasy and limp over one side of her face so that it covered her arctic blue eye. "Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." the half-dragon joked.

" _ **/censored/**_ you." Robyn grumbled, flipping him the bird.

Jeremy leered mischievously at her. "Now why would I do that when you could do it for me, huh?"

" _ **/censored**_ off, you _**/censored/**_ pervert." Robyn mumbled without looking up. Through his dragon nature however, Jeremy could sense that he had either struck a nerve or actually managed to make a chip in the icy prison that was her heart if the way her face seemed to be heating up at an odd rate was any sign.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Is it hot in here, or is it just us?)**

 **Jeremy -** "Yesterday's challenge was _awesome_ , not to mention I kinda had an advantage going for me. Helps to be acclaimed to intense heat . . . reminds me of home." _*sighs fondly*_ "But onto more serious matters. If I want to stay in the game and win the prize, I'm gonna have to plan out how I'm going to do it, which I've already done. Since the walking battery didn't trust me, it's down to two people: Jordan, the all around cool guy, and Robyn, the hot dark magician . . . okay, so the first one might be a little harder to convince since I tried to pluck him like a chicken . . . _mmmhm, chicken_ . . ." _*drools*_

* * *

Andrew wasn't put off by what could easily be mistaken for the hybrid's flirting; they were simply friends that liked to mess around and tease with each other in their own special way. Robyn certainly didn't have feelings for Jeremy at all, she was absolutely head over heels in love with _him_. Despite what the others might say he knew that the way she brutally assaulted him and threw him around like a ragdoll was just her way of showing affection to him, no doubt embarrassed by the fact that someone as ruggedly handsome as him liked someone as drop dead gorgeous as her.

Robyn felt a shiver travel up her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, warning her of a presence that she most certainly did _not_ want near her. With a deep breath, mentally grumbling that it was far too early in the morning for this kind of nonsense, she turned around to glare steely up at Andrew with a fierce scowl on her face. "What do you want, _**/censored/**_?" she snarled.

The Human Copy Machine hardly heard the harsh insult as he wiggled his brow at her. "Just wanted to see how my babe's doing this fine morning, that's all." he grinned.

Jordan hardly flinched or turned around when a sharp _**SLAP!**_ echoed its way across the craft services tent, followed quite shortly by the sound of Andrew screaming as he was thrown through the air in his direction, landing quiet painfully on the bench on the other side of the table before bouncing down to the ground with a low grunt. The angel didn't even look up from his coffee as Andrew quickly scrambled to his feet and dusted himself off, seating himself down across from Jordan.

"She totally wants me." Andrew grinned proudly, falsely polishing his nails against his chest.

"Sure she does." Jordan rolled his eyes as he shifted his wings and took a bite of his molding toast.

Andrew didn't seem to understand the clear use of sarcasm. "She can't resist me forever. Soon I'll have my sweet angel of darkness eating out my hand, dude."

"You keep telling yourself that." Domanic said as he sat himself down next to Andrew and started to pick away at his meal. Andrew looked like he was about to retort with some love struck argument, but was swiftly cut off when the flaps to the tent were brushed open with a dramatic flurry of movement. Of course, it could be nobody else but Chris.

Brent raised an eyebrow at the host's choice of attire. "Nice clothes, Chris. It's _definitely_ an improvement." he scoffed at the eye patch placed across Chris' left eye. He wore a white flannel shirt with puffy sleeves and a high collar that tucked over the edges of a black vest. A red sash encircled his waist and held up his puffy, black trousers that hung over a pair of thick, leather boots. A plastic parrot was perched upon Chris' left shoulder and a captain's hat was placed upon his head while the egotistical host posed dramatically on the back end of a cannon.

" _Arrr!_ Ye be walkin' the plank for such lily-livered comments!" Chris barked in a seaman's voice.

"Aaaaaaaand the bad accents are back. _Nice._ " Brent sighed as he set down his silverware and turned around in his seat. "So, Chris, what kind of torture do you have planned for us today? As if I didn't already know . . ."

Undeterred by the Strategic Jackass, Chris flashed a bright smile. "Today, me buccaneers, ye be battlin' it out on the high seas in our most swashbucklin' challenge yet! So grab yer cutlass and peg legs, stop by your trailers for your legally required outfits, and meet me outside the film lot by the docks in exactly fifteen minutes!" Chris instructed. "If any of ya be late, I'll be makin' ya walk the plank!"

"It'd be a blessing compared to _this._ " Shannon gagged as she shoved her tray of food away from her. "And _legally required_ outfits?"

"Yep! Hope ya like 'em, matey! Or not, since I feed off your pain and sufferin'." Chris chuckled maliciously before he grabbed a match out of his pocket and struck it against the side of the cannon. "Now get goin', before I make ye into chum!" he threatened before lighting the wick of the cannon. The contestants had approximately three seconds to dive out of the way before the cannon fired with a thunderous _**boom!**_ and sent a heavy cannonball barreling through the air.

Christopher glanced from the ground with his hands over his head, his eyes widening in horror when he saw where the cannonball was going. " _Ballaugh!_ Move!" he cried.

Jake whirled around. "Don't tell me what to- _whoa!_ " he cried as he was suddenly yanked out of the path of the hot cannonball by a rough grip. The heavy ball of molten metal sailed near harmlessly through the air before smashing through one of the mess hall's support poles and through the tent wall out the other side.

" _Gosh darn it, Chris!_ It's bad enough when these sacks o' meat do it, now you're wreckin' my kitchen!?" Chef yelled, pounding a meaty fist down on the counter of anger.

Use to his partner in crime's temper, Chris knew exactly how to sooth him. "Relax, I got you a new mop and broom set! And you are hereby forgiven." the host gave his classic smile while remaining oblivious to the way Chef's face was turning a deep crimson in color. "Now then, me hearties, get the anchors outta yer pants and get movin'! We be only havin' permission to close off the harbor for another two hours!"

"I thought pirates didn't need permission from anyone?" Cecilia raised an eyebrow.

"Aye, lassy, that be true. But this be a very special case. _Now get movin' before I throw the lot of ya overboard!_ "

The cast of power-granted teenagers didn't need to be told twice and quickly scurried out of the mess hall in as disorderly fashion as possible, some of them taking the liberty of purposely stepping on Chris' boots on the way out before the narcissistic host figured out that standing right in front of the entrance was not in the best interest of his health. Jake was one of these few that took the opportunity to punish Chris' toes on the way out.

"Thanks." the shape-shifter nudged Samuel with his elbow. "That cannonball almost took my head off back there."

The muscled titan didn't say anything, but Jake could swear he saw the muscles around Samuel's single, green eye curve up in what could be the closest thing to smile as he patted his head.

* * *

For what could perhaps be the third time since the competition began, Chris found himself waiting impatiently for his cast of miserable ingrates to kindly show their faces so that he could get on their torment and misery. Most would ask why the pirate-dressed host would be so cruel to a band of teenagers he had never even met and would most likely never meet again, regardless of whether they possessed superior capabilities and powers to that of an average human being.

Some might simply peg it off as having a horrible childhood with parents that didn't love him and Chris thus would resort to spreading the pain and sorrow he had kept bottled within him his hold life.

Some might say he was simply a man who loved to watch the world burn and fed off the cries of anguish and screams of ruefulness from his victims like some kind of vampiric entity.

Dawn however, had simply said that Chris had not been held enough as a child and had not received as much approval from his mother as he would have liked.

Whatever the reason was (and it certainly wasn't what that weird, creepy, nature loving elf-fairy-pixie-princess girl claimed it to be, no way, no how, not in this life time thank you very much), Chris found himself impatiently waiting for his latest torture victims; one may have slipped from his grasp, but there were twenty-one other victims just waiting for their turn in the iron maiden.

If they would get here, that is.

"What is taking you freaks so long!?" Chris finally exploded.

"We feel silly." Jordan's reply came from inside the film lot.

Chris frowned. "I don't care! Your contracts all state you have to do what I say when I say it if you want that one million dollars in your hands by the end of the competition. Now get out of here before I all make you clean the communal washrooms instead!"

A series of grumbling and curses from various voices followed the host's answer to his cast's reluctance and the competitors themselves slowly trudged themselves out from the film lot and across the road like children being dragged to places they didn't want to go. Domanic was first, cleverly dressed in a white flannel shirt whose collar had failed and was only held together by a few pieces of thread that looked ready to snap at any second with the sleeves torn off. He wore a pair of baggy, vertically stripped pants with a pair of heavy, black boots and a spotted bandanna tied around his head.

"I feel stupid." he grumbled.

"You feel stupid? Look at us!" Jeremy snapped angrily as he and Jordan followed after him. The angel and half-dragon wore nearly identical parrot costumes colored vibrant reds, blues, and yellows with curved, hooked beaks yawned wide open to allow them to see where they were going. Slits in the back of the costumes allowed their wings to slide through and be used and arm holes had been cut as well, though this didn't leave either of them feeling any less embarrassed than usual.

Chris chuckled. "What? _Every_ pirate needs a parrot!" he laughed. "Is it my fault that you guys are the only ones with wings?"

"Why don't you step on over here and ask me if I want a cracker? Lets see what kind of answer you'll get." Jeremy snarled with wisps of hot smoke drifting from his lips as he gnashed his teeth angrily. He'd be the laughing stock of the dragon community by the time he returned home, but at least he wasn't suffering in solitude; Jordan looked like he wanted to blast the egotistical host as well.

"At least you guys are wearing something respectable. I feel like I should be stripping for money right now!" Robyn growled as she tugged at the uncomfortable tights that she had been forced into that highlighted her curves a little too well. Her midriff lay exposed and open by her white top that covered her cleavage rather poorly, allowing them to flop about whenever she walked; the dark sovereign had a sneaking suspicion that Chris had personally chosen her outfit for her, made perfectly evident by the white, stenciled Chris seal stamped on the ass of her black leggings that transitioned into knee-high black boots with multiple straps and buckles that had taken forever to get on. A tri-horned hat placed upon her head finished the outfit off, though did nothing to curb Robyn's temper.

Andrew tried to hold back his giggles when Robyn threw him a glare harsh enough to send even Medusa running for the hills. The human copy machine was dressed as a mere cabin boy, with a ratty and none-too-clean shirt and pair of black shorts to make up the majority of his outfit. An eyepatch had been placed over his right eye as he walked about barefoot with a small cutlass gifted to him strapped to his belt.

It was because of this choice in costume that Robyn proceeded to crush the toes of Andrew's right foot into dust.

"I don't mind it so much." Shannon purred as she cupped her breasts and gave them a teasing squeeze, pouting angrily when no one seemed to take notice of her. The siren was clothed in a white top trimmed in red with torn and ragged sleeves from apparent battle with a thick, heavy captain's jacket decorated with many brass buckles and parts thrown over her shoulders. A small miniskirt encircled her waist above a pair of tight, black leggings and pointed boots graced with gold buckles.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Do we mind Shannon's new look? Meh, I prefer Robyn, too, if you ask me. Were you?)**

* * *

 **Shannon -** "Seriously, what does it take to get noticed by these simpletons!?"

 **Robyn -** "If I catch _anyone,_ and I mean anyone, starring at my **_/censored/_** for too long, they're getting a knuckle sandwich where the sun don't shine!"

 **Jeremy - *** _smoke drifting from nostrils*_ "First chance I get, I'm burning this stupid costume, and I'm going to thoroughlyenjoy it."

* * *

Cecilia and Marissa did not share Shannon's sentiments and tugged uncomfortably at their nearly identical outfits consisting of horizontally, black-striped shirts with tattered edges and sleeves, black pants with holes in the knees, a pair of dangling, hoop earrings and a single length of coiled rope around their waists that functioned as belts. The only difference between the two of them was that Cecilia had been given a pair of heavy, leather boots, as Marissa did not require footwear.

Caesar merely rattled his bones as a reaction to the costume he had been forced into, finding it somewhat appropriate and humiliating at the same time. He had been forced in a heavy, brown captain's jacket over a horizontally, black striped shirt with a hole torn right in the area above where his heart might have been eons ago. His pants consisted of only a pair of ripped shorts and heavy, brown boots with rusted, gold buckles to hold them in place. A black, captain's hat with a smiling skull and cross-bones had been placed upon his head and a glowing, ruby gem had been shoved into his left eye socket.

"Dead man tell no tales, huh?" Harmony patted Caesar's shoulder sympathetically.

The skeleton seemed to roll his eyes. "Like I haven't heard that one before."

Harmony gave a slight smile as she tugged her black and white vertically striped pants up just a little tighter; she felt like they were deliberately several sizes too small just so that she could unwittingly show off every last curve of her voluptuous body. The mermaid's hair had been tied back with a red ribbon tied tightly around her head and swept over her back and shoulders, framing her face and the eyepatch that had been placed upon her left eye over a stitched scar that had been painted upon her features. Her front was wide and open, exposing her midriff and hips with her cleavage only just barely pinned back by a skimpy red and white top. A small, red jacket with long sleeves tipped with golden cuffs covered her shoulders, leaving her chest and front quite viewable. From the waist down, she had been gifted with three daggers clipped to a loose belt around her hips that did absolutely nothing to hold up her tight fitting pants with slits cut into the thighs and grated over with fishnetting.

There was however, at least one person that Harmony didn't quite mind showing off her body to. Christopher marched by and gave a nod and wave at her as the multiple chains that covered his outfit rattled and clanked noisily. He was bare-chested save for a pair of leather straps pulled in an 'X' across his power pectoral muscles, held in place by a gold buckle. His thick, gray pants hung heavy over his boots and the image of a scantily clad mermaid had been grafted onto his right shoulder, earning a hot blush from Harmony whenever Christopher unintentionally flexed. His bangs over his eyes, held back by a strip of cloth tied around his head where an eyepatch had been placed over his right eye to hide another painted on scar that had been left open; brace were clamped tightly around his wrists and arms, emphasizing his muscles.

Harmony found this to be _quite_ entertaining.

The ground seemed to tremble and quake under their feet, snapping Harmony's attention away from Christopher long enough to notice that the light had been blocked all of a sudden, shrouding her in a heavy shadow. With a nervous swallow the mermaid turned around and nearly fell over when she caught sight of what had decided to tower over her and absolutely dwarf her curved figure. Whatever had just stepped out of the film lot was absolutely enormous and was covered from head to toe in think, heavy sheets of metal that had been wielded and crafted together carefully to create an enormous diving suit of sorts with gigantic, broad shoulders, massive hands, gigantic feet, and a tremendous, yet oddly feminine figure; an opening in the suit's right shoulder allowed strong strands of rope to run through on a winch and connect to the end of an elephantine anchor that was slung over the wearer's shoulder. The single clue that Harmony received to the identity of the diving suit's owner was a ghostly, glowing blue that seemed to shine out like search lights from the depths of the suit's face area and a pair of openings in the shoulders that allowed two turrets that crackled maddeningly with electricity to pop out. **[1]**

"Victoria?" Harmony gapped.

The titanic diving suit was quiet was a few seconds before it shifted it weight with a low groan of metal. " _Yes . . ._ "

Harmony smiled comfortingly. "You look good!" she beamed.

" _Thanks . . . I guess . . ._ " Victoria rumbled lowly after several seconds of hesitance. Without another word and only the shrieking of the rusting suit for sound, the heavy diving suit trudged around Harmony and lumbered on over to the dock with the titanic anchor slung over her shoulder like a baseball bat that scraped against the barnacles scattered about her costume.

Jake's outfit was far more revealing than Victoria's, leaving his chest and back bare and open to the elements and whatever Chris may throw at him. A faded, gray skull had been tattooed upon his left pectoral and what looked like to be the wounds of a shark bite had been carefully scrawled across his left arm and bicep by a makeup artist, the scars looking half healed and carelessly stitched up at best. A belt wrapped around Jake's waist and held up a pair of baggy, green pants whose legs were stuffed into the pointed boots that had been shoved onto his feet. A pair of piercings had been jabbed into his right ear and stubble had been drawn on his chin and jawline, one of his teeth replaced with a gold counterpart (the removal was hardly painless for the shape-shifter, much to Chris' dishearten).

" _Aaargh!_ " Jake laughed as he tried to look threatening.

Brent scoffed as he itched at the frayed ropes that had been forced around his wrists and forearms for his costume. He wore a tattered captain's jacket that left his chest naked and open, save for a leather sash strapped across his chest and decorated with several notches that seemed to be nicked into the belt for a specific reason or other. A spotted bandanna was wrapped around Brent's head and a pair of black pants with holes in the knees clothed his legs, letting his feet be covered by short boots with pointed soles; the most dramatic choice of costume was the lack of his right hand, which was instead replaced by a large and razor-sharp hook. "Easy, tiger shark. We already have enough bad accents, thank you very much."

Jake pouted. "You're no fun, you know that?"

"I am well aware of that fact. Your need to state the obvious only concludes my previous theory to your lack of intelligence." Brent drawled with a role of his eyes; he normally wasn't so intellectual in how he spoke, as most of what he said went over his victim's heads, but this seemed like the perfect time to make an exception. "Since you seem to be remarkably primordial ooze-like in nature, I hypothesize that you function through a simple nervous system that has just the right number clustered together to form the simplest of brains, not unlike that of jellyfish."

If it hadn't been for the sudden interruption of Samuel, Brent could have very well been killed right there on the spot in a number of rather gruesome ways.

Due to his size and the amount of time it took for the interns to call several professional costume designers to come in and take care of Victoria's outfit, the Gentle Giant's uniform was arguably quite simplistic compared to the other costumes his fellow contestants wore. It wasn't without its charm though, and with the rusted chains that criss-crossed their way across his body to hold several ancient, algae-covered, barnacle-encrusted, rust-coated slabs of metal together before converging on a gigantic padlock dangling around his chest, Samuel indeed looked like something trawled up from the depths of the briny blue.

Brent raised an unamused eyebrow as Samuel kept his elephantine hand planted firmly between him and the irritated shape-shifter. "What are you supposed to be?"

"Davy-Jones' locker?" the muscled colossus seemed unsure.

The Strategic Jackass sighed and pinched his brow. "Why the network hasn't fired Chris for lack of originality or new ideas is beyond me . . ."

Adara didn't seem to harbor any sort of appreciation or disgust with her outfit, though she did note that the large, deep brown overcoat she had been given had quite a few pockets that allowed her to stoy away and hide multiple daggers and knives and other bladed instruments of weaponry. An eyepatch consisting of a green gem that allowed her to hone in and locate the most sensitive points of her opponents lay over her right, highly trained eye beneath a flattened, black top hat with golden brim. Her top consisted of a tight, light blue shirt and tucked into a leather belt with bulky buckle that held up a pair of baggy, blue trousers whose cuffs hung loose over a pair of boots; the costume may have been impracticable for movement, but Adara had worked in worse.

Sun-Li anxiously tugged at the puffy, white flannel sleeves of her top and readjusted the blood red vest place over it to pin her costume in place. Intricate gold clasps and buckles covered her sleeveless jacket and a mahogany sash of leather was pulled across her chest to pin her breasts against her body in an uncomfortable manner. Her pant were a pair of baggy, brown trousers tucked into a pair of leather, brown boots with brass buckles; her hat, consisting of a tri-horned cap whose appearance had been smoothed down and less dramatized reminded her slightly of pictures she had seen of the infamous pirate, Ching Shih.

The airbender wasn't sure she was grateful or annoyed with Chris' attention to detail.

"Ugh, this shirt is too tight." Oleander grumbled as she picked at her tight, black top that exposed perhaps a tad too much of her cleavage for her liking. Red trimming lined her sleeveless tunic and exposed her midriff from where a piercing embedded within her belly button lay for all to stare at. A red bandanna wrapped itself around her cotton candy hair, pinning her locks back into a ponytail that reached down her back between her shoulder blades. Her deep black pants were heavy and baggy, possibly an effort on Chris' part to even the playing field out a bit; on the bright side, she had been allowed to keep her rollerblades in their usual location upon her feet.

Eliaz chuckle as he stroked his chin mockingly. "At least you weren't given facial hair." he grinned as he stroked his long, braided goatee. His top was a black tunic laced over with bits of thick leather and hide to represent the scales of a dragon of sorts to provide him with a limited amount of protection, leaving his hands to be clothed in fingerless gloves and a heavy belt to wrap around his waist. Tremendous boots of monstrous size were shoved onto his feet and pinned his pants tightly against his legs to allow easier movement to his sturdy frame.

Layne sighed as he looked over his own outfit. Unlike most of his fellow competitors, he hadn't received a costume that made him look threatening like Victoria or Robyn or one that made him look impressive and strong like Christopher and Jake's. He hadn't even received an outfit like Jordan or Jeremy's that made him stand out from anyone else, no he had received something plain and simple. It was little more than a torn, white shirt with faded, eggshell stripes that ran down vertically and a pair of tattered cargo pants with multiple holes in the pockets that had most likely been pulled out of the nearest dumpster and given a wash in an attempt to mask the smell. Other than a few guazes and bandages wrapped around his feet and hands at his request, he hadn't been given any shoes or boots.

Robyn frowned as she placed her hands on her hips. "So let me get this straight," she pinched her brow out of irritation. "You forced us into these outfits, some of which are highly offensive, dragged us out here before we all had a proper meal, if you can even call it that, and have the audacity to humiliate us for your own amusement?" she glowered heavily, an air of power and authority enveloping her.

"Yes, yes I do." Chris waved it off without any concern.

Marissa coughed loudly. "What are we even doing, might I ask?"

Chris grinned widely. "I'm glad ye asked, fine wench! Today, ye'll be setting sail out on the high seas, using these bad boys over here," the host gestured to a pair of grand sea vessels built out of strong sturdy wood with durable hulls and multiple deck that made up their infrastructure. At least two of the decks harbored row after row of ancient and refurbished cannons, with the third being used as a cargo hold (though nobody was sure what, if any cargo they might have been hauling). A pair of towering masts with the backmost and tallest sporting a crows nest rose from the very middle of the deck to provide propulsion and balance to the ships, behind which a captain's wheel sat connected to the rudder. "Your task being to send the enemy ship sinking down ta Davy Jones' locker!"

"You wouldn't happen to collect boats, would you?" Jake elbowed Samuel jokingly.

"What are we doin', brah?" Andrew scratched his head. "All that pirate talk's hurting my head, man.

"For those of ye with limited imaginations and are still confused to what exactly ye scalawags'll be doin', give a rousin' cheer fer returnin' contestants Anuok and Maurananei, also known as _the wench who took my sweet Larry away from me!_ " Chris suddenly went from horrible pirate accent to downright wailing in fury.

A sharp, jeering call came from the uppermost mast of one of the ships, _The Queen Chef's Revenge_. "Ah, blow it out your _**/censored/ /looks like Robyn might have a soul mate/**_ , McLean!" Maurananei shouted loudly. The ex-criminal wore a tri-horned captain's hat upon her head with brown that was normally tied into a side-ponytail now pulled into a long braid that draped down between her shoulder blades. Her top consisted of a brown shirt tattered and torn like the rest of them wrapped up in a captain's jacket complete with multiple buckles and straps that sparkled and shone like glittering doubloons in the daylight; her choice of pants were red breeches like that of blood and her footwear were pointed, black boots with steel toes just perfect for shattering shins. An eyepatch covered her scarred eye and a pair of golden hoops dangled from her ears while a massive battle ax lay strapped to her back with a pair of cutlasses clipped to her belt. **[2]**

With a brash crack, Maurananei all but hurled herself off the mast with her arms and legs splayed out like she was skydiving as her jacket flapped in the wind. Before she hit the deck of ship however, she twisted her body up and whipped out the pair of cutlasses from belt; much to Chris' horror, the ex-criminal sank the blades deep into the main sail to slow her fall, cutting deep and long slashes through the canvas until she hit the bottom of the mast and jumped down the rest of the way.

The loud clattering of chains drew her attention towards _Chris' Delight_ where Anuok was making her way across the planks of wood adjoining the two ships. The clairvoyant's bone white hair hung wild and loose over her shoulders and back, colorful beads and the bones of her slain enemies woven into her locks between her black captain's hat with golden trim. She wore a faded green captain's jacket with brass buckles and clasps with deep purple trousers and dark, black boots that reached up to her knees with multiple straps to hold them in place. The tattoo of a grinning skull was grafted onto her cheek as a long, silvery chain wrapped itself around her right arm and connected to the end of a small anchor that she was currently swinging about like a grappling hook.

With only a single battle cry to signal the start of the fight (Anuok remained stubbornly mute as usual), Maurananei clipped her cutlasses back to the side of her belt while simultaneously taking the battle ax off from her back and blindly charging at Anuok while she screamed. The clairvoyant narrowed eyes as she studied her opponent for the briefest of seconds before she swung the anchor around her head like a lasso and cast it forward with as best of a throw as she could muster.

Fortunately, the flexible chain successfully wrapped itself around the handle of the battle ax with the anchor securing its grip in place and allowed Anuok give a sharp yank back that all but wretched the weapon free from Maurananei's grip.

"I better be getting some rum out of this . . . been too long since I've had a decent drink to be puttin' up with this nonsense." Maurananei growled under her breath as she unclipped the pair of cutlasses gifted to her and tightened her grip around the hilts.

Now armed with her opponent's own weapon, Anuok went about defending herself as best as she possibly could, just barely raising and blocking Maurananei's powerful and relentless strikes with the flat side of the battle ax with as much effort as she could offer. Her anchor was useless in these close quarter fights and she could only hope to injure or wound Maurananei just enough for her to get the upperhand; knowing how resistant to pain Maurananei was however, this was going to be difficult. Despite not possessing any physical superpowers of her own, the ex-criminal seemed to display a frightening amount of strength and durability whenever the situation was dire enough and Anuok suspected this had something to do with Maurananei's temper as well as the theory that she had a much more powerful survival instinct than that of most people.

Right now however, did not seem to be the best time to be making hypotheses.

Anuok just barely managed to dodge a downward swipe of Maurananei's blades before receiving a sudden jab to her side that felt like she was being nailed by a cannonball in the ribs. She fell to the deck, instinctively clutching her side as the battle ax fell from her grip and slid across the deck a few feet just out of reach.

Maurananei took that chance and dove for the ax, scooping it up and clipping one of her cutlasses back to her belt in a swift movement before she turned around to face her opponent. By then Anuok had staggered to her feet and whipped the chain of her anchor forward, narrowing her eyes with frustration when Maurananei bent over backwards to avoid the blow; just like the clairvoyant predicted several hours prior, the ex-criminal took that opportunity to severe the chain of her anchor with a quick swipe of her ax, reducing it to a metal whip.

Before Anuok could attempt to protect herself however, Maurananei was back up to her full height and grabbed hold of the anchor chain with hands as she discarded her weapons without care. Anuok was now completely in the dark about what would happen next and thus helpless as Maurananei yanked her forward with a sudden jerk and proceeded to headbutt her with the force of an eighteen wheeler.

"Hey! _Hey! Knock it off already!_ "

Maurananei paused in her senseless beating of Anuok just as she was about to break the dazed clairvoyant's nose with her fist. "What, too much carnage for you?"

"No, it's never enough. But we're on a limited time scale and you just wasted ten precious minutes beating Anuok senseless! Time is money and money is not something I'm willing to spend more than I have to!"

Shannon whispered aside to Brent. "As if breakfast didn't prove that."

"Quiet from the soon-to-be victims!" Chris barked before turning his attention back to his two guest stars with a tired expression. "Just get Anuok to the medical tent before-"

Maurananei rolled her eyes with a sigh of annoyance. "Yeah, yeah, 'ye make me walk the plank'. Blow it out your _**/censored/**_ , McLain." she grumbled under her breath. The ex-criminal nonetheless grabbed the barely conscious Anuok up from the deck and slung her over her shoulders as gently as possible while she trudged to the boarding plank with a sour expression. A scrutinizing and sympathetic look crossed her face as she walked past the lineup of current contestants, taking a pause in her step to stare for the longest time at Layne.

"You won't last five minutes, _petite sardine._ " Maurananei gave a slight nod of her chin at Layne before heading back into the film lot.

"I like her already." Robyn grinned while Layne, naturally panicked.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – _Bonjour, et bienvenue à la maison de merde_ )**

* * *

 **Maurananei -** "So Chris is basically recycling old challenges from previous season again, eh? * _scoffs*_ If this season is like last season, that little twerp will be shark bait faster than you can say 'Mount Wannahockaloogie'. Then again, my little Cupcake managed to pull a victory out of her **_/censored/_** last time against Micheal of all people, so . . . take what I say with a grain of salt. Actually, make that several grains. Okay, now I'm hungry. Where's the stupid kitchen in this joint? * _gets up to presumably find food and/or raid Chef's fridge*_ **[3]**

 **Layne -** "I am so screwed, I am so screwed, _I am so screwed!_ I don't even have anyone to inherit all my stuff when I die!"

 **Izzy -** "I'll take it! Izzy will take it all! It's all mine! _Mine! MINE!_ _MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_ "

 **Chef –** * _sniffs air*_ Jus' as I suspected: smells like crazy in here. That dang girl's here ag'in! That or it's the five-alarm chili talkin' . . . maybe both, now that I think about it . . ."

 **Brent -** "And thus, the oh, so sweet carnage begins . . ."

* * *

Despite the chilling warning, Chris remained chipper and pirate-y as ever (most likely because Maurananei had resisted from threatening him for the time being). "And with that, I will now divide the lot of ye up into your crews of rascals and scoundrels and villains and knaves! For those of you wondering, the devils and black sheep and really bad eggs were unavailable." he added aside.

"I'm not sure whether that's good or bad." Cecilia mumbled.

"If it was unavailable, then it should be good." Marissa answered. "Better safe than sorry, I always say."

"Agreed."

Chris coughed rudely. " _If_ I may be allowed to continue?" he narrowed his eyes at the interruption that had the nerve to turn the attention of the camera of where it rightfully belonged. "There will be two teams duking it out on the high seas this fine afternoon. You can fire the cannon's on each of your ships and attempt to sink the enemy's vessel or – and I'm kinda hopin' you go for this one – battle each other to the death!"

" _D-Death?_ " Faith swallowed nervously, instinctively cowering behind Victoria's hulking diving suit.

"Oh, the irony." Chris sighed happily. "Anyway, once an opponent has been knocked off any of the two ships and into the water, they will be picked up and returned to shore to watch the rest of the challenge-"

"By order of the legal team?" Christopher guessed.

Chris immediately frowned upon hearing that. "Don't remind me. Those pitbulls never let me have my fun." he cursed under his breath before brightening once more. " _Fortunately,_ I have successfully managed to find several loopholes in the rules that have been placed upon for this challenge!"

"Oh, joy." Robyn rolled her eyes sarcastically.

The narcissistic host remained oblivious to the satire dripping from the dark sorceress' words. "I know right? Now while we may not have been allowed to stock the harbor with electric eels and man-eating sharks like our previous seasons featuring aquatic challenges, we _have_ been allowed to fill the waters with Nomura's jellyfish imported all the way from the seas of China!"

"Who's Nomura?" Domanic wondered.

"Don't know, don't care. Probably the first person to die from one of these bad boys." Chris shrugged without concern.

Harmony felt a nudge from elbow and turned to see the very frightened and very worried expression upon Sun Li's face. "U-Um . . . not to be a b-bother or anything, b-but exactly how d-d-dangerous are these jellyfish?" she asked quietly.

The mermaid tapped her chin in thought as she ran through her mental catalog of marine species she had encountered during her travels of the world's oceans; some of them had been particularly friendly while others seemed quite shy. A few however, had been particularly nasty and Harmony thanked her lucky sea stars that Chris' lawyers had banned the usage of sharks from the day's challenge. "If I remember correctly these guys are roughly the size of an adult man, about six feet and four-hundred-fifty pounds in weight. Known as _Echizen kurage_ by the Japanese, their sting is rather harmless to humans . . . alone that is. In big groups with a greater chance of receiving multiple stings, the outcome is . . . well, not pretty, but it's _extremely_ painful."

At this, Chris actually laughed as he maniacally rubbed his hands together. "Oh, yeah! I knew I made the right choice with these bad boys!"

"Are you _trying_ to kill us!?" Eliaz roared angrily.

Chris actually had the audacity to smirk. "Hey, not my fault if you didn't read the fine print. Now we've wasted enough time as it is, so stay put while I divide you sea dogs up."

"The accents never stop." Brent growled lowly.

Once again, the egotistical host remained oblivious to the snide remarks sent in his general direction. "Our first team will be _Team Urchin,_ which will include _Harmony, Jake, Jeremy, Sun Li, Christopher, Oleander, Cecila, Caesar, Samuel,_ and _Domanic._ "

Christopher took a casual glance out of the corner of his eye to see Jake absolutely fuming a few few away from him with his fingers digging into the palms of his fists to the point where the solider actually feared drops of blood might be drawn. The effect thankfully, seemed to be smoothed out when Samuel comfortingly patted the shape-shifter's back in an attempt to offer inclination only to accidentally knock him over with his tremendous strength.

"That leaves our remaining competitors to be a part of _Team Barnacle_ , which will consist of _Layne, Robyn, Adara, Jordan, Brent, Marissa, Andrew, Victoria, Shannon,_ and _Eliaz._ "

Robyn of course, was the first to voice her protest. "Hey, what're you trying to pull, you **_/censored/_**!? Where's Mostly Ghostly being put?" she snarled as the dark sovereign jerked a thumb at Faith when the phantom dared to peek out from behind Victoria's massive frame with a nervous expression.

"Sticks and stones, love." Chris ignored the rude comment. "As for Ms. Fletcher, she will be assisting Chef in the kitchen while the lot of you break your backs out weighing anchor. And as such, Faith will have diplomatic immunity for the elimination ceremony."

" _Why!?_ " Robyn growled angrily, tightly clenching her fists like she wanted to punch someone.

Brent rolled her eyes. "Gee, Robyn, could it possibly be because other than Micheal, no one can actually _touch_ Faith, thus giving whichever team she's placed on an unfair advantage? Or maybe it's because Chris is simply being the **_/censored/_ ** that he is and is doing everything in his power to specifically target you to make your time in here in the game an absolute nightmare?"

"I'd like to think it's the later, **_/censored/_**." she pouted like a small child in response. With that being said and done, Chris then asked if there were any more questions that anyone might have and then proceeded to ignore any of the six or seven hands that had been raised in an attempt to catch his attention. The egotistical host then ushered an all too anxious Faith back into the film lot after prying her off of Victoria before barking at the cast to get on their designated ships and set sail out to the harbor and wait for his signal.

"Get the anchors outta yer pants, ya sea dogs!"

Shannon whispered to Brent. "I'll help you kill him if you help me kill him. Whichever comes first."

" _Deal._ "

* * *

 **(Team Barnacle)**

* * *

Adara would only mentally admit that she shared several attributes with that of a sea sponge.

Harmony would be quick to point that there were more differences than similarities, the main ones being that the Trained Weapon had a spine or a skeleton for that matter, was fully capable of movement, didn't filter feed off of the ocean's bounty, and had a fully functional nervous system and brain.

Adara didn't care for the mermaid's lectures of marine life when it wasn't useful to her mission and would instead choose to focus on the thoughts in her head. The main reason she considered herself to share traits with that of a near gelatinous mollusk that was used for hygienic cleaning was that she soaked up information as well as a sponge soaked up water. She had learned quite a bit about her fellow competitors in just the first few days since she had arrived at the film lot and carefully kept each little tidbit filed away in her near photographic memory.

Such as that Robyn was, surprisingly, prone to seasickness.

"I-If . . . . If I live through th-this . . . I . . . I am going to **_/censored/_** _murder_ McLain with a rusty spoon . . ." Robyn managed to gasp between fits of hurling up the contents of her stomach, which mostly consisted of the half-digested remains of that morning's breakfast.

Andrew attempted to be the dutiful boyfriend he strove to be and lovingly held back his dark angel's hair for her while rubbing her back as she blew chunks over the side of the _Chris' Delight._ Even through her round of sickness, Robyn managed to successfully throw Andrew a look that very well could have set him ablaze while drawing back her fist and slugging him in the gut with the force of an eighteen wheeler.

Jordan sighed as he bent down and just barely managed to grab the back of Andrew's shirt through his clunky parrot costume. "Told you you didn't have a chance with her."

" _Sh-She . . . she's just p-playing hard to get . . ._ " Andrew squeaked through the lack of oxygen in his chest while he attempted to stay steady on his own two feet.

"You keep telling yourself that." Eliaz scoffed.

With Robyn currently weak in the knees and sporting a lovely shade of green to compliment her previously ivory skin and Andrew attempting to look as manly as possible without using Jordan as a support, Eliaz strolled to the bow of their sea vessel and scanned the area; they had left the harbor several hundred meters behind, now nothing more than a blurry strip of anchored ships and yachts off the coast. _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ was adrift about thirty kilometers off their port side and was just as silent as they were, anxiously awaiting the signal from Chris that would allow them to blast each other to Kingdom Come (or at least try).

"Testing, testing! Can any of you mudsuckers hear me over this thing?" Chris' voice rang out a little too loud and clear from a loudspeaker mounted from the crow's nest.

" _Unfortunately . . ._ " Robyn groaned as she held onto the railing.

" _Great!_ In that case, send yer cabin boy or gal down to the armory and grab yerselves some weapons! Because as of this moment, the sea brawlin' starts . . . . . . . ."

Robyn growled lowly. "If you don't say something within the next three seconds, I am gonna shove my foot so far up your **_/censored/ /censored again/_** and **_/censored/ /you think Robyn and Maurananei could swap insults some time?/ /censored/ /lovely weather we're having, huh?/ /censored/ /censored/ /okay, I think that's the last of it/ /censored/_** and mail it to your mother!" she screamed before a fresh round of seasickness came upon her and forced her to vomit over the side again.

"Don't rush me! The audience eats up this kind of drama!" Chris snapped angrily.

" _Yeah, like Harold gorging himself on gummy slugs!_ " Brent's sarcastic voice came from the crow's nest. **[4]**

"Um . . . Harold's allergic to gummy slugs."

" _Exactly!_ " the Strategic Jackass retorted sharply.

At that point, it sounded like Chris was at his wit's end when he finally shouted. " ** _FIRE!_** "

No sooner had those words sounded did both sides suddenly explode into a flurry of movement. With Robyn currently incapacitated and trying to keep her dignity along with whatever remained of her breakfast intact, Eliaz assumed the role of captain and rushed up to the helm to take control of the steering wheel. With a grunt he spun the wheel to the left and turned the ship to its port side with the wind in their sails to propel them on. "Ready the cannons!" he yelled.

"Who died and made you king?" Shannon narrowed her eyes.

"That's _captain!_ " Eliaz barked. "And as for your question . . ." the earth bender gestured with a sweeping hand in Robyn's direction just as her stomach churned violently and she promptly began another round of dumping the contents of her innards out into the sea. Shannon sighed and rolled her eyes with disgust, but nonetheless helped Marissa push into place while Layne instinctively darted for the lower decks for reasons he didn't bother to shout over his shoulder; it didn't take a lot of detective work for Eliaz to figure it out, though.

Andrew and Brent wheezed and grunted as they struggled to shove one of the upperdeck's cannons into its proper place, anxiously struggling and pushing and wheezing against the heavy artillery with all their strength yet making little to no progress. "Come on, bro! Put your back into it!"

" _I . . . am! What does . . . it look like . . . I'm doing!?_ " Brent grunted as he strained against the cannon.

"Well then . . . uh, push harder!"

"Brilliant plan, Einstein." Brent rolled his eyes. "Did you just think of that now or did you take all week?"

Andrew was silent for a few moments as he pushed against the cannon and managed to push it a few more inches. "You know, that really harshes my mellow, dude."

"Don't care. Now keep pushing, you imbecile."

"Dude, harshness! Where's this all coming from, man?" Andrew asked with concern.

Brent paused long enough in his straining to glower heavily at the Human Copy Machine. "My distaste for you, that's where. Now shut up and push."

Andrew was about to retort with as best of an insult he could come up with to defend what little honor he had (most of it had been obliterated in his poor attempts to woo a certain Goth Punk) when the cannon he had been leaning against suddenly shifted dramatically and caused the two of them to fall to the deck. A quick glance looked up revealed the titanic figure of Victoria's diving suit easily shoving the tremendous cannon across the deck with one hand, the other keeping her trusty anchor securely rested on her shoulder.

"Nice work, Monster Brah!" Andrew grinned as he gave her a thumbs up.

Brent however didn't share Andrew's sympathies as Victoria only starred for the longest time at him with an expression that he couldn't read through the black abyss that was her face. The Strategic Jackass did however, appreciate when the cobbled mess of body parts promptly raised a fist and brought it down on Andrew's skull, pushing down several decks in the process.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Why couldn't the pirate crew play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck! Please, someone put me out of my misery.)**

* * *

 **Brent -** "The walking corpse isn't exactly my favorite competitor . . . but I'll take what I can get in this game."

 **Andrew -** "What is with all the negative vibes, man? Everyone's so serious and stuff . . . it's kinda bringin' me down, man . . ."

 **Victoria -** "I'm . . . _sensitive_ . . . about how I look. Most people actually just scream and run away . . . I'm kind of use to it by now, really . . ."

* * *

" _FIRE!_ " Eliaz yelled as he brought the ship around alongside _The Queen Chef's Revenge_. Those that remained on deck quickly scurried about gathering cannonballs and pouring gunpowder down the cannon's barrels before loading them up with their choice of ammunition; a few quick thrusts packed it all down and into place. Without another Jordan fired off twin beams of intense heat from his eyes and lit the wicks of all six cannons loaded and waiting on the top deck before jamming his fingers into his ears.

 _ **BOOM! BOOM!**_

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

BOOM!

The cannons fired off with blasts of ashy smoke and sent their loads soaring through the air before they landed with the sickening crunch of salt-encrusted wood into the enemy vessel. Naturally, the Urchins were more than happy to return fire and sent a round of cannonballs flying back at _Chris' Delight_ , making the deck rumble and shudder beneath their feet as the heavy balls of lead embedded themselves into the sides and hull of the ship.

"Victoria! What are you doing!? Marissa yelled the position behind a stack of crates she had taken during the shower of hot lead.

The satyr was absolutely baffled as to why the heavily armored titan was standing out in the open completely exposed to the rain of death hurtling at them from the enemy ship. Even with her durable diving suit to protect her, a good shot from any one of the cannonballs hurling their way towards them was going to hurt and even possibly send her falling over the edge of the deck and into the waters below.

Victoria however, was hardly concerned. "Playing baseball." was her only response to Marissa's question as she lifted the barnacle-encrusted anchor off of her shoulder and gripped it tightly in both of her gloved hands. She shifted her stance just right and her glowing, blue eyes narrowed with determination as she twisted her body back and suddenly swung the anchor forward. A loud _clang!_ filled the air as a cannonball was swatted back towards _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ with a single swing of Victoria's anchor, embedding the ball of lead deep into the ship's blow with a tremendous explosion.

Marissa then decided that Victoria was fully capable of defending herself.

* * *

 **(Team Urchin)**

* * *

Harmony grunted as she was thrown against the deck, the wind knocked out of her as the ship suddenly lurched and rumbled under the heavy return of fire; how a single cannonball could deal so much damage was beyond her, but the mermaid wasn't about to question her opponent's methods right now of all times.

With a grunt she propped herself up on her elbow and climbed to her feet, stumbling slightly as the boat rocked again and threatened to send her tumbling back onto the deck. Harmony rushed to the side of the ship, glancing out over the water for any sign of returning fire and breathing a sigh of relief when things were quiet for the time being; of course, being in this competition, that was quickly subject to change.

" _We are going to die, we are going to die, we are going to die, WE' ARE GOING TO DIE!_ " Sun-Li whimpered as she clung to the main mast with an iron grip, fearful of being hurled into the sea.

Christopher grabbed the frightened air bender by the shoulders and managed to pry her loose after a few tugs, of which he spun her around and proceeded to slap her across the face. "Get a hold of yourself, soldier!" he barked. "None of us are going to die, not on my watch! We are going to get through this and live to tell this tale if it's the last thing I do!"

Sun-Li swallowed nervously as she trembled in the Lone ranger's grip. " _R-Really?_ "

Christopher nodded firmly. "Really. All we need is to stick together as a unit and a strong leader. With that, I am fully confident that we will emerge victorious." he reassured her before turning to face the rest of the team who had been drawn out from their hiding places by the sudden, moving speech. "Any volunteers?"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – You volunteer someone else, you're volunteering yourself!)**

* * *

 **Cecilia -** "'Any volunteers'?" _*scoffs*_ "That's just another way of saying 'anyone feeling like losing out a chance at a million big ones?"

* * *

The ship fell silent save for the screeching cry of seagulls and the sound of the waves lapping hungrily at the hull of _The Queen Chef's Revenge_. Christopher starred at his teammates in disbelief. "What? No one willing to step up as admiral?"

"How about you, oh, fearless leader?" Jake snapped sarcastically.

Christopher raised an eyebrow at the comment and was about to reply that there was no need for such childish comments when Harmony spoke up. "That's . . . actually not such a bad idea."

" _Seriously!?_ " Jake's eyes must have widened to the size of dinner plates as his jaw literally dropped to the deck.

Harmony shrugged as she walked over to Christopher and spun him around for the rest of her team to look at. "Well, why not? He's fully capable of giving out orders, thinking out plans, and he'll be right up there with us in the fray of things. He's brave, courageous, _strong . . ._ " she decided to stop talking as blush crept across her face at the feel of his strong muscles when the mermaid placed a hand on Christopher's shoulder.

"Sh-She has a point." Sun-Li agreed.

"Alright then. All in favor of Christopher leading us to victory, raise your hand." Domanic piped up as he lifted his hand in the air. Harmony, Sun-Li, Samuel, Caesar, Jeremy, Oleander, and Cecilia quickly followed suit, leaving Jake the only one to be against the vote; not that it mattered.

"Then it's decided! Welcome aboard, capt'n!" Domanic gave a quick salute in Christopher's direction.

The Lone Ranger shifted uncomfortably. "Well, if you insist . . . at ease, soldier."

"We're pirates, not the military, Solider Boy." Jeremy rolled his eyes while he tugged at the collar of his parrot costume.

"Well then, um . . . swab the poop deck and all that?" Christopher scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as Harmony giggled.

 _ **BOOM! BOOM!  
**_

 _ **BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!**_

BOOM! BOOM!

Oleander hissed as she lay on her side and tightly clutched her hand where several splinters had embedded themselves into her palm and wrist without mercy, silently cursing through clenched teeth at the genus who invented cannonballs in the first place. "How about we focus on returning fire, eh, captain?"

"Agreed, private. Men . . . and women . . . fan out and provide cover! I'm bringing 'er about!" Christopher barked orders as he climbed to his feet and charged across the deck towards the captain's helm. The rest of the Urchin's scrambled about like ants converging on a spilled soda, scurrying around the deck gathering cannonballs and sacks of gunpowder to stuff into the cannons along the starboard side as quickly and efficiently as possible. Within moments the barrels were loaded and awaiting the order to fire at the captain's command.

Christopher grunted as he cranked the steering wheel to the right and turned the ship to its starboard side. With the wind in their sails, they were briskly brought about to the front of _Chris' Delight_ and given a perfect shot of the vessel's exposed hull. Seeing the opportunity presented before him, the soldier gave a shrill whistle to catch his crew's attention and rose a clenched fist above his head to signal them to wait; at the precise moment, the hand was dropped in a swift chopping motion as Christopher yelled, " _Fire!_ "

With a quick adjustment to his costume, Jeremy spat out hot fire from his jaws and ignited the waiting licks with a single breath before dropping down to the deck with his hands jammed in his ears. The cannons fired off in a blast of ashy smoke and jerked back slightly from the force of the attack, filling the air with the sound of crunching wood and chaotic splashes where the aim was off. Regardless, the bow was significantly damaged and the figurehead of a praying Chris was thoroughly vandalized.

" _Stop firing at me ship!_ " Robyn's voice came from aboard before trailing off into a fit of stomach sickness.

"Keep firing!" Christopher completely ignored the comment as he cranked the wheel to the starboard side and brought it about alongside _Chris' Delight_. Cannonballs relentless pounded the side of the ship for the next several minutes as the contestants scrambled and practically tripped over themselves to try and keep up the merciless barrage while Christopher attempted to keep _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ steady in the choppy surf.

The soldier strained against the wheel in his grip, using every last ounce of his super-soldier strength to keep it from spinning like a hijacked clock and it wasn't until a particularly rough wave slapped against the side of the ship did he notice something as he was tossed to the deck. "They're making a break for it!" he yelled.

"What do we do!?" Sun-Li panicked. "How do you stop a runaway ship!?"

Christopher rubbed his chin in thought as he climbed to his feet and caught the spinning steering wheel with one hand. "Well, there's always the option of ramming them head on . . . not exactly the _safest_ option, though. Any suggestions? No bad ideas."

"How about we throw you overboard?" Jake snarked.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Geronimo!)**

* * *

 **Jeremy -** "Okay, I know I have my issues with water creatures and stuff, but at least I'm willing to set that all aside when Fishsticks and I get placed on the same team. Either he works out whatever it is between him and Commander United States or he can walk the plank for all I care right into the Lame-o-sine."

 **Izzy – *** _dressed as a pirate wench with a live parrot upon her shoulder*_ " _Yo, ho, yo, ho, a pirate's life for Izzy! I pillage, I plunder, I rifle and loot. Drink up me 'earties, yo, ho! I kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me 'earties, yo, ho!_ " _*turns to parrot*_ "You know this song, Mr. Crackers? Feel free to join in anytime!"

 **Mr. Crackers -** " _RAWK!_ Hoist the main sails! Swab the poop deck! Break out the happy snacks! _RAWK! Yo, ho, yo, ho, a parrot's life for me! We chirp and we sing, repeat everything, we talk and squawk and squeal! We gossip and chat and we chew the fat, and have crackers at every meal! Izzy says so, a parrot's life for me!_ "

 **Izzy –** "Rum for everybody! _We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack. Drink up me 'earties, yo, ho! Maraud and embezzle and even highjack. Drink up me 'earties, yo, ho!_

 **Mr. Crackers -** " _Yo, ho, yo, ho, a parrot's life for me! RAWK!_ "

 **Izzy -** "Izzy is the scourge of the seven seas! _YAARGH!_ "

 **Chef –** _*sniffs air*_ "I knew it! The smells getting' stronger! That darn crazy girl's around here somewhere!"

* * *

Harmony's hand quickly shot up after the rest of the team fell silent. "I might be able to buy us some time," she tugged at her revealing outfit when Christopher pointed at her. "It's . . . admittedly dangerous, but it's a lot safer than ramming them head on like a pair of hot-tempered walruses."

"Weird analogy, but I don't see many other options." Christopher hummed in thought. "What do you got, Summers?"

"Just hold onto something. I haven't done something this big." was all the mermaid said as she swiftly turned on her heel and rushed towards the bow of the boat. The motley crew of scurvy dogs shared glances with one another before the vast majority of them scurried below deck while the more brave of the team quickly scaled the rigging to climb into the crow's nest and observe the Ocean Girls' handiwork first hand; Jeremy was one of those that chose to remain on deck.

Though the costume had been forced in was unsettling against the skin and made his wings uncomfortable when they couldn't press against the familiar surface of his back shoulders, the dragon turned his focus to that of the mermaid positioned at the bow of the ship. Like a holy angel Harmony stood absolutely motionless at the head of the vessel with her hands clasped together and her eyes closed; his sensitive hearing and the thermal vision that all dragons possessed to assess the temperature of their surroundings allowed Jeremy to take careful note of how she was slowing her heartbeat and steadying her breathing until it was a solid, unbroken rhythm that could not be shaken.

And then suddenly, she moved.

Her movements were fluid and graceful, one always flowing directly into the other without ever stopping or stalling. Jeremy watched transfixed, unable to turn away as Harmony inhaled a slow deep breath as she slowly turned around on her heel so that her back was to the bow . . . and then immediately spun back around in a sudden burst of movement as she raised her hands towards the sky in a deep, scooping motion.

The effect was immediate as the rolling waves Harmony had attuned herself so carefully to responded by surging up against the bow of _The Queen Chef's Revenge._ The ship's hull was tilted up into the air by the catastrophic waves that cradled it like a massive hands whose fingers wrapped around the edges and sides in a tight grip; Harmony kept her eyes closed as she then fluidly crouched down low to the ground and thrust her hands out to the side before bringing them back up above her head as she drew up to her full height and proceeded to slam her hands back down on the deck with a great force.

Jeremy couldn't help but watch in amazement as the crashing waves of the harbor reacted without hesitance, his eyes widening with shock as ice crystals began to bubble forth from the liquid prison. The wave of permafrost quickly stretched over the sides and hull of the Barnacle's ship, steadily encasing and trapping them in the crushing grip of ice and snow until the ship was stuck at a near fourty-five degree angle with the bow saluting the sun in salutations. Then, as soon as it happened, the massive iceberg came crashing down at Harmony's command, sending frost and floes flying in all directions as the prison began to level itself out; jagged spikes of ice suddenly thrust themselves into the very hull of _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ with the loud, crushing sound of splintering wood, holding it firmly in place.

Harmony opened her eyes and finally exhaled the deep breath she had taken, the very tips of her fingers feeling jittery. She cast a look over her shoulder and gave a dazzling grin with a bright blush to her face when she noticed the way Christopher's job seemed to drop to the deck. " _Snow_ where to run, _snow_ where to hide." she giggled.

Jeremy's sudden admiration for the mermaid swiftly dropped. " _Oy._ Puns." he pinched his brow in exasperation.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, how ya doin'?)**

* * *

 **Christopher -** "I think I'm in love . . ."

 **Harmony -** "Water-bending isn't a skill I utilize very often . . . it tends to make people more afraid of me than they should be. But the look on Christopher's face was absolutely priceless!" _*giggles*_

 **Jeremy -** "I can't decide whether I hate her or respect her . . . possibly both, if that's even an option. I'd crush her in a fight though, no contest."

* * *

Robyn had never liked traveling by sea if she could help it. Generally, any sports or activities that involved the water that didn't involve simple swimming or relaxation were to be despised and avoided at all costs. The sudden, merciless tumble her poor stomach had taken during the unexpected and fast acting storm however, took the cake and after being thrown against the deck like a ragdoll and puking out a steady stream of bodily fluids, Robyn was at her wits end.

"They're coming right at us!" Andrew reported from the position he had taken up in the crow's nest. "Prepare to be boarded!"

That was the last straw.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Okay, I'm scared. Are _you_ scared?)**

* * *

 **Robyn - _/due to the toxicity, foulness, and general inappropriate content of Robyn's rant, we will be able to provide any audio whatsoever. As such, any and all of the many rude gestures that she has made are also censored, so . . . take what you will from the general waving about of her arms, absolutely explosive expression, and the sudden appearance of a demonic figure being summoned in the confessional. Oh, dear/_**

 **Chris -** "The producers have been cracking down on the amount of swearing they allow every episode and they've been breathing down my neck for the past few days about Robyn's behavior. _This is a family friendly show, Logan! Ease up on the resulting lawsuits!_ "

 **Robyn -** "Fat **_/censored/_** chance, McLain!"

 **Izzy -** "Ooh, Izzy senses hostility! Time to put Explosivo's diabolical plans into action! _Boom-boom!_ "

 **Chef -** "Do you smell it? That smell . . . that kind of smelly smell that smells . . . smelly . . ? _*eyes widen in horror*_ " _Insanity . . . she's close by . . . but where . . ?_ " _*leaves confessional to go search, completely oblivious to Izzy as she drops down from the ceiling*_ **[5]**

 **Izzy -** "The hunter lays a trap for her prey. . . our annual fight is just around the corner, Chefy. Just you wait . . . oh, ho, ho, ho!" **[6]**

* * *

" _Alright, strike yer colors ya bloomin' cockroaches!_ " Robyn roared like an angry titan as she climbed to her feet and lurched to the side of the railing on unsteady legs. Despite her unstable demeanor, the Barnacles all shared uneasy looks with one another, knowing full well that the full extent of the dark sovereign's temper had been unleashed; the fact that she was throwing extremely threatening gestures at _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ as she pulled alongside them did not help matters and only seemed to worsen them in fact.

"Arm yourselves, ya stinkin' bilgerats! We've got a battle to win!" Robyn suddenly turned her on her team as black energy crackled and snapped between her fingers with dangerous intent; in a flash of abyssal fire a massive, serrated broadsword into her grip with a skull gifted with a pair of amethyst eyes holding the hilt and handle tightly in its clenched jaw. Black fire quickly raced down Robyn's arm and engulfed the gigantic blade, radiating with an air of chilling permafrost as if a single touch of the weapon would freeze ones soul until the end of time.

Andrew was just focusing on not fainting right now. Since when had his girlfriend gotten so hot!?

No one was willing to argue with the dark sorcoress – especially when she was brandishing what had to be the most badass weapon any one of them had even seen in their lives – and quickly scuttled beneath deck to grab their choice of weapon from the armory their gracious host had informed them of. All but Eliaz, Victoria, and the demonic thunderstorm that was Robyn remained on deck, awaiting the rest of their motley crew and for the enemy team to strike; trapped in an icefloe, they were incapable of escaping to safety.

 _ **BOOM!**_

Robyn's head instantly snapped towards the direction the single cannonshot had come from. "What the _**/censored/**_ was that?"

" _Trouble._ " was all Victoria glowered, her glowing glare narrowing as her grip on her anchor tightened. The titan of the depths turned her attention towards the sky as her ghostly gazed settled upon a small dot within the sky that seemed just a tad too big to be a random seagull unfortunate enough to get a six-pack ring stuck around its neck; upon lifting her heavy, metal hand to cover her eyes against the glare of the sun, Victoria quickly realized that it was none other than Jake plummeting down through the air right at them, his body angled like an arrow to increase his speed.

At the last last few meters of descent though, Jake was suddenly enveloped in a flurry of movement as the changes encompassed his body. He could hear a squishing sound from within himself from his guts, his stomach sinking inward as he was scooped out and his organs slithered away into nothingness. His arms and legs began to stretch like elastic being pulled father and father, absurdly, idiotically far as his fingers quickly melted together to form the clubs that marked them as tentacles; his stomach suddenly split open as six, writhing new appendages tore out of his chest and back and sides, six sucker-coated arms that snapped and cracked like snakes slithering out through his flesh and growing as they emerged. Saucer-sized, needle-toothed bumps that molded and squelched into suckers quickly covered the undersides of his new limbs while Jake's head suddenly imploded and sagged, his skull no longer with him. His skeleton melted away into a thick soup as whatever remained of his organs were pushed up into his head, forcing his skull to morph into a long, arrow-shaped mantle as his eyes rotated to either side of his head while growing to a massive size; a golden infinity symbol suddenly glowed upon his mantle, completing the transformation.

With a wet screech of combat, the giant squid landed with a loud _thwack!_ on the deck of the _Chris' Delight_ with tentacles squirming and wriggling about madly as they searched for prey.

Victoria's immediate reaction involved swinging her anchor like a hammer and bringing it down on the sensitive tip of a tentacle, only allowing Jake enough time to shriek in agony before she swung her anchor a second time and smacked the colossal cephalopod upside the head; the giant squid went flying across the deck and crashed roughly into the main mast with enough force to shake the ship.

Robyn gingerly tossed her sword and caught it in her grip once more as she edged towards the squid with a hungry leer. "Either of you feel like calamari tonight?" she cracked.

"Fried or grilled?" Eliaz chuckled as he clenched his fingers like claws and raised them towards the sky as if he were holding up a quickly closing garage door with all his strength. A pile of unused cannonballs lying discarded next to the silent cannons responded to his movements and quickly levitated into the air, racing right towards their metal-bending master and taking up a swift orbit around him like planets around a sun.

Jake decided it was high time to call upon the secret weapon known to all cephalopods since they had first evolved and developed in the ancient Ordovician seas, having to put up with voracious predators that with competed with or saw them as food. With a low groan, the giant squid shameless released a jet of slippery ink from its bowels across the deck to create a slick surface for him to take advantage of; while Victoria remained too heavy and unmovable to be affected, Robyn and Eliaz were just the right size and weight to fall victim to the squid's trap.

Before either pirate-dressed teen could react accordingly the giant squid had curled its dexterous tentacles around their ankles and suddenly yanked them to the ground, forcing them to drop their choice of weapons in the act as they were then hauled up into the air with ease. The stomach churning feeling returned to Robyn as she was thrashed about, her cheeks swelling with fresh vomit as her face turned a pale shade of green in color on the verge of opening up the floodgates and without warning, they finally opened.

" _ **SCREEEEEE-EEEEEEEAAAAH!**_ " the colossal cephalopod shrieked as hot, corrosive digestive juices spewed from Robyn's lips and nailed it directly in the face, forcing it to release her and Eliaz. " _AGH!_ That is just disgusting! Why would you do that!?" Jake suddenly screamed as he grew vocal cords to allow the squid to speak.

Before Robyn could answer with a profanity-filled groan from her stomach, the sound of a cannon being fired caught her attention and she looked up to see a cannonball with a rope tied securely around it go sailing through the air and crash through the main deck in a shower of splintered wood. Two more cannonballs of the same type were launched and dug new holes into the ships deck with the attached, each one acting like a moor line as it hung out over the gap between _Chris' Delight_ and _The Queen Chef's Revenge_. Each rope was then knotted and tied tightly several times around the three masts to hold the two ships together as Samuel hurled the anchor overboard to keep them from drifting away.

"'bout time the cavalry arrived." Jake mumbled as gangplanks were slammed down to allow access across the gap between the two ships, giving the Urchins full passage onto the _Chris' Delight_.

At the same that exact moment, the Barnacles came back from below deck brandishing weapons of varying types and skill levels of usage. And as one team boarded another's ship, they clashed like two armies on the battle field, immediately diving into the fight for the right to victory. Domanic felt a surge of energy and power course through him as the nanites in his arms set to work, a glowing circuit pattern traveling across his arm as metal and carbon-fiber rods erupted from his skin and tissue. The poles fused and wrapped together into a large and clucking brace that took up the area his hand had once been in, allowing stiff rods to thrust deep into Domanic's veins. A port opened up in his decapitated hand before suddenly blinking to life with a loud roar and forming a massive, serrated hook of solid, glowing energy.

With a battle cry the Tough Loser slammed the power hook into the deck of the vessel, knocking Brent and Marissa back as the satyress struggled to find a grip on the saltwater-encrusted surface. Brent grunted as he climbed to his feet and swung the curved blade of a kusarigama above his head like a lasso before casting it forward with malicious intent, successfully wrapping the flaying hook and chains around Domanic's weapon. The Strategic Jackass then yanked back on the chain causing Domanic to stumble forward and lose his footing for a few seconds as the pumps and pistons in his power hook struggled to grant him superior strength.

"Come on, you stupid piece of cybernetic crap! Fall down already!" Brent spouted off curses against Domanic's superior strength. "You're weak! Pathetic! If it weren't for those stupid powers of yours, you'd be nothing! Just who do you think you are!?" he spat angrily, giving a sharp yank of the chains to pull Domanic down to his knees. With his opponent down for the moment, Brent quickly unhooked another chain and kusarigama from his belt and began to spin it as fast as possible, ready to throw Domanic over the side and move onto his next victim. The chains rattled and clanked loudly, as if whispering secrets and promises to him as he bent and manipulated them to his will, drinking in all the power he now had as he threw the hook forward.

Domanic suddenly moved and blocked the incoming chain with a swing of his power hook, pulling Brent forward a few feet as he tried to keep a hand on his weapon. "I'm Domanic." the nanotech-enhanced teen growled. " _Now thrill me._ "

"An' there be one member of the Barnacles chummin' the waters! _Yaargh!_ " Chris' voice proclaimed as Domanic gave a mighty haul of his arm and easily lifted Brent off of the ground and through the air, tossing him over the side with a loud _splash!_ followed by yelps of surprise as the Strategic Jackass quickly discovered that Chris had, in a very rare case, been telling the truth. With a smirk, the nanites were deactivated and Domanic pulled the limp chains off of him before rushing back into the battle.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – So make way, start a revolution! Make way, start a revolution!)**

* * *

 **Brent – *** _sopping wet and soaked to the bone*_ "Techno Boy . . . you just made a _big_ mistake . . ."

 **Domanic – *** _blows on knuckles and polishes shirt*_ "Yeah, Brent's a jerk. There's always prejudice and arguments over who has the best powers and abilities in the world of mutants, so nothing new . . . you call us superheroes, but we prefer the term 'mutants'. Makes us sound less like we should be prancing around in tights and delivering quippy one-liners."

* * *

Domanic was about to join Cecilia and gang up on Shannon when he was suddenly plowed in from the side, falling to the deck with the wind knocked out of him. With a shudder of a breath he propped himself on his elbow and yelped as he struck again and sent bouncing further across the deck with a low groan. He rolled his head to the side and found Marissa glaring at him with her fists tightly clenched and her eyes narrowed at him. With a low snort of irritation the satyr rushed at him a third time with her head lowered and crashed into him once more, jerking her head up at the last second and tossing him over her shoulder as a result.

"I've heard of being hardheaded, but this is just ridiculous." Domanic grumbled as he climbed himself up onto his hands and knees, panting hard as he wheezed for breath. Before he could call upon the microscopic machines coursing through his veins a second time however, one of Jake's flailing tentacles barreled into him with the force of a freight train and sent him flying over the side of _Chris' Delight._ His arms flailed as he attempted to grab onto the moor lines before activating the nanites within him in a desperate attempt to grab onto the side of the ship and make his way back up into the battle . . . the waves claimed him before he could in time.

Now underwater with bubbles trailing from his lips ever so slightly Domanic opened his eyes and felt an overwhelming sense of calmness sweep over him as he floated beneath the waves. The sun sparkled through the surface of the harbor, turning the seabed into a dazzling light show that was only interrupted by the passing of a near translucent shadow every now and again. That quickly reminded Domanic that staying in the water was not the best idea and bright blue circuit patterns arched and etched themselves across his right arm. Hundreds of metal rods and hoses thrust and slithered out of his flesh, encompassing his arm and wrapping around one another as his skin hardened and turned a durable metallic in density. His fingers swelled to massive proportions as the muscles in his hand and wrist were replaced with stringer, artificial copies that flexed and shifted effortlessly under Domanic's command.

With his new limb, Domanic pointed it straight down between his legs and began to rotate his wrist like drill, turning it faster and faster until it was nothing more than a blur of silver and red metal. Like the boat of a propeller he shot up towards the surface. The inner engine was quickly cut as he resurfaced with a gasp of stale breath, spitting out a stream of saltwater as he glanced behind the intimidating structure of the two mighty vessels; the sound metal slashing upon metal among yelling, bellowing, and curses accompanied the orchestra of mayhem.

" _Hey, Bolt Boy! You want a lift or what!?_ " Brent's voice tore him away from his thinking.

Domanic rolled his eyes and straddled his artificial limb, kicking up the engine a second time and heading towards the old fishing boat that had been rented to retrieve them from Davy Jones' locker. With a grunt he pulled himself up over the side of the sloop and collapsed to the deck with a low groan as his artificial arm snapped back into its original form.

"Tired, Gearhead?" Brent smirked.

"Nice tattoos." was all Domanic said as he glanced at the pulsing, red tentacle marks that the Nomuras jellyfish.

"Shut up."

* * *

 _Thunk!_

 _Thump!_

 _Thunk!_

Thunk!

Maurananei grumbled obscenities under her breath as she viciously scrubbed at the stubborn stain on the sharpened edge of the knife in her hands. The brown spots, whatever they may have been, refused to move no matter how much the ex-criminal rubbed at it with the dish rag she had been given. It hadn't exactly been an idea she endorsed, being forced to work in Chef Hatchet's kitchen while the challenge raged on out in the harbor quite a distance away from the mess hall. As such, Maurananei was quick to let her previous love interest know just how much she hated their current situation . . . by throwing knifes and cleavers at him.

Most would find her wonderfully efficient system of drying the cutlery and other cooking utensils to be oddly disturbing, but Maurananei found it worked rather well. Faith would first wash the dishes as best as she could without dropping them (several had already been lost, much to Chef's annoyance) before handing them off to Maurananei for drying; the sharp utensils were then almost carelessly tossed over her shoulder and embedded in the far wall where Chef would begrudgingly pull them out and give them a final wipe before putting them away.

 _Thunk!_

 _Thunk!_

Chef growled lowly as he drew back up to his full height and pulled the meat cleaver from the wall at the same level where his head had been moments later. "Goddarnit! Ya nearly took my head off!" he snapped angrily.

"Maybe if you weren't such a horrible spouse . . ." Maurananei hissed venomously.

The burly cook's face turned a deep crimson in color and Faith floated back a few feet for fear that smoke and steam would come pouring out of Chef's ears. " _You know darn well we's never been a couple and never will be!_ "

"You're right," Maurananei shrugged as she polished a steak knife and proceeded to hurl it over Chef's shoulder, just barely missing his ear by an inch. "Besides, it's more fun to make you suffer after what you did to me."

"I didn' do nothin'!" Chef snapped angrily as he yanked the knife out of the wall and pointed it accusingly at Maurananei. "Yous was the one chasin' me all over the place!"

Maurananei didn't seem phased by the cook's accusation. "Which was a horrible mistake on my part. I'm much more happy mooching off of Cupcake and Watch Boy than livin' with you. At least Larry seems to miss you a little . . . you use to feed him all of your leftovers when Chris wasn't looking, if I remember correctly . . ."

Chef rolled his eyes. To be honest, he had never thought much of the overgrown ficus that had once been Chris' beloved pet Venus flytrap and had only fed the plant the disgusting leftovers of the food the contestants of season four had refused to get rid of the revolting slop in the first place; the stuff was barely edible in the first place and it was a wonder they he hadn't had to craft thirteen coffins those two weeks of pain and torture. Chef could really care less that the monstrous mutant had been turned into a gigantic, leafy puppy dog of death and growth that only Maurananei seemed able to contain.

"Well, I suppose you still have Chris." Maurananei sighed, pulling Chef out of his thoughts. "Have to agree with Sierra though: you don't seem like Chris' type."

Chef scoffed at that while he managed to throw a knife Maurananei had lobbed at him out of the air. "Girl, even _if_ I swung that way, Pretty Boy couldn't handle all this." he chuckled as he flexed a large bicep.

Maurananei smirked. "Yeah, you'd probably crush the little _**/censored/**_ in bed." she chuckled at the thought as she finished drying a meat cleaver and threw it right at Chef's hat, just barely missing his scalp as the blade sunk heavily into the wall of the kitchen in a horizontal fashion. While the mess hall where the competitors attempted to stomach whatever garbage Chef had conjured up for them was only really a series of picnic tables inside of a large tent, the kitchen was more practical and was thus located inside of a trailer pulled up behind the tent. A counter and sink lined the walls, tucked a refrigerator up into the corner, and allowed a large wooden table that Chef used to prepare the meals on to sit in the middle of the portable room. Several barrels of kitchen grease sat pushed into one corner while spatulas and ladles hung from a rack over the sink waiting for a use that didn't involve picking ones nose or scratching at inappropriate places (not that Chef would ever admit it).

The beefy hashslinger rolled his eyes. "You are one sick girl, y'know that right?"

"Tell me something I don't know and I'll show you a Psycho Hose Beast waiting right above you on the roof." Maurananei shrugged and went back to her work, leaving Chef and Faith quite baffled as to what her statement actually meant.

That is, until Izzy, dressed as a pirate wench, dropped down from an emergency hatch in the ceiling.

With her usually scream of bloodlust, Izzy fell from the ceiling on top of Chef, driving her foot into his back, and knocking him roughly to the floor with a low grunt. Maurananei yelped as the knife he had been holding went flying as his wrist banged against the floor, just narrowly missing the ex-criminal's side and phasing right through Faith before embedding itself into the wall just behind her; even so, Faith was absolutely terrified.

"Hiya, Chefy!" Izzy grinned broadly

"Get offa me!" Chef growled as he propped himself up and made a move to try and grab the maniac. Izzy hardly seemed concerned and merely backflipped off of the beefy cook, slamming his face back into the floor in the process as she landed on the counter with a sinister smile that sent shivers down Faith's spine. Chef climbed to his feet and quickly whirled around to face his opponent, anger and irritation crossing his face to match Izzy's blind insanity; a single flex of his fists cracked his knuckles and two twists of his skull to the left and right loosened up his neck..

Izzy proceeded to leer even more at Chef as she hurriedly grabbed a pointy-pronged fork and held it out like a weapon. "Ha, ha! Avast me, hearty!" she laughed.

Chef growled and immediately grabbed hold of a ladle to use as a weapon, an action that Izzy quickly one-upped by pulling out a butter knife from the drawer next to her. Not to be outdone, the beefy hashslinger stole a dirty steak knife from the sink and expertly danced it along his fingers in an effort to show off, only for him to be showed up by Izzy's deadly use of a meat tenderizer. Now highly infuriated and not about to lose the sudden battle of intimidation, Chef plunged his sausage fingers into the sudsy sink and came up brandishing a mighty meat cleaver and a sinister grin upon his face that made his mustache clear up into a sneer ugly enough to curdle dairy.

Izzy then did the only sensible thing and reached for a spoon.

" _Sh-She's got a spoon!_ " Faith panicked.

Chef scoffed and rolled his eyes, trying to hold back a chuckle of amusement. "Oh, come on. It's a spoon for cryin' out loud!"

Faith looked down at her feet (which were floating several inches above the floor) and nervously twiddled her thumbs. "Spoons can be dangerous . . ." she murmured timidly.

"Oh, come on! It's a spoon! How can it possibly- _GAAAH!_ " Chef cried out in pain, immediately dropping the meat cleaver as he grumbled to the floor holding his family jewels and whimpering in pain as Izzy proudly stood triumphant over her opponent with none other than the very spoon she had lobbed at Chef's tenders with the force of a javelin. Needless to say, the outcome was highly amusing and very deadly when combined with the Pyscho Hose Beast's lethal aim and pure psychopathy.

Maurananei snickered as Izzy cheered loudly. "And Escope strikes again!" she cackled.

Unfortunately for Izzy, Chef naturally did not share her sympathies and slowly staggered to his feet as he groped about and picked his meat cleaver back up. His expression twisted into one of complete and utter rage as his left eye twitched involuntarily as he was forced to watch his arch nemesis cackle at her victory. The moment they had clashed so long ago on Wawanakwa before its untimely demise he had sworn that he would not rest until he had been claimed the victor in their ever reoccurring battles, if for no other reason than to recover the pride he had lost that fateful day he had been defeated by a psychotic nuthouse less than half his size.

Chris had never let him live that down.

"This. Ends. _Now._ " Chef snarled lowly.

Izzy of course, simply grinned madly. "Ooh, fun!" she giggled as she tossed her spoon away and grabbed hold of a frying pan instead. Maurananei and Faith shared looks with one another, one of fear and another of unbridled excitement, as the two sides starred down one another for the longest time before the silence was broken by Chef roaring loudly and charging forward with his cleaver in hand. Izzy met his battle cry with her own scream of insanity and dashed forward, blocking the first strike with her frying pan and dropping down to the floor and deliver two quick kicks to Chef's jaw. The burly cook stumbled back as Izzy then swiped his legs out from beneath him and popped back up to deliver a roundhouse kick to his stomach as he fell, sending him flying across the trailer.

"Tell me when it's over . . ." Faith whimpered.

"You do know you can see through your hands, right?" Maurananei raised an eyebrow. "And are you kidding me? This is awesome! I gotta get me some popcorn!"

Faith sighed sadly. "You already ate it . . . and anything else edible in the fridge."

Maurananei pouted. "But I'm still hungry!"

" _YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!_ " Chef roared angrily as he pried himself from the wall and rushed blindly at Izzy, swinging his meat cleaver in wide swathes that forced the maniac to dodge and weave every strike to avoid getting sliced before she blocked an incoming swipe with her frying pan. The next thing that Chef knew he had suddenly earned a frying pan to the face that briefly dazed him as Izzy dashed behind him and delivered a painful kick to the butt that sent him stumbling forward.

With a predatory snarl the beefy hashslinger grabbed a fistful of freshly cleaned knives from the cutlery display and hurled them all at once at Izzy. The Psycho Hose Beast hardly seemed affected as she expertly swatted aside several of the knives like flies with a flyswatter, sending the blades sinking deep into the wood as she bent over backwards to avoid another that just barely grazed her chin. At the same time she twisted her torso and nailed an incoming knife with the heel of her boot, knocking it up in the air and allowing her to hit like a baseball with her frying pan and send it flying right back at Chef; the knife missed his head by an inch but was successful in taking off his chef's hat.

"Ha, hah! You're hat's mine, Chefy!" Izzy cackled before she yelped and suddenly fell to the floor.

Confused for the briefest of moments the maniac glanced behind her to see that several barrels of the kitchen grease piled into the corner of the trailer had been punctured by the sudden barrage of knives and were leaking their slippery treasure all over the floor. Chef wasted no time on the opportunity presented before him and chucked his meat cleaver at the floor before he gave a running leap and dogpiled onto Izzy with all of his weight and strength, drinking in the chanting cheers Maurananei fed them to egg them on.

Slick slaps and grease-covered punches reined supreme as the two of them wrestled around in the greasy mess, neither one gaining the upper hand over the other for several harrowing seconds that felt like the longest hours to Faith as she tried desperately to look away from the awful violence in front of her; Maurananei's endless chanting did not help matters. Chef let his anger fuel his aggression as Izzy punched him twice in the jaw and stabbed her fingers in his eyes in an attempt to get him off of her, but did no good. He only responded by slugging her in the face and headbutting her as hard as possible in an attempt to subdue her, but it didn't do any good either; both were simply too good for one another.

"C'mon, Chefy! That the best ya can do?" Izzy laughed now proudly sporting a black eye. Before Chef could respond, the Psycho Hose Beast managed to shift her legs back against her stomach and underneath her heavy opponent. With a quick thrust she sent Chef flying up into the air and rolled out of the way just as he came crashing back down and had the wind knocked out of him, leaving the beefy cook helpless as Izzy sent him sliding across the grease-slicked floor and straight into the barrels of kitchen grease.

"Izzy: 1, Chef: 0!" Maurananei declared loudly. The ex-criminal's cheering however, quickly died down when Izzy chucked her frying pan straight at Chef and conked him right on the head, leaving him dizzy and disoriented as well as covered in smelly kitchen grease that had previously been used in the stove. Normally, extra assault to Chef's person was not a problem for one who loathed him so, but what had Maurananei set on edge was what had tumbled out of the frying pan and gone rolling across the floor, getting dangerously close to the pools of grease.

Faith yelped and disappeared in a flash of intense, white light as the lit match edged ever closer to the pool of kitchen grease, leaving Maurananei to scramble for the door as Izzy cackled madly and leaped straight up through the emergency hatch in the ceiling, leaving Maurananei and Chef inside of the trailer. Mere seconds later however, the Psycho Hose Beast's head came swinging back in with her eternal, Cheshire smile plastered on her lips. "Later, Chefy! You shall always remember this as the day that you _almost_ captured Captain Izzy Swallow! _Boom-boom!_ " she laughed before disappearing from view. **[7]**

" _ **/censored/ /censored/ /censored/**_ _YOU, IZZY!_ " Maurananei screamed as the lit match struck the barrels and ignited in flames.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Now that's what I call going out with a bang!)**

* * *

 **Izzy -** " _Ha, hah!_ They'll be fine . . . yeah, see I'm also the reincarnation of my great, great, great, great grandfather Bombardo who specialized in laying out the dynamite and explosives for the railways back in the olden days. Uh, huh, yeah, he was also colorblind, which might explain his short life, now that I think about it . . . never could tell that red wire from the green . . . oh, well! I guess ya now know where Explosivo came from! _Boom-boom!_ "

 **Chef –** _*greatly singed and head is smoking slightly with the tip of his mustache harboring a small flame*_ "I'm gonna get that girl . . . even if it kills me . . ." * _slumps over, unconscious*_

 **Maurananei –** _*hair is black with ash and is still burning at tips while covered in soot*_ "The next time I see Izzy . . . I'm either kiss that girl or murder her . . . whichever comes first." _*rubs throbbing skull*_

 **Faith -** "Izzy scares me . . ." _*whimpers*_

* * *

Sun-Li swallowed anxiously as she spun her bo staff above her head and cracked it against the deck of the ship, blasting her opponents back with a sudden gust of air. Her heart was in her throat as she twirled and twisted her body in fluid, spinning motions to dodge and weave around her enemies' attacks. The airbender quickly jerked her head to the side to avoid a cannonball lobbed at her by Eliaz and sucked in a short breath to expertly twist and leap over another cannonball chucked at her abdomen.

The earthbender and her were complete opposites in both personality in fighting style. Eliaz was brash and loud – though not without concern – and his movements had to be firm and solid and strong enough to manipulate the cannonballs like the small rocks he often spun around in his hands to pass the time; cannonballs were a lot heavier and more deadly than pebbles though. Sun-Li on the other hand, was shy and quiet and her movements were fluid and smooth, one always transitioning into the other and never full out attacking even with the amount of damage she was capable of.

" _HAH!_ " Eliaz yelled as he thrust his fist forward and sent three of the cannonballs orbiting around him like planets at her, spinning the trio of heavy, lead balls in a corkscrew fashion to disorient and confuse the Shy Caregiver. Sun-Li gulped ducked under the first ball before leaping over the second and finally stopping with a harsh blast of air just an inch from her face. The airbender looked at the ball of lead with an expressionless and closed her eyes with a slow, calming breath before she flicked two of her fingers and set the cannonball shooting straight up into the sky on a geyser of cool air; she let ball of ammunition fall without resistance before she forcefully thrust her hand forward. With the wind at her beck and call, the cannonball shot forward like a bullet and slammed straight into Eliaz's gut, sending him skidding back several feet as he held his stomach.

The airbender then yelped as the deck in front of her suddenly exploded in a small flash of fire and glanced up to see Andrew lobbing small explosives from his position up in the crow's nest of _Chris' Delight_ with a slingshot and deadly aim.

"Andrew! He is sniping us!" Sun-Li shouted a warning to her team before she was suddenly taken out by a sudden rush of cannonballs slamming into her person with enough force to knock her down but not enough to seriously injure her, a factor that she was highly grateful of as she fell to the deck of the ship. Before she could fully climb to her feet and join back in the battle, a deep shadow was cast over her and she looked up to see Victoria standing over her as she fought with Samuel, completely oblivious to Sun-Li cowering beneath her.

She felt her face pale to an almost white shade when Victoria swung her anchor like a club. _"T_ _tong o._ " Sun-Li whimpered mere seconds before the tremendous anchor connected with her frail body and sent her flying over the side.

Andrew couldn't help but cheer as Sun-Li went over the side of _Chris' Delight_ and turned his attention to providing cover fire for his team when a sudden shriek caught his focus. His attention snapped up towards the sky and his eyes widened with fear as a Philippine eagle came swooping out of the sky right at his face with talons outstretched and ready to slash. The world's biggest eagle screeched as it collided with Andrew head on and knocked him out of the crow's nest with talons digging deep into his face, landing almost painfully on the sail mast with a loud _thwack!_

" _Ow!_ Get off of me, you stupid bird! _Gah! Ow!_ " the Human Copy Machine yelled as the eagle madly flapped its wings and viciously pecked at him with its hooked beak for several painful seconds before it decided to climb off of him and flutter a few feet back; a whirl of feathers and hair quickly followed as Jake resumed his original form and glowered at Andrew with a calculative look, as if deciding the best form to use in their current situation. "Bro, that was totally uncalled for!"

Jake rolled his eyes as he unclipped his sword from his belt and tossed it up into the air as if he were going to catch it while drastic changes to his genetic code rippled across hid body to turn him into something new. His skeleton cracked and crunched loudly as his bones thickened and became far more durable than before while his changing posture forced him to hunch over; his arms cracked and crunched as they pulled and lengthened, his fingers stretching longer and stronger while his thumb was pulled back and shrunk. Millions of muscles tore through his arms, rippling underneath his darkening skin and adding to his increasing size and stature while his feet shifted and reconfigured into structures similar to that of hands, perfect for gripping and holding. Jake's neck compressed slightly into his massively swelling shoulders while his brow sloped dramatically over his eyes and his cheeks puffed out with fresh tissue and fat. His teeth tore through his gums as his jaw thrust out with a loudly snapping noise into a low underbite from which a beard of shaggy, orange hair sprouted. He suddenly felt an itching sensation all across her body as thick, coarse, shaggy, orange fur sprouted all along his burly arms while his face pushed back and compressed into a rough, rubber mask; Jake's belly quickly bloated into a thick, leathery beach ball while his chest fell into a heavy ring of fat held in place by black, pebbly skin from where a golden infinity symbol appeared tattooed on his skin.

Andrew had seen many odd things in his life since he had first joined the show and the sudden appearance of a Bornean orangutan was nothing new to him. When the great ape suddenly caught the falling sword out of the air and held it out at him with expert dexterity and skill however, he knew that this was something new entirely. Not to mention somewhat terrifying considering he didn't have a weapon.

"Aw, c'mon, monkey bro! Can't we talk this out over a banana or somethin'?" Andrew swallowed nervously.

The orangutan seemed highly offended at that remark an edged it sword even closer as Andrew fell on his butt and scooted backwards away from the pointed tip. All he had as weapons were small, explosives that would explode on contact, none of which would be safe nor useful in protecting himself from the great, orange ape's wrath; he could try a suicide attempt to take out both himself and Jake, but that sounded extremely painful and there was no guarantee that he himself would make it out unscathed.

"Um, if there's some Great Goddess of Karma of somethin' watchin' over me, now would be a good time to intervene!" Andrew gulped as he was pushed to the very edge of the beam.

 _ **CLANG!**_

Andrew suddenly saw spots as he collapsed limp against the mast with a shooting pain through his head. Wondering what hit him, he sat up and glanced around for any sign of his attacker as he rubbed his aching skull until he felt something shift on his stomach. A quick look down revealed exactly had had just had the audacity to hit him upside the head: a slightly singed and smoking frying pan.

Confused but nonetheless grateful for what he had suddenly been given, the Human Copy Machine quickly scrambled to his feet and looked up at the sky. "Not exactly sure what you have in mind, brah, but thank you!" he called out.

" _HOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAGH!_ " Jake roared loudly as he beat his chest to intimidate Andrew before rushing at him with his sword in hand, his opposable feet gripping the beam like hands as he swung his blade and connected it with his opponent's frying pan with a loud _clang!_ The two of them darted and lunged their way back and forth across the mast, blocking and striking and praying with improvised expertise that no skilled swordsman would ever find themselves using. The orangutan's strikes were brutal and nearly knocked Andrew off of the main from the sheer force behind them, but his wiry stature and agility allowed him to dodge and weave with ease to counter the ape's movements.

And all the while, he was laughing and silently hoping that his darling Robyn was watching him and was hopefully impressed. " _You should know that this is the strangest thing I have ever done!_ " he announced with overconfident glee before the orangutan managed to get in a lucky strike of his sword and knocked the frying pan from his hand and over the side; the two of them proceeded to watch the frying pan fall to the deck and smack Shannon quite painfully on the head just as she was reaching for the nautilus shell-shaped pennant around her neck.

"How 'bout two out of three?" Andrew asked nervously just as Victoria swung her massive anchor again and struck Shannon in the process of clubbing Samuel across the face, sending the siren over the side of the sea vessel and into the harbor below. The orangutan however, did not see this as a viable option and edged the sword closer to his throat as a response.

Andrew gulped and frantically looked around for a means of escape that did not involve the route that Shannon had taken (the siren did _not_ look happy in the slightest and seemed to be making rude gestures up at Victoria from below. It was hard to tell since Andrew was too focused on starring at her second form with blatant confusion and shock) as Jake edged the tip of his sword ever closer to his Adam's apple.

It was then that he noticed a rope almost carelessly slung over the end of the mast that was tied off to one of the other main sails quite a distance out of Jake's blade. With little other choice, Andrew quickly grabbed hold of the rope and jumped over the side – giving the surprised orangutan a mocking salute farewell – to swing to safety. A rush of adrenaline coursed through his veins as he swung down low over the deck, just narrowly dodging a swipe of Oleander and Caesar's blades and succeeding in kicking the two of them in the head.

" _Hah!_ You should see your faces because you look-" Andrew crowed triumphantly before he smacked face first into the secondary mast with enough force to shudder the entire ship. " _Ridiculous . . ._ " he groaned as the rope slipped from his grasp while he slid down to the deck, barely conscious. **[8]**

Thus it was of little surprise to Shannon she was bombarded with a sudden splash from Andrew's inert body as Victoria's anchor once more blindly smashed into one of her allies with enough force to demolish a house. Had it not been for the fact that her every move was being followed by a camera crew, the siren would have most likely let the annoying duplicator drown and if Robyn noticed anything of his attempt at a heroic exploit, she didn't even seem to notice.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Someone say something?)**

* * *

 **Shannon -** " _Ugh!_ That walking freak of nature is such a pain in the **_/censored/_**! I mean seriously, is it too much to ask just to look where you're swinging that stupid thing!?"

 **Andrew -** _*delirious*_ "Why yes, Robyn, I will marry you . . . no need to resort to begging and pleading . . . now come give your macho sombrero man of delicious nachos a little kiss . . ."

 **Izzy – *** _talking to Mr. Crackers again*_ " _Arrr!_ And I thought I was crazy!"

 **Mr. Crackers -** " _RAWK!_ Walk the plank! Walk the plank! Chum the waters!"

 **Izzy -** "My thoughts exactly!"

* * *

Victoria slammed the tip of her anchor into the deck as Samuel slugged her in the face with a mighty fist, sending her skidding back several feet across the deck from the sheer force behind the blow and tearing the main deck in half. The hulking, metal titan pulled her anchor free from the shredded deck and charged at the Gentle Giant as fast as her heavy attire allowed her to, every step shuddering and shaking the boat and generally dictating the flow of battle for fear of capsizing.

The two giants were silent in their battle, ignoring any and all outside distractions as they kept their sole focus on one another. Their sheer size and strength made them a danger to anyone else on the ship, forcing them to battle one another for fear of severely injuring someone; like the wildlife at an African watering hole following the invisible guidelines set out for them by nature, all other animals were to make way for the biggest fauna for fear of being trampled by an unsuspecting elephant's foot. The same could be said here on _Chris' Delight_ as Samuel and Victoria clashed time and time again, forcing smaller allies and opponents to jump out of harm's way lest they be flattened like pancakes beneath the titan's feet.

"Hey! Watch it!" Caesar yelled as he just barely avoided getting stepped on.

"Sorry." Samuel grunted braced Victoria by the shoulder and punched her viciously in her armored gut in an attempt to stun her. All this did however, was make her more angry and allow her to club him upside the head with a single swing of her anchor and send him flying across the deck. The armored leviathan lumbered over to him with her anchor over her shoulder like a baseball bat and promptly swung downward in a swift and decisive strike, sending the muscled giant crashing down through several decks before finally bursting through the hull with a tremendous _crash!_

The sea vessel suddenly lurched towards the side as water began rushing in and filling up the lower decks and cargo hold, tilting all of the contestants on deck to one side of _Chris' Delight._ General panic ensued as everyone tried to climb to their feet and steady themselves or get to the safety of _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ , which was starting to be pulled in by the sinking ship's weight.

"Abandon ship!" Oleander cried as she took off in a swift blur of orange and blue for the safety of her team's ship.

"Easy for you to say!" Jeremy shouted as the ship lurched and tilted dramatically. Had it not been for the half-breed's dagger sharp claws digging heavily into the wooden deck, he would have been dumped over the side like a very unfortunate Jordan; the parrot costumes the two of them had been forced into didn't allow them to use the full extent of their wings, thus limiting their capabilities to almost nothing as Jordan plunged into the water below with a loud _splash!_

With a grunt the dragon dug his claws into the fabric of his costume and proceeded to tear it off and away in a massive flurry of stuffing and faux feathers, allowing his huge, leathery wings to fan out to their full span. Smoke poured forth from Jeremy's lips as he took in a deep and gave his wings a single flap to launch him forth from the tipping deck of the ship and into the air, finally released from the fuzzy prison he had been exiled into.

A sudden stream of curses and foul language caught his attention and Jeremy turned to see Robyn yelling profusely as she madly clawed at the tilting deck while she slid ever closer to the edge . It would have been easy to simply let the dark sovereign slip into the waters below and possibly suffer the wrath of several hungry jellyfish; after all, it was one less and highly dangerous person he would have to deal with for the challenge. Something however, stirred within the hybrid's heart, a feeling he hadn't felt for . . . well, he couldn't recall ever feeling it before. He mostly felt rage and a sick pleasure in setting fire to his surroundings to crank up the temperature to almost inhuman levels, but this was something he was unfamiliar with . . . it was almost like he _wanted_ to save her.

Which would most likely end up with him getting a shot to the kiwis.

Jeremy gave a tired sigh as he rubbed his temples. "Great Goddess of Karma, if you're listening . . . please have mercy." he grumbled under his breath as he flapped his wings and dove back down towards the sinking ship as Caesar disappeared in a blast of intense light while Christopher took a running leap over the steadily widening gap with Harmony thrown over his shoulder. In one fell swoop of movement, the dragon dove down and spread his hands wide, his fingernails replaced with the razor-sharp claws of the fire-breathing reptiles he descended from as he made a swift movement and hooked them into the tight fabric of Robyn's thin top; with the dark sorceress instinctively struggling and fighting against him, it was about twice as difficult to get up off the sinking ship, even when his enhanced strength would have easily allowed him to carry Robyn's full weight without difficulty.

"Will you stop struggling already!? I'm trying to save you from drowning!" Jeremy snapped angrily.

"Why the **_/censored/_** should I believe you!?" Robyn shot back defensively.

"Because I'm the one keeping you from getting your **_/censored/_** soaked on international television, that's why. Of course, I can always just let you fall . . . I imagine that costume of yours is gonna show a _lot_ more than you want it to."

Unable to argue with that logic, Robyn decided to shut up and let Jeremy carry her over the gap between the two ships as Adara scrambled her way across the nearly snapped moor lines like a monkey, leaving Victoria and Marissa to sink with _Chris' Delight_ as the titan's weight prevented her from scaling such a steep incline and the satyress' hooves provided little to no traction on the slippery, saltwater-encrusted surface of the deck. Jeremy sucked in a deep breath and quickly blasted out a jet of hot flame at the moor lines keeping _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ tethered to the enemy ship in an attempt to both prevent anyone else from making it across and keeping his own team's ship from being dragged under.

Eliaz grunted as he tightly clung to the mast of his sinking vessel, glancing up with wide eyes as Jeremy began to descend down onto the deck of _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ with Robyn in his arms. "You twink, little **_/censored/_**!" he shook his fist as he slipped a few feet.

"All's fair in love and war, matey!" Jeremy taunted. "Though this is probably more like war than love . . ." he mumbled as an afterthought to himself, oblivious to the light shade of pink tat crossed Robyn's pale features while he landed on the deck of his team's ship and let go of the Goth Punk's top. The two of them stood there at the railing together watching Eliaz and the rest of his team go down with _Chris' Delight_ , shaking his fist violently in Robyn's general direction before he sank beneath the waves. An eerie silence filled the air accompanied by the hot bubbling of the sea where the enemy vessel had once been before sinking to the bottom of the harbor with one of its two captains and its remaining crew bobbing along the surface and awaiting pick up; Victoria however, seemed to have sunk to the bottom and, at the threat of sinking the rented fishing boat, was beginning the long and slow going trudge back to the dock on the bottom of the sea.

After a while Robyn coughed awkwardly to break the silence. "Hey, um . . . thanks for givin' me a hand back there . . . I guess." she rubbed the back of her neck gawky.

"Uh . . . no problem." Jeremy chuckled sheepishly. Before he could say anything else, however, the sound of cloven hooves pounding against the deck caught their attention and they whirled around a second too late; a very large and very irritated bighorn sheep with a golden infinity symbol placed between its impressive rack of horns came charging right at them with its head lowered towards the ground. Before Robyn could erect a shield of chaotic energy to protect herself, the ram barreled right into her and tossed its head up, sending the dark sovereign tumbling over the side of _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ and into the harbor below.

The bighorn sheep snorted as if to prove its point as it glared down at Robyn while she spat out a mouthful of saltwater and turned to trot away. Jeremy sighed and facepalmed himself out of exasperation, mentally berating himself for forgetting that the two of them were on opposite teams, something Jake had clearly not forgotten and had just taken advantage of.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Now that's what I call a _baaaaad_ situation. Someone kill me now)**

* * *

 **Robyn -** "For all you shippers out there . . . I'm watching you **_/censored/_**."

 **Jeremy -** "I won't deny that Robyn's hot . . . okay, that's a lie. She's hot enough to make my dad's temper look like a campfire by comparison. Maybe I'll ask her out after the competition, maybe take her out to a restaurant or something. Whatever it is, I'm ordering lamb chops for . . . reasons, alright?"

 **Jake -** "Distracting Robyn with conversation . . . that guy is a freakin' genius."

* * *

Jeremy peered over the side of the vessel and gave a final wave in Robyn's direction before turning away to attend to the rest of the challenge, unaware of the dark sorceress' rose-colored cheeks as she waved back. The dragon's attention was quickly caught by a loud cry of pain and the sound of bodies hitting the deck, followed by several harsh curses. " _Oof!_ " Oleander grunted as she was thrown against the deck.

Adara stood poised and ready at the center of an ever tightening circle around her with Layne cowering behind her, his eyes frantically looking for a way out of the situation he had landed himself in while Adara starred down her foes with an expressionless gaze that sent shivers down Jeremy's spine. It wasn't the way that she positioned herself into the perfect fighting position to take on multiple foes that scared Jeremy and it wasn't the fact that she seemed to have every manner of sharpened blade strapped to her person; it was the soulless, heartless mask that she kept plastered on her face. There wasn't a hint of malice, not a shred of adrenaline-filled joy, not a notion of concern to read her by, just a blank stare that haunted the dragon hybrid.

But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try and take her out.

Fearless and brazen as usual, Oleander was the first to strike as she jumped to her feet with her body crouched low against the deck like a big cat about to spring on its prey. She took off in a flash of speed that Jeremy nearly missed as he blinked and watched the Roller Derby Chick rushed almost blindly at Adara before seemingly slipping on the slick deck and landing flat on her back, knocking the wind out of her. At first Jeremy couldn't comprehend what had just happened until he saw that Adara had miraculously reacted at a speed that was faster muscles could even twitch and clotheslined Oleander with ease.

A silent agreement passed between Jake and Christopher as the former put his hatred for the later aside long enough for the changes to begin rippling their way across his body. A light coating of tawny brown fur sprouted all over his skin, covering every inch of him while his skeleton rearranged itself with a loud crunching and snapping noise; his spine lengthened out farther and farther until a long, feline tail had sprouted from his vertebrae. Muscles and sinew packed themselves tightly into his haunches and chest building up incredible leaping and pouncing power. Wicked claws tore through his fingers, reducing them to strong, firm paws as his shoes ripped and the back of his shirt split open alone his spine to accommodate his swelling frame. Jake's skull ground and crunched together as fangs tore through his gums, barely even fitting inside his mouth until his head caught up with the rest of him while sensitive whiskers germinated from his face as his ears rotated to the top of his head. His eyes flashed an intense amber as a golden infinity symbol placed itself upon his face between his two, fiery orbs while a thick, shaggy mane of fur swept over his neck and chest and completed the transformation.

The male African lion growled lowly as he bared his teeth and glowered hungrily at Adara. A thunderous roar that seemed to shatter the very air soon leaped forth from Jake's throat as he bunched up his muscles and pounced upon Adara with claws outstretched and fangs bared; the Trained Weapon didn't move for several harrowing seconds before she effortlessly jumped straight up and tucked in her arms and legs so that she would spin. Surprised at the sudden move, both Christopher and Jake collided as they leaped at their target and consequently missed, landing in a tangle of limbs and teeth that Adara landed quite painfully on.

Adara didn't bother to gloat in her victory (a single, previous encounter had corrected that error in her . . . programming) and instead jumped from the furious lion's back and onto Caesar, nailing the skeleton in the ribs and knocking him flat on his back. Fortunately, eons of treasure hunting and adventuring and trying to kill himself had made the Cursed Go-Getter quite skilled in taking hits and shots from foes of varying skills, and this gave more than enough experience to simply grab Adara by her ankle and pull her down onto the deck. If the look upon Adara's face – or lack thereof – was anything to go by, she clearly hadn't been expecting that.

Unfortunately for Caesar she was quick to recover and jammed her foot into his pelvis and separated it from his body, leaving his legs immobile and the rest of him vulnerable. Adara took advantage of this and smoothly backflipped up on her feet and proceeded to kick his skull like a soccer ball all the way across the deck where it rolled over the side and fell into the harbor below with a small _plunk!_ Amazing however, Caesar's body continued to move and react as if it had never lost its head in the first place, save for the fact that the skeletal arms dragged their torso about in a disoriented pattern in an effort to locate its legs while its pelvis and skull regenerated.

This gave Adara more than enough time to converge on the member of the Urchins that had yet to suffer from her wrath. The Trained Weapon rushed at Harmony with the speed of a freight train and it was only because the mermaid quickly moved her hands in a flurry of motion to summon and freeze a wave of water into a wall of ice that she didn't instantly go down from the bite of Adara's cold blades. The Ocean Girl breathed a sigh of relief that she quickly withdrew when Adara danced her daggers along her fingers and threw seven of them with precise precision in the time it took for Harmony to blink, the blades colliding with the weak spots of the frozen barrier and shattering it like glass.

" _NO!_ " Christopher yelled as Adara quickly delivered a roundhouse quick to the side of Harmony's head that sent her flying across the deck where she collided with a cannon and slumped to the ground, unconscious.

That seemed to trigger something from within the team as a quick realization swept over them that their foe was quite skillful and was probably quite capable in dismembering each and every one of them given the right opportunities. Cecilia quickly lunged at Adara while her back was turned to her, the Trained Weapon's attention focused now on hitting Oleander, who had learned to quickly juke and weave from side to side to distract and confuse Adara to give Cecilia enough time to sneak up behind her.

Unfortunately, the Urchins forgot entirely about Layne. Before Cecilia knew what was happening, a barrel slammed itself into her gut and sent her sprawling across the deck with the wind knocked out of her. The barrel was then levitated up into the air and slammed down on top of her for good measure, breaking apart as a result and forcing Layne to switch his attention to a stack of crates that were easily lifted off of the deck with a mere flick of his finger.

This didn't last very long as Christopher had finally managed to pry himself lose from Jake's struggling and charge like a football player right at Layne, his well muscled physique slamming into Layne's frail frame like an eighteen-wheeler. The soldier wrapped him in a tight bear hug and continued to blindly charge across the deck, mildly hoping he collided with Adara in the hopes of winning his team the challenge before he crashed through the railing of the ship and plunged into the sea below, taking a startled Layne with him.

"One left!" Jeremy exclaimed before blowing out a fan of fire from his jaws in the hopes of catching Adara off guard. The Trained Weapon however, always seemed to be one step ahead of them and dropped low under the searing hot flames before lunging forward and kicking Jeremy's legs out from beneath and following up with a shot to the dragon's kiwis for good measure.

The resulting howl could be heard all the way from shore.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Did any of you hear something? No? Must have been the wind . . .)**

* * *

 **Jeremy -** "Owen . . . if y-you're listening . . . you have my complete sympathies. _Why do they always go for the kiwis!?_ "

 **Izzy -** "Because kiwis are so delicious when freshly squeezed! And they make a great smoothy, too!"

* * *

Adara's eyes flickered back and forth with every movement that Oleander made, every shift, every involuntary twitch of her muscles, every nervous lick of her lips was followed by the Trained Weapon's gaze, capturing every detail no matter how minute. She was well aware that Oleander was only serving as a diversion at the very least, but she couldn't turn her attention away from the Roller Derby Chick without the threat of being struck a hundred times in the span of a second rearing its ugly head. She had to time her movements just right or the challenge would be lost and-

 _Now!_

With a sudden thrust, Adara felt the tips of her fingers graze against Oleander's chest before her movements became swift and precise, specifically striking the neural points she had memorized long ago to instill paralysis within her victim; her fingers roughly pushed at the speedster's sternum before striking her collarbone and then following up with a series of quick timed jabs at her stomach region. The reaction was almost immediate as the Roller Derby Chick seized up and promptly slumped over with a groan, feeling suddenly winded and greatly dazed as she tried to make sense of her surroundings.

That was all Jake needed to strike.

The changes were swift and immediate, happening in less than a second despite how dramatic they were. The first noticeable alteration was his size: everything got absolutely massive. His arms and legs thickened to nearly five times their original circumference, becoming as thick around as a telephone pole while muscle and tissue laced themselves across his skeleton. Sinew and tendons and ligaments linked up with one another as Jake's chest and back swelled to dimensions downright monstrous compared to his original form, his ribs cracking and snapping like twigs as they were enlarged and squished, forcing the morphing shape-shifter down on his hands and knees to support his steadily increasing frame. His fingers and toes popped loudly as they were pulled back, leaving only his horny fingernails to reinforce his tremendous weight; his vertebrae crunched noisily as a long, reptilian tail was pushed out from his spinal cord and slammed heavily against the deck of the ship before fresh tissue and muscle at the base of the new appendage allowed him to lift it up as a pair of bony osteoderms encompassed the very tip to form a massive and heavy tail club perfectly designed for smashing. Veins swelled and popped along Jake's back as hardened plates began to form and fuse together to form impenetrable armor and spikes while his skull pushed out with a series of sickening crunches and cracks as the bones rearranged themselves into something that bore resemblance to the head of a gargoyle; the final touch was the addition of the ever present golden infinity symbol tattooed to Jake's forehead, completing the transformation.

" _Duck!_ " Oleander quipped with a mischievous smirk.

Before Adara could briefly contemplate just what the Roller Derby Chick was talking about, she felt the ship tremble and rumble and creak under her feet and turned just in time to see a massive _Ankylosaurus_ come to a stop by a few yards from her. The armored dinosaur quickly spun around and swung its clubbed tail, successfully nailing her in the gut with enough force to send her flying over the railing of _The Queen Chef's Revenge_ and into the sea below.

Oleander giggled. "You'd think she would have seen _that_ coming."

The _Ankylosaurus_ bellowed lowly in agreement as Cecilia winced while she climbed to her feet, holding her chest and stomach in an attempt to sooth the dull pain. "A bit anticlimactic, don't you think?"

"I'm not the one that smells like fish." Oleander smirked as she glanced over the side to see Adara swimming towards shore without a single flash of disappointment or anger upon her face when Chris' voice rang loud and true over the intercom and declared the Urchins the winner. For some reason, that worried Oleander as she would have been furious that she had lost or at the very least heavily annoyed that they had been defeated, yet Adara didn't look the slightest bit angry.

It was as if she was hardly even there.

"Now set sail for shores, ye scalawags! Ye smell worse than Captain Chef's specially mad chum!" Chris' voice snapped Oleander from her thoughts. "Speaking of which . . . don't go near the mess hall. We're still having the emergency crew put out the flames."

Cecilia raised an eyebrow. " _Flames?_ "

Jeremy gave a wolfish grin. "Hey, in my experience, the more fire the better." he chuckled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go be the first to grab a hot shower while the going's good. See you on shore!" the dragon gave a mocking salute to his team as he gave a giant flap of his wings and shot up straight into the air before soaring off towards the main land.

"Sometimes I hate that guy." Cecilia sighed wistfully as she watched his slowly disappearing figure turn into a dot over the far off film lot.

* * *

Robyn was just about at her wits end.

The Goth Punk sighed as she leaned against one of the support poles of the infirmary tent, mindlessly drumming her fingers against her bicep with her arms folded over her bust. Much to Chris' annoyance in the delay in schedule, a professional medical team had to be called in to treat the multitude of injuries that the contestants all had suffered, everything from bruises and infected cuts to a few concussions and cracked ribs. And Chef himself had somehow also sustained injuries from a seemingly completely unrelated incident if the severe burns and smell of singed hair was anything to go by; the burly cook was sitting on the edge of a cot that Anuok was currently dozing on, looking towards the back of the tent where a nurse's outfit hung over the edge of a changing screen that was just his size.

Robyn shivered involuntarily.

The discomforting lust Chef seemed to have for his cross-dressing outfits wasn't what was driving the dark sovereign crazy, and it wasn't the many lacerations or wounds that everyone seemed to be suffering from; Victoria was lying unconscious on a large cot that seemed to just barely hold her weight while a pair of jumper cables latched themselves onto her conductors from a generator in an attempt to jump start her; Layne was shivering at the foot of the bed, still sopping wet and wrapped up in a fluffy towel in an attempt to warm up; Jordan was using a hairdryer to preen and dry the feathers of his wings while simultaneously trying to get the water out of his ears; Harmony lay down on a cot opposite of Victoria's hulking frame with Christopher holding an ice pack to her forehead as she dozed; Caesar currently was trying to pull his shattered body together with the assistance of Oleander and Cecilia.

Several contestants were either well enough to go to their trailers to rest up for the Elimination Ceremony that some of them would inevitably face while others took the opportunity in the sudden lull in traffic to the communal bathrooms and took advantage of the ample supply of hot water available. Once they had gotten off of the fishing boat, Brent had stomped off to his trailer with little more than a hawk-like glare at anyone he felt deserved it (which was almost everyone), leaving everyone else to scramble like ants to gather a fresh change of clothes and run like mad for the showers.

The fact that Chris was currently occupied warding off legal investigations filed against the latest incident at the film lot – which seemed to somehow involve arson – was more of a treat for the goth Punk as it was amusing to see the normally egotistical host so stressed out over something that had happened under his watch. No, what was currently her problem was-

" _Didja see meh out thar? I was a regular swassbookin' pie rat!_ " Andrew boasted to her with a slight lisp. It had yet to be confirmed, but there was the potential that despite the enhanced durability that all metahumans seemed to possess to some degree, the replicator had suffered a mild concussion that deterred him from speaking properly. Plus any shred of common sense he might have had was completely lost, not that there was much to lose in the first place.

If it wasn't the constant tugging on her sleeve for attention, then it was the way Andrew would shuffle after her whenever she tried to move away from him. Like a baby duckling that had imprinted on the first thing it saw, he continued to follow her wherever she went and only seemed to hurt himself more the more she tried to avoid him; normally she would have been delighted at the bane of her existence thus far being in pain, but the harsh looks from the emergency crew were worse than the scowls she sometimes got from police officials.

"Yeah, sure. You were _awesome._ " Robyn rolled her eyes sarcastically. She wanted nothing more than to pop his head like a zit as he sat at her feet with a child-like grin on his face, but that would mostly both earn more glares from the medical team and attract the attention of the cops currently busying themselves with the destruction of the film lot's mess hall, taking a particular interest in looking through both Chris and Chef's records for future investigations.

Andrew giggled deliriously. "You ain't so bad yerself, hot _**/censored/**_."

Robyn snapped her head down in Andrew's direction with a growl like that of an irritated pitbull, just barely resisting the urge to cast some horrible curse on him that might shuffle the functions of every hole in his face or turn him into a frog; she knew how to do those types of dark witchcraft _easily_. It was the ones that summoned demonic and ethereal beings of darkness that took much more practice and time to master and Andrew would do well to count his lucky stars if he knew exactly what she was capable of.

"Hows 'bout a lil' kissy kiss for yer hero . . ?" Andrew laughed suggestively.

That did it. As much as Robyn wanted to sear his body with the black flames of darkness she commanded or turn him into some nightmarish monstrosity to make him suffer or send him to one of the seven hells of eternal torment that she knew about, she couldn't lift a single finger to hurt him without being caught by one of nearly a dozen or so witnesses that would catch every last detail of Andrew's slow and incredibly painful demise. Unable to crush him physically, Robyn did the next best thing.

She decided to crush him emotionally.

"In your dreams, _**/censored/ /are you surprised?/**_." the dark sorceress gave a smug, snake-like grin before she snapped her reach out like a striking viper and grabbed the wrist of the first person within range; she didn't care who it was and she hardly doubted she ever would, so long as she was able to both drive her point across that she had no interest in Andrew whatsoever and that she would be able to see the absolutely devastated look upon his face.

Without hesitation she pulled her latest victim towards her and crashed her lips into theirs and tightly wrapped her arms around their waist to take control and pull them close. Her eyes were closed as she drank in the body warmth of her likely startled partner and allowed a false moan of pleasure escape her lips. Robyn was going for broke and making any move she could think of that would make Andrew stare long and hard and see that she didn't love him at all; she invaded her partner's mouth with her tongue, moaned and groaned like an animal in heat, let her hands roam and investigate their latest landscape, and she even went so far as to wrap her left leg around her partner's hips as if to suggest something.

Finally, after a long period of satisfying soul crushing Robyn broke away from her partner-in-crime and inhaled a deep breath of fulfillment, her arctic blue eyes slowly creeping open to glance down at what she hoped would be an absolutely devastated look of depression on Andrew's face. Unfortunately, the Human Copy Machine seemed to have a glazed look in his eyes as he almost blindly starred up at the Goth Punk with never ending lust and admiration for her.

"Well . . . this is a little sudden." Maurananei's voice temporarily quelled the ragging inferno burning hot and bright within her spirit. Robyn looked away from her unrequited love to see that she had grabbed none other than an overcooked ex-criminal that had been banned from Germany for unknown reasons that had yet to be shared who had previously been catching a few hours of rest on the cot next to her. She had been sitting up and giving a wide yawn after awakening from her long slumber when the dark sovereign had grabbed her wrist and pulled her into what had to be the most intense and awkward kiss that she had ever experienced.

Mentally cursing herself, Robyn gave the most loving smile she could and tightly grabbed Maurananei's hand. "Follow me, _sweety._ I have something I'd like to talk to you about . . . _outside_ . . ." she said through clenched teeth. Sensing something was obviously, clearly wrong, the ex-criminal allowed herself to be dragged out of the medical tent with its occupants all starring wide-eyed at the spot the two tomboys had been occupying moments before while Andrew seemed to have fainted on the spot with the biggest, dumbest grin on his face.

Jeremy however, felt like he had just had his internal flames doused. And not in gasoline.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – At this point, even _we_ don't know what's going on . . .)**

* * *

 **Robyn -** ". . . and no matter what I do, the little **_/censored/_** won't leave me alone!"

 **Maurananei –** "And this involves you kissing me because . . ?"

 **Robyn -** _*sigh*_ "I was hoping if the little scuzzball saw me 'in love' with someone else, he'd take a hint and drop the subject." _*makes air quotes with fingers*_

 **Maurananei -** _*nodding*_ "So you kissed the first sucker within range and that just happened to be me?"

 **Robyn -** "In a nutshell . . . don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think you're my type. You're like me in every way imaginable . . . the bad ways, that is."

 **Maurananei -** "Ditto. Oddly enough, this isn't the first time I've kissed a girl."

 **Robyn -** _*surprised*_ "You're dating someone?"

 **Maurananei -** _*scoffs*_ "Hardly. I got duped into kissing Cupcake last season . . . I think she has nightmares or somethin' . . . it would explain why she's always waking up in the middle of the night whenever I crash at her place. That, or she ate somethin' bad when I raided the fridge."

 **Robyn -** "Good . . . it was nice though. You're not that bad."

 **Maurananei -** _*grins*_ "You aren't so bad either. Where'd you learn to kiss like that?"

 **Robyn -** "Clearly you've never been to Singapore. Wanna hang out sometime?"

 **Maurananei -** "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Chris McLain sighed wearily as he approached the podium of the Golden Chris Awards ceremony theater, a grand stage that one might seat a fine orchestra of the most famous variety upon with a set of cheap bleachers that had been bought off of a closing high school where rows of velvet theater seats might have been (the school was mysteriously closing under the grounds that it had sustained damages from 'a pair of shape-shifting heroes fighting against evil robots from Dimension Eleven. A likely story). After finally being able to chase away the local authorities with false promises and lies, along with a few red herrings to keep them off of his less then legal past actions, all the host wanted was to send one loser home without winning their million dollars and retire to his king-sized bed with a dozen pillows stuffed with the finest feathers and covered in highly expensive Egyptian cotton sheets under a massive canopy.

With his usual, shark-like leer upon his face, the host addressed his latest batch of potential losers. "Oddly enough, not every one of you did horrible today! Yeah, I know. Surprising, ain't it?" Chris chuckled at his own wit.

Brent however, was less than amused. "That was _hilarious_ , Chris. Reminds me of Owen's impression of the Queen of England."

Chris frowned as a response, remembering the repeated comparison the Strategic Jackass had made before. The fact that Owen had impersonated a highly respected royal of the United Kingdom, which was quite poor and thus not as amusing as watching Tyler make out with a cod on international television, still haunted the host to this very day and it was only one of many reasons why the producers of Total Drama would not be allowed to send their cast to the country of Big Ben and crumpets in the conservatory without severe fines that they would most certainly not feel like paying out in the first place. And then there was the possibility of prison bail and knowing how easily Owen cracked under pressure . . . it was not a pretty outcome.

"Moving on . . ." was the host's way of brushing off the rude comment. "It's time to cast your vote. Pick 'em like your noses, losers!"

"How 'bout we pick 'em like you give out toe jam from between your feet instead? It's just as nasty, if not even more revolting." Brent countered, now feeling much better at seeing the crimson shade that had taken up residence upon Chris' face. It didn't take much of an imagination to imagine smoke pouring out of his ears like some overstressed steam engine about ready to burst into flames and Brent greatly enjoyed it.

So did the rest of the cast.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Who's it gonna be?)**

* * *

 **Shannon -** "You made a mistake the moment you hit with that stupid anchor of yours, Death Breath. Hope the afterlife's pleasant."

 **Brent -** "So many poor nuts to crack, so little time. To put it in simple terms, there are far too many people that I'd like to send home, but only one vote to use against them . . . perhaps are esteemed 'captains' would like to offer some advice?"

 **Robyn -** " ** _/Yep. She's at it again. Due to the toxicity, foulness, and general inappropriate content of Robyn's second rant, we will be able to provide any audio whatsoever. As such, any and all of the many rude gestures that she has made are also censored, so . . . take what you will from the general waving about of her arms, absolutely explosive expression, and the sudden appearance of a demonic figure being summoned in the confessional . . . again. Oh, dear/_** _ANDREW!_ "

 **Chris –** _*exasperated*_ "I give up."

* * *

"You've cast your votes," Chris began. "Whoever does not receive their delicious, chocolate, Golden Chris Award will be forced to take the Walk of Shame, board the Lame-o-sine, and leave the film lot . . . and you can't come back . . . _ever._ " he emphasized dramatically.

Brent rolled his eyes. " _Bravo, bravo._ Extra points for the effective use of drama." he drawled while he slow clapped.

Chris glared at him. "Shut your lip! For all you know, you could be the one going home!" he snapped angrily.

"Believe me, it would be a _dream_ to leave this dump."

The narcissistic host was at his wits end and tightly grabbed hold of one of nine golden-wrapped, Belgium chocolate statues of himself. "When I call your name, you're safe," he glowered heavily at Brent, as if daring him to interrupt him with one of his infamous quips that were quickly starting to grind Chris' last nerve and remind him all too much of a certain cynical, sweater vest-wearing bookworm that he had taken much pleasure in shoving out over London before a certain tub of lard with legs and intestinal issues got them banned. " _Marissa . . . Layne . . . Adara . . . and surprisingly, Brent._ "

The Strategic Jackass expertly caught his chocolate statue out of the air with a hand, taking note in how Chris may have chucked it a little harder than the others at him. Even so, Layne's Golden Chris smacked him in the nose and knocked him flat on his back into Adara's lap, earning an emotionless gaze from the Trained Weapon until he got his bearings and all too quickly scrambled back up in his seat for fear of being stabbed.

Chris continued on. " _Jordan . . . Shannon . . . Andrew . . ._ " Chris called off, tossing each of the listed contestants their delicious awards of chocolaely goodness. Andrew's lasted approximately ten seconds as a golden flash of energy swept over his frame and allowed him to divide himself into twelve extra clones that all hungrily dove for the statue of Chris and devoured it like ravenous piranha. Robyn noticeably could be seen tearing off a bleacher seat and breaking it over her knee in a single movement.

"And then there were four . . ." Chris smirked as he leaned on the podium in his sparkling tuxedo with the remaining three Golden Chris Awards in his hand. "Victoria, you're here for not looking where you're swinging and sending your teammates into the stinging tentacles of death. Luckily for you, you're somehow still valued by your team and that thus saves you from being eliminated . . . congratulations."

The walking monstrosity of cobbled together body parts didn't say anything as she caught her reward and leaned back against the bleachers with a silent, expectant look on her face while she crossed her arms over her gigantic cleavage.

"And then there were two," Chris gave a smug smile as he continued on with the ceremony. "Eliaz and Robyn, you both came, you both saw, you both kicked butt . . . sadly, it's not enough to save one of you from being eliminated. That's the danger of taking command, isn't it? If you fail, you can only blame yourself and luckily for you, so does everyone else!" he cackled.

Eliaz responded like any mature adult would and promptly scuffed the ground with his foot, kicking up a tidal wave of mud and sludge that absolutely drenched Chris from head to toe as a result. " _AAAAUGH!_ Not the hair! Not my precious, beautiful hair!"

"I hear mud's good for the skin, McLain," Robyn snickered. "You like you could use more!" she added as he elbowed Eliaz lightly in the ribs, a devilish smirk crossing the earthbender's face.

Chris yelped and quickly covered his head. "No! No more! I beg of you!"

"Then get on with the ceremony. I'm already losing my patience." Robyn sourly drummed her finger on her arm. "If one of us is going home, I'd like to know who before this place becomes my permanent home. Ground's too hard for a decent grave."

Chris rolled his eyes at the comment, but nonetheless continued on with the elimination ceremony lest he suffer the wrath of the earth once more. "And the final Golden Chris Award goes to-"

"Whoever is still alive by the time you have the decency to call out the name." Brent interrupted.

By now Chris had just given up on trying and grabbed the last remaining Golden Chris Award. " _Robyn._ Despite your foul temper, immense amount of profanity, and the gigundo amount of damages you've made to my property in your very short time here, you're somehow safe and will continue to compete for the one million dollar prize." the host recited with a bored drawl. "As for you Eliaz . . ."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – In the words of Malphite, "You will lose.")**

* * *

 **Marissa -** "The whole challenge went under the moment Eliaz took charge in Robyn's absence. By that logic, it leaves to reason that he should be the one to go home."

 **Victoria -** "Eliaz. No questions."

 **Brent -** "Rocks-for-Brains had it coming. It's kind of sad he didn't realize that the moment he took charge he put himself at risk of being leader. Like all the great battles of history, the war is never over until the leader is dead, and unfortunately for Eliaz, his time has come. _Rest in peace_." _*leers at the camera with sadistic smirk*_

* * *

The Hardheaded sighed as he climbed to his feet with a look of defeat upon his face. "Well, I guess we all gotta go sometime." he shrugged dejectedly as he made his way towards the red carpet between two rows of velvet ropes that marked the Walk of Shame. Despite all they had been through, he found it odd that he didn't really miss any of his fellow competitors all that much, though he simply pegged this down as no longer being in the game long enough to spend more time with them. At the very least he felt that he, Christopher, and Oleander got along to some extent, but they weren't even allowed to see him off. Jordan and Marissa seemed to also fall into that category as well, though the satyress probably didn't see it that way.

The earthbender came to a stop as he walked past Layne, one of his fellow trailer mates. "Hey, Layne? Can you do something for me?" he asked.

"What?" the Shy Nerd asked anxiously, trying hard not to show how nervous he was. Compared to the Eliaz he was an absolute shrimp and while the earthbender did not seem like the type to crush under several tons of rock and dirt unless you were apposing him on a different team, this made him nonetheless intimidating.

"Say good-bye to Oleander and Christopher for me, alright?" Eliaz gave a slight smile as stuck out his hand. Layne gulped and tentatively reached for it, giving a slight yelp when the thick sausage fingers around his toothpick digits and yanked him into Eliaz's frame for a bro-hug that just about shattered every bone in the Shy Nerd's body. Despite the painful feeling however, Layne felt a pleasurable feeling wash over him, a sort of calmness he had never known before; with as much strength as he could muster he squirmed around in Eliaz's grip and finally managed to wrap his arms around the big brute's tremendous shoulders in a best attempt effort to return the hug. "Good luck out there, kid. I'll be routing for you guys." Eliaz grinned as they parted.

A good majority of the team didn't seem to harbor much sympathy for their comrade and most usually just gave careless waves or simple nods of their heads as he passed them by on his way to the Lame-o-sine. Before he made his final leave – much to Chris' annoyance – Eliaz came to a stop in front of Adara. The assassin didn't flinch or cringe or even move under the earthbender's curious gaze and only gave him a blank expression that he couldn't decipher; a closer look at her features revealed that her eyes were black and empty, devoid of any feeling or emotion . . . as if she wasn't entirely there.

"Um . . . nice competing with you." Eliaz tried to be nice, offering her a friendly handshake.

For the longest time the Trained Weapon starred at the extended hand, as if she couldn't comprehend what exactly he was doing. Eliaz couldn't get a read on her face as she slowly, carefully reached for the earthbender's hand and ever so slowly threaded her delicate fingers through his thick digits, curiously watching how her skin grazed against his calloused exterior. Without a word she flexed and moved her hand against Eliaz's, watching with a stone mask as their hands moved in time with one another until they were pressed against one another palm to palm, finger to finger. Adara didn't say anything as she stared at the sight before, taking careful note in how closely their hands resembled one another; her's was only a few sizes smaller than his, and yet it was just as powerful . . .

Eliaz didn't know what to think as Adara simply stood there with her hand pressed to his, but one thing he could be certain about was that he had made a breakthrough of some kind. With a hesitated movement, he withdrew his hand away from the assassin's and wordlessly took a step back with a slight smile on his face. "Hey, Layne? I got another favor to ask of you . . ." he spoke up.

Chris rolled his eyes and sighed as he turned to the camera. "While Dirt Boy finishes his farewells, I guess it's up to the fabulous me to cut us out." he smirked, even though on the inside her was cringing; the last thing he needed was another mud shower or boulder to the face. "Will Andrew ever understand that Robyn doesn't like him? Will Jake ever get over Christopher? And will I ever be rid of the menace that is Izzy? All of these and more probably won't be answered next time, but we can try! Right here on _Total! Drama! Take 2!_ "

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!_ "

The host glanced up and yelped as Izzy came swinging by on a rope from the catwalks above, hooting and hollering at the top of her lungs like Tarzan while she dove straight for Chris. With his hands clapped over his head he ducked under the Psycho Hose Beast as she swung by, a cocky smirk crossing his face when a bucket full of water fell to the stage, its contents pooling out all over at his feet.

" _Hah!_ You missed-" Chris yelled before Izzy came swinging back around and proceeded to dump yet another bucket of water on his head, dousing and blocking his vision as the bucket landed tightly on his skull. The maniac girl then let go of the rope and promptly landed right on Chris' back, knocking himt o the floor as she possessed in the most threatening pirate pose she could muster, complete with razor-sharp sword, eyepatch, and none other than her parrot, Mr. Crackers, perched upon her shoulder.

" _AAARR!_ Take me to your booty!" Izzy cackled.

"I hope she means treasure." Robyn smirked.

"For everyone else, their treasure and valuables!" Izzy gave a smug smile. "For you, well . . . I always have wondered what a girl tasted like." she giggled.

Needless to say, the Psycho Hose Beast was the second victim other than Andrew to be on the receiving end of Robyn's searing hot temper and immense power.

* * *

 _ **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- OI!**_

 **Ten-thousand hours will give you such a crick in the neck!**

 **But seriously, ladies and gentlemen, words can not describe how disappointed I am with myself for not being able to get this chapter out to you sooner. I first thought that the summer, without the distraction of school to stress me to the bone, would be a blessing and allow me to crank out more content and chapters for you all to read . . . instead if seems that the universe is throwing literally everything at me (as in _Creaturemaster_ ) but the kitchen sink.**

 **At first it was school finals, then my computer up and decided to eat every file that I had worked on for the past week down to a bunch of nonsensical scribbles that couldn't be recovered no matter how hard I tried, followed by the worst case of writer's block I have ever experienced, and then an unexpected vacation that sapped away all my creativity and energy to work on any of my stories at all! Believe me, this is probably the least productive I have ever been in my life (as in _Creaturemaster_ ).**

 **As such, me and my partner-in-crime, the wonderful and always helpful _Jeptwin_ , will no longer be setting a due date for when the chapters will be published as it seems life won't be going easy on us any time soon. However, we will try to be as quick and fast about it as possible while bringing you all the descent content we've brought to you now. Speaking of which, you're probably wondering what all those references [0] were for, eh? Well here ya go!**

 **[1] Victoria's costume is based off of the appearance of the League of Legends champion Nautilus, the Titan of the Depths. Coincidentally, Nautilus happens to be the champion that I, _Creaturemaster_ , mains since I usually get stuck with the support role so . . . take with that what you will.**

 **[2] Maurananei and Anuok have graciously appeared in the same pirate garb they debuted in the pirate chapter of my (as in _Creaturemaster_ ) previous story, _Total Drama: Pahkitew's Vengeance_. They're even given the same weapons.**

 **[3] For those of you that didn't pay attention to _Finding Nemo_ , Wannahockaloogie is the name of the artificial volcano in the fish tank in the dentist's office. In other words, the name literally is asking you if you wish to spit out your innards at the nearest target board and see if you can't score a bulls-eye.**

 **[4] This is a nod to _The Kobold Necromancer's_ story, _Total Drama: Comeback_ , which is widely popular throughout the Total Drama fanfiction section of this site. For those that have not read it yet, I implore you to as their work is absolutely pure genius and they should in fact be the ones to run the actual show to haul it out of the gutter. In my opinion at least.**

 **[5] This alludes to the very first episode of _Spongebob Squarepants_. Would you believe they only had one in stock with port and starboard attachments and a turbo-drive? Yeah, me neither. Livin' in the sunshine, baby!**

 **[6] From the widely popular and successful game _Overwatch_ (of which I've been meaning to play ever since it was announced), this is one of the lines that the champion, Junkrat (also called Trashmouse by some), will say when he lays down his beartrap of death in the hopes catching unwary prey . . . before promptly blowing them up with a tire stuffed to the brim with lit dynamite.**

 **[7] So how _Pirates of the Caribbean_ references did you all count? Because, quite frankly, we've lost track . . .**

 **[8] This entire scene, everything from the frying pan and onward, was inspired by the 2010 movie, _Tangled_ , of which I absolutely love Flynn Rider. We share a similar sense of humor and his rivalry with a horse of all beings (albeit a very relentless and enthusiastic one) is down right hilarious.**

 **Now I would like to remind everyone that we use an online randomizer to select our latest loser, so there was no biased choice in this at all. If your OC was eliminated, fear not! They shall reappear in the schedule Aftermaths we have! As such, we ask you to leave responses to questions you will or should be asked when they are interviewed by our esteemed hosts (thankfully not Chris and Chef)!**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below! And be sure to leave us a confessional for your OC, as well as banter/answers to questions they might be asked on the Aftermath if they were eliminated!**

 _ **Hasta Luego!**_


	7. When in Rome

**Hey, everyone! Guess today is? Are you tired of guessing? _Huh? Huh? Huh?_ Well guess what? We're tired of waiting! Today is another collaboration chapter between me and _Crearturemaster!_ As for where he is, I'm not too sure . . . maybe Deadpool got him or something . . . I was always confused about his two personas . . .**

 **Well, anyway, enough with the confusion. Onto the reviews!**

 ** _Safety Pickle –_ Surprise! That'ss just what we used to appease any angry fans. I'm sorry to those who have been kicked, but the actual reason we eliminate characters is if we feel like they have used up their plot; as compensation, we try to focus on the episode on them as much as possible, or give them significantly more screen time than they would receive an average episode. This doesn't mean that their trip is over yet: they have yet to appear on our Aftermath show! So stay tuned!**

 ** _.SP –_ Thank you for personally PMing me, _Jeptwin_. It was very thoughtful. And thank you for your review, as it helps immensely in getting your characters _just_ right. Maybe this chapter we'll find out what Eliaz' final favor was, hmm?**

 ** _Silver Writer 0927 –_ Sorry about Shannon's powers not being noticed, but I can guarantee a very interesting trailer scene for her, don't worry. However, I'm sorry, but the only cameos we'll include will be former contestants. The Starstone sisters will have to feed off of someone else's negativity for the time being . . . or will they!? No, yes they will.**

 ** _cartoonfanficwriter_ – Surprise? Even _I_ didn't know that was going to happen! But don't worry. Andrew's not out of the count just yet! There's still so much pain and suffering to be had!**

 _ **Atom king –**_ **Thank you for your Aftermath response. We're glad you like the chapter, are willing to still read the story, and we'll be sure to ask those very same questions when Eliaz's turn rolls around, as well as make it rather . . .** ** _interesting_ . . . to say the least.**

 _ **Anonymous –**_ **I,** ** _Jeptwin_ , cannot safely say when _Creatuemaster_ will update his other main story, but we have been attempting to work out a schedule that allows us to collaborate at a decent time and still allow us to write our own separate works at a decent time. To be honest, I rather enjoy it as well :D**

 _ **Alcoholics –**_ **Now that's not very nice! The anonymous can't help that they choose to remain anonymous! Maybe they have the secret to what hotdogs are made of to protect?**

 _ **I'm sick of this –**_ **I,** ** _Creaturemaster_ , would have said it a tad less harshly, but yes, that is something that I have been trying to get across to my followers and readers.**

 _ **zombiefear101 –**_ **Hey, don't worry about it.** ** _Creaturemaster_ and I – as in _Jeptwin –_ are busy with our own personal lives outside of this site as well, mostly with school and what not; needless to say, we hardly care if you echo or not. While parrot costumes were an unexpected (but hilarious) addition, I can not safely express my opinion on Robyn's outfit for reasons that are too personal to share (I will say it was amusing though). We are trying to get some of the cast members that have taken a back seat of sorts out into the lime light a bit more before their eliminations, but that isn't the last of them! We have Aftermaths in mind!**

 **As always, comment, review, suggest, and request down below! And don't forget to write us all a confessional of your OC to help us tell the chapter!**

 **And now, on to the new chapter. _CHARGE!_**

* * *

"Last time, on Total Drama: Take 2!" Chris began with a close up of his handsome features. "Our contestant's swashbucklin' skills were tested out on the high seas as they battled one another for victory! Mainsails were hoisted, poop decks were swabbed, cannons were fired, and general hilarity and chaos and ensued as it usually does with our cast of freaks and mutants! Some formerly useless contestants showed us some amazing new abilities that , lets face it, probably won't save their keesters from an elimination ceremony or two. Jake showed all of us why calamari is not a food to be trusted, and his planned would have worked to its fullest extent had Robyn suddenly discovered that her stomach hadn't earned its sea legs yet." he snickered.

"Adara reminded us all that the numbers advantage doesn't always work out by proceeding to beat the ever living tar out of the enemy team without breaking a sweat; she might have won the challenge, too, had there not been a slight error on her part for underestimating Jake's skills in changing his ugly mug. And Robyn and Maurenari? Didn't see that coming, and for valid reason! She faked it to get Andrew off her back!" Chris grinned deviously.

"Chris, man! What the heck are you wearin'?" Chef scoffed from out of sight.

The egotistical host proudly posed, flexing his arms as if they had great muscles while he showed off the Spartan warrior costume had had donned for the day's challenges. His garb consisted of a chestplate with great pectoral and abdominal muscles chiseled into the metal, as if it were crafted for a man twice the size of Chris' muscle mass with an armored kilt of sorts that showed off his well toned legs. Knee high, armored guards with sandles protected his legs and feet and a grand, black cape was clasped around his neck to emphasis his gloriousness. His luscious, black hair was sadly obscured by his metal helmet, but the flowing, red plume that rose proudly from the top drew attention towards his handsome features; as if that weren't enough, he possessed a long and pointed spear in one hand and a shield in the other with his face stenciled on the front for good measure. "Just giving the fans what they want, Chef. You could stand to do the same. Y'know, if the camera wasn't meant to be on _me._ "

The burly cook rolled his eyes and tugged at how tight his white toga was. He had at first thought it really be nothing more than a bed sheet, but after a finding a genuine tag of purchase embedded irritatingly in the hip, he was inclined to believe that Chris had actually spent money on something that wasn't meant for him; granted, it wasn't anything too grand to look at, nothing more than a pair of leather sandles, white toga, and crown of olive leaves that marked him as a Roman emperor, but it was something at least. "You keep tellin' yourself that."

"I will, thank you very much." Chris didn't seem to notice the slight insult. His attention was briefly drawn away by a small group of interns hurriedly scurrying across the back of the scene trying not to be noticed as they carried a burlap sack and several tranquilizer guns loaded with sleeping darts; Chris help but let a smirk cross his face and a mischievous chuckle escape his lips. "You may be wondering what all that's about. Lets just say that we have a . . . _surprise_ . . . for one unfortunate camper early this morning. What is the surprise you ask? Will Andrew realize he's been tricked? And will Layne back good on Eliaz's favors? Sit tight, grab your popcorn, and relax because this is _Total! Drama! Take 2!_ "

* * *

 **(Theme song: Bet you weren't expecting this!)**

* * *

 _ **Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine,**_

 _ **You guys are on my mind.**_

 _The camera runs rampant through the film lot, narrowly dodging working interns and camera men before barely avoiding getting hit by Chris in a golf cart as it quickly climbs up a large prop of a 1,000 ft tall cliff to plunge into a tank of water down below; Harmony calmly pumps her tail up and down through the water before coming face-to-fang with a hungry great white shark and quickly flees in the opposite direction. The camera then pans upwards to see Harmony jumping clear out of the water, her tail fluidly turning into a pair of legs, as she jumps into the arms of Christopher._

 _ **You asked me what I wanted to be,**_

 _ **And now I the answer is plain to see,**_

 _Before Harmony or Christopher can say anything, a dead fish is suddenly lobbed right at their heads, knocking the two of them back into the tank; Shannon dusts off her hands with a deep smirk until Adara drops down from the ceiling in total silence and holds a knife to her neck, a stern expression on the assassin's face and a fearful one on the siren's as the camera pans out to just barely catch a glimpse of what seems to be half a dozen identical clones of Andrew go speeding by on a stolen gold cart with Chef Hatchet chasing after them._

 _ **I wanna be famous!**_

 _The camera pans out to show Eliaz and Sasquatchanakwa sitting at a table in the saloon in the Wild West set, currently locked in an arm wrestling match. It seems even and about to come to a draw until Eliaz suddenly gets a wicked grin on his face as dozens of rocks suddenly levitate into the air and slam in what looks like a painful manner onto his arm and hand, coating it in a tough armor and allowing to win the game while also simultaneously seeming to break Sasquatchanakwa's hand._

 _ **I wanna live close to the sun,**_

 _The camera pans out through the saloon doors to show Domanic and Robyn facing off in a Western style battle, the two of them waiting for the other to draw before they both suddenly move; Robyn moves her hands in a quick motion, her hands surrounding themselves in a black aura as two, massive, black constructs of large hands materialize in the air in front of her. Domanic's right arm suddenly shifts and reconfigures into a large cannon, the back of which thrusts down and towards the ground, ripping out a good chunk before blasting it back out and right at Robyn, obliterating her dark magic and slamming painfully into her as Domanic grins triumphantly._

 _ **Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!**_

 _Marissa is sitting on a large moon rock in the Moon Base set, reading a superhero comic book as Sun-Li meditates about a foot in the air above her, her eyes closed and her breathing slow and relaxed; Caesar suddenly flashes into existence, startling the two girls slightly as the skeleton glances around for a few seconds, looking confused before warping back out of existence and leaving the girls in peace. That is, until the stolen golf cart with all of the Andrew clones in it comes speeding by and nearly runs over Marissa's hoof with Chef still in tow._

 _ **Everything to prove, nothing in my way, I'll get there one day!**_

 _Jake swiftly changes into a red, buff, four-armed creature and effortlessly lifts a trailer over his head, flexing one of his three, free arms; Jeremy glares, smoke drifting from his nostrils as a pair of large dragon wings unfolds from his back and claws rip from his fingers, allowing him to grab a second trailer and heft it off of the ground with some effort. The two of them stay like that until Robyn comes flying out of nowhere, slams into the two of them, and crashes painfully against a tree, reducing it to splinters and dropping the trailers. Jeremy suddenly sneezes, blasting out a jet of flame and engulfing the entire camera's view._

 _ **'Cause, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Cecilia and Alicia are sitting opposite of each other at a table, ignoring one another as one reads a book and the other writes in a notebook before their items, the table, and the benches they are sitting on suddenly start to levitate off of the ground and float in the air; Layne chuckles slightly from the ground before Domanic suddenly crashes into him, the two boys tumbling across the Craft Services Tent's floor as all of the hovering items crash into the floor, leaving the two girls dazed as Robyn comes charging through the tent flap, fully intent on beating the living tar out of Domanic. That is, until Samuel steps between her and the two dazed boys, increasing his body size and mass to tower a good twenty feet over Robyn, flexing his exposed muscles and making the dark magic user think twice about starting trouble._

 _ **Na na na na na na na,**_

 _The Andrew clones continue to drive their stolen golf cart around the film lot with Chef now chasing after them in a golf cart of his own; the two vehicles are suddenly passed by a blue and pink blur that reveals to be Oleander. The speedster gives the two golf carts a quick, two-fingered salute before zipping off at an insane speed, whipping right past Jordan as he folds his wings around himself while talking to an exact copy of Oleander before he gets suspicious; Brent emerges out of the fake Oleander in front of Jordan, cackling slightly until Jordan gives a swift beat of his wings, lifting himself off of the ground and smoldering balls of hot fire form in his hands, prompting Brent to wisely decide to run away with Jordan in tow._

 _ **Na na na na na na na!**_

 _Brent runs past the Lame-o-sine with Jordan in hot pursuit and an anger look on his face; the two of them then swiftly decide to change directions and form a quick truce as the Andrew clones in their stolen golf cart and Chef in his own vehicle come racing after them with Oleander giving chase as well, if for nothing more than to just race them._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _The Lame-o-sine window rolls down to reveal Harmony waving nervously at the crowd of cameras and fans and autograph hounds waiting outside for her to show up until Christopher appears with a calming smile and opens the car door for her, taking her hand and leading her down the aisle with the camera right behind them, blinded by the numerous camera flashes._

 _ **I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!**_

 _Chris dressed in his fancy, blue tuxedo smiles charmingly at the camera as he waves around an envelope in his hands; before he can open it, Chef dressed in nothing more than a pink dress and chef's hat with a captured Andrew in hand stroll up to him with a platter of golden Chris awards. The image sudden fizzles out as Faith whimpers slightly, only calmed by a reassuring attempt on Victoria's part to hold her hand. The large, walking cadaver then attaches two cables to the conductors on her back and squeezes her eyes shut as she struggles to send a massive amount of electricity back through the system and into the large TV screen overhead, flashing the words "Total Drama: Take 2" for everyone to see._

* * *

 **(Trailer 1 – Shannon, Jake, Caesar)**

* * *

Shannon gritted her teeth as she stuffed her pillow in her ear in an attempt to block out the horrendous noise. Somehow, by some miracle of impossibility, a guy who didn't even possess organs – much less lungs and an esophagus – was snoring like an elephant with clogged up sinuses. It wasn't so much that Caesar was somehow capable of snoring despite lacking the necessary organs to do so that drove her crazy, but it was the fact that Jake seemed perfectly capable of tolerating or even ignoring the loud, abrasive sound erupting from the skeleton's bed.

With a sigh of exasperation the siren rolled back over her back and let her surprisingly comfortable pillow fall limp around her as she starred up at the bottom of Jake's bunk; how the shape-shifter was even capable of sleeping through such din was a mystery all in itself. With a heave of defeat, Shannon sat up and swung her feet down to the floor, climbing out from under her bunk to peer up at Jake's sleeping form. He seemed to have fallen asleep reading, if the copy of _Shawna's Web_ was anything to go by.

Shannon scoffed as she pulled the book out from his arm and cast it carelessly to the floor. Honestly, who had time to read actual books when everything was digitized nowadays?

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Wow! This early on?)**

* * *

 **Jake –** "Reading always helps me calm down and fall asleep. And with the weird dreams I'm having, gods know that I need all the sleep I can get. _Yes_ , I said gods. All gods except the big guy upstairs are real. Get over it."

 **Shannon –** "Hmm . . . I didn't get a chance to feed last challenge . . . stupid walking corpse." _*shrugs*_ "No matter. I'll just use a powerful, hypnotic song, none of those boys will be able to resist." _*grins darkly before rubbing her chin in thought*_ "Although, I suppose a test run couldn't hurt . . . and who better than the hot cup of boiling emotions directly above me?"

* * *

The siren silently slunk up the ladder to the shape-shifter bunk, her movements careful and cat-like so as not to awaken him. For the time being, he seemed to be peacefully unaware of her presence, and Shannon took this opportunity to peel back the covers enough for her to slip in bed next to him. Immediately she was overcome with a general feeling of warmth and comfort as she snuggled up nice and close to Jake, resting her head upon his shoulder while she slithered her arm across his chest; her fingers traced his well-toned muscles, taking careful note that they weren't as big as Christopher's but not as small as Andrew or Layne, a nice blend that made her especially hot under the collar.

With a sigh she settled in and began to slow her breathing down in an attempt to send her body into slumber. Her first step was to get him use to her presence and from then on the effect of the nautilus shell-shaped pennant that nestled itself nicely between her cleavage would be more powerful than before; within a week at the most, she would have one of the most powerful players in the game wrapped around her finger like the hundreds of other men whose hearts she had gleefully toyed with.

The bunk suddenly creaked and groaned as Jake rolled over in his sleep and Shannon prepared herself to feel those lean arms of his encircle her and hug her close, her plan ever closer to working. Instead however, she was suddenly flattened against the mattress beneath a great weight, her face pressed deeply into what felt like a wall of fur with a heavy arm draped over her shoulder. With a vexed grunt she managed to wedge herself out towards the edge of the bunk and strained to pull herself free before, after a few final tugs, she popped free and fell to the floor. Her posterior was greatly sore and her hot temper generously fed when she noticed that the spot under the covers where Jake had once been had instead been taken up by a sleeping giant panda; within the span of a few seconds, a whirlwind of warm fur and blubbery muscle disappeared to be replaced by Jake, completely oblivious to what had just transpired.

Needless to say, Shannon was more than fed up.

The siren grumbled angrily under her breath as she climbed to her feet and stomped back up the ladder to Jake's bunk, roughly shaking him awake without care or concern. " _Huh?_ Whazat? Whozere?" the shape-shifter mumbled unintelligibly as he woke up from his slumber tired and confused.

Shannon frowned as she carefully held her amulet between her fingers, a soft, ruby red glow emanating from the gemstone. Her eyes widened and took on a kaleidoscope of colors that swirled around her glowing orbs in a hypnotic rhyme, her voice becoming breathy and echoing when she spoke in a calm and innocent tone like that of a little girl. "May I sleep with you tonight?" she asked.

Jake rubbed his eyes tiredly and yawned as he scooted over. "Sure, sure. Whatever." he mumbled as he lay back down."

"And can you not shape-shift in your sleep, please?" Shannon added with a slight smile to her lips.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

The siren couldn't have been happier as she climbed once more into his bunk and nestled down next to him, daring to get a tad closer than she had before. Things were going according to plan without hitch and if her work proved successful, there were a potential of other male targets that she could bend to her will. Those that were undesirable in appearance such as Samuel and Caesar would have to be disposed of first and while the girls she shared the show with provided a decent meal when she managed to get them alone to instigate a squabble or two, they were all but immune to the full extent of her powers; they possessed a threat to her sister's goal and her . . . _fun_.

Shannon grinned like the Cheshire Cat as she reached over and curled a finger under Jake's chin, drawing his head back around to face her. "Hold me." she commanded in a seductive tone.

The shape-shifter did as he was told and wrapped an arm around her lithe waist, pulling her closer to him so that she was comfortable encompassed in his warm embrace. Shannon took the opportunity to feel him up a little more, shivering with anticipation when she felt his tough chest and abdominal muscles through his shirt. " _Kiss me._ " she purred in a whispery tone.

Jake once again did as he was commanded and gently cupped Shannon's face with his hand, leaning forward and softly brushing his lips to hers. He didn't flinch when the siren snapped at him and tightly encircled her arms around his head and neck, tightly pressing her lips to his as if he were her darling dearest. He didn't cringe when Shannon seemed to all too eagerly slip her tongue into his mouth and take great pleasure in making out with him; she moaned softly as pressed herself against his frame, her lithe legs intertwining with his own.

"Say that you love me and you will forever be mine." Shannon breathed softly as they parted.

Jake looked at her with a blank expression for the longest time and Shannon frowned when she noticed that the glazed over look in his eyes was beginning to fade. She had to admit that this one was a fighter and a particularly stubborn one at that, but that made him all the more alluring to her; the ones that fought like a fish on a hook were always the most delicious to feed off of. With a immense leer to her lips, Shannon took hold of her nautilus shell-shaped necklace and gripped it a little tighter, the warm glow becoming more intense as she starred purposely at him. " _Say that you love me and you will forever be mine._ " she demanded once more.

As she predicted, her hold on the shape-shifter remained firm. "I-I . . . I-I . . . I love you, Shannon, a-and . . . I will forever be yours, no matter what." Jake recited.

Shannon smirked, rewarding her latest slave with a soft kiss upon the cheek. "Good boy. Now get some rest. We have some more . . . _training_ . . . to do tomorrow night." she purred seductively in his ear while she traced a finger down his sternum. With that in mind, the siren snuggled down further beneath the covers and cuddled up next to Jake as the two of them fell asleep within one anothers embrace; come morning, the siren would be gone and the shape-shifter would believe it to be an all too vivid dream.

Had any of them bothered to fake slumber long enough, they might have noticed the emergency escape located in the ceiling of their trailer shift ever so slightly. The hatch was generally ignored for the most part and would only come into play in the somewhat unlikely event that the trailer was tipped over on its side and the door was blocked or out of reach. The clever thing about it though, was that given the right tools it could also be used as a means to break _into_ the trailer as well as out.

Izzy grinned from ear to ear as the hatch finally popped open and clattered noisily against the roof of the trailer. She waited exactly two minutes and forty-nine seconds before tightened up her body and hopped through the hatch, throwing out her arms and legs at the last second and silently landing on the floor with the grace of a cat; intense spy music was playing in her head as she carefully crawled across the floor, wary of any hidden traps or means to keep her from her goal.

The Psycho Hose Beast suddenly popped up, pulled out a can of hairspray from her pocket, and proceeded to messily spray the air in front of her for seemingly no reason. When she was satisfied that there were no laser beams to slice her in half, Izzy pocketed the can of hairspray again and hurriedly crouched down to the floor and reach under the bunk bed that Jake and Shannon had claimed as their own.

Without a sound she pulled out a suitcase, frowning when she noticed the lock on it. Izzy mentally cursed and reached into her pocket to pull out her trusty Swiss army knife, flicking through the various options – some of which, such as the dog whistle, fish rod, and laser point, she hadn't even known were included – until she found the one she was looking for: the clean edge of a knife. She then jammed the blade into the lock and proceeded to jiggle it around without much rhyme or reason until the suitcase popped open and she eagerly dug inside.

"Hmmm. Didn't peg Monster Guy to be a cross-dresser like Chefy . . ." Izzy mumbled quietly to herself as she riffled through blouses, skimpy shorts, bras, and panties without care or concern. It wasn't until she had dug through the entire carry-on that she noticed a small tag clipped to the suitcase's handle that read " _Shannon_ " in fancy cursive writing. "Oops."

The second suitcase was delved into after much straining and struggling against the lock on it and it made Izzy wonder why everything had to be locked; honestly, it made everything less fun! With a grunted strain and several broken nails the Psycho Hose Beast managed to finally pry the suitcase open and began to eagerly dig through its contents until she found a rather interesting piece of paper that had caught her attention.

Izzy hummed with interest as she looked over the document, taking note of the smudged out sections of the wording. "CIA case #2319-D . . . human hybrid . . . extraterrestrial in origin . . . highly dangerous . . . shape-shifting capabilities . . . capture and obtain . . . live dissection required . . . send experiment 14-B to neutralize opposition . . . _damnit! What kind of top secret organization leaves their documents just hanging like that!?_ Seriously, that's just rude for people like me that have to work so hard to steal 'em and read 'em!" she pouted.

A sudden snort from Shannon as she rolled over in her sleep and nestled closer into Jake's frame, silencing the intruder. "Oooh, just you wait, Evil Fishy. You're day of reckoning is coming . . ." Izzy chuckled maliciously under her breath as she took great care in stowing all the items she had dug out of the suitcase back into their proper places and stashing it back under the bed. The Psycho Hose Beast then quickly and carelessly shoved all of Shannon's belongings back in her own luggage, save for a pair of panties that she stashed away between her cleavage; with all evidence of her invasion covered up, she quickly scrambled back out the way she came in with as little sound as possible.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We're not sure we want to know what Izzy was up to . . . then again, maybe we do . . .)**

* * *

 **Izzy –** _*leers darkly at the camera*_ "Escope has her reasons . . . _you didn't see nothin'!_ " * _pulls out a grenade and chucks it at the ground, vanishing in a puff of smoke*_

* * *

 **(Trailer 2 – Jordan, Jeremy, Cecilia)**

* * *

Cecilia sighed tiredly to herself as she opened her eyes and took in her surroundings once more. The trailer that she now called her home away from home was considerably well lived in and already in need of cleaning, considering she had only been living in it for approximately a week; back at home, she had always had to be something of a neat freak to keep up with her obnoxious brother's constant messes as well as keeping her own possessions out of their grubby mitts before they were either lost forever or used against her in some incriminating way.

Now that she was here however, far, far, _far_ away from her annoying step-siblings, she had relaxed considerably and her cleaning habits had slipped away from her dramatically. Dirty clothes were shoved and forgotten about on the top bunk, occasionally falling over the side and slipping through the mattress to the bunk below, not that she minded. Her suitcase remained open and unattended beneath her bed where her shoes and other articles of clothing and luggage were carelessly tossed away.

Her roommates being boys albeit rather well behaved ones compared to her step-brothers, were just as filthy if not even more considering they outnumbered her. Shirts and ever mysterious single shoes were lying haphazardly around the floor in various piles among cans of soda and greasy paper plates that had once cradled pizza; Jordan and Jeremy made it a point to ensure that she remained well fed during her time on the show – a kindness that Cecilia highly appreciated – and went out nightly to see if there was anything to scrounge up, which were mostly pizzas dropped by startled delivery men when they saw a winged boy descend down from the sky at them like a bird of prey upon a field mouse.

Jeremy himself had taken well to their latest living accommodations and slept atop a dragon horde of dirty laundry and tangled sheets all rolled into one with his wings wrapped around him like a blanket and smoke drifting forth from his lips every time he snored. Jordan lay on his own bunk beneath him on his stomach, his wings lying limp and tired against his back from the day's previous challenge; Cecilia was pretty sure the angel wasn't going to go anywhere near a large body of water for a fair amount of time.

She herself had been silently terrified the entire challenge.

It wasn't that Cecilia was afraid of water, but rather what was _in_ the water. Upon hearing this, most people would assume that she had a fear of man-eating sharks, giant octopi, vicious barracuda, or even sea turtles that may or may not have known ninjistu, but that wasn't even close to what she feared.

Cecilia had a fear of whales.

Most people would happily scoff and laugh at the notion that she was afraid of animals that looked so placid and laid back in nature documentaries, but Cecilia was far from fooled. That's exactly what the whales _wanted_ them to think, that they weren't a threat at all; but Cecilia had read _Moby Dick_. She knew the evil that the blubbery, so called 'gentle giants' were capable of and knew they were just bidding their time until they could wreck their havoc on the human race!

Her fear may or may have not have also had to do with a bad experience at Marine World where she had accidentally been struck by the flailing flukes of a performing killer whale when she and her mother had sat in the Soak-Zone seats. **[1]**

Cecilia shook her head. Now wasn't the time to be distracted by her darkest nightmares. With a calming, relaxing sigh, she folded her legs over her knees and assumed a lotus position, resting her hands upon her joints as she relaxed. Her muscles went slack and her bones felt less rigid as she slowed her breathing and opened up her mind to those around her; she could practically _feel_ the various emotions and mental states of those around her and it felt like a sudden intake of information that she had to rapidly pick her way through in order for her work to make any sense.

Monitoring dreams took some practice, after all.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We don't know why Cecilia looks like that. Maybe she's constipated?)**

* * *

 **Cecilia –** "I find that giving other people good dreams helps me sleep just as well as they do . . . and a lot of people need help sleeping here, even if some won't admit it. I suppose you could compare me to Sandy in some regards, but I don't go in for the whole 'dream sand' thing. **[2]**

* * *

The Short-Temper Tryhard felt her features screw up into one of pure vexation when she gently caressed Jeremy's mind with her set of mental hands, a way for her to pick and choose between the 'patient's' files its brain kept to find out what they were currently dreaming about. It usually didn't take very long as the dreams were relatively easy to find – they were usually bright like stars when happy and dark like rolling thunderstorms when terrifying – but she couldn't seem to get a good grip on the half-dragon's mindscape. This almost never happened and Cecilia couldn't recall the last time she had had so much difficulty trying to locate someone's dreams – her step-brothers were hardly a challenge and she took immense satisfaction in that she was able to plague them with horrible nightmares for their daily antics and pranks upon her without ever figuring out she was responsible for the reason they were losing sleep.

"Maybe my powers are on the fritz." she mumbled to herself before she assumed her relaxing stance once more and reached out with her senses for other dreams scattered across the film lot. Cecilia once again found herself greatly frustrated when she couldn't pick up on the dreams of Faith or Victoria, despite the fact that they seemed to radiate with a slightly negative aura. She was however soon relieved when she was able to detect the bright and warm dreams of Harmony and the calm and collected imagings of Caesar and Domanic.

What really threw her for a loop was when she checked in on Andrew and found his own dream about as bright and glaring as the sun. "What the . . ." she frowned, absolutely confused.

She could understand Robyn's motive behind absolutely destroying Andrew in the emotional (and sometimes physical) sense – being relentlessly pursued by someone who could produce copies of himself and didn't seem to be able to take a hint _had_ to be exhausting – but she most certainly didn't approve of her methods. A move like that would have utterly decimated an average person, but if there was one thing that Andrew wasn't, it was average and he seemed to be taking the whole thing in stride.

Cecilia was about to further investigate when a sudden noise snapped her out of her relaxed state. The loud scuffle drew her to the window where she waded her way through empty pizza boxes and discarded clothes until she was able to make out several interns struggling with a heavy, burlap sack haphazardly decorated with brightly colored dots. Off to the side was none other than Chris barking orders at his lowly minions while holding a one-sided conversation with Christopher and Layne that he seemed to be trying to avoid.

"This does not bode well." Cecilia mumbled to herself as she watched the interns drag the now inert bag across the ground without too much care.

* * *

 **(Trailer 7 – Christopher, Oleander, Layne)**

* * *

It positively baffled Christopher how Oleander could go from a hyper-kinetic ball of unstoppable energy into a comatose state the second she stepped foot into their trailer. One moment she would be bouncing off the walls like an out of control bouncy ball, and the next he would have to be lying her down in her bunk out of the belief that she shouldn't have to sleep on the floor like an unconscious drunk that had too much alcohol during a party.

How someone could snore so loud (not as loud as Sun-Li, mind you) and so fast was also beyond him, but he didn't question it. They all had their quirks that made them less than normal, and Oleander's just happened to be that she lived life permanently in the fast lane; everything happened all around her in slow motion and she clearly didn't have much patience to deal with it.

The soldier decided not to pay the Roller Derby Chick much attention as she slept – she might have found his starring creepy if she wasn't so out of it – and instead turned his focus back to the book he was reading to keep his mind off of the excitement of the day's challenge. This was somewhat more difficult considering he had picked up a swashbuckling buccaneer thriller that he suspected was more appropriate for the female audience. A sudden movement pulled him away from the book and towards the edge of his bunk where a small hand – small compared to his giant mitts – was grabbing hold of the mattress before being joined by its twin. A few seconds later and Layne had managed to pull himself up onto Christopher's bed, slightly winded.

"Something wrong, soldier?" he asked, setting the book down.

Layne took a moment to reply as he pulled the rest of himself up and sat on the edge of the bunk. "I couldn't sleep." he replied before turning to his roommate with a pleading gaze. "I know I'm probably not going to get an answer, but . . . what happened between you and Jake? I want to help."

Christopher kept his gaze neutral and stony as he starred directly at Layne with perhaps the most scrutinizing expression one could possibly imagine. The history between him and the shape-shifter was a rather touchy subject and was in most cases best left alone to simmer on the back burner, especially with how sensitive Jake was about it. That didn't mean the soldier didn't wish that things were better between the two of them though. "I knew the second that I found out he was here that the secret would eventually get out. But it's going to be on Ballaugh's own terms, not me. It's not my right to say what happened."

Layne frowned slightly at the soft tone of voice Christopher was using for once. He was about to protest when a loud _clank!_ came from above as the emergency hatch located on the roof was popped lose. The Shy Nerd instinctively flexed his fingers and mentally latched onto one of Christopher's heavy combat boots with his matter manipulating abilities as the soldier instinctively tensed up and prepared for a fight. What he didn't expect however was for Izzy to drop down through the hatch and land in a protective kung fu stance, as if she were expecting to be attacked.

" _Izzy!?_ " Layne exclaimed as he let the boot fall to the floor; Oleander stirred slightly and rolled over in her sleep with a loud snore.

"E-scope knows what happened!" the Psycho Hose Beast cackled madly. "Unfortunately the Big Cheese is right. Monster Boy needs to tell on his own, or we're going to have worse chaos than even E-scope can cause!" she laughed while the two boys stared at her.

Layne sighed with defeat. "Well, what's so dangerous about him?" he asked.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Aaaaaaaand cue the sarcasm)**

* * *

 **Layne –** "In hindsight, that was probably one of the stupidest question I've made in a long time. What's so dangerous about the guy that can and will turn into anything? It's like asking Robyn if she returns Andrew's feelings . . . wonder how that's turning out."

 **Izzy –** "Little Matter Guy was _this_ close to invoking the dreaded Omniversal Law of Karma!" * _pinches her thumb and index finger_ very _close to together to the point where they're almost touching*_ "He almost violated Omniversal Law of Karma _#234,454,875,991,337,223.02: Section 67, Sub-section 198787, Article 23, Sub Article 23, Chapter 3765488, Paragraph 62-A, Line 69-V!"_ **[3]**

* * *

Before any one of them could give an answer, sarcastic or otherwise, a sudden ruckus came from outside the trailer that sounded suspiciously like a scuffle of sorts, specifically between several people and what sounded like a very annoyed jungle cat that had every intention of mauling its opponents. Christopher quickly put himself between Layne and whatever was outside as the two of them carefully made their way to the door and cracked it open to see what all the noise was.

What they found was a small group of interns wrestling and struggling with a heavy, burlap sack that was snarling and hissing and spitting viciously as it tried to attack the unwitting assists. Layne raised an eyebrow when he noticed that the bag seemed to be getting larger or smaller the more the interns fought with it, but he simply shrugged it off as whatever was in the bag simply moving around a lot and trying to give Chris' minions a hard time.

" _Go! Go! Go!_ Shoot those tranqs! End it already! We're on a limited time here!" the host barked as a few interns grabbed brightly colored tranquilizer darts out of their pockets and roughly jammed them into the thick fabric of the sack. Whatever was inside only seemed to thrash about more violently in response.

"Sir, what's going on here?" Christopher inquired.

"None of your business! Now get back in your cabin, Sergeant Do-Good!" Chris snapped angrily as whatever was in the burlap sack finally went inert and stopped struggling, allowing the interns to quickly carry it off like a prize catch.

Christopher frowned irritably but nonetheless backed off with a begrudging sigh. "Come on, private. Not a good idea to get on Chris' bad side at one in the morning" he muttered towards Layne as he pulled the matter manipulator back inside. Before the Shy Nerd could close the door however, it and he were slammed against the wall as Chef rushed at it and kicked it open with a vengeful scowl upon his hardened features; the furious look only increased when his sights set upon Izzy, who was currently riffling through Oleander's belongings for reasons that were only known to her.

" _RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!_ " the burly cook roared a battle cry as he charged blindly at Izzy. Without even turning around the Psycho Hose Beast lashed out with her leg and rapidly jackhammered Chef in the gut and crotch without remorse, sending him crumbling to the floor like a sack of potatoes as Izzy finished her rummaging through Oleander's luggage and quickly made her escape.

"Not today, Chefy!" she crackled proudly while she used his broad shoulders and back like a springboard and leaped up towards the nearest window without so much of a farewell or much regards to her own safety when the glass shattered on contact. Christopher and Layne watched as Chef staggered to his feet and hauled his hulking figure up the side of the bunk that Oleander was still passed out, through the tight squeeze that was the now broken window, and after Izzy with a vengeance.

Layne sighed wearily as he made his way back over to his bunk, flicking his finger and sending the shards of shattered glass flying into the wastebasket tucked into the corner of the trailer. "You know you're adjusting to this show when Izzy and Chef's seasonally battles aren't as surprising as they should be."

Christopher had to agree with that one.

Oleander simply snored.

* * *

"I'm telling you, Greek Mythology is messed up."

"Don't need to tell me twice. Trying having people making fun of _your_ relatives for the moronic shenanigans they pulled over one-thousand years ago." Marissa muttered sourly as she chewed on a slightly stale orange peel across the table from Cecilia. "Why Marsyas thought he could take on _Apollo_ and _win_ is beyond me . . . and don't even get me _started_ on Arachne and Athena . . ."

Cecilia tried to console her acquaintance. They weren't exactly allies or besties or even friends at the moment, but they often discussed literature together and acted as a set of ears to listen to a rant or venting that had been waiting for the right person for years on end. "I pretty sure a lot of people back in those days were drunken buffoons."

"One would like to think so . . ." the satyress grumbled while she took a sip of her orange juice.

The mess hall was bustling with activity, the contestants having divided themselves up into their comfortable social groups that had been created within the first few days of their arrival and introduction to one another. Christopher and Layne sat side by side trying to rub the sleep from their eyes and stiffness from their muscles while Oleander lay across the length of the bench across from them still fast asleep. The Roller Derby Chick had refused to respond to any attempt to try and wake her and had simply been carried to breakfast by Christopher out of the belief that she shouldn't be eliminated by Chris' temper for simply requiring more rest than the average metahuman.

Not requiring any sustenance as he lacked the necessary organs, Caesar simply passed the hour they had all been given for breakfast by playing a game of solitaire with himself as Jordan picked at his oddly green scrambled eggs from across the table, trying to decipher which bits were actually edible at the very least and which pieces would be most likely to kill him while occasionally offering Caesar a tip or two on where to lay his cards; giving that the skeleton had a few centuries to master the game among other things, this wasn't a very often occurrence.

Harmony was doing her best to try and act as friendly and social as possible, having made it her personal goal to try and crack the tight shells that Victoria and Faith had encased themselves in with some assistance from Sun-Li. If anything, the air-manipulator's presence was quite soothing and kept the mermaid from being turned into a sticky, red smear on the table top at the very least; it couldn't be said that Victoria didn't have a temper after all . . . that and the immense amount of electricity that freely danced across her body was a little concerning.

"So . . . how would you rate all the guys here?" Harmony started off as casually as possible. "Friend? Dating material? Ally? Boyfriend . . ?"

Victoria mumbled something that the mermaid didn't quite catch as she tentatively picked at the strips of sour bacon placed before her.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Speak up sonny!)**

* * *

 **Victoria –** _*grunts as she crams her massive bulk into the confessional*_ "I swear, this damn thing gets smaller every time . . . anyway, Harmony's not fooling me with her sweet talk. She's either trying to strike up an alliance or get advice on how to cast her line and reel in Christopher like the big, hunk of man meat he is." _*scoffs*_ "What girls see in guys is beyond me."

 **Sun-Li –** "Harmony likes Christopher, I just know it! I mean, the way they look at each other, how awkward they around one another . . . I just hope Harmony doesn't end up eating him." _*thinks for a second, confused*_ "Mermaid's do that, right? Or is that sirens? Black widows . . ?"

* * *

Seeing that she wasn't receiving any sort of response or answer, Harmony decided her question was a tad too ambiguous and needed to be simplified. "Okay, um . . . what do you think of Jeremy?" she wondered.

"Compulsive, fiery, and cocky beyond all reason." Victoria muttered.

"He scares me . . ." Faith whimpered.

Sun-Li hummed while tapping her lip. "I suppose he is pretty decent . . . I just wish he would not antagonize Shannon so much." she cast a look towards the back of the craft/services tent where the half-dragon had plopped himself down right next to the siren and was purposely and messily chewing with his mouth open while shoveling in an unidentifiable slop that was meant to pass as breakfast; Shannon looked like she was going to be violently ill.

Harmony made a face at the half-breed's revolting performance before returning to the conversation. "Alright, what about Layne?"

"Scrawny, in need of a work out, roadkill." was Victoria's none too enthusiastic response.

"H-He's alright . . ." Faith tried to sound as convincing as possible. Truth be told, while she had an uneasy feeling about everyone around the film lot – with the exception of Victoria – the Shy Nerd was by far one of the less frightening members of the cast that Faith was pretty sure she could handle being around, even if they were both forced inside of a tightly cramped box – at the very least she would be able to give Layne some space and keep him company until someone let him out.

Sun-Li smiled. "Layne is a nice man. I am sure he will make someone happy."

Harmony raised a teasing eyebrow. " _Someone?_ Like . . . _you?_ "

For reasons that the mermaid nor air-manipulator could understand, Victoria promptly dumped the rest of her breakfast into her mouth without so much as a word and got up from the table to leave, a seemingly perturbed expression on her features – then again, she always seemed to look like that, now that Harmony recalled while watching Faith following after her friend and form of protection like a dog chasing after its master.

"Well, that was . . . odd . . ." Harmony observed.

"Indeed." Sun-Li agreed before fidgeting slightly as she tried to continue the conversation on her own terms. "So . . . er, how do you think Andrew is handling things? I imagine having the girl he loves refuse to reciprocate his feelings and kissing another person directly in front of him could be quite devastating."

A bright, happy tune came wafting through the air a few, short seconds later and the two girls turned to see none other than Andrew come merrily strolling out of the waiting line where Chef had plopped a stack of questionable looking pancakes drizzled in sweet syrup and topped with a rotting strawberry upon his tray. Much to the girl's and nearly everyone else's surprise, the Human Copy Machine looked downright chipper and joyful, as if yesterday's events had never transpired.

"Is he alright?" Harmony watched with concern as Andrew headed towards the table where Caesar and Jordan were currently sitting. The only reason she found this worrisome – other than the fact that he looked happier than Christopher Columbus with motor boats – was that Robyn was currently hunched over her own tray of food on the clear opposite side of the tent. **[4]**

Sun-Li seemed just as confused. "It would seem so . . ." she trailed off. "P-Pardon me for getting sidetracked, but are we not missing Jake? I have not seen him this morning as of yet."

Now that the air-manipulator had mentioned it, Harmony hadn't seen hide nor hair of their shape-shifter companion either. Jake could normally be found cowering near Samuel during breakfast – Harmony assumed this was for the same reasons Faith clung to Victoria like a lifeline – but the muscular titan was sitting by himself in a corner of the tent with his back pressed against the canvas under the assumption that the other competitors found his dietary habits revolting. He wasn't waiting in line for the poor excuse of a breakfast, he wasn't discussing Greek mythology with Marissa and Cecilia, and he certainly wasn't trying to help Christopher and Layne roust Oleander from her coma-like sleep.

"Has anyone seen Jake?" Harmony spoke up over the low thrum of mindless conversation.

Christopher shook his head. "Negative."

"Nope." Jeremy managed to say through a mouthful of chewed remains.

"Haven't seen him." Caesar chimed in.

"Nothin', zilch, nada." Domanic added.

"Go _**/censored/**_ a cactus." Robyn grumbled lowly under her breath.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty – Having convincing Robyn that she was not going to go _/censored/_ a cactus, Harmony wisely decided to stay out of the dark sovereign's way for the rest of the day lest she be forced to _/censored/_ a cactus in front of Christopher on international television)**

* * *

 **Robyn – *** _repeatedly slams head against side of confessional*_ "Make! It! Stop!" _*gives up ramming head to sulk*_ "It didn't work! It didn't **_/censored/_** work! I crushed his stupid, **_/censored/_** feelings right in front of his ** _/censored/_** face and it didn't work! As if that wasn't bad enough, everyone hates me, that **_/censored/ /why do we even bother?/_** , Andrew, _still_ can't take a hint, and worst of all, the **_/censored/_** I might actually _not_ want to send through the nine realms of Hell isn't speaking to me! I swear, if one more thing happens, I am going to snap!"

 **Sun-Li –** "Robyn's . . . er, _suggestion_ sounds extraordinarily painful . . . why anyone would wish to do such a thing is beyond my comprehension."

 **Andrew –** "Why is everyone asking me if I'm alright? It's not like anything bad happened to me, dudes, I mean, I'm still alive, aren't I? I got cool bros and brahs to hang out with and the hottest babe on the face of planet by my side! I couldn't get any luckier!" _*pumps fists in the air*_ "I don't get why everyone keeps saying that Robyn hates me with every fiber of her being and that she'll never be my girlfriend . . . if that's true, then why'd she practicing kissing that other girl last challenge? Because she wanted to make sure her first kiss by _moi_ was gonna be the be best, dudes! That's why!"

 **Jordan –** "If denial was a country, Andrew would be the freakin' prime minister."

* * *

The sound of tearing canvas caught everyone's attention and they turned towards the front of the tent where, next to the open flaps, the pointed blade of a spear was slicing through the heavy fabric of the tent with ease. Moments later, none other than Chris dressed in the costume of a Roman gladiator; needless to say, nobody was eager to see Chris half-dressed and wearing only a loincloth with nothing but a large, square shield and pointed spear to cover himself. Chef was far less impressed than anyone else and was merely annoyed that another part of his domain had been tarnished by the narcisstic host's requirement for dramatic flare and entry.

"You're very perspective, Sun-Li," the host smirked devilishly. "Indeed, Jake is no longer with us-"

Andrew jumped up. " _He's dead, bro!?_ " he exclaimed.

Chris attempted to look both amused at the duplicator's level of intelligence and irritated at being interrupted. "Fortunately for you, no. Jake is very much alive! As for where he is and why he is missing . . . well, you'll just have to wait and see." he chuckled mischievously.

Brent rolled his eyes, not the slightest bit amused. "What's the challenge today, _Gluteus Maximus?_ "

The infuriated look upon the host's face lasted only a few – but highly enjoyable – seconds before splitting into that ever present grin that made Robyn want to smack it off his face; indeed, had it not been for the combined efforts of Christopher, Samuel, and Victoria – who had immediately dogpiled onto the dark sorceress the moment she had lunged at Chris with a wild scream of profanity – he would have found himself lying flat on his back with a screeching Goth Punk on top of him . . . and not in a good way.

"As much as I would _love_ to answer your questions, Brent, I have far more important things to do, such as introducing today's returning contestants. I give you, _Tyler, Owen, Paul,_ and _Toni!_ " Chris gestured dramatically towards the tent flap as the aforementioned contestants made their way inside . . . or in Owen's case, bowling over the others on his way towards the kitchen where he threw himself through the window (much to Chef's surprise and horror) and began scarfing down half-cooked sausage patties and burnt toast at an alarming rate.

The rotund giant giggled merrily. "Oh, craft/services tent, how I've missed you!" he sighed as he guzzled down a bottle of sugary maple syrup to go with his light snack.

Chef fumed violently to the point where one could easily imagine volcanic ash pouring pouring of his ears and molten drum erupting from his brow. "Stay away from the grub, tubby!" he yelled as he clubbed Owen over the head with a rolling pin.

"'I won't go near the food, I promise!', he says," Toni sighed with a mocking voice. "I'm on a diet, I swear!', he says. _I knew this would happen_." she pinched her brow with exasperation while Paul and Tyler dragged Owen's delirious body from the kitchen.

Chris coughed rudely. "Turning all attention back to those who most deserve it," he gestured towards himself with his spear without shame. "Today's movie genre is none other than the Historical movie!"

The egotistical host was met with stunned silence as a vast majority of the contestant old and new gave him a befuddled look. Even Chef seemed just as confused as they were, which was not exactly what Chris was hoping for, especially when Tyler decided to voice this confusion out loud. "Um . . . what's a historical movie, bro?" he scratched his head.

" _Mommy . . ._ " Owen moaned as his blubbery arm landed on the ground with a loud _smack!_

An exasperated sigh came from the back corner of the tent. "A historical film often takes a historical or imagined event, mythic, legendary, or heroic figure, and add an extravagant setting lavish costumes accompanied by grandeur and spectacle and a sweeping musical score. They are movies that recreate past events and are ridiculously expensive to produce because they require elaborate and panoramic settings, on-location filming, authentic period costumes, inflated action on a _massive_ scale, and large casts of characters." Marissa practically recited without fault.

"As if that weren't bad enough, accuracy's often thrown out the window in these things." Cecilia mumbled with annoyance. "They practically rewrite history, suffering from inauthenticity, fictitious recreations, excessive religiosity, hard-to-follow details and characters, romantic dreamworlds, ostentatious vulgarity, political correctness, and leaden scripts."

Cecilia nodded. "In other words, goddamn the poetic license?"

"In a nutshell."

Eerie silence swept over the mess hall as everyone drank in the presented information or attempted to even understand what had just been said without making themselves look any less intelligent.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty – So . . . how about that weather?)**

* * *

 **Marissa –** _*holds head in hands*_ "I'm surrounded by idiots . . ."

* * *

" _Riiiiiiiiiiiiight_ . . ." Chris hummed uncomfortably before leaping back into the explanation he had attempted to give before a myriad of things had interrupted him. Oddly enough, Owen's dive for the sub par excuse for food that they fed the current cast was not the most unusual out of them. "Anyway, meet me out front by the main gate in ten minutes! And don't forget to bring your gladiator helmets!" he teased before leaving, gesturing for the veteran contestants to follow him with a thrust of his spear.

"What are we doing, going on a field trip?" Cecilia scoffed.

Brent rolled his eyes as Paul and Tyler used their combined efforts to drag Owen's heavy bulk behind them as they left the current cast to their own devices. "Please. A field trip with Chris would be the equivalent of **_/censored/_** on Earth."

Shannon raised an eyebrow with a slight smile. "How do you know you're not already there?" she taunted.

"Believe me when I say you'll know, Princess."

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Now where have I seen this before . . ?)**

* * *

 **Shannon –** " _Princess?_ Since when is Brent the affectionate type?"

 **Oleander –** * _sighs glumly*_ "I can't believe Eliaz is gone . . . and I didn't even get to say good-bye, too! At least Layne told me . . . _ahh_ , I love talking to Layne." _*smiles fondly before a serious look crosses her face*_ "Anyway, for some reason I don't trust Shannon. _No,_ I'm not jealous of her pink hair because mine is _awesome_. It's just, she's like Adara . . . we don't exactly know her whole backstory . . . then again, I don't know much about Victoria or Faith, but something about Shannon specifically rubs me the wrong way . . . I just can't place my finger on it . . ."

 **Izzy –** _*grins madly at the camera while dangling a pair of Oleander's panties for all to see*_ "Oh, my sweet Speedy Girl, if you only knew what E-scope and her partner-in-crime Esquire knew . . . Evil Fishy isn't all that she seems . . ."

* * *

It was approximately _eleven_ minutes when the contestants finally managed to find their way out of the labyrinth of of trailers and tents and out to the film lot gates where Chris was impatiently waiting. The fact that Oleander was sipping from a frothy smoothie with a straw in the most casual manner possible did nothing else but irritate him even further, his eye twitching with every obnoxiously loud slurp that the Roller Derby Chick took just to aggravate him.

" _Why_ are you freaks so annoying?" Chris growled.

"I dunno. Why are you so cruel?" Brent countered.

There was a slight pause as Chris attempted to come up with a decent comeback before relenting when nothing came to mind. " _Touche._ " he pressed his lips before they split into that bright, dazzling smile that only meant pain and punishment for those that fell under his jurisdiction. "Now then, onto today's challenge!"

"About time," Cecilia rolled her eyes, her arms folded over her bust while she glanced out at the street with an almost disinterested expression. Lined up in rows on the street before them were at least a dozen or so chariots with large, spoke wheels and intricately crafted designs of ivory, gold, and silver that must have taken the interns weeks of relentless work to get right. Attached to each of the chariots was what looked to be a rocking horse or sorts with the actual rockers removed and replaced with motorcycle tires carefully situated between their legs; embedded in the horses themselves were what looked like engines of some kind. "Let me guess, we're having chariot races?"

Chris looked greatly flustered. "No! I mean, uh, not entirely . . . there's more to it!" he attempted to argue despite the smug smirk Cecilia kept plastered to her face. With a relenting sigh he continued to explain the challenge as he tugged at the uncomfortable loincloth he had decided to wear for the occasion. "As Cecilia already stated," he glared at the oneirokinetic irritably. "Today you lot of losers will be racing chariots! Once you've been paired up, you'll race your respective chariots through the streets of downtown and through the local park. From there you'll make your way past Paul Bunyan's Pancake House – trust me, you can't miss it – and finish back here at the finish line."

"Yes, because that's generally where races end." Brent mumbled sarcastically.

The egotistical host did his best not to lob his spear at the Strategic Jackass right then and there for the sake of keep his public image and chose to ignore him. "Now then, the first five chariots to cross the finish line will be placed together into a team with the remaining losers being forced together as well. Oh, and one more thing . . ."

"What, are you going to make us race with our wheels on fire?" Oleander scoffed as she sipped her smoothie.

"Don't give him any ideas!" Jordan hissed.

The diabolical grin on Chris' face belied his true thoughts, though they were nonetheless sadistic as his smile portrayed. "As interesting as that would be, I'm afraid I have something much more fun in mind." he smirked brightly. "For our special twist, you won't be able to use your powers! You _can_ sabotage your fellow racers as you see fit, but any use of your powers to make yourself otherwise move faster is strictly prohibited."

"Oh, come on!" Robyn complained.

"Now, now, all's fair in love and war." Chris countered.

"But . . . Jake isn't here! And this isn't even love _or_ war!" Marissa protested. "This isn't fair!"

Chris shrugged without care. "Life isn't fair, get over it." he reasoned much to the satyress' annoyance. "Now the teams are as follows: Shannon, Brent, and Oleander, Cecilia and Jeremy, Marissa and Victoria, Domanic and Jordan, Sun-Li and Harmony, Caesar and Samuel, Faith and Christopher, Layne and Adara, and finally, Andrew and Robyn!"

Faith was terrified of a lot of things – dogs, hobos, spinach, Chris, sharks, graveyards, spiders, heights, Chris, other ghosts, Chef, Izzy, Chris, and being left alone with no one to comfort her among other things – but if there was one ultimatum that triumphed over every single one of those fears, it was the absolutely furious expression on Robyn's face right now. She looked like a volcano about to explode with her red cheeks and sweaty face and her body trembling so violently it looked like she was experiencing her own personal earthquake. It made her anxiety over being anywhere without Victoria or Harmony's support seem minuscule in comparison.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – What other natural disasters can Robyn possibly imitate?)**

* * *

 **Robyn – _*due to the extreme amount of profanity that follows, not a lick of Robyn's confession can be used*_**

 **Harmony –** "I know sailors that use more appropriate language than that girl . . ." _*shakes her head*_

* * *

Despite Robyn seething with pure rage at the turn of events, she was held back and promptly forced into one of the ten chariots with Andrew confidently sidling up to her a few, short seconds later. Before he could open his mouth to try and deliver what he thought was a romantic one-liner however, the dark sovereign's hand glowed an abyssal aura and evaporated in a blast of hot mist when she snapped her fingers. A needle and thread were summoned by a puff of ashy, black vapor and proceeded to promptly sew Andrew's lips shut with such speed and skill he didn't realize what had happened until the needle rudely poked him in the forehead between the eyes. It was at that point the pain from his mouth reached his arguably small brain and he let out a muffled yelp.

"Not to be rude, but . . . you're sure that this chariot will be able to support your weight?" Marissa asked with concern when Victoria squeezed herself into the equipage, causing it to sag and bow under her weight.

The only response the satyress got was a shrug of Victoria's hulking shoulders.

Jeremy stole the reins away before Cecilia could grab them. "I'm driving, no arguments." he snarled, blasting a puff of hot smoke at her face for emphasis.

"I will be driving this mode of transportation. I have the necessary skills and technique that you lack." Adara monotonously said, ignoring Layne's attempt to try and argue a point.

 _ **BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!**_

The chattering and bickering of the contestants was quickly cut off by the earth-shattering shriek of a gong and the smug smirk of satisfaction upon Chris' lips was all it took to figure things out; that, and the gigantic, gold gong that a pair of wheezing interns had dragged out of the film lot storage tent. "Enough with the chit-chat! It's time to race these babies!"

"Then get on with it instead of wasting breath by saying we should get on with it." Brent snarked.

The natural response from the egotistical, loin cloth-wearing host was of course, to frown irritably and raise the big, honking stick he had used to ring the gong moments before. "Remember! First five chariots back are all members of Team 1, so make sure you cross the finish line with someone you might cooperate with . . . or don't. Either way's good for me!" Chris snickered. "On your mark! Get set! _GO!_ "

The gong was struck with as much strength as the host could muster and the competitors yanked back on their reins, kick started their motorized rocking horses and speeding off in a cloud of dust, and left Christ and the unfortunate two interns to cough and wheeze in the aftermath.

Almost immediately Jeremy and Cecilia were ahead, breaking free of the pack thanks to the former's complete disregard for the safety and well being of his fellow competitors while he repeatedly rang the side of his chariot into Samuel and Caesar.

"Knock it off!" Caesar snapped as Samuel snapped the reins, urging their rocking horse on in an attempt to pull ahead of their current tormentors.

"Or what?" Jeremy grinned a toothy smile.

The skeleton didn't respond and instead reached inside of his trench coat where he effortlessly snapped off one of his rib bones and proceeded to chuck it as far ahead of them as possible. Jeremy would have laughed at the feeble attempt had the bone not suddenly come flying back to clobber him in the face, momentarily stunning him. The chariot swerved uncontrollably for a few seconds, repeatedly crashing into Samuel and Caesar before managing to stabilize itself and pull ahead of them.

"You totally had that coming." Cecilia stated after they left the two racers behind.

"Yeah, I probably did. That's what I get for messing with karma." Jeremy muttered under his breath.

Silence befell the two as they raced on, turning the chariot around a tight corner and down the center of the next street over much to the shock and surprise of any civilians that happened to witness an entire cast of mutants racing chariots pulled by motorized rocking horses come racing around the bend. That wasn't to say there weren't obstacles, of course; parked cars, moving cars, and ignorant people getting out of their cars were always a hindrance, at least to those that were less than skilled.

Fortunately for Cecilia, her teammate had spent the better part of his life perfecting the art of video game racing.

"C'mon, where all the power ups!? I need me some Koopa shells!"

Okay, so maybe it was a little more than that.

Cecilia resisted the urge to comment on Jeremy's sense of reality and imagination and instead chose to try and use their current lead to figure out why she hadn't been able to check in on the half-dragon's dreams. Her powers certainly weren't on the fritz, despite being incapable of reading everyone's dreams, that she was certain of. At the very least, it meant that the person was strong-willed and not easily swayed by her mental poking and prodding, a handy ability to have if one were to ever come across the more unpleasant side of mental manipulation.

The Short-Tempered Tryhard coughed awkwardly. "Um . . . mind if we talk for a second?"

Jeremy shrugged, glancing over his shoulder. "Make it quick. We may have a lead, but if Mario Kart's taught me anything, it's to always be prepared for a blue shell to come shooting for your _**/censored/**_."

"That's a rather . . . unique way of putting it." Cecilia couldn't help but agree; she took a deep breath and then continued. "Look, uh . . . is everything alright?"

The halfbreed gave her an odd look. "Why do you ask?" he asked suspiciously.

Cecilia bit her lip. Telling someone that she watched them while they slept – or more accurately monitored and manipulated their dreams – was always a touchy subject, as she had been called some rather nasty things in the past; of course, her step-brothers were blissfully unaware of her meddling and that was the way she liked it. "Well . . . I've, um, been watching your dreams lately . . . or trying to anyway."

"Excuse me?" Jeremy raised an eyebrow. Smoke was already starting to escape through his nose and lips and the air suddenly seemed to get hotter, which was never a good sign and definite evidence that Cecilia should make her point if she wanted to keep her eyebrows. They turned down another street and just narrowly missed a group of school children that had miraculously not heard the tremendous racket of rumbling wheels and foul cursing as the competitors raced by, almost oblivious to anyone around them that wasn't currently racing a chariot.

"I can manipulate dreams, remember?" Cecilia remind him. "I've . . . kinda made it my duty to make sure those that I care about have good dreams when their lives might be utter garbage. You, Jordan, and most of the others have been a lot nicer to me than even my own family, so I thought I'd try and return the favor for however long I'm on this show." she explained, relaxing when she noticed that Jeremy looked like he was less likely to roast her. "I tried combing through your dreams last night, but . . . you were closed off from me. I couldn't reach you."

Jeremy hummed in understanding, jerking the reins to the left to suddenly dodge a car that had come out of nowhere. "And you were concerned that something was wrong?" he asked before turning right around. " _Watch where you're goin', you_ _ **/censored/**_ _! I'm drivin' here!_ "

Cecilia couldn't help but snicker slightly at Jeremy's temper. "Yes. Am I wrong?"

Once he was sure that the neglectful driver got a good luck at the searing, hot flames he sent their way, Jeremy returned his attention towards driving. "Yeah, you're wrong," he confirmed. "Hey, there's Paul Bunyan's! I hear the food's good, but too good, eh." **[5]**

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Where'd you get that chariot?)**

* * *

 **Jeremy –** _*sighs*_ "Okay, so Cecilia wasn't wrong . . . I kinda got attached to our resident Ticking Time Bomb of Eternal Darkness." * _sighs wearily and rubs his brow*_ "When I saved her _**/censored/**_ back on the ship last challenge, I thought we kinda had somethin'. I mean, I'm pretty much the only one here who she hasn't tried to threaten with neutering and a rusty spoon so I just thought . . . and when I saw her kiss that Maurananei girl, I was thinking _'what the_ _ **/censored/**_ _is going on?_ ' and _'damn, I wish I had a camera_ ' at the same time." _*hums in thought*_ "I know it's not my decision on which way she swings, but I was kinda hopin' . . . me and her . . . could be a couple or something?" _*cringes*_ "That might be jumpin' the gun a bit . . ."

* * *

Cecilia didn't know which was more aggravating, the stupid and cartoony statues of an enormous Paul Bunyan and his anthropomorphic, blue ox, Babe, or the bowling ball that came rushing past her head at such a velocity she hardly even noticed it until it left a cavernous dent in the side of a parked car they just passed. She quickly decided to go with the later and whirled around to see where it had come from, ducking at the last second when another bowling ball came sailing at her head.

"Hold still so I can knock your block off!" Robyn angrily shook her fist at them. The dark sovereign then roughly turned to Andrew and growled with a low menacing tone and clenched fist bathed in dark flame. The duplicator didn't even try to hesitate – whether he was still entranced by her or was actually frightened of her was up to debate – and hurriedly scrambled to load a third bowling ball into what looked like a miniature catapult attached to the side of their chariot.

" _Duck!_ " Cecilia yelled.

"Where?" Jeremy glanced about before yelping when Cecilia yanked him down just as a bowling ball sailed over the spot he had been moments ago and smashed into the side of a shop window; the shop keeper came rushing out, violently cursing and shaking his fist, only faltering in his words when he noticed exactly who and what he was screaming at. He then decided to close up what remained of his shop and go lie down for a bit when he saw Caesar sword fighting with Sun Li using their femur bone and bo staff, respectively.

Jeremy snorted as he climbed up to his feet and thrust the reins into Cecilia's hands. "Cecilia, take the wheel." he growled.

"Who do I look like, Jesus?"

"Just do it!" Jeremy snarled, smoke escaping from his nose and lips while his skin flared and became hotter in temperature. The Short-Tempered Try Hard decided not to argue any further and gave the reins a quick snap. With that taken care of, Jeremy turned his attention back towards the approaching chariot and felt himself deflate slightly and his smoldering glare falter just the slightest when found himself sternly gazing at the beautiful, ivory features of Robyn; he quickly shook it off and inhaled a deep breath before blasting out a wave of searing, hot flame at the road.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Is it hot in here, or is it just us?)**

* * *

 **Robyn - *** _sigh*_ "Great . . . now the dragon's got a crush on me . . ." * _sighs again and pinches her brow*_ "And for some **_/censored/_** reason, I . . . _don't_ want to murder him on the spot? Don't get me wrong, he still annoys the **_/censored/ /censored/_** out of me, but it's kinda . . . _nice?_ " _*whispers to herself*_ "What the **_/censored/_** is wrong with me?"

* * *

" _Hah!_ Nice try, Lizard Breath! You've gotta do better than that to bring and my girl down!" Andrew shouted triumphantly.

"I am _not_ your girl! And didn't I sew your stupid mouth shut!?" Robyn snapped viciously. The dark sovereign was then so distracted resewing her unappreciated partner's lips back together in order to silence him that it was a good three minutes before she realized that they weren't going anywhere and were currently stuck fast into what she discovered to be a puddle of molten concrete and tar. Her head whipped back up towards the fleeing shape of Jeremy's chariot just in time see him flip her a rather rude gesture with the smuggest smirk on his face.

Robyn wasn't sure whether her face was turning red from fury or possible embarrassment.

It was then that she realized that Andrew was giving her an odd look and she rounded on him with her familiar, venomous demeanor. "Well, don't just stand there you imbecile! Get out and push!" she ordered.

" _Up-bup-bup-bup-bup-pah! I said,_ _'use of your powers to make yourself otherwise move faster is strictly prohibited'! That means, keep your hands, arms, feet, legs, and especially your keester inside the chariot at all times!_ "

The Goth Punk was immediately set off at the sound of Chris' voice. "Where are you McLean!? Come out here so I can knit your intestines into a sweater, you coward!" she demanded.

"I _would_ if it wasn't for the fact that that is incredibly disturbing and that I'm talking to you through this handy-dandy radio I had installed into your chariot!" Chris taunted her through a speaker system Robyn had previously ignored mounted onto the front of their chariot. "If I were you, I'd put the pedal to the metal and quick the chatter! It's bad for the ratings!"

"How's _this_ for ratings!?" Robyn hissed as she promptly grabbed hold of Andrew's head and began to repeatedly bash his skull against the radio system as if it were Chris' smug face, an all too cruel and pleasant smile crossing her lips as she did so; Andrew would have yelped and tried to fight back the assault had he not been suddenly interested in the fact that every time his face was smashed against the radio the channel changed.

" _This is our moment! Tonight is the night! We'll fight-_ "

" _I can't decide whether you should live or die-_ "

" _It went from a spark to an open flame. Now destiny's callin' out your-_ "

" _Hakuna matata! What a wondeful phrase! Hakuna mat-_ "

" _I feel it in my bones, enough to make my systems blow. Welcome to the-_ "

" _Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending! Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina-_ "

Andrew let out a pitiful groan as his inert body was allowed to limply slide down to the bottom of the chariot, his face covered in several bruises that nearly covered up the all too broad smile upon his face that drove Robyn absolutely nuts. "Never liked that foreign _**/censored/**_ anyway." she grumbled under her breath.

" _Hah! Losers!_ " Oleander taunted from her chariot while Brent snapped the reins to send an extra surge of power into the engine of the rocking horse. Much to Robyn's annoyance – and Shannon's upset stomach – the trio's chariot successfully made it through the adhesive slick of tar, going fast enough to clear a path through to allow the rest of the racers to pass the dark sovereign and her delirious partner right by.

Robyn watched with increasing fury as Samuel and Caesar, Marissa and Victoria, Faith and Christopher, and Jordan and Domanic all raced past her without a second glance, instead choosing to focus their resources – apparently she wasn't the only one who had been granted special weapons and tools to upset the other racers with – on each other. She watched as Jordan gave a sharp blast of heat from his eyes and proceeded to hurl what looked like a set of cup holders right at Christopher's skull, successfully nailing him in the back of the head with a pained yelp.

The Goth Punk's mind was racing as she searched for a possible solution to her predicament. How she was supposed to get herself – and to a lesser extent, Andrew – unstuck from the smoldering tar pit _without_ getting out of the chariot was beyond her. An answer soon came in the form of another chariot racing towards her with an introverted geek flapping like a flag in the breeze and hanging on for dear life while his stone-faced partner kept driving without much concern for his well being.

"Can you please slow down!?" Layne begged.

"Decreasing our acceleration would jeopardize the probability of our vehicle crossing the destination of completion before our fellow competitors." Adara stated.

" _Gee, why didn't I think of that!?_ For the love of Optimus Alpha, someone help me!"

A grin like that of a deranged walrus crossed Robyn's lips. She loved it when opportunity came knocking. With a flick her wrists she cast an incantation and cast out a blast of dark energy that swirled and morphed into the form of a gigantic hook with an obsidian chain attached that clattered and clanked noisily. The dark sovereign swung her hand around her head as if she were going to throw a lasso and the abyssal construct of dark energy went flying through the air where it promptly clamped down on the back bumper of Adara and Layne's chariot; whether chariots actually had bumpers was up for debate.

Not that Robyn cared.

Adara continued on driving without concern as if she hadn't noticed the sudden weight to her vehicle and continued to power on. When her chariot started to struggle and slow down she merely snapped the reins and kicked the lawn mower engine embedded into the rocking horse's belly into overdrive, slowly making more and more progress until she suddenly surged forward. It were as if she were being held back by a cord that had just been cut, releasing her from its hold.

Unfortunately for Layne, the backlash was too much for his weak fingers and he was sent flying backwards through the air off his chariot. He was quite sure that he was going to become street pizza on landing when he suddenly collided with something both very solid – it was almost like running into a lamp post at full speed – and something very soft – that was liking landing face down on a pair of pillows – the strange mixture making question just what he had landed on. Whatever it was, it surprisingly warm and his face was well comforted by the pair of plush mounds that cradled his head.

It was only when he felt ten pinpricks of discomforting sensation that felt like railroad spikes against his skin did he realize that he had made a _very_ big mistake.

" _STAY ON YOUR OWN_ _ **/censored/**_ _CHARIOT, YOU_ _ **/censored/**_ _PERVERT!_ " Robyn roared like a banshee as she effortlessly hurled the Shy Nerd back through the air and on his own chariot, where he collided head on with Adara's firm back.

"And stay away from my girl!" Andrew added.

" _Quiet, you!_ "

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We have issued a restraining order against Robyn's foul mouth. How long will it last? Probably not very long.)**

* * *

 **Layne –** _*taps fingers together nervously*_ "So . . . um . . . I kinda made this promise with Eliaz before he got eliminated. I'm not sure what he was thinking, but he wants to try and . . . _fix_ Adara. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but he said something about a break through of sorts and how he might be able to return Adara to normal and . . ." _*grins sheepishly*_ "I honestly didn't catch everything, but the gist was that he wanted me try and be her . . . _friend. *sighs tiredly*_ "This is gonna be fun . . . but I'm a man of my word."

 **Izzy –** "Ooh, Little Matter Guy and Robot Girl . . . potential couple? Izzy ships it like she ships Nizzy and NoCo! The shipping must never die! _NEVER!_ "

* * *

Layne groaned as he peeled himself off of Adara and focused on trying not to see double for more than thirty seconds while simultaneously holding on for dear life as his teammate steered the chariot around a tight corner and left a long scratch in the side of a parked car in the process, earning the ire of the returning owner. Down several more avenues and streets they traveled, racing past Paul Bunyan's and eventually catching up with some of the other racers; Layne was pretty sure he preferred their position farther back where he didn't have constantly avoid blasts of hot flame and heat and jagged blades of black ice as Harmony, Jordan, and Jeremy clashed time and time again while their respective drivers attempted to hold them steady.

Eventually however, they managed to slip past the chaos and pandemonium and pulled ahead into first place, leaving the rest of the competition a fair distance behind and settling them into awkward silence with the wind rustling through their hair. Withing nothing but the occasional string of profanity from the startled pedestrian to interrupt the lack of noise, Layne coughed shyly and attempted to not sound like a stuttering fool.

"S-So . . . uh, er . . . d-do you have a favorite color?" he swallowed dryly. "Mine's blue . . ."

The Shy Nerd was met with silence for the longest time as he waited for an answer, his pulse hammering while he nervously clenched and unclenched his hands repeatedly. Adara kept her focus straight on without seemingly even acknowledging that she had just been answered a question and after nearly ten minutes of complete silence he really thought that she was deaf. It wasn't until her lips twitched just the slightest and her eyes flickered for a split second, as if they were losing their intense focus for just a split second while she answered.

"Red . . . like the blood of my enemies."

Layne wasn't sure he preferred the silence or the fact that Adara had answered an almost casual question.

He then quickly decided he would prefer Adara to drive the chariot faster when they were suddenly slammed from the side and nearly knocked off course.

" _Duck!_ " he cried, his eyes widening as he crouched down with his hands over his head. Adara hardly seemed to pay him much attention and merely jerked her head to the side at the last second when a roughly rounded object that looked like it had been hastily compacted into a crude cannonball sailed passed her head and smashed through the window of a flower shop while they raced around the corner and made it onto the home stretch.

Layne uncovered his eyes and swallowed nervously when he saw a gigantic, orange projectile-shooting weapon fashioned out of Domanic's left arm pointed directly at him while resting upon the Tough Loser's shoulder. His expression grew even more worrisome when the back end of the hulking device extended out like a massive claw and briefly stabbed itself into the pavement before pulling out a good chunk of the paving. Layne screamed as the highly compacted ball of concrete and pavement came hurling right at him, missing by only a few inches when it flew over his head.

Domanic gritted his teeth as he reloaded the gigantic cannon once more, leaving another pothole in his wake. "Hold still so I can hit you!" he yelled.

"Let me try something!" Jordan shouted over the roar of the wind.

His teammate nodded but kept the massive cannon activated. They were on the home stretch with the finish line – and Chris sitting back and enjoying himself in a lawn chair in his Spartan armor while a lowly intern fanned him with a palm branch in the searing sun – in sight and just within reach. Jordan then screwed up his eyes and carefully took aim before twin jets of intense heat came firing out of his eyes and struck one of the back wheels of Layne's chariot, causing it to explode and send the carriage lurching to the side.

" _Gah!_ We're going down!" Layne screamed.

Adara said nothing and snapped the reins once more, kicking the rocking horse further into overdrive. "Delay them." she said.

Layne wasn't sure if it was a command or a suggestion, but he honestly didn't care in the slightest. He quickly sucked in a breath and thrust his heads out as he tried to clear his mind of as much stress and pandemonium as possible. His hands glowed a hot white and his eyes flashed a bright alabaster in color as the rows of parked cars on either side of them rumbled and quaked in their spots before they began to slam together just after Jordan and Domanic had raced passed them. One after the other they crashed together like pairs of cymbals, setting off innumerable car alarms and causing millions of dollars in damages in the process.

"How's it coming!?" Layne cried through the strain upon his mind while Jordan and Domanic steadily gained on them.

"We are almost there. Estimated arrival time: one minute and seven seconds." Adara replied. "Estimated arrival time: one minute and four seconds. Estimated arrival time: one minute and one sec-"

" _Never tell me the odds!_ " Layne shouted.

"I did not tell you 'the odds', as you call them. The probability of us arriving in first place: three to one."

 _TSSEW!_

The last back wheel of the chariot was blown up in a fiery cloud of flames by a second blast of smoldering heat from Jordan's eyes. "Correction. The probability of us arriving in first place: one to three." Adara rectified.

" _I told you to never tell me the odds!_ "

"My apologies."

" _Stop apologizing for everything!_ "

Seeing a golden opportunity, Jordan steered his chariot past Adara and Layne as they squabbled, attempting to silently pass them by and come across the finish line first while his opponent's spat sparks from their lost wheels. Unfortunately for him, this didn't go unnoticed by Adara and she did the only thing she could at that point: with a sudden jerk of the reins she rammed her chariot into the side of Jordan and Domanic's vehicle in a suicidal attempt to take the lead once more and immediately spun out, swinging right in front of the oncoming chariot. Before either of them could have attempted to do anything – much less even scream – the angel and nanite-enhanced teen collided head on with the living weapon and matter manipulator and went rolling and tumbling down the street in a messy tangle of arms, legs, wings, and wheels until they promptly came crashing down on the other side of the finish line.

Domanic groaned as he deactivated the enormous cannon that had taken the place of his left arm. "Ugh, who won?"

Chris smiled cheekily as he kicked back in his seat with a relaxed and careless expression. "If you were paying attention, you would remember that there is no such thing as first! The five teams that cross the finish line before the rest of the racers are all members of team numero uno! Consider yourselves members of team number one." he beckoned for his intern to fan him faster.

"Then why do I feel like number two?" Jordan moaned.

"Because you're gonna feel like number three in a minute!" Layne suddenly screamed with fright.

Before either of them could point out that the Shy Nerd's screams of panic made little to no sense, they were interrupted by the familiar rumble of fast approaching chariot wheels upon which their fellow contestants and future opponents came charging at them like the thundering roar of a stampeding army. Layne was quite sure his life was flashing before his very eyes as the first chariot carrying Samuel and Caesar finally took note of the pile up on the finish line and attempted to brake by jerking back the reins as hard as possible; it did little help and they soon collided with the tangled mess of bodies and demolished chariots. Soon after Christopher and Faith crashed straight on with the lot of them with a bickering Robyn and Andrew bringing up the rear and making the whole party groan and yelp as an all new found source of pain wracked their bodies.

All the while Chris looked on with a greatly amused expression, like a proud parent might have when their child learned how to ride a bike for the first time without their assistance. Granted, the similarities were by and large and few in between, but nonetheless comparable if one looked at it from a certain angle.

The narcissistic host eventually spoke up after taking a low and loud slurp of the pina coloda he had just swiped from one of his many, lowly interns and carelessly tossed the glass over his shoulder for some poor sucker to sweep up. "Congratulations on being the first five teams to cross the finish line without dying! You lot now round out Team 1." he declared.

"Then . . . that means we don't have to race anymore, right?" Andrew hissed as he propped himself up on his elbow from underneath Samuel's titanic figure. "Everyone else will be on be Team 2, so racing is now pointless, right?"

Chris took another sip of another pina colada his lowly, overworked intern brought him before tossing that one over his shoulder for another poor sucker to sweep up. "Yes and no," he sat back in his lawn with ease and comfort. "While it _is_ rather pointless to keep racing, I find it nonetheless amusing and will continue to watch you all fail until everyone else has crossed the finish line . . . or crashed and burned, whichever comes first."

" _Hold still, you hyper-kinetic miscreant! Damnit, why didn't this thing come with duct tape!?_ "

" _YoudorealizeIcanvibratemymoleculesthroughsolidobjectsright?_ "

" _Ugh! Shut up, damn you!_ "

" _LOOK OUT!_ "

Chris grinned to himself. "Behold! Exhibit A!"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – What easily avoidable chaos have our heroes gotten into now?)**

* * *

 **Shannon –** _*glaring irritably at the camera*_ "Someone needs to tie that freak to a school bus."

 **Oleander –** _*bouncing around impatiently*_ "I can't help it! I get bored _so_ easily! Standing still is so boring! Sitting still is so boring! Not being able to drive is _so_ boring! The only time staying still _isn't_ boring is when I'm asleep, and even then my dreams are all about me movin' and groovin' and never stopping!"

Without much more dash and flair, the unstable, ticking time bomb that was Shannon, Brent, and Oleander's chariot came barreling down upon the heap of demolished and barely functioning vehicles and competitors and smashed right into them without hesitance, immediately adding to the pile and pain and the amount of joy that Chris was getting out of their misery and woe.

Brent growled irritably as he sat up on top of Samuel's chest and rubbed his aching skull. "I fail to see how this could _possibly_ get any worse."

" _Howaboutafire-breathingdragon?_ " Oleander rambled off from beneath Christopher and Caesar, who had ended up in a very awkward and suggestive position upon being rearranged during the last collision.

" _Put. Spaces. Between. Your. Words._ " Brent enunciated through gritted teeth, his patience already wearing thin with the speedster.

Oleander cleared her throat and took in a deep breath. "I said, 'how about a fire-breathing dragon'?" she repeated.

" _What does that even mean?_ " Brent glared at her.

"You thought you got rid of me, eh? _Guess what,_ _ **/censored/**_ _!? You thought wrong! EEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ "

"Jeremy, where did you learn to drive!?"

" _Video games! Why do you ask?_ "

" _I'm going to die! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ "

The tangled mess of bruised arms and legs and various other body parts that was the sorry lineup of competitors had mere seconds to brace themselves for impact before the chariot that Jeremy was wildly driving and Cecilia was desperately hanging onto for dear life smashed right into them like an Undead Juggernaut's Unstoppable Onslaught, promptly creating a miniature mushroom cloud of fiery destruction and devastation was surprisingly localized to the finish line. Even Chris and the lowly intern that was tasked with cleaning up after their careless boss somehow – miraculously – were miraculously left unscathed. **[6]**

Cecilia moaned, believing herself to hovering somewhere between life and death right about now. "Everything hurts . . . everything hurts . . . everything hurts . . ." she coughed as if one of her lungs had been dislocated after colliding straight on with Jeremy's armored scales. The dragon himself hardly seemed to have felt a thing, despite being a tad dazed.

Chris mockingly cringed. " _Ooh!_ That'll leave a mark!" he laughed. "That leaves only two more chariots to cross the finish line!"

" _Hooray . . ._ " Caesar grumbled sarcastically as his body patted around for his skull with little to no success.

" _Oops!_ " Chris suddenly spoke up, instantly striking fear in the hearts of the contestants under his abuse. "Looks like I spoke to soon! If I were a nice guy, I'd tell you all to brace for impact, but . . ."

The conceited host watched through a pair of binoculars that had once been around the neck of a lowly intern – who was now choking and gasping for breath as the binoculars were still attached to their neck – as Marissa and Victoria approached the finish line and were neck and neck with Sun-Li and Harmony. Much to Chris' irritation however, both chariots seemed reluctant to do anything even remotely resembling sabotage to one another despite how close they were cutting it to the finish line. It was by then however, that Marissa noticed that there was a massive pile up merely a few, vanishing yards in front of them.

Naturally, the satyress panicked. " _Look out!_ " she shouted.

It was too little too late however. By the time Victoria had pulled back on the reins and Sun-Li had followed suit after nearly jumping out of her skin at Marissa's screams of panic, it was all for naught and both carriages promptly spun out, colliding with one another and proceeding to crash headlong into the pile of dreading contestants and competitors that were all trying to frantically prepare themselves for the carnage that was to come while silently praying it wouldn't come at all. Needless to say, the injuries were many, the moaning and groaning sounded like a cacophony of agony, and Chris couldn't have been happier.

He was quickly proven wrong when everyone was forced to endure an accidental shock from Victoria's malfunctioning electrical systems.

The narcissistic host was beside himself with joy. " _Hah!_ I guess lightning really does strike the same place! _Oh, that's rich!_ "

Sun-Li didn't hear much of Chris' taunting tone. She couldn't be for absolute certain, but she could have sworn that the sudden electrical charge from Victoria had popped her ears and thus made her temporarily deaf, if that was even possible. What she could be sure of was that her nerves and skin tingled uncomfortably with small aftershocks discharged from her body and her raven black hair now looked like a startled porcupine with all its quills standing on end. That, and the almost haunted, guilty look in Victoria's spirit blue eyes when their gazes locked with one another.

It was almost as if the monstrous collaboration of body parts was sorry for hurting them. Sorry for hurting _her_.

The same could not be said for Chris when he directed them all to meet him in the Chris-o-sseum constructed at the far end of the lot within half an hour. The intern he was unintentionally choking had passed out a couple minutes ago and their companions were desperately trying to revive them when their boss had finally released his hold on the hazard that was the binoculars.

* * *

"Fun fact: The reason gladiator arenas were filled with sand was to make it easier for all the blood to drain away!"

Despite not having any blood to speak of, Faith nonetheless cowered behind Victoria's intimidating figure and peered up at Chris as he spoke. It didn't help her nonexistent nerves that the conceded host had exchanged his Spartan general uniform for that of a proud and possibly obese emperor, complete with a pure white toga, a wreath of olive branches, and a pair of lowly interns feeding him peeled grapes or fanning him while he lounged on a comfortably cushioned couch. The emperor's box was lavishly decorated with ornate curtains and pillows and rugs that must have been a cheap buck in comparison to the astonishing coliseum built into and around it. With the contestants standing down in the fighting pit, dozens upon dozens of rows of carefully crafted seats rose up around them in a steadily widening ring that seemed to reach up to the heavens.

Shannon however, was not as impressed by the architecture. " _Seriously?_ You have it in the budget to build this stupid thing but can't afford to upgrade our living accommodations?"

"I have a set amount of cash that I am allowed to spend on for you losers and unfortunately for you, it's very small." was Chris' almost careless reply.

" _'Allowed'_ , he says." Brent rolled his eyes. "And this is the show that is constantly complaining about it's budget."

" _Silence, you impudent peasants!_ " Chris yelled.

Cecilia scoffed. "Do you knew know the _meaning_ of 'impudent'?"

"Uh . . . well, I . . . that is, I must have . . . _why should I care!?_ " Chris snapped irritably before taking a deep breath and attempting to calm himself, mentally promising himself that he wouldn't let his own contestants get to him like they had in seasons prior. " _Anyway_ , you'll be battling it out in the ring like gladiators once did for the amusement of the people, all for the chance to receive the approval of an emperor such as _moi._ Since you're already divided up into two teams, we'll be having individual rounds in which one person from each team will face off against a member of the opposing team and try to succeed in winning a point; the team with the most points wins! The losers . . . well, they get fed to the lions." he grinned with a predatory fashion.

Layne gulped nervously. " _Lions?_ As in _plural?_ "

The cruel smile upon Chris' face only broadened. "Yep! For those of you wondering what happened to our good friend Jake, I have put shock collars upon him and returning contestant Toni's necks so that they will be helpless to obey my every command!"

"That's inhuman!" Harmony shouted, absolutely furious.

The narcissistic host hardly seemed to notice or care. "Don't worry. As consolation for being . . . eh, _occupied_ , Jake will receive immunity from tonight's elimination. Unlike some of _you_."

"You still can't do this!" Harmony protested.

"I'm the host! I can do whatever I want!" Chris barked, slowly starting to lose his patience. "Besides, you should have read the fine print!"

"No one reads the fine print, y-you . . . you . . . you . . . _ARGH! Curse word!_ " Harmony screamed with anger.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Does anyone ever read the fine fine print? The print that's finer than the fine print?)**

* * *

 **Harmony –** "I try not to swear. Unless you're a sailor, it's not exactly flattering and even then it's not very becoming. Plus . . . I'm not sure Christopher would like a lady who swears . . . * _blushes*_

* * *

Already growing weary of the mermaid's complaining and insistence of morals that he didn't care for, the self-absorbed host cut her off with a wave of her hand. Enough! Time for a demonstration of the good times ahead . . . well, good times for me, not so good times for you." he chuckled darkly. "Bring in the prisoners!"

"Since when are we prisoners?" Owen's voice could be heard from one of the near subterranean corridors and tunnels that snaked their way beneath the coliseum. The low rumbling of gears came from behind the group of contestants and they turned to see a section of the sand-covered ground suddenly open up amid a shower of sand and be replaced by a rising platform upon which said rotund giant, Tyler, and Paul were standing. Each of them was wearing a rather skimpy gladiator outfit that only consisted of a loincloth, arm and leg guards, a pair of leather sandles, and a crimson cape that framed their bare chests – arguably, only Owen's was less than flattering.

"I dunno, man . . . the last time I wore this didn't end well for me." Tyler frowned suspiciously at his outfit.

Despite his two friend's initial distrust, Owen remained optimistic. "Oh, come on! What's the worse that could happen?" he laughed, waving around the wooden spear and shield they had all been given.

Paul resisted the urge to bludgeon himself with his shield. "Why do you continue to jeopardize our luck?"

"What does that even mean?" Owen wondered.

"It means this!" Chris grinned devilishly as he pulled out one of his many remote controls with single, big, red buttons on them and promptly pressed the aforementioned single, big red button at the center of the device. The sound of a second trapdoor opening up caught the competitor's attention and they all turned to see a male and female lion with thick, heavy chains attached to the thick, heavy collars around their necks rise up out of the ground on a raised platform. "Contestants! You have ten seconds to get to the stands before I release the lions that were formerly your friends!"

Needless to say, it didn't take long for even the biggest and most durable contestants to follow the more squishy members of the cast into the seats.

"What about us!?" Paul started to panic when the lioness that could have only been his girlfriend snarled at him.

"You're the demonstration!" Chris yelled with the most trollish grin upon his face. "Now start demonstrating!"

Needless to say, the three horribly bamboozled teens were more than happy to do the exact opposite of demonstrating the challenge and proceeded to try and leave for their lives when the chains restraining the lions were released.

"I'm too young to die! _AHHHHHHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA!_ " Owen wailed as the lioness formerly known as Toni raced straight for and pounced upon him, slamming him into the dust and knocking his wooden shield and spear out of his hand.

The much more powerful male – Paul quickly surmised this to be Jake in disguise – went after the two, unfortunate, remaining gladiators and made a move to pounce on Tyler, just missing when the athlete dove to the side and popped up. With a loud battle cry, he thrust the point of his spear down in an attempt to stab the lion and only succeeding in furthering offending it with the feeble weapon being used. The big cat snarled at he opened his jaws wide and easily snapped the spear shaft in half with a loud splintering of wood; Tyler's face paled several shades as a result.

" _AH!_ Bad kitty! Bad kitty!" _AH! AH!_ " Owen panicked as Toni proceeded to viciously maul him, her claws easily tearing through his pathetic armor and leaving deep scratches in his jiggling belly fat. The rotund giant attempted to roll over and scramble to his feet in an effort to escape but only made it so far as getting onto his belly before Toni was upon him again and pinned him to the ground. The lioness growled and roared in Owen's ear, a sound that was enough to practically make him deaf from the sheer volume and scare him absolutely witless.

Fortunately for Owen, he had a natural defense mechanism when it came to getting out of sticky situations – or toothy, as the case may be.

Toni yowled in agony at the awful stench that was released from Owen's bowls, desperately clawing at her sensitive nose as if that were enough to rid her of the noxious odor that refused to leave her alone. With Jake currently distracted with chasing down Tyler, Paul took the golden opportunity presented to him and charged straight at the distracted lioness, slamming his entire frame into the big cat, and tackling her to the ground.

Paul grunted as he struggled and pulled the animal into a headlock. "Owen! _Run!_ "

The rotund giant didn't need to be told twice and hurriedly made a mad dash for the stands, his little legs already starting to work against him as he dropped to his hands and knees and crawled the rest of the way to the stands. It took the last of his strength in order to even climb back to his feet and haul himself over the lip of the gladiator pit into the stands, where he rewarded himself with what he considered to be a well deserved rest by promptly passing out from exhaustion.

With his obese friend out of harm's way, Paul returned his attention to the lioness that had managed to break free of his hold and was now currently circling him, warily. "C'mon, Toni, _please_ don't make me do this! I love you too much to hurt you anymore!"

The lioness was apparently having nothing of it and unleashed a loud roar before charging right at him, claws outstretched and fangs bared for the kill. Paul swallowed anxiously and tightly clenched his fists, having cast aside the weapons he had been given long ago in favor of fighting with his own two hands. At the last second, he tightened and flexed the sensitive chromatophores in his skins and completely disappeared from view in a matter of seconds, leaving Toni to pounce on nothing but bare earth as he rolled out of the way.

The big cat growled irritably and searched for any sign of her missing quarry, her sensitive ears flickering and pricking up at the slightest scuff of sand that wasn't created by a screaming athlete as he fled for his life. Her eyes soon picked up on a shadow sneaking its way across the sand out of the corner of her right eye that was suspiciously free of any body it should have been attached to. With lightning fast reflexes, the lioness whirled around and succeeding in clobbering the camouflaged Paul across the face with her paw – it might as well have been getting a cinder block to the face – knocking him to the ground where he instinctively dropped his disguise and rolled over on his back, dazed.

The lioness wasted no time and pounced, slamming into Paul's fallen form and pinning his shoulder and ankles to the ground with her powerful paws and claws. She narrowed her head closer to his now trembling face, her nostrils flaring angrily as she panted and her yellowed fangs bared and just an inch away from tearing out his throat faster than he could have even screamed for mercy. Much to Chris' annoyance however – and everyone else's relief – Toni didn't seem remotely interested in this when her taunt figure relaxed slightly and she affectionately nuzzled Paul with her head, a low growl coming from her throat that might been a purr.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Can you feel the love tonight?)**

* * *

 **Paul –** _*looks around the port-a-potty with a mixture of nostalgia and disgust*_ "Toni's got this weird way of showing affection. One moment, I'l be minding my own business, and then the next I'll find myself on the business end of some apex predator's huge teeth. Next thing I know, she'll be hugging and kissing me like normal, as if nothing ever happened!" _*scratches the back of his neck awkwardly*_ "Don't get me wrong, I _love_ Toni more than I've ever loved anyone else in my life, but I've lost good shorts the first few times it happened, if you catch my drift."

 **Toni –** "What, you've never heard of a love bite?" * _looks a little guilty*_ "Okay, so maybe I could start giving Paul more surprises that involve less teeth, but come on! Izzy does the same thing to Owen!" _*realizes what she just said*_ "And now that I say that out loud, that's not a very good comparison."

 **Izzy –** "There's nothing E-scope loves more than sinking her teeth into some good ol' Big O! He brings back so many happy memories, it's almost like eating marshmallow bunnies covered in caramel chocolate! _Yum!_ "

 **Sasquatchanakwa –** _*attempting to text with its big, ape thumbs before accidentally dropping its phone into the toilet*_

* * *

Needless to say, Chris was less than thrilled to find that the brutal mauling he had called for had quickly been turned into a circus act. With a frustrated frown, he pulled out yet another one of his many remotes with single, large, red buttons on them and pressed said single, large, red button. A slight smile crept across his mug when the two lions down in the gladiator pit responded with roars of pain when electricity coursed out from their collars and across their bodies, forcing them back onto the platform they had entered the arena on; only then did the incredible shock finally end.

That being said, Jake managed to get one last swipe at Tyler before being forced to flee and the athlete was currently doing a remarkable impression of an ostrich who had buried its head in the sand.

"Friends! Romans! Losers that are all beneath my mightiness!" Chris declared loudly as the lions vanished back beneath the sands. "Team 1 shall be henceforth known as the Romans and Team 2 shall henceforth be called the Greeks!"

"Does this mean that you shall be henceforth known as the Man Who Never Stops Talking?" Cecilia mocked the host, earning several snickers from her fellow cast mates.

The egomaniac frowned. " _No_ , it means that you will be fighting each other to the death, as to be determined by these two wonderful devices that I have dubbed the Screens of Excruciating Pain and Hilarity! _Patent pending._ " he added and two panels in the ancient, stone walls of the coliseum rumbled open to reveal two screens colored red and gold, respectively. With another press of the single, big, red button upon one of his many mysterious remotes, the two screens began to rapidly flash pictures of the contestants before they began to slow down in their rotations and finally settle on the selected pair.

"And it looks like our first two vic-, I mean _challengers_ , are Andrew for the Romans and Victoria for the Greeks!" Chris found himself attempting to cover himself up.

Oleander was laughing joyfully as Victoria grunted and launched herself into the air, easily clearing the height of a three story building in a single bound before coming slamming down in the gladitorial arena in an explosion of sand and dust. " _Ha, ha, hah!_ We got this in the bag! Sparky's gonna crush 'im!"

"Perhaps not, Oleander. Remember, there are strength in numbers." Sun-Li reminded the speedster.

"So, what? It just means more of him for Sparky to clobber!" Oleander grinned. " _Whoo!_ Go, Sparky! Knock 'im into next week!"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – What about last week? Does that work, too?)**

* * *

 **Andrew –** _*trembles with fear*_ "I remember back during the Wild West challenge that I was the one to get Victoria out of the virtual reality portion . . . you don't think she remembers that, do you? Monsters can't hold grudges, right? _Right?_ "

 **Robyn –** _*grinning evilly*_ "Oh, I am going to enjoy _this_ . . ."

* * *

Andrew swallowed nervously and silently began praying to the almighty Zeus and/or Jupiter – because he could never remember which one was the other – while he quickly proceeded to divide himself into half-a-dozen clones of identical appearance. Victoria cracked her gigantic fists with a single flex of her monstrous fingers, a dangerous amount of electrical energy dancing across her powerful arms and towering energy turrets.

At the sound of a gong, the six Andrews all gave battle cries and gave a mad rush at Victoria's towering form, fists raised and ready to dogpile her into submission despite the dangers it possessed. Nonetheless, the monstrous collaboration of body parts was ready for them and slammed her fists into the ground, releasing an electric shock that stunned all of the duplicates long enough for her to grab two of them and smash them together like a pair of cymbals, forcing them to fuse back together. She then tossed the unfortunate clone up into the air and grabbed hold of the duplicate by the leg.

With a thunderous roar she began to rapidly spin like a top, slamming her screaming weapon into his doppelgangers and forcing them to fuse back together until there was only one Andrew left. With that done, Victoria then proceeded to hurl him with all her might straight up into the air, screaming all the way as he went higher and higher into the air until he disappeared into the glare of the sun. Victoria was barely winded when she shielded her eyes from the harsh light in search of her opponent before finally catching sight of a tiny, black speck high up in the sky that was getting bigger and bigger and louder and louder by the second. With a final scream before impact, Andrew came crashing down to the ground like a meteorite, leaving a crater in his likeness in his wake at Victoria's feet.

Silence fell over the stadium before the Greeks team exploded into applause, cheers of approval, and witch-like cackling on Robyn's part.

Chris of course, was greatly entertained. "And just like that, Victoria sets a new Olympic hammer throw record!" he announced. "That's one point for the Greeks and a full body cast for Andrew!"

"Yes, mommy, the Legend27 captured my hero again!" Andrew moaned deliriously from the hole shaped in his likeness as a pair of interns came trotting out of the stands and proceeded to carry him off on a stretcher for medical attention. Victoria gave the hole in Andrew's likeness a light scuff before lumbering back towards the stands past the spot where Tyler had been puled out of the ground by another group of interns and Paul, both of which were now sitting in the stands next to Owen while he got his injuries treated.

Chris wiped a tear of joy from his eye and the pair of roulette was sent spinning again at the push of the button, creating fear and angst among the cast when they caught sight of the Andrew-shaped hole in the ground that had been left behind from the previous battle. "And it looks like Faith is fighting for the Romans and Brent is fighting for the Greeks! This should be interesting." he noted.

Faith fought to swallow what felt like a boulder in her throat as she fearfully floated over and down into the arena, anxiously picking away at her fingernails and trying not to look at Brent square in the eye. The wandering spirit trembled at the murderous look in the Strategic Jackass' eyes and attempted to look as brave as possible, only to miserably fail and startle at the sound of the gong that singaled their fight was to begin.

With a loud scream, Brent rushed straight at the ghost like a crazed bull with a cruel, grinning smile crossing his face when Faith whimpered and instinctively curled herself up into a fetal position, as if that were going to be enough to protect her from harm. The ghost was only just barely peeking through her transparent fingers, awaiting the inevitable pain that was to come with Brent bearing down on her when . . . she suddenly felt strangely warm.

It was strange because she was usually use to being cold or not feeling anything at all and there had only been a few times in the past when she had ever felt this warm. This greatly confused her because the only times she had ever felt this warm was . . .

Faith felt her eyes widen with realization.

"What exactly am I looking at here?" Chris asked from the emperor's box, scratching head in bafflement. The reason he was so baffled was because, for reasons that were as of yet completely unknown to him, Brent had suddenly and inexplicably decked himself across the face, leaving a nasty bruise upon his cheek. The face-stealer then proceeded to give himself a swift uppercut to the jaw and then to repeatedly punch himself in the stomach, leaving him breathless and nearly in danger of passing out before he did the most truly painful thing known to mandom: he punched himself in the family jewels as hard as possible.

"It would seem that Faith has taken possession of Brent's body." Sun-Li observed, cringing slightly when Brent fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. By then, Faith decided that her opponent had suffered enough and proceeded to leave his body and make her way back into the stands to her team, leaving Brent to drag himself towards the Greeks.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Looks like Faith has become a force to be reckoned with!)**

* * *

 **Brent –** _*rubs jaw sorely with an icepack in his lap*_ "That's it. That pathetic, ectoplasmic waste of space just made it onto my list. Nobody makes me punch myself below the belt and gets away with it!"

* * *

Chris was greatly enjoying himself by this point, even if the competition had only just started. "Oh, that was rich! More! I gotta have more!" he laughed.

"You are truly one despicable human being." Cecilia muttered sourly under her breath.

The insult barely even seemed to phase the narcissistic host. "Meh, heard worse. Now then, on with the brutality!" he grinned eagerly as the infamous remote in his hand was activated once more and the pair of roulette were forced into rapidly spinning once more. Seconds of tension passed before a pair of images of two contestants were brought up.

"Jordan is fighting for the Romans and Sun-Li is fighting for the Greeks!" Chris proclaimed excitedly.

Sun-Li swallowed nervously and softly flicked her wrist. Her grip tightened on her bo staff and the wind obeyed without hesitation, picking her up like a leaf in the breeze and gently carrying her down to the gladiator arena. Jordan gave a single flap of his wings and shot up a short distance in the air before alighting back down on the ground to face his opponent with a stoic gaze that Sun-Li found herself incapable of reading.

The sound of a gong being played over a hidden speaker system – the person who was usually tasked with such menial labor, the one and only Chef Hatchet, was currently cleaning up the mess Owen had made in his kitchen – and Sun-Li assumed a fighting stance with bo staff positioned behind her, ready to whip out at a moments notice.

Jordan quickly spread his wings and took to the air, viciously pumping his wings to gain as much altitude as possible until he was high above the coliseum and out of immediate attack range. He carefully eyed his opponent's movement, his incredible eyesight catching every last detail; it was an ability that had both its ups and downs. It became immensely useful when looking out for danger or capturing every last spec of beauty out of something he greatly enjoyed, but then there were the times where he really wish he didn't have eyes that were nearly twice as acute as a hawk's – namely what he called 'The Noodle Incident'.

The angel caught the slightest twitch of Sun-Li's hands and he immediately folded in his wings to take a barrel roll to the left just as a blast of compressed wind buffeted the space he had been in seconds before. With adrenaline coursing through his veins, Jordan gave a short spiral and plummeted down towards the earth in a tight corkscrew straight at Sun-Li; at the last second however, mere moments before he would have collided with her head on like a falling star, he flared open his wings and slowed his fall.

Cecilia watched with baffled interest as Jordan buzzed in a tight circle above Sun-Li and ifred off twin beams of intense heat from his eyes, scorching the ground in a close ring around the air manipulator before alighting on the ground. The Short-Tempered Tryhard was confused as to what was supposed to happen before very nearly falling out of her seat when the circle of ash suddenly exploded into searing hot flames, trapping Sun-Li in a ring of fire.

The air-manipulator screamed with fright at the sudden blast of extreme heat, yelping when twin jets of highly concentrated energy just barely grazed her shoulder. Before she could even understand what was happening, another pair of beams came shooting right at her chest; had she not slammed her bo staff down on the earth to propel into the air with a blast of wind she would have been hit. Another set of beams came firing at her and she was forced to jump to the side before ducking as another pair came racing for her head, quickly followed by another and another until she was dodging laser beams left and right from the wall of fire.

Chris was laughing his butt off. "That's it, Jordan! Make 'er dance!"

" _Please!_ Stop!" Sun-Li pleaded.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – What exactly are we dancing to? Does anyone know Gandam Style?)**

* * *

 **Jordan –** "I don't take pleasure in the misery of others. Never have never will, got it?" * _sighs*_ "Regardless, I can't throw a challenge just because I don't want to hurt anyone . . . no matter how cruel it may seem. Now that that's done, I'm out of here; my wings are already ruined enough as it is."

* * *

Much to Chris' delight and Sun-Li's horror, Jordan continued to fire beams of extreme heat from his eyes at the air-manipulator, forcing her to twist and contort her body into various positions just to avoid getting struck; she wasn't exactly sure what would happen if she _was_ hit, but she suspected that the outcome was anything but good.

"Come on, you overgrown chicken! End her already!" Robyn shouted impatiently.

"Sun-Li! You've got to fight him!" Harmony yelled what words of encouragement she had. "You can do it! We believe in you!"

Brent muttered under his breath. "I believe in her alright. I believe that she'll suck **_/censored/_**." he cynically cracked, earning a snicker of amusement from Shannon.

Left with little choice, Sun-Li took Harmony's advice and swallowed nervously and crouched down into a kneeling position with her bo staff planted firmly into the sand of the gladiatorial arena. She took a final deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut for what was to come as she released her hold on the mental dam that kept her highly destructive powers in check and prepared for the worst. The wind – usually at her beck and call – now ceased to ignore her orders under her command, relinquishing any and all hold she had over it within a matter of seconds. At first it was nothing more than a brisk breeze that made the sand dance across the arena, but then it grew into a forceful gust and then into a mighty gale until the winds had became a raging storm of destruction! A violent cyclone picked up around Sun-Li's quaking form and immediately ignited into a fiery inferno from the ring of flames that encircled her.

" _AHHHHHHHHHH!_ It's World Tour all over again!" Owen wailed as he clung to his seat for dear life while Tyler and Paul did the smart thing and hung on to the biggest object within reach, which just happened to be the wailing, gaseous giant.

Thinking quickly, Samuel quickly stretched and wrapped his elastic, muscular arms around his team mates and pulled them all together into a tight bear hug while he hunkered down close to the ground, preventing anyone from being whisked away in the powerful winds. Despite her initial protest about how the static electricity would ruin her hair, Shannon was pulled into a tight hold by Victoria when she copied the Gentle Giant's gesture.

Jordan meanwhile, was having a less than stellar time and was getting whipped around like a kite in a hurricane. His wings were absolutely useless while he was thrown about, acting like sails and catching the wailing wind so that he was at its full mercy. As if that weren't enough, the winds were on _fire_ , which was generally bad enough in its own right, but this was extraordinarily bad. He could already smell the foul odor of burning feathers and frantically was occupying his attention to saving what was left of his wings when he wasn't busy trying to keep himself from getting brutally injured in the miniature tornado of flames.

This proved to be absolutely fruitless when he suddenly faceplanted against the sand like a sack of potatoes, down for the count.

Through the howling winds Chris yelled at the top of his lungs while he clung to his comfortable, plush couch for dear life. "Jordan has been defeated and Sun-Li is the winner. Now if it isn't too much trouble . . . _make it stop!_ "

" _On it!_ " Oleander grinned as she broke free of Victoria's iron grip and raced out into the arena. At first it looked like the speedster was just as in danger of being carried away by the gale-force winds as before, that is until she began to run in the opposite direction that the tornado that encircled Sun-Li like a suit of armor. Oleander was nothing but a bright orange and blue blur racing faster and faster in a tight ring around Sun-Li, creating a counterbalance of sorts that began to slowly spin the cyclone in the other direction against the air-manipulator's power. After several tense seconds the fiery tornado promptly exploded in a blast of shrieking and wailing wind that swept out in all directions and eventually dispersed, bringing Oleander to a screeching stop.

"Mission accomplished!" she fist-pumped excitedly before catching sight of Jordan. "Hey, Chicken Legs, you gonna be alright?"

" _Eventually . . ._ " the angel murmured with his head buried in the sand.

Oleander barely even heard him though. This was largely in part due to the fact that Sun-Li, having drained herself of all her energy reserves, had fallen asleep out of exhaustion and was currently snoring with the volume that a freight train's whistle might give off at close distance.

"Will _someone_ shut her up!?" Chris whined. Without another word, Oleander swooped Sun-Li up in her arms and sped off out of the coliseum in a blue of blue and orange while Jordan picked himself up off of the ground and made his way back towards his greatly disappointed team. " _Thank you!_ Now then, it's 2:1 in favor of the Greeks! Do the Romans have a prayer of catching up and taking the gold medal home? Lets find out!"

Without further ado, the host pressed yet another one of the oversized, red buttons on another one of his many remotes and roulette were sent spinning like tops. Tense seconds passed before a pair of contestants were selected . . . or at least, one contestant.

"What is _that?_ " Cecilia raised an eyebrow when she caught sight of the skull-and-crossbones that was in place of the other contestant that would have been apposing the selected contestant, Layne.

" _That_ my illiterate, little girl, means that things are about to get interesting!" Chris announced as he activated yet another one of his seemingly infinite remotes. "Layne, get ready to take on the King and Queen of the Jungle!"

The matter-manipulator whimpered as he was pushed out into the arena while the platform to which a lion and lioness were chained to slowly and ominous rose up from the ground, immediately releasing the shackles that kept Jake and Toni firmly locked in place. The pair of big cats growled as they stalked off the platform and began hungrily circling Layne, giving him an all too close up view of the way their powerful muscles rippled beneath their fur and how they're terrifyingly strong paws seemed to slam into the earth with each step.

Layne swallowed nervously. "Please . . . just make my demise quick." he pleaded. An ear-splitting roar from both of the big cats that made him nearly wet his pants was their answer and they immediately charged at him with murderous intent.

Cecilia couldn't say she was overly interested in the battle, despite the fact that Layne was currently fleeing for his life with the two lions hot on his heels and with teeth and ambitions bared. She was more concentrated on the back of Jeremy's head, taking mild note of how his flaming red hair gently receded into bony spikes that poked out of his thick, scaly skin. She still wasn't comfortable without the half-dragon refused to divulge any information about what was clearly bothering him. She couldn't shake the feeling that what he was bothered by was something of great importance, at least to him, and she wanted to help him out in anyway she could; if only he would open up to her.

She was so busy trying to bore a hole into Jeremy's skull that she almost didn't notice the yowls of surprise and roars of defeat that came the arena when Layne remembered that he had superpowers and promptly proceeded to bury the two lions in a mountain of sand, thus bringing a surprisingly swift end to the battle.

The rest of the battles passed uneventfully for her. She had seen it all too many times in the past couple of weeks alone. It was the same old plot over and over again with two sides always clashing over some manner or other and one of them always triumphing over the other through brute strength or an incredible skill of their power. It got more and more disinteresting with every battle; Marissa lost to Domanic after taking a ball of compressed sand to the stomach; Oleander managed to easily scatter Caesar to the four winds after plowing straight into him like a freight train; Shannon surrendered after spending five minutes of being chased around the arena by a gigantic Samuel that repeatedly had tried to squish her like a bug, much to the severe irritation of her team (had Harmony not given him a look, Jeremy very well would have roasted her).

Things got a tad more amusing when the roulette drew Christopher for the Romans and Harmony for the Greeks, respectfully. She sifted through their dreams every now and again – they seemed like nice enough people – and every time she viewed them they would always be of one or the other; the mermaid could never seem to keep her dreams off of the Lone Ranger and he in turn couldn't seem to be able to keep his mind off of the Ocean Girl. As much she hated to admit to such Chris-like behavior, pitting star-crossed lovers against one another was among one of the more interesting cliches that was bound to make almost any situation entertaining.

It was a shame the grand performance that would have been the battle was cut short when Harmony promptly froze Christopher in a block of solid ice. Granted, the super soldier could have easily broken out under normal circumstances, but even he had difficulty being treated like a Tupperware dish that sat in the back of the fridge for too long. It seemed things were doomed to remain dull and dreary for her.

That is, until Robyn and Jeremy were selected.

While secretly happy that she wasn't the poor sap that would have to face off against the foul-mouthed sovereign of darkness, Cecilia couldn't help but perk up with interest when Jeremy seemed to tense at the sound of his name. She watched with curiosity as the two entered the arena and squared off one another, making numerous threatening and intimidating gestures and threats towards one another; cracking their knuckles and other various body parts, flaring their wings to appear larger and more threatening, allowing slips of chaotic black magic lose.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We don't who is scarier, the Son of Smaug or the He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named Wannabe. Place your bets now, ladies and gentlemen!)**

* * *

 **Jeremy –** _*sucks in a deep breath and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck*_ "Fighting the chick I like . . . not one of my finer moments. This is gonna be tough."

 **Robyn –** _*repeatedly slamming her head against the wall*_ " _God!_ ** _/censored/_** _Damnit!_ ** _/censored/_** you, Chris! **_/censored/_** with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole covered in **_/censored/_** spikes! * _turns and glares at the camera with enough anger and rage to make someone lose every last shred of their innocence*_ "One more thing, you **_/censored/_** _!_ One more thing and I go ever the deep end, and believe me, that's not something you want to see in this life time or the next!"

* * *

The sound of a gong ringing loud and clear throughout the coliseum was what set the two opponents off. With a flap of his draconic wings, Jeremy swooped low across the ground and suddenly lashed out at Robyn's legs with his wicked claws, just missing by a few inches when the sorceress leaped and used his face as a springboard to launch herself into the air. With his back exposed to her, Robyn hurled a barrage of crackling, chaotic orbs of dark magic as she landed on the ground and quickly erected a shield of arcane energy when the half-dragon dug his claws into the dirt and whirled around to blast her with a wave of fire.

Jeremy gave a low growl while he planted his hands firmly in the dirt, his back arched and his wings spread to their widest so that he would appear larger than he normally was; he was balancing himself out between his feral instincts and his calculative mind. His highly attuned senses picked up every last detail, everything from the noxious odor of Owen's sweat and nervous farting to the sight of Chris watching the whole spectacle with a shit-eating grin that anyone would have been all too happy to wipe off his ugly mug and the sound of Robyn's hammering heart in his ears. He focused his attention on her, analyzing every last part of her that he could see, smell, hearing, even taste about her with his forked tongue until he came to a simple conclusion.

She wasn't scared of him. In fact, she seemed to be just the exact opposite. She seemed invigorated by him, her body lacking of the pheromones it unconsciously gave off when under incredibly stressful situations that were hazardous to her health. She wasn't afraid of him at all; it was like she had found a kindred spirit in him.

For the briefest moment the halfbreed hesitated in his steady stream of searing flame – from the stands it looked like he was taking a much needed breath to refresh himself – giving Robyn the opportunity to strike. With the incantation of a spell under her breath her hands were encompassed in a black aura and a shimmering, opaque image of a gigantic mace was formed above her head; with a single, downward thrust of her hands the mace came crashing down on top of Jeremy, crushing him into the dust. At least, that was what everyone thought until they realized that the halfbreed was using his great draconic strength to hold the massive weapon in place, his muscles straining against the tremendous force being placed down upon him as his wings flapped madly in a futile effort to push upward. With every flap of his leathery wings sand was billowed in a swift gusts and he slowly and steadily made headway on pushing up on the black construct until he was finally standing.

Robyn was mildly surprised to say the least, but quickly hid it behind a mask of frustration. With the utterance of another spell too soft to hear, the ground rumbled and trembled as if under a minor tremor and several large boulders cloaked in the familiar black aura of the dark sovereign were ripped forth from the ground. With every swing of her hands a rock the size of one of Chris' many cars was hurled straight at Jeremy, and yet he didn't even flinch. The half-dragon instead took a deep breath and opened his jaws wide when a stream of blazing hot fire leapt forth with a thunderous roar, scorching the boulders and melting them into molten rock in midair.

Before the Goth Punk could even attempt to shoot off a counterspell, Jeremy bared his fangs and blasted another wave of searing hot flame at her. She instinctively erected a barrier of dark magic to protect her from the majority of the blast and let it drop once she was sure that the scathing heat had subsided . . . only to be suddenly slammed into with the force of a freight train! The wind was knocked out of her and she was knocked flat on her back with enough power to make her vision blurry. She was aware of something lying on top of her, blocking out the sun, and restricting the movement of her hands and wrists all at once.

When her vision finally stopped spinning, Robyn's stunning, icy blue orbs met with the smoldering embers that were Jeremy's eyes.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Is it hot in here, or is it just us?)**

* * *

 **Robyn –** _*with dreamy expression*_ "Oh, he's good . . . and strong . . . and powerful . . . I _like_ powerful." _*realizes what she just said and raises a hand crackling with black fire that she promptly launches at the camera. Needless to say, this is another camera that is coming out of Chef Hatchet's paycheck for reasons he will never understand*_

* * *

"Well, now, isn't this a rather interesting situation we've gotten ourselves into?" Jeremy teased, his warm breath caressing her cool, pale skin like the warmth of a fireplace.

Robyn could feel her face heating up, though she couldn't be sure whether it was from the warmth that seemed to naturally radiate off of the halfbreed's body in waves or the intense blush she was trying to hide. "It's only 'interesting' if you make it 'interesting', **_/censored/_**." she pointed out, her eyes no longer quite meeting his.

"Maybe I like to make things _interesting_ ," his voice seemed to purr with just a hint of a low, gravelly tone that Robyn could have sworn sent shivers up her spine. "Either way, I believe this counts as a victory for me."

"Wonderful. You can get off now." the Goth Punk rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I don't want to?"

Robyn knew for a fact that she was now blushing and was about to offer a retort when she realized that the two of them were still being watched by their fellow castmates and current tormentor. An intense glare flashed across her alabaster features and her body suddenly radiated with a sinister, black aura that blasted Jeremy off of her with a sudden explosion of dark, arcane magic. Abyssal flames flickered intensely in her eyes as she climbed to her feet and stalked back towards her teammates, who wisely decided to give her a wide berth; Jeremy meanwhile, crawled back to his equally confused team.

Fortunately for Chris, he figured that his usual charm and wit would possibly end up getting him sent into a terrifying nightmare realm and decided that keeping any comments he had to himself was in his best interest. "And with the score 5 to 4 in favor of the Greeks, can the Romans hope to win the next glorious battle in order to receive a tie breaker and earn the approval of the high and mighty, Julius Chrisear?" the more than egotistical host narrated proudly. "I think not!"

"Well, at least we can confirm his level of intelligence." Brent snarked.

The high and mighty 'Julius Chrisear' decided to ignore the biting comment. "Despite the insignificant comments of the peasant patrons-"

" _Excuse me?_ " Shannon snarled, a loud hiss like that of an alligator escaping her lips. Sun-Li and Oleander took a cautious step back, not quite sure whether their ears had deceived them or not.

"We still have one round left! Adara and Cecilia! Enter the ring if you please, before I get _bored._ " Chris continued on, remaining oblivious to the opinions of the peanut gallery. "And you wouldn't like me when I'm _bored._ "

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – So you're saying we'd like you when you're entertained?)**

* * *

 **Andrew –** "Of all the movie lines he could have parodied . . . _that has to be the most awesome!_ " _*Izzy suddenly drops in on from the ceiling, landing in his lap with the sickening sound of crunching bones*_ " _IZZY!?_ "

 **Izzy –** "That's E-scope to you, Mummy Boy! And as for the most awesome movie line to parody, E-scope begs to differ!"

 **Andrew –** _*smirks smugly*_ "Oh, really? And just what in the name of Thor's mighty hammer, Meow-Meow, is that?"

 **Izzy –** _*grins maniacally and presses her body up against Andrew's chest, rising up a little so that she towers over him while she grabs her breasts and shoves them in his face*_ "Say hello to my little friends!"

 **Andrew –** _*eyes widen to the size of dinner plates*_ " _Little . . . f-friends . . ?_ You call . . . I-I mean, you . . . I . . . watermelons . . . I must, I have to . . . I want to- _no! I must resist, man! I gotta restrain myself! BY THE POWERS THAT COMPELL YOU, I BANISH YOU, YOU TRAITOROUS VIXEN SO THAT MY UNDYING LOVE FOR ROBYN MAY LIVE ON! BE GONE, BRAH! BE GONE!_ "

 **Izzy –** "Someone's been watchin' too many ghost movies!" _*laughs and shrugs*_ "Ah, well, you know what they say, 'There's plenty of gigantic, mutant alligators in the city's sewer system'! But who knows?" _*seductively traces her finger along Andrew's collarbone and softly caresses his bandaged cheek when she whispers in his ear*_ "E-scope just may run into you again . . . and again . . . and again . . . and as many times as it takes until E-scope has what E-scope wants . . . but until then, _hasta la vista, suckers!_ "

 **Andrew –** _*coughs violently as Izzy throws a smoke bomb and disappears in a puff of noxious smoke*_ "What the heck just happened, bro!?"

* * *

Adara said nothing as she hopped over the low wall of the arena and landing in the gladiatorial ring with small puff of sand beneath her feet. Without a sound she stiffly walked out to the center of the coliseum and waited patiently for her opponent to follow suit, giving her enough time to analyze her. Her eyes were unlike any other, trained to be just as sensitive, if not more than the most high definition cameras and her mind easily calculated Cecilia's various strengths and weaknesses faster than a super computer, highlighting several points that needed to be hit in order to obtain victory.

The sound of a gong ringing loud across the arena sounded the beginning of the match; Adara didn't waste a second. Faster than the human eye could blink Adara had whipped out a pair of carefully handcrafted daggers from her belt and spun them around in her fingers before dashing forward at light speed. The wind whistled in her ears with her sights permanently locked on the oh, so slow dream-manipulator, her mind racing and taking in every new and sudden development. She had to strike swift and quick in order to avoid being put to sleep and having her mind probed by Cecilia, mistakes were not optional.

At the last second she rushed at her stunned opponent, taking a sudden leap and raising her daggers above her head; her guard was open and she was vulnerable to being attacked, by her analyzation skills were second to none. Her opponent was quite literally helpless in physical capabilities, heavily relying on her mental abilities to do the work for her. Adara would have acted differently and accordingly had the scales been more balanced, but this was not such a case. It was actually almost an insult of sorts to be put up against such a weak opponent, but she supposed that she wouldn't always get what she wanted.

It was rather unfortunate then for Adara that her foes managed to dive out of the way in time.

With an impassive look of disruption, the Trained Weapon fluidly pulled her daggers out of the sand and whirled around to expertly hurl the blades at the Short-Tempered Tryhard, nailing the loose cuff of her sleeves and pinning her to the ground. Granted, blades against sand wasn't as strong as if she had pinned her opponent up against a wall, but it offered her enough time to race towards the opposite side of the arena and take a flying leap at the wall. At the last second she twisted her foot and propelled herself off of the cheaply constructed barrier shot off like a rocket into the air, much to the amazement of her fellow competitors.

Christopher rubbed her eyes, almost unable to comprehend what he was seeing. "Sweet mother of George Washington! She's flying like a BrahMos anti-ship cruise missile!" he exclaimed when Adara suddenly began to spin, turning her entire body into a giant corkscrew as she reached the climax of her ascent.

" _That's_ gonna hurt on landing." Caesar predicted with a slight cringe while Adara came plummeting back down to the ground straight at Cecilia as she helplessly tried to squirm herself free; it was all for naught, however. The entire stadium and winced when the Trained Weapon came crashing down on Cecilia in a bone-crushing anvil drop, driving her elbow and arm into the dream-manipulator's gut and knocking the wind out of her.

Chris cringed from all the way up in the emperor's box, unconsciously holding his own stomach with worry. "And with that display of hidden power, Adara ties it all up for the Romans!"

"Wait a minute," Domanic realized something. "You mean we just beat the ever living tar out of each other for nothing!?"

" _Yep!_ " Chris smiled proudly, flashing his famous, pearly whites for the camera. "You got a problem with that?"

Marissa seethed with anger. "Andrew's in a full body cast!"

"And your point is?" Chris raised an eyebrow without care. "Now if you're all done whining, pick the dirt out of your teeth and meet me at the Museum set in ten minutes! Hop to it!" he clapped his hands expectantly. A group of interns hurriedly scrambled to grab the corners of the host's plush couch and strained to lift it off the ground before carrying it and their boss off.

Andrew had to ask Marissa to be turned to watch him go.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Should we stay or should we go?)**

* * *

 **Victoria –** _*grunts uncomfortably as she tries to squeeze into the confessional and rubs her chin in thought*_ " _Hmmm_ . . . I _may_ have overdone it back there . . ." _*looks at her gigantic hands in disgust*_

* * *

"I said ten minutes, not an _hour_ and ten minutes!" Chris griped, impatiently tapping his foot.

"Yeah, well, that's what you get when you fail to mention that the Museum set you were talking about is actually inside of the film lot's water tower!" Cecilia snapped back. "And that's not even _mentioning_ the fact that the entrance is _hidden!_ "

"Details, details," Chris waved off the contestant's irritation. The Museum set – which was located in the film lot's water tower for some bizarre reason that had never been divulged – was a large and spacious room whose walls were adorned with strong columns of carefully plaster and styrofoam specially painted and crafted to appear as marble. The floor, despite appearing as an expensive tiling of sorts, was instead a greatly painted wooden floor that creaked every now and again when Victoria or Samuel moved around too much. "Now then, prepare for-"

"Excuse me, but didn't you say that Jake wasn't competing in today's challenge?" Cecilia interrupted.

Chris glowered, annoyed that he was cut off. "Yeah, why?"

"Then, why is here?" the Short-Tempered Tryhard jerked a thumb in the direction of the Wildcard, who was absentmindedly munching on a bag of popcorn next to her.

"Because despite being kidnapped against my will and forced to participate in a challenge through an unnecessary amount of electricity, I somehow _still_ have to participate in the challenge." Jake answered with an almost nonchalant manner before he turned to Chris. "Side note: Toni's suing you over the shock collar's."

Chris frowned and pulled out his phone to make a note to ready the lawyers before continuing. "Now then, if there aren't anymore interruptions-"

"I have one," Brent cut in without care. "May I have the pleasure of interrupting you?"

The look on the narcissistic host's face was greatly amusing to the cast as he looked just about ready to strangle the Strategic Jackass whom was standing less than a few feet away and just within lunging range. After realizing that he was on camera, the host quickly recomposed himself and pretended that he hadn't just about lost his temper. "Anyway, please, take a seat."

Andrew craned his neck as he far as he could from his position in his wheelchair, which had been kindly pushed by Marissa. "But . . . there's nowhere to sit, bro." he remarked.

The shark-like grin on Chris' face when he pulled out yet another one of hi numerous remotes was more than enough for Faith to seek immediate shelter behind Victoria's imposing frame. "Oh, _is there!?_ " he exclaimed dramatically.

Before any of the contestants could comprehend what was happening, the floor beneath their feet was suddenly and unexpectedly pulled out from underneath them. For the briefest moment they all plummeted a few feet before hitting something that was painfully hard that jarred them to the bone as it carried them up in a sitting position. Within seconds of returning to the floor level from whence they had fallen, straps and buckles lashed out of the benches they were sitting on and buckled themselves over their chests to lock them into place; Chris' diabolical cackling was not helping Faith's anxiety when she realized that she was incapable of phasing through her restraints.

"You like, Sad Sack?" Chris leered at the specter when he noticed her distress. "All of yourrestraints are filled with low-charged wires, just enough that the electricity coursing through them binds the molecules together so that you can't phase out of them, as well as allowing me to deliver a little disciplinary shock if things turn ugly . . . or at least, that's what the eggheads in the Prop Department said." he mumbled quietly to himself.

Christopher spoke up. "Um, excuse me, sir? These straps are cutting off my circulation."

"Really? Isn't that interesting." Chris said without care. "Now then, to determine the winner of the tie-breaker from the last challenge between the Roman and Greek teams, we'll be playing a little game I like to call . . . 'Truth or Torture'!"

"I already don't like it." Caesar grumbled.

"That makes two of us." Shannon frowned.

"I'm pretty sure we can all agree that none of us like it." Harmony sighed warily.

Chris' shit-eating grin never faltered. "Well, that's too bad for you then because it's my show and thus, my rules and I say we're playing whether you like it or not! Isn't that great?" he laughed. "Now then, the rules of the game are simple: if you get a Truth, you will have to answer _truthfully_. Failure to do so will result in a punishment for your entire team and will not earn you a point. If you get a Torture, you will have to endure an ancient torture method for a maximum of sixty seconds in order to win your team a point. If you cry 'Uncle' before then, your team will receive a punishment and will not a point. The first team to get five points is the winner!"

Shannon growled. "You have got to be kidding me! You expect us to inflict severe damage on ourselves for your own amusement!? You are sick, McLean! You are sick in the head!

"Tell me something I don't know," Chris smirked. "As for your concerns, you can choose to opt out of a truth or torture, but your team will not receive a point and will instead earn an according punishment.

"So what you're saying is it's basically a recycled challenge from seasons one, four, and six?" Brent scoffed. "Real original, Chris."

"When you host a reality gameshow, _you_ can make whatever challenges _you_ want." the host snapped back before he activated yet another one of his seemingly infinite remotes and proceeded to deliver a powerful and greatly discomforting electric discharge to all of the competitors, save Victoria who only seemed to find it refreshing at the very least if she even felt it at all. Fortunately for the contestants, a few seconds was all it took in order to resolve Chris' temper and the electric current of torment was soon cut off.

Without another word, the self-absorbed host pressed yet another button on one of his seemingly endless remotes and a pair of panels in the walls opened up behind him, one of which held the images of the contestants and the other an unknown number of halos and skull-and-crossbones. The roulette spun madly for several seconds before finally coming to a stop.

"Alright, Marissa! You've got a truth!" Chris announced with glee as he read from a small card. "What is your biggest fear?"

The satyress was mentally cursing the host for all she was worth. "Damn you, McLean," she grumbled before muttering something incomprehensible under her breath, far to low for anyone to hear properly.

Naturally, Chris didn't hesitate to tease her. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

Marissa threw a look at him that would have reduced him to ash had she had such capabilities. "Ramen noodles . . . my biggest fear is Ramen noodles. When I was a kid, I choked-"

"Nobody wants to hear the backstory to your embarrassing childhood fear, just that it's embarrassing and that we can laugh at it." Chris cut her off while the satyress fumed and wondered what the consequences would be if she fractured a few of his ribs with a well placed headbutt.

The roulette were sent spinning a second time before landing on the image of the ill-fated contestant and the ever ominous image of a skull-and-crossbones. "This one's for the Romans!" Chris declared. "Lucky for Christopher, who is blessed enough to share my glorious name and perhaps even a small fraction of stunning good looks, gets the first torture!"

Jake's ears perked up like a cat's at the sound of that and he eagerly awaited to find out the fate of his adversary. "Get ready to enjoy a relaxing muscle massage on the medieval torture rack!" Chris announced.

The Wildcard cursed under his breath – he had been hoping for the Iron Maiden – and only became ecstatic once more when Christopher had – as Jake predicted – declared that he would do it for his team and resign himself to fate, music to both the shape-shifter and his tormentor's ears.

" _Chef!_ Bring in the rack!" Chris commanded.

* * *

Chef was presently was wielding a large pot lid as a protective shield and his butcher knives and cleavers while facing off against Izzy, whom was wearing a pot on her head like a helmet and wielding a large spoon with deadly procession; he had already felt the harsh blows more than once to never underestimate the power of the spoon ever again.

With a roar of defiance, he hurled a trio of knives at his arch nemesis with deadly accuracy, his temper only flaring his and his nose snorting irritably like a bull when Izzy expertly deflected them with three, swift whacks of her spoon. He then resorted to try hurling a pair of meat cleavers at her, his frustration only growing when the redhead effortlessly leaped over the flying blades and landed on their flat sides when they embedded themselves deep in the wall of the kitchen. "Nice try, Cheffy, but you'll have to do better than that!" she giggled.

By then the burly cook was at his limits and hurled everything else he had at her, chucking all of his knives, cleavers, egg beaters, tenderizers, pots, pans, and even his makeshift shield at her all in the hopes of hitting her at least once. It was absolutely fruitless however – Izzy might as well have been made of liquid considering how fluidly she dodged and weaved and threaded herself through the chaotic storm of cookery as if she did this on a regular basis. With a battle cry shrill enough to chill most men to the bone, Izzy used a flying cooking tray as a springboard and came crashing down upon Chef with her spoon raised over her head to deal the final blow.

At the last second however, Chef managed to reach behind him for the spilled contents of his fridge and grabbed a frozen salmon, bringing it just in the nick of time to fish-slap Izzy across the face. The redhead went down hard, crumbling to the floor like a sack of potatoes and slamming against the wall of the kitchen after rolling across the floor for a few good feet. The burly cook wasted no time and scrambled to his feet to corner his opponent, looming over her and taking in the shocked expression on her face as he patted the head of the frozen salmon in his hand.

"You lose, girly." he chuckled darkly.

At the sound of his laughter, Izzy was snapped out of her frozen state and looked at him with her cold, green eyes. Before Chef even knew what was happening, the Psycho Hose Beast had whisked the pot she was using as a helmet off of her head and painfully swung it against his leg. The cook howled in anguish and went down, clutching his knee while his trusty frozen salmon slid out of immediate reach.

His pain was swiftly cut off when his attention was occupied by Izzy standing over him with a large, bag of flour over her head that she had procured from the shelf above them. "Well, it's been fun, Cheffy, but E-scope's gotta run! Later!"

The last thing Chef saw before everything went black was an explosion of white when the flour bag came crashing down on his head and the faint image of red locks in the breeze as Izzy made her grand escape.

* * *

"Where is that big oaf?" Chris frowned with impatience. "What does he think I'm paying him for!?"

Robyn scoffed. "You hardly pay him at all!"

"And your point is?" the host waved off the comment and instead snapped his fingers, summoning a pair of poorly physical interns to slowly but surely lug the heavy medieval torture rack out of the elevator shaft they had arrived in; the two assistants collapsed to the floor in exhaustion, not that Chris noticed.

Christopher swallowed nervously and took in a deep breath as the straps holding him in place clicked and released him. The soldier braced himself and climbed up onto the rack, lying down on his back, and trying not to look at Chris as he all too eagerly seemed to clap his hands into the shackles that now bound him into place. "As much as I'd like to partake in your torture, are there any volunteers?" the host grinned.

Harmony couldn't say she was exactly surprised when Jake seemed to ecstatically raise his hand and had his restraints removed mere seconds later when he all but ran up and skidded to a stop at the torture rack's side, a cruel smile on his face while he cracked his knuckles. "Time for a little payback, _friend_." she thought she heard the Wildcard whisper in Christopher's ear.

The shape-shifter didn't even wait for a signal before he grabbed the spokes of the crank and gave it a mighty spin, watching with cruel satisfaction as the ropes steadily tightened with every turn before suddenly jamming at their maximum. The contestants gasped with shock; Christopher didn't even flinch, even when he was suspended a few good inches above the torture rack's board.

Jake was more frustrated if anything when his eyes flashed a deep amber in color to match his fuming, red face. With a low, predatory growl he grabbed hold of the spokes of the crank and began to manually turn it, his body morphing and changing with every turn of the crank he made. His arms pulsed and squelched with a disgusting sound as muscles threaded and weaved themselves together like a tight quilt, his hands exploding in size and strength as wicked claws tore through his fingernails. Jake's skin split with the revolting sound of dry flesh as blood-stained bone spikes thrust out from his flesh, rising at random intervals along his spine and arms and tearing through his shirt.

The sound of tearing fabric rang loud and clear through the set as a long, heavy, reptilian-like tail landed on the floor with a crude, mace-like growth tipping the limb. Jake's sneakers split with a loud ripping noise as his feet expanded into monstrous claws between which webbing formed. His ears sharpened and a pair of knob-like bumps on his forehead appeared before growing into a pair of ram-like horns. With every turn of the crank Jake grew more and more frustrated the more Christopher resisted the urge to give in and scream to the pain as his tendons and muscles were stretched to their limit.

"Alright, normally I would issue a penalty for interring with a challenge, but can someone stop Jake before he tears Christopher in two!? We don't have that kind of legal coverage!" Chris panicked.

"Exactly what kind of legal coverage do you have where you can kill us in one challenge but not in another?" Robyn growled with an accusing tone.

"Get him a book, bro!" Andrew suggested frantically.

Their pleading fell on deft as the steadily mutating form of Jake continued to pull on the spokes of the crank, pulling Christopher's arms and legs and spine to their absolute limit. Indeed, he very well might have torn the soldier in two without remorse or concern had he not felt a heavy hand land itself upon his shoulders, its grip tight and firm but nonetheless loose despite how much it threatened to weigh him down to the ground. The mutated monstrosity whirled around with a fierce hiss, seething that he had been interrupted before he realized that it was Samuel who was looming over him, his face unreadable and the remains of his restraints hanging loosely off of his towering form.

Not a word was needed to understand what needed to be done, at least for Jake. With a pitiful whine like that of a puppy that had been just scolded, the enormous monstrosity backed off with his various mutations slowly subsiding; his horns ground and cracked uncomfortably as they retreated back into his head; the bone spikes receded back into his skeletal structure with a disturbing, crunching noise like that of broken cornstalks; the powerful tail was slurped back up into his spine like a huge strand of spaghetti; his ears softened, his amber eyes took upon their golden hue once more, and his imposing frame weakened and softened until Jake had returned to his original form.

Jake stared at his hands in horror, as if he were unable to comprehend what he had just done. Before anyone could stop him, a new transformation took place. His skin began to blister horribly, hundreds upon thousands of sharp, little barbs prickling their way across his arms and shoulders, chest and stomach before traveling down to his thighs where they stopped; the skin on his legs started to harden and become crusty in appearance, splitting and cracking to form overlapping scales that ran all the way down to the very tips of his toes while they melted together into three, small digits tipped with tiny talons. As the shape-shifter's heel ground against his foot and formed a forth toe growing out the back, Jake was shrinking all the while and becoming smaller and smaller with every passing nanosecond. His bones crunched and snapped loudly when they grew small enough to hit in a person's hands. His arm bones hollowed out with a horrendous cracking noise as they were quickly realigned in what looked like an incredibly painful manner into the structure of a bird's wing. Jake's nose and lips fluidly melted together like hot cheese, forming a pointed, horny beak while every last strand of hair on his body disappeared; his eyes rotated to either side of his head. The final piece of the transformation was the swift appearance of a coating of soft, brown and black feathers that covered his entire body and formed wings and a tail; a golden infinity marking appeared on his forehead.

With a small chirp and flap of his wings, the sparrow quickly took to the air and alighted down on Samuel's head, instinctively fluffing up his feathers to try and make himself look as intimidating as possible for a little bird.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Yikes! Well, at least he has an easy Halloween costume at hand!)**

* * *

 **Christopher –** _*winces as he rubs wrists*_ "I think I'm probably the first to say this, but Heather? I seriously respect you now. Anyone who can get through that and still have all four of their limbs intact has some serious perseverance!" _*salutes the camera*_

 **Jake –** _*examines hands in horror*_ "Wha . . . what did I just do?"

 **Harmony –** " _What in the name of the Atlantic Ridge just happened!?_ I mean, I know that he wasn't trying to be terrifying, but whatever he and Christopher went through, they need help _now._ Christopher's too ashamed and too much of a guy to admit anything and Jake is too traumatized to do anything!" _*sighs with exasperation*_ "I just . . . I mean . . . _why is this so complicated?_ "

* * *

Naturally of course, Chris was the first to recover and break the awkward silence perhaps a bit too soon. "Moving on . . . the Romans get a point! It's all tied up!" he announced. The remote control – one of apparently infinite – was pressed once more and the roulette was activated once more, spinning past numerous images before finally settling on the picture of a bright halo and the latest victim.

Chris snapped his fingers with frustration. "Layne with the Truth! _Darn it!_ " he mumbled under his breath before he pulled out and read a small cue card. "How did you get your powers? And do you forfeit the point?" he added when he noticed the matter-manipulator shift uncomfortably.

Layne gulped nervously, shivering in fear under the intense, chilling glare that Robyn was throwing at him, as if daring him to try and defy her by surrendering. He eventually steeled his nerves and swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to push away the terrible memories that were starting to come back to him. "T-The . . . the government from an abusive home. M-My parents . . . they wanted a star athlete, not some w-weak science nerd . . . when the government took custody I was forced to do many things for them . . . so m-many things . . . so many _horrible, terrible_ things; one of them s-still haunts me to this day . . . my most successful experiment was when I was able to grant myself the ability to manipulate molecules and matter, unlocking some sort of hidden gene within my genetic makeup. The . . . procedure was impossible to replicate . . . I blacked out when it happened. The g-government trained me to be their tool . . . to be their weapon . . . I escaped once I had enough control over my powers that I wouldn't hurt anyone but . . . I swore to myself that I'd never let myself to be used like that again." he confessed with shaky breath.

Chris smiled widely, ignorant of the death glares given to him by many of the contestants. " _Ahhh_ , it's always the quiet ones, isn't it? Anyway, up next we have Shannon with a Torture!" he declared as the elevator dinged and another intern pushing a cart with three boxes with holes in their tops came strolling out and to a stop by their boss' side. "Here we have what I have dubbed the 'Pain Hole'. You must bravely stick your hand into one of these holes and survive whatever painful torture is within for a minute without giving in. Of course, you could always choose to-"

"I'll take the torture." Shannon interrupted him with a fiery glare as her restraints were released. The siren took note of how one of the boxes was rattling angrily like a greatly disturbed hornets nest . . . that was screeching and howling for some reason. The second, head-sized box was eerily silent and devoid of movement and the third only shuddered every now and again. It only took Shannon a few seconds for her to decide to stick her hand into the third and final box and patiently wait for something to happen . . . and so she waited . . .

And waited . . .

And waited . . .

* * *

 **(I hereby announce in my best French accent that exactly fifty-one-and-a-half seconds have passed since you have read this sentence. Don't bother trying to figure out how that is possible or which one of us devilishly handsome authors is telling you this, just accept it for what it is and continue to enjoy the pain and misery that is to follow. _Thank you._ )**

* * *

Approximately fifty-one-and-a-half seconds later, Shannon calculated that she had wasted enough sticking her hand into a 'Pain Hole' that wasn't even remotely painful and drew her hand out once she was sure that the time wasted exceeded the amount of time that she needed to waste in order to get her team the point without wasting any pointless amount of time wastefully.

"Really, Chris? Mexican jumping beans?" she scoffed when she pulled out a fistful of the aforementioned beans from the crate.

The host looked a bit more miffed than the siren. "Yeah, don't know what happened there. It was _suppose_ to be filled with angry scorpions, but it seems my interns lack as much brains as they do usefulness." he frowned, absentmindedly knocking over the three boxes and releasing their contents upon the unfortunate intern without care; the competitors could only watch with pity as the poor assist was laid waste to by a pack of rabid possums and mercilessly attacked by an agitated rattlesnake, as well as an abnormally large amount of Mexican jumping beans.

"Anyway . . . Robyn! Looks like you're up with the next torture!" Chris declared excitedly.

"Lay it on me, _**/censored/**_." Robyn gave a shark-like grin that rivaled his own.

Chris shuddered and glanced at the index card he had drawn. "Lets see . . . ooh, an old favorite! Take the plunge and take a bath . . . in a tank of blood-thirsty piranhas!" he laughed with glee as he pressed yet another remote that he dug out from his pocket. The sound of machinery moving could be heard and a trapdoor opened up to reveal a rising platform with a large tank of little, red fish that actually looked kind of adorable from a distance . . .

That is until the intern writhing in agony on the floor managed to climb to his feet and, in an effort to pull a stubborn possum off of their face, promptly fell backwards into the tank. Immediately the tank was obscured in a churning, frothing mess of steadily darkening red while the assist screamed and desperately tried to climb out before he was devoured; that was more than enough for Samuel to come to the rescue and bravely plunge his own hand into the aquarium and pull out the barely alive intern. The Gentle Giant then proceeded to hand them off to a group of their compatriots, who rushed them out of the water tower and to the medical tent as soon as possible.

"You are one sick _**/censored/**_ , aren't you?" Robyn scowled when she realized that Chris had been watching the whole spectacle with his ever present smirk on his face.

"Takes one to know one, now doesn't it?" Chris retorted. "Now, are you going to do the torture or are you going to forfeit the point for your team?"

The Goth Punk answered without hesitation. "Lets _**/censored/**_ do this." she cracked her knuckles with a single flex of her hands and loosened up her shoulders. Before Chris couldn't even tell her that she could just simply climb into the tank, the dark sovereign rushed at the aquarium and gave a flying leap before diving right in; as predicted, it was an absolute massacre.

* * *

 **(The producers have elected not to show the following segment due to its graphical nature. Viewer discretion is highly advised as we contemplate and wonder just where the heck we found these contestants while also marveling in awe and shivering in fear at the sheer awesomeness that is the world we know and fear today.)**

* * *

When Chris tentatively peeked through his fingers, Robyn was only just climbing out of the disturbingly stained a deep, crimson hue in color and shaking deep, pink droplets from her abyssal-colored locks. "What're all you _**/censored/**_ lookin' at?" she asked when she realized that everyone was starring at her.

"Um . . ." Harmony swallowed uncomfortably. "Y-You . . . you have a little . . . _something_ . . . right there."

Robyn cocked an eyebrow and tentatively placed her hand where the mermaid had pointed and drew her fingers back away from her cheek to find that they were stained a deep ruby in color. "Huh. Well what do you know, one the little _**/censored/**_ got me."

"Okay . . . moving on from my nightmare . . ." Chris murmured. "The score is now 3 to 2, in favor of the Romans! Greeks, you better step up your game or one of you is gonna be _out_ of the game!"

The host then activated his greatly feared and despised remote control once more and set the pair of roulette spinning again, taking great pleasure in watching the looks of anxiety and fright that spread from one contestant to the other like a virus; it filled him with _such_ pleasure. Eventually, the two screens came to a stop on the image of a golden halo and an ominous, crimson infinity loop.

"What the _**/censored/**_ does that mean?" Robyn wondered, not sure whether she wanted to know the answer or not.

Chris frowned. "I see we're striving to fulfill our profanity quota today." he noted sarcastically before replying with that sickly, sweet tone that everyone grew to dread and hate. "And this is an All Random Truth, meaning I will ask the corresponding team a question that they _all_ must answer _truthfully._ Failure to do so will-"

"Result in a punishment and no point, blah-blah-blah. Get on with it already." Caesar drawled with boredom. "I've already killed enough time in this life to last me a thousand other life times. I'm not getting any younger here."

The self-absorbed host grimaced irritably as he pulled out his cue card and read off the question. "Lets see . . . who here has caused their parents to divorce?" he grinned darkly.

Nobody raised their hand for the longest time. Heck, nobody from the Greeks seemed to even _breath_ until the danger of being 'punished' by Chris became too great and Sun-Li tentatively raised her trembling hand. "I-I was nine," she admitted, sniffing miserably. "I . . .I-It was an accident . . ."

"That's what they _all_ say," Chris seemed to feed off her misery as she tried to glare at him through tear-stained eyes. "Now then, if we may continue . . . Romans! You, too, get an All Random Truth!"

"Oh, joy." Domanic rolled his eyes.

Naturally, the host remained oblivious to the Tough Loser's sarcasm and continued on without care. " _Oooh!_ This is an interesting one . . . who on your team has _killed_ a _person_ before?" he grinned cruely.

As if on cue, all eyes turned on Robyn without hesitance.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – It was Professor Plum in the Conservatory with a Bacon Sandwich!)**

* * *

 **Robyn –** _*scowls sourly*_ " _Hmmph_. You threaten to mutilate _one_ person, and everyone just assumes that you're a murder from the get go. What kind of **_/censored/_** world are we living in where a girl can't threaten to neuter a guy with a rusty spoon!?"

* * *

"Guess what, _**/censored/**_? I didn't do it!" the Goth Punk practically taunted.

The Romans instinctively tensed up, bracing themselves for the inevitable punishment that would come with such blasphemy. Thus, it came as a bit of a surprise to them and an absolute shock when they all opened their eyes and realized that not only were they unscathed . . . but Christopher was raising his hand, his head bowed in shame.

Chris took it all in with his classic, shit-eating grin on his face. "And so the truth flowith forth . . . unfortunately we're running low on time so, Romans! You've earned yourself a point!"

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Where's that dramatic music when you need it?)**

* * *

 **Layne –** "Well . . . didn't see that coming." _*gulps nervously*_ "Is it wrong that I'm now a little scared to share a trailer with Christopher? You know, just in case he happens to secretly be a murderous psychopath or something?"

 **Harmony –** _*absolutely stunned with hands clasped tightly*_ "I-It . . . it can't be . . . no, not Christopher . . . I mean, he couldn't possibly _kill_ someone . . . could he?"

 **Brent –** "And so the plot thickens . . . how fortuitous . . ." _*grins malevolently*_

* * *

Of course, Chris cared not for the moral-shaking revelation that had just been uncloaked and prevented further questions of the interrogating kind from being asked by bluntly destroying the tense atmosphere with the usual chipper attitude that foretold misery and pain for those that weren't wary. "Congratulations, Cecilia, it your lucky day! You get to partake in the wonderful tradition of the Brazen Bull! Isn't that fantastic?"

"That depends on your definition of 'fantastic'." Jeremy scoffed. "And on another note . . . just what the _**/censored/**_ is a Brazen Bull?"

Cecilia sighed wearily and rubbed her brow. "It was a torture device used in ancient Greece. It was carefully constructed to be a instrument made entirely out of bronze, hollow, and with a door in one side while also being in the form and size of an actual bull. Victims would be forced inside and have the door closed and locked behind them, upon which a fire would be lit underneath so that the metal would be heated and the person inside would be roasted alive. As if that weren't cruel and humiliating enough, the device as an acoustic apparatus that converts the screams of agony from the victim into that of an enraged bull; rumor has it that the bones of the victims would then be turned into jewelry once they had died."

"So, it's basically a prehistoric version of a popping a hotdog in a microwave?" Jeremy summed up.

"In a somewhat crude nutshell, yes." Cecilia admitted. "Which is why I'm not doing it."

Chris gave her a taunting smile. "Are you _sure?_ You'll be forfeiting your team a _very_ important point!" he reminded her, nodding towards some of her more infuriated teammates.

"I don't care. I'm not going to roast myself like a marshmallow just because I lack common sense." Cecilia stood her ground.

The egotistical host shrugged without care. "Your loss. Not like you just lowered your chances of winning a million dollars or anything. Either way, it's onto the Romans! If they get this next Truth or Torture, they win today's challenge and survive yet another day in the competition!"

"We won't survive much longer if you keep dragging it out, you know." Caesar reminded the host. "I mean, look at me: at this point I'm nothing but bones."

"Poking fun at your undeath. How hilarious." Chris grumbled sarcastically as he took out an index card and pressed his infamous control once again, sending the images of the competitors and halos and skulls-and-crossbones spinning like mad. For the longest time they spun, enabling the host to build up as much drama as possible before he finally had to allow a decision to be picked, lest he be subjected to any number of excruciating torture himself. "And our unlucky victim is . . . Jake with a Torture!"

"Whatever it is, I'm doing it." the sparrow perched upon Samuel's head said without hesitance. The songbird gave a flutter of its little wings and alighted down on the ground, disappearing in a whirl of feathers and hair and resuming a human form once more.

Chris raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? I'm not gonna lie, this one's pretty brutal."

"What exactly is it then?" Jake countered.

The host cleared his throat before reading. "Spend a minute in a box . . . with _Ting Ting_." he announced before a suspicious noise caught his attention. "And just what exactly is so funny?"

"Nothing a geezer like you would understand." Robyn snickered. **[7]**

"I'm not that old! I'm only thirty!"

"You keep telling yourself that." Jeremy resisted the urge to bust a gut.

More confused than annoyed, Chris returned his attention back to the matter at hand and tried to ignore the suppressed, childish giggling that was passed between the Goth Punk and the Passionate Flame. "So, Jake? You sure you're up for this? I'll be honest, I don't blame you if you chicken out."

The shape-shifter gave a low growl like that of an agitated big cat that made the hairs on the back of the host's neck stand up on end. "I'm doing it."

Christopher attempted to rise from his seat only to be held back by his restraints. "Ballaugh, please, at least consider-"

The soldier was cut off when he noticed that claws had begun to grow from Jake's fingernails and that his normally lean frame was slowly becoming more robust and powerful. "What part of 'I'm doing it' did I not make clear?" he hissed lowly, his voice deep and demonic-like when he rounded on the Military Man with fiery, ember eyes.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – Okay, so we may have taken a few creative liberties with some of the torture methods. Believe us when we say some of the tortures out there are too mature for this story to describe for your viewing pleasure)**

* * *

 **Jake –** "Look, I don't have to explain myself to you, alright? It scored my team the win. What other reason does there have to be?"

 **Andrew –** "Mad respect. Dude really knows how to take the punches and then some."

 **Shannon –** _*_ _practically giggling with excitement*_ "I knew I made the right choice! I knew it! I knew it!"

* * *

With nothing else seemingly being able to change Jake's mind while he resumed his original form, Chris grimly snapped his fingers and summoned forth a platoon of interns from the water tower's elevator. The group of assistants struggled and strained as they slowly but surely pushed an enormous, heavily reinforced iron box that was eerily several feet taller than that of an average man out onto the floor. A trembling intern handed Chris a small key before beating a hasty retreat. Nothing else was said as the host cautiously unlocked a small door in the side of the box and gestured for Jake to walk in before hurriedly slamming the door shut behind the shape-shifter and taking a few steps back.

Almost immediately the box shook and rattled violently among a chorus of savage and unholy bellows and roars that just about scared the living daylights out of anyone who wasn't prepared for what was to come; Faith had fainted a long time ago; Sun-Li was anxiously biting her nails; Andrew had long ago wet himself from the initial scare; and Christopher watched it all with intensity and anguish, wondering if he had made a horrible decision in accidentally antagonizing his one-sided adversary. Unsightly and frighteningly large dents were hammered into the sides of the metal box as it jostled and jumped within a cacophony of screeches and shrieks unlike anything anyone had heard. By the time a full minute had passed, the contents of the box seemed to have lost their minds if the way the metal crate was almost comically bouncing around the room was anything to go by.

At that point, Chris couldn't take anymore of it and pressed yet another one of his apparently infinite remotes for the last time. The loud hissing of pressurized gas being released echoed off the walls of the metal box and any and all movement began to slowly dwindle until everything fell silent. The contestant's restraints were finally released and Christopher immediately rushed over to the box, grabbed hold of the small door, and tore it off with all of his great strength. The soldier disappeared within the box and came back out a few seconds later with a peacefully unconscious Jake within his arms.

"And with that, the Romans are victorious! Greeks, I'll see you at the elimination ceremony! One of your sorry butts is going home tonight!" Chris announced, chuckling maliciously.

Nobody really seemed to have heard them as they all made a swift escape towards the elevator and crammed as many of themselves into the small car as possible; a few opted to wait for the return trip, Christopher and thus Jake being among them.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Harmony approached the super soldier and regarded the shape-shifter with worry, wincing at the deep scratches and absolutely painful looking bite marks embedded into his skin.

Christopher cast a forlorn look at the unconscious shape-shifter in his arms before answering the mermaid. "I don't know, private . . . I just don't know . . . but I think we're making progress . . ."

* * *

The night air was cool and refreshing after the day's unnecessary amount of drama and strife and the lights and special effects that made up the Golden Chris Ceremony stage only achieved in further blinding the contestants while they waited for the inevitable thinning of the herd to be taken place.

"Who did you vote for?" Cecilia whispered to Marissa; out of everyone among the cast, she felt she could relate to the satyress the most. While she could greatly appreciate Jeremy and Jordan for respecting her personal space and even taking care of her to the point where one might have mistaken them for surrogate siblings, they were and always would be guys. Despite how much they meant to her, only Marissa shared her level of intelligence and interest in literature and other subjects of high class that would have left the angel and dragon scratching their heads in bafflement.

The satyress shrugged. "The logical decision, of course."

The Short-Tempered Tryhard nodded. "Naturally. What surprises me is that Andrew is not going home by default due to his injuries."

"Given the events of last season, I'm pretty sure that loophole has been closed off." was all that Marissa could offer.

Before more could be discussed on the topic, Chris came strutting out on stage in his bright, blue, bedazzled tuxedo with his greatly whitened and shining smile flashing at the camera. It was a look that brought fear and mistrust among the cast that had been gathered together that evening. "Well, well, well. Like the ancient civilization that you have been named after, you have come crumbling down like the ancient ruins that remains. Can't say I'm surprised, really. I mean, you all naturally suck, so it was only natural that you would all end up here one way or another."

"Kiss my _**/censored/**_ , McLean." Jeremy snarled as he flipped the host off.

Chris seemed unaffected by the rude gesture and suggestive comment and instead continued on with the ceremony. "Can't wait to find out which one of you was unlucky enough to be voted out? Well, wonder no more because the first person to get a Golden Chris Award is none other than the fiery fist of fury who braved the evil sorceress herself and lived to tell the tale! Well done, my brother." the host congratulated Jeremy as he tossed him a small statuette of himself.

"The second person to receive a small sculpture in my glorious likeness is . . . Sun-Li" he announced. The air-manipulator sighed with relief, absentmindedly raising a hand and calling forth the breeze to catch the Golden Chris in midair, letting it hover there for a few seconds before she brought it down to rest in her lap.

Chris rolled his eyes. "No need to show off, Sun-Li. There are far more important people that the camera could be trained on, like _moi_." he gestured to himself before continuing. "Victoria, Oleander, Marissa, and Harmony! Somehow your teammates still find you not completely useless. You're safe for tonight!"

The host beckoned towards the wings of the stage and Chef Hatchet begrudgingly walked out dressed in a sparkling, glittering, pink ball gown and matching chef hat with a silver platter upon which sat half a dozen Golden Chris Awards. Nobody seemed to notice a particularly large welt positioned on the burly cook's forehead when he carelessly tossed four of the six foil-covered chocolate statues at the aforementioned contestants, successfully nailing Victoria in the head; the monstrous collage of body parts didn't even seem to notice.

"And then there were three," Chris narrated with glee. "Brent, your here because your teammates find you to be a complete jerk among several other words and titles that I am not allowed to say on international television while being ruthlessly subjected to such scathing comments from you and your peers. Shannon, you're here because it was your refusal to try and win your battle in the Chris-iseum that led to the tiebreaker which, had you not refused, could have possibly given your team an early victory instead of a late-game loss. Cecilia, you're here for refusing to participate in a Torture and throwing away your team's chances of avoiding this ceremony in the first place." the host finished. "Is there anything that I may have missed?"

"Yeah, the door on your way out." Brent quipped.

Chris frowned when he grabbed one of the golden statuettes from the silver platter that Chef was carrying. "It's comments like those that make me very reluctant to give you this Golden Chris Award, Brent. Fortunately for you, your teammates have decided to spare you for some reason; you're still in."

"Naturally." the Strategic Jackass hardly seemed affected while he carelessly glanced at his nails in boredom and caught the statue in Chris' likeness that was thrown at him.

That left Cecilia and Shannon, both of whom looked as if they were the pure definition of nervousness. The former was anxiously biting her lip and tightly clenching her fists, silently chanting in her head for the cruel and unforgiving host to do anything else but call her name; she honestly would have even let him throw her into a tank full of the unspeakable, blubber-encased titans of the sea if it meant that he did anything but call her name. Shannon cast a steely gaze at the self-absorbed man while clutching the nautilus-shaped pendant around in her neck in a vice-like grip, silently debating whether or not she should call upon the power of the ocean to aid her in remaining in the contest or not.

* * *

 **(Port-a-Potty Confessional – We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you these messages!)**

* * *

 **Jeremy –** _*scratches back of head awkwardly*_ "To be honest, this was probably one of the hardest votes to make. I like Cecilia, she's a great gal to be around and doesn't let trivial matters like personal hygiene bother her, but she's just as . . . _useful_ in challenges as say, a fire-breathing dragon. On the other hand, we have Shannon who's been gratin' my scales from day one . . . to be honest, I'm not exactly sure if she's useful in challenges either, but it's gotta be better than dream manipulation, right?"

 **Brent –** "Eeny, meeny, miney, mo, catch a loser by the toe. If she hollers let her go, eeny, meeny, miney mo. I pick the best one to send home and it is-"

 **Oleander –** " _Shannon!_ "

 **Victoria –** "Shannon. No contest."

 **Marissa –** "It pains me to do this . . . it really does. But the in the grand scheme of things, the logical choice is to vote out Cecilia. In this competition, all that matters is what you can punch, how hard you can punch it, and how many times you can punch it before it punches you back. Unless Cecilia suddenly develops telekinetic powers before the night is over, she is going home." _sighs tiredly*_ "I just hope I can survive without someone of my intellect level to talk to and keep me from going insane."

* * *

"And the last Golden Chris Award goes to . . . _Cecila!_ " Chris announced, tossing the Short-Tempered Tryhard the final foil-wrapped chocolate statuette. Cecilia only just barely managed to catch it, her mind practically blank and her face one of utter stupefaction and shock that she had only _just_ been spared from taking the Walk of Shame. "Shannon! You have been eliminated!"

Despite her loss, Shannon seemed far from disappointed or possibly even infuriated that she had been eliminated from the cast. The siren instead coolly gave a coy, sweet smile and ever so casually curled her fingers around the nautilus shell-shaped pendant that hung from her neck; a soft, rose-tinted light glowed from between her fingers and her following words sounded like the most glorious of angels was serenading everyone within hearing range for a private concert.

" _I think you made a mistake, Chris. Wouldn't you agree?_ " she asked shyly, batting her eyelashes for good measure.

The siren smirked when she took note of the entranced looks upon all that surrounded her, everyone from her fellow competitors to their tormentor and host. All were so easily manipulated by her presence, absolutely helpless to obey her every command for as long as they kept feeding her their desire and lust to please her. She didn't need to hold them under her control for long however; the timing wasn't right. All it would require were a few more seconds for her hypnotic voice to take effect and . . .

Satisfied that her work was done, Shannon released her hold on her necklace and sat up in her seat with the most innocent and sweet-looking expression she could muster; it wasn't that difficult. She and her sisters had been manipulating the weak-minded fools of the surface world for centuries without fail, even developing an art for it. She could pull off a performance worthy of a Broadway actress with her eyes closed and her hands tied behind her back. As long as she had her wonderful, alluring, enticing, melodic voice, the world was hers for the taking.

"Hey, _**/censored/**_! Get on with it before I roast ya like a marshmallow!" Jeremy roared, breaking the immediate silence.

"For once, I agree with the stupid lizard." Brent mumbled.

At that remark, Jeremy's nostrils flared with a puff of noxious, ashy smoke. "You're lucky I'm more annoyed with McLean than you, _**/censored/**_."

The Strategic Jackass didn't miss a beat. "And you're lucky you can function without a brain. Amazing how much you have in common with a lowly jellyfish of all things: spineless _and_ brainless. Imagine that."

" _If_ I may continue?" Chris spoke up, his tone laced with irritation. "There seems to have been a miscount in the voting! The last Golden Chris Award _really_ goes to . . . _Shannon!_ "

"What!?" Jeremy gaped.

" _What!?_ " Marissa's jaw dropped.

" _WHAT!?_ " Cecilia practically shrieked.

Shannon smiled innocently as she reached over and ever so kindly pried the Golden Chris Award from Cecilia's white knuckled grip. "It's simple, _darling_. You received more votes than me and were voted off. It's too bad; you were _so_ much fun to be around."

The Short-Tempered Tryhard barely heard the siren's words, she was far too stunned to even comprehend what was happening. She was hardly aware of what was happening when Chef was ordered to remove her from the premise by force and carry her down to the Lame-o-sine or when the burly cook was quickly warded off by a wave of fire. She only stirred when she felt the familiar presence of Jeremy from behind her, his wings enveloping her like a thick blanket and the heat that he naturally radiated with warming her core when she realized that he was hugging her. Cecilia felt a lump form in her throat when she felt a second presence worm its way through Jeremy's wings and wrap her arms around her; the dream-manipulator held back tears of gratitude and regret when she tightly returned Marissa's tight embrace.

" _Thank you . . ._ " she whispered.

She felt Jeremy's hot, smoky breath on the back of her neck. "Hey, don't worry about it." he chuckled. "I'll be sure to send Chicken Legs your regards."

" _Thank you . . ._ " Cecilia repeated, drying her eyes of the tears that beaded from her eyes. "I guess it's back home for me . . ."

Jeremy snorted. "About that," his tone with grim and mischievous at the same time. "If your brothers give you a hard time, just give me a call. I'll be sure to . . . _enlighten_ them of their stupidity."

Cecilia giggled with amusement. "I guess that's one way of putting it." she smiled before turning to Marissa. "It would seem that this is good-bye for now."

The satyress nodded. "Yes, it would seem so." she agreed, trying to suppress the growing guilt settled in the pit of her stomach like a monstrous parasite. "If . . . you would like to meet up after the competition is over . . ."

The Short-Tempered Tryhard smiled once more and gave Marissa a light hug. "I'd like that."

"You know what I'd like? For you to leave and for the show to be over!" Chris ruined the touching moment. "I'm missing my favorite cop show!"

Jeremy glowered at the host and promptly lobbed a smoldering fireball from the back of his throat, just barely missing Chris when he yelped and instinctively ducked to the ground; the hot coals sailed harmlessly overhead and collided with the back of the stage in a fiery explosion of destruction. " _Gah!_ Cecilia may have taken a tumble, but who will be next to fumble? Find out next time on Total! Drama! Take 2!"

At that, Chris instinctively clapped his hands over his head and curled up into a tight ball, fully expecting a certain psychotic redhead to come swinging down from some undisclosed location to wreck havoc upon his poor hair. When this mercifully didn't happen, the host cautiously arose to his feet, blinking in bewilderment at the miracle that had occurred.

This was then cruelly ruined when he heard an all too familiar snickering come from behind him.

Before the egotistical host could even attempt to flee, Izzy promptly pressed one of the many remote controls within Chris' possession and activated a trapdoor located beneath his feet. With a shrill scream not unlike that of a little girl whom had just had the living daylights scared out of her, Chris proceeded to plunge down into the darkness that was beneath the stage much to the delight of both the contestants and employees under his tyranny.

" _See you next fall, Chrissy! E-scope strikes again!_ "

* * *

 **And so it finally happened . . . it _finally_ happened . . .**

 **Needless to say, I (as in _Creaturemaster_ ) am brain dead by this point due to a combination of trying to hurry up and crank this out at a decent time with decent quality while simultaneously dealing with the strenuous torture that is semester finals and dealing with the holidays. I swear, at any opportune moment I had to work on this story, there was something that was always opposing me and preventing me from doing exactly that. Words cannot express how sorry both me and _Jeptwin_ are.**

 **But enough feeling sorry for ourselves. Onto the cultural references that you may or may not have gotten! And believe me, there were a _lot._**

 **[1] Believe it or not, I had a friend in my middle school years who was afraid of whales due to a similar instance. I will not divulge their name, but regardless, please refrain from either taunting them or voicing your opinion on keeping animals such as killer whales or dolphins in captivity. This is a topic that I have already heard enough about – I had to do a report on it in school – and it was both greatly informative and irritating to deal with due to how much controversy there is over it.**

 **[2] A reference to Sandy from _Rise of the Guardians_ , arguably one of the best Dreamworks' movies out there.**

 **[3] This entire concept came from an author that I collaborate with on some of my other stories by the name of _Blazoran Ibara_. If you have ever noticed the phenomenon that happens whenever some fool utters the words "What could possibly go wrong?" or "How could things possibly get any worse?" or anything remotely close to those phrases, something of course, _always_ goes wrong. Naturally, this is due to some unforeseen law of the universe that we are unaware of. _Clearly._**

 **[4] Remember when everyone would be talking about the new _GEICO commercial_? Indeed, it was a time where someone could be happier than a witch in a broom factory or an antelope with night vision goggles.**

 **[5] As I'm sure quite a number of you have guessed, the entire chariot challenge was based off of an episode of _Phineas and Ferb_ where the boys, naturally, raced their own chariots through downtown Danville after visiting the museum. Paul Bunyan's was a place they passed on the route – the food is definitely good, but not too good, eh.**

 **[6] This is a reference to the _League of Legends_ champion, Sion the Undead Juggernaut, whose ultimate quite literally turns him into a fiery inferno of death and destruction. Trust me when I say this is absolutely terrifying to have come charging at you from out of nowhere.**

 **[7] For those of you unfamiliar with modern expressions, the word ' _ting ting_ ' can refer to multiple things, everything from a young girl to that young girl's butt and even a male's genitals (one of which Robyn found greatly amusing). We would like to state that this was not our intention when writing the chapter.**

 **And with that out of the way, I'm pretty sure that's it! Until next time, be sure to comment, review, suggest, and request down below! And be sure to leave us a confessional for your OC, as well as banter/answers to questions they might be asked on the Aftermath if they were eliminated! Up next is the Aftermath!**

 _Hasta luego!_


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